11. Daily Stiletto-Wearing Women

Ed’s note: If I get the fellas one day, there’s a good chance I’m going to come back at the ladies the next. The world (and blogosphere) needs balance.

To The Women Who Rock Stilettos Daily:

boomerang

Jog your memory for me. We’re going back to 1992 again. Don’t worry, it’s worth the trip. Remember the movie Boomerang that starred Eddie Murphy, Halle Berry, Martin Lawrence and Robin Givens? Yeah, that one. Looking back, it contains this intricately, interwoven subliminal tail about women, their feet and the potential effect off feet on a relationship.

Here goes:

Marcus Graham, the protagonist in the film, pulled the covers up off of a woman’s feet after he had slept with her to determine whether or not the relationship could go any further than that night.

If the feet were petite, he’d stay in there like swimwear. If the woman’s dogs barked, Marcus (can you hear Eartha Kitt’s voice yet?) moved on to his next prospective endeavor.

Off general principle save the people in the world who have ugly feet (they exist and need love, too), who wants to be with a woman who is crazy enough to wear a style of shoe so often that her feet actually suffer because of it? I know, many men. But not Marcus Graham. He was so smart.

For those of you who have seen the movie, I know what you’re wondering this: Didn’t Marcus fall helplessly for a witch of a woman who wore heels daily?

Yes, in fact, he did. But as he learned the hard way, any woman — like Jacqueline from the film — who can wear stilettos 24/7 and maintain perfect feet must be a close, close friend of Lucifer.

That’s sound logic (and I know you women who wear stilettos daily to your Corporate America jobs take them off at your desk daily).

Although he had to snatch the her from his boy, Marcus soon fell hard for Angela — the modest, flat-shoe wearing princess who pulls the CFM pumps (come eff me pumps) out for the right occasions. She wore little make up and she had perfect feet. That’s the realistic and sane woman any prince wants … and the one Marcus Graham eventually got.

Moral of this short story: Women, if you want a good man, don’t think you need to cake on the make up and wear stilettos every day to attract him. Protect your feet (and your face). Use your personality even if you’ve yet to figure out who you are. He’ll eventually come around. Maybe.

Most important though, you’ll save yourself unnecessary pain and future trips to the podiatrist.

Still Princess Shopping,

Damon

P.S. I’m specifically searching for a Bonita Applebum with a side of Ms. Fat Booty who has a dash of surefire superstar sureshy firecracker extravaganza fantastic supersize with extra cheese who got her own. Mission: Impossible, I know.

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19 responses to “11. Daily Stiletto-Wearing Women

  1. Aww! I feel so encouraged! I enjoy my stilettos from time to time, but I’m much more a flats girl. I’ll be sure to rock those out more. Thanks!

  2. honestly, i stopped wearing the stilettos every day shortly after i began wearing them every day. i mean, i’m tall as all get out anyway, so i don’t need them to give me height….i just thought they were sexy and wanted to show off my inner supermodel at every chance i got. but now, i just want to be comfortable and now enjoy a smaller kitten heel on my sexy shoes….

  3. I honsetly love the way you write….
    It leaves little to be desired…

    Anyways, I agree with you 100%…
    even though I like to rock my makeup often…
    but I’m never cake faced…lol…

  4. Thanks *Star … Just share the site with people because I’m telling you, it’s only going to get better. I think.

  5. I agree bunyons and corns are not cute at all. but I do think genetics may play a part. I went through a phase where i wore stilletos everyday and my feet are still cute! lol…. i have a sneaker obsession now so i’ve been wearing mostly sneakers but I love my heals… and have well over 80 pair.

    and while we are addressing feet. men should know it is ok for them to get a pedi. men feet get beat up too and no one wants to look at layers of caked, cracked skina nd yellow crusty toenails! thanks

  6. umm, yea…they say if she’s laced like that, you need to check between her legs???

  7. i hope you don’t find my use “???” egregious…lol

  8. No … overemphasizing with question marks is OK in my book. But it has to be a question. lol.

  9. I love Lupe…he won my heart with that extra cheese line…

  10. Nina, “Go Baby” is one of the dopest tribute song’s ever.

  11. Good luck with your princess shopping, here’s hoping she’s bunion-less and fierce in fuzzy slippers as well as stilettos.

  12. i thought about you when i was getting dressed yesterday for work. i laughed. i stashed my shoes under my desk at work so i dont have to carry them everyday, but i do wear them 4 out of 7 days out of the week.

    and yes, the previous comment was written while was multi-tasking. i knew it was not a question but something in my mind said to click submit anyway…

  13. Michelle Patrice

    I always always always wore stilletos or heels….until I had my ACL replaced. 3 months of flats darn near killed me. But now that I’ve gotten used to the flats (which I had to purchase b/c I owned none) they weren’t that bad. Now that I can wear heels again I still rock the flats a few times a week!

  14. Ha, Stiletto´s everyday is a life I know nothing about. I´m still trying to convince myself to give up the 20 seconds of sleep I loose to apply eyeliner daily. And I am failing miserably, but you know I am big on doing it right when its time. I love when its time to put on heels because in my future line of works stilettos are not an option. Bodily fluids and Jimmy Choo don´t mix. But, I love occasional opulence!!!! (I mean those exclamations too) When its time the higher the better.

  15. Oh dear…lol..well I wear make up almost everyday…nothing serious, I still glow and I used to hear heels to work every single day. And guess what…you would catch me in a suit and flip flops! I cannot damage my feet, legs, back and shoulders to have office s3x appeal, like for real gtfoh

  16. LOL this is so true. I would like the record to show that I do not rock stilettos all day every day. More like once or twice a week. Shoot, I work in downtown Chicago so I commute. What do I look like in 4 inch heels everyday going to work? A fool, thats what. Besides, a true fashionista can be fierce in flats or gym shoes (Chucks, esp.)

  17. I had to listen to Amy Winehouse: “Fuck Me Pumps” after reading this. Emphasizes your point.

    But what to say to the men who put no (or minimal) effort into their appearance? They are just as bad as chicks who wear stilletos to the baseball field to me…

  18. Pingback: Happily Never After, Part Deux | FreshXpress.:.The PULSE of Young Black America

  19. Nonsense. Men are much more likely to notice you if you’re in heels. If you end up having a bad personality, he’ll move on. But the heels are a sure win foot in the door (as it were).

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