16. LOL Abusers

Dear LOL Abusers:

Before the lampooning begins, I must point out that I didn’t think of this one. My fellow Mizzou alum Jon brought it to my attention through a thought-provoking Facebook status.

Jon, in his infinite wisdom, pondered this: “When people write ‘LOL,’ how often are they actually laughing out loud?”

In this case, I’m one of you, a self-admitted LOL abuser (if only Sarah Palin and her Blame-aholic cohorts realized how easy the first step, admission, is). If I think something is funny, I’m conditioned to type “lol” the same way I want to hurl when I taste mayonnaise.

After reading Jon’s thought, I had to to ask the following of myself:

Self, do I ever laugh out loud when I type ‘lol,’ or do I chuckle? I might actually lol about 10 percent of the time, and chuckle the other 90 percent. Maybe we really should be typing c.u.m.b. — chuckling under my breath. Nah, we can’t do that. That acronym sounds and reads like a word no kid should ever say or send in a text message.

One of Jon’s friends said it’s more like 95 percent of the time that people aren’t laughing. That friend then said that when he laughs out loud that he types “lmao” — which you already know means “laughing my ass off.” I use this one as well. But I’m still trying to figure out exactly how to do it — laugh my ass off. It doesn’t seem feasible.

I can “lutf” — laugh until tears fall — but I’m not sure I will ever laugh my ass off. Just like it’s not likely that you’ll ever “bake the hell out of that chicken,” but people still use the phrase ‘the hell,’ daily. Hell, I’ve used it a few times in the process of writing these open letters.

It’s another one of those wrongs we’re not righting anytime soon. Idk. But I do know this, though: I’ll never stop hating mayonnaise. And I can’t tell you why, either. That’s life. Smh.




19 responses to “16. LOL Abusers

  1. you would hate one of my former co-workers. his emails and instant messages would literally look something like this:


    so technically that can be taken about three different ways:

    1. Laugh out loud out loud out loud out loud…etc.
    2. Laugh out loud, laugh out loud, laugh out loud…etc.
    3. Laugh out loud, laugh out loud out loud, laugh laugh out loud, etc.

    I know, smh…

  2. I don’t know how to laugh my ass off either, but if i did, I would have on this letter. Another good one, dear.

  3. I shot my brother after he sent me an “LOL” email. I now have no brothers.


  4. I use the hell out of “lol”! HA! and exclamation marks!!!!! j/k but i do lol a lot.

    and i share you hatred of mayo… it is gross… raw eggs, oil and vinegar… doesn’t even sound right. my friends don’t understand it because i can eat potatoe salad without getting nautious but heaven forbid there is a glob of mayo on a sandwich or burger… absolutely not. BLEH!

  5. Man, this girl says lol with every text message damn near. I just checked the last 20, 18 included lol. She is 32 years old.

  6. Big Joe, that is sad. I would call my cell phone carrier and block her ability to send me texts just because of that mess you just wrote.

  7. Yeah, I must admit when I write LOL, I really am doing more of a chuckle than a laugh.

  8. LOL! and i mean it in the 95% percentile sort of way. 😉 funny post all the same.

    [thanks