3. Kanye West’s Hair

kanyewestDear Kanye West’s Hair:

Would you please tell the person with whom you share DNA to taper you down? No samples will be necessary … yet. But we, his fans, want to help in any way possible. We all understand that he’s been through a lot in the last year or so. The album 808s & Heartbreak aside, nothing has said that better than you, his hair.

For the last six months, I’m pretty sure you’ve been screaming at him for the shears the way a dusty car yelps at its owner for a wash. To no avail. The problem is that Kanyeezy thinks he can do no wrong. He earnestly believes he “could stand there in a Speedo, and be looked at like a (bleeping) hero.” Those are his words, not mine. And that’s some serious false hope.

I wish that I could tell him that you, his hair, look as horrible as a baby with diarrhea smells. If he literally wants to be “the (poop) and the urine,” so be it. But it’s not a sound idea, and I think we, his fans, have the man’s best (public) interests at heart. He’s one of my favorite rappers. I want the guy to succeed.

But it’s tough. When I see him on television or in pictures, all I can do is shake my head. You know what I’m talking about. You were at the Grammy Awards with him. You know what you two looked like on stage with Wayne, Jay, T.I. and M.I.A. (Lord, I don’t have the brain capacity to comprehend why that woman was on that stage playing the part of a pregnant ladybug expecting her water to break any moment). Can you make sense of the debauchery that you are? Did you even try to stop him or try to talk him into putting on a Fedora or a comb through you before he hit the stage?

It’s hard supporting a man known for being clean cut when he openly decides that he wants to be the Black Shaggy from Scooby Doo. It would be different if he was Anthony Hamilton and you were a part of his soulful image. That would be somewhat acceptable. But Kanye is supposed to be the preppy, smart aleck rapper who keeps that fresh taper consistent. You, Kanye’s hair, are just a danger to the black man swayed into believing you are a good non-haircut.

Now, I know you have little control. And I don’t know what to tell you. I guess I suggest that you just keep screaming as loud as possible in the morning so that when Kanye looks at the man in the mirror he sees glimpses of Michael Jackson about 30 years ago. That should eventually scare him into the barber’s chair for a Caesar. Keep hope alive.

Sincerely,

Dame (definitely not Dash)

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37 responses to “3. Kanye West’s Hair

  1. It’s dangerously close to a mullet. Anyone ask Kanye if he was just stoked for the beginning of the NASCAR season?

  2. blackgirlinmaine

    Yeah, I have been thinking he is rocking the brotha version of a mullet…not a good look at all.

  3. Kanye is slowly (and by slowly I mean very rapidly) becoming hard to watch but not listen to. It appears that he is attempting to channel Michael Jackson, Ready for the World and Rick James. I wish someone would get close enough to his ego to tell it to relax and/or go away. I miss the old “Through the Wire”, Kanye. And in protest of this debacle, also know as Kanye’s hair, I’m bootlegging his next album.

    Again, good job Dame and think Twitter.

  4. yyyyeaaaaahhhhhh…. I had no words for his appearance last night… I’ve gotten every album he ever released except for this last one (808s and Heartbreak) b/c I’m just not feeling his new style or the damn voice box…

  5. I don’t know…but I’m gonna go with…he lost his mother and he just doesn’t care/know what to do with himself. People grieve in different ways, one of which is apathy towards appearance. But…it’s all good. I mean, I think I would be a little less tolerant if he was like “my hair is the ish.”

  6. I say he’s trying to bring back the Orange Juice Jones look. Don’t hate on him because he’s an innovator!

  7. IBonthatKryptonite

    Priceless…this is hilarious.

  8. What’s worse is that ‘Ye is influencing a whole generation of kids and wannabe kids (Larry Johnson) who are growing their hair out. It’s the same as when, in the 1970s, Jimmy Page grew out his hair as an act of by-God rebellion, and white kids everywhere wanted a part of it. And now we have the pitiful fact that some of those kids have become, and remain, men with long hair. It’s sad, to me at least.

    So when I asked my 12-year-old Little Brother, Ty’reque, why his formerly close-cropped hair had now grown into an impressive and mushroom, he said it was because of Kanye. He did want the Frohawk, and he just wants whatever Kanye has, which looks like it should belong to a 47-year-old used-car dealer named Herb who never got over Earth, Wind and Fire and now his marriage is in trouble because, not the least of all, he didn’t leave the Jheri Curl in 1983, where it belonged.

