Ed’s note: If I get the fellas one day, there’s a good chance I’m going to come back at the ladies the next. The world (and blogosphere) needs balance.
To The Women Who Rock Stilettos Daily:
Jog your memory for me. We’re going back to 1992 again. Don’t worry, it’s worth the trip. Remember the movie Boomerang that starred Eddie Murphy, Halle Berry, Martin Lawrence and Robin Givens? Yeah, that one. Looking back, it contains this intricately, interwoven subliminal tail about women, their feet and the potential effect off feet on a relationship.
Marcus Graham, the protagonist in the film, pulled the covers up off of a woman’s feet after he had slept with her to determine whether or not the relationship could go any further than that night.
If the feet were petite, he’d stay in there like swimwear. If the woman’s dogs barked, Marcus (can you hear Eartha Kitt’s voice yet?) moved on to his next prospective endeavor.
Off general principle save the people in the world who have ugly feet (they exist and need love, too), who wants to be with a woman who is crazy enough to wear a style of shoe so often that her feet actually suffer because of it? I know, many men. But not Marcus Graham. He was so smart.
For those of you who have seen the movie, I know what you’re wondering this: Didn’t Marcus fall helplessly for a witch of a woman who wore heels daily?
Yes, in fact, he did. But as he learned the hard way, any woman — like Jacqueline from the film — who can wear stilettos 24/7 and maintain perfect feet must be a close, close friend of Lucifer.
That’s sound logic (and I know you women who wear stilettos daily to your Corporate America jobs take them off at your desk daily).
Although he had to snatch the her from his boy, Marcus soon fell hard for Angela — the modest, flat-shoe wearing princess who pulls the CFM pumps (come eff me pumps) out for the right occasions. She wore little make up and she had perfect feet. That’s the realistic and sane woman any prince wants … and the one Marcus Graham eventually got.
Moral of this short story: Women, if you want a good man, don’t think you need to cake on the make up and wear stilettos every day to attract him. Protect your feet (and your face). Use your personality even if you’ve yet to figure out who you are. He’ll eventually come around. Maybe.
Most important though, you’ll save yourself unnecessary pain and future trips to the podiatrist.
Still Princess Shopping,
P.S. I’m specifically searching for a Bonita Applebum with a side of Ms. Fat Booty who has a dash of surefire superstar sureshy firecracker extravaganza fantastic supersize with extra cheese who got her own. Mission: Impossible, I know.