    Thank you, Kanye, for your first three albums, as well as Amazing, Heartless and Love Lockdown. The rest is dumb.

  9. He actually looks like the son of Curtis Blow!!

  10. Just let your SOUL GLO!!! Feelin’ oh so silky smooth… Soul Glo… All he needs is Eddie Murphy’s outfit from Raw.

  11. I think he’s wearing it in that picture up top. Makes Angela Davis say, “God-DAMN!”

  12. you are not an innovator if it has been done before…. Damon once again this is sooo funny.

  13. I appreciate your observation. He was looking a hot mess

  14. very funny! Its kanye though, so simply put, its normal.

  15. From Dame to Dame, I got four words for you:

    Ready
    For
    The
    World

  16. Love the letter…this is what I have been thinking for many weeks now…I like your campaign!

  17. I’m rolling…I was thinking the whole time that cut may look cute with one of those 80’s style banana clips..

  18. I would look at Kanye as a hero in that speedo. Maybe that’s just me though.
    We all know that this is a publicity stunt. Kanye really doesn’t want to look like that. He just figured it was an easy way to ensure that he was still relevant in society. He will cut it soon and then start on his next tantrum.

  19. ok, i am going to go against the grain on this one and say, i LOVED his hair. YES, i did!

    i like it when brothas (and sistas) flaunt their texture. so just cuz we got napps we can’t show em?

    and ditto kaytothejay… he just lost 2 of the most impt ppl in his life… and he’s had to grieve publicly. i can cut him some slack

  20. BGLH,

    Thanks for stopping by. I have no problem with texture, but I still don’t know about him trying to bring back that style … He’s an S-Curl activator purchase away from you know what. That’s not tight. lol.

  21. And I understand his losses … but he’s a calculating person. He knows what he’s doing.

  22. My bigger problem with Kanye’s hair is that it looked so janky next to Estelle and her cuteness. Estelle was on it and Kanye looked like those guys whose cornrows are 6 weeks old and have lint stuck up all in them. He needed the sides touched up or something. Something. all that money can’t afford a hairdresser?

  23. I am almost willing to support Kanye’s hair. At least I would if I sincerely thought he wasn’t concerned with his appearance. I myself decided to go sans haircut from 99 to like 01. I couldn’t find anybody to cut my hair like I wanted, so I just let it grow on its own. I would wake up in the morning, wash it and bounce to class. And I think it fit with my personality at that point in my life. But I imagine Kanye spending 45 minutes styling and primpin that loke every morning. Which then takes you from revolutionary or trendsetter to just an attention whore. THat’s just sad, Like Olajuwon with the Raptors.

    And maybe I’m biased, because I’m the only person in CHicago who isn’t really a fan of his music. hmm…

  24. hmmm… this reminded me of like new edition… it was wack

  25. the haircut was wack… not the post. the post is funny

  26. By far, my fav post. Damon, you are absolutely hilarious…and a talented writer 🙂

  27. Pingback: 10. Dudes Who Wear Skinny Jeans « This May Concern You

  28. a brotha rocking a shag in 2009 is simply unacceptable. That would get you straight CLOWNED in the 80s, let alone now. Kanye, step away from the black man’s mullet!

  29. Kanye should drop the look, mullet isn’t workin.

    Nice post Damon, funny shit

  30. I like the hair. He’s an artist

  31. Kanye is an artist, not only is his music creative his style is also. You people continuosly try to analyze people for every left turn they make.

  32. LMAO @ this letter. I just came across your blog for the first time ever, and methinks you found you a new fan. Funnily enough, I also wrote Kanye a heartfelt letter on my blog last month. Check it out

    ttp://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/02/09/3-kanye-wests-hair

  33. I am so happy that Kanye finally cut that hair! I christened it the “nullet”. It was really just gross!

  34. For a minute there I thought that was Johnny Gill in the pic. I was wondering who gave him an award and for what? But then I noticed the non-existence of those greasy KFC lips. It was only after reading I figured it was Kanye.

    Scary

  35. I don’t understand the design.

  36. Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’ma Let you finish, but Beyonce has one of the best videos of all time!

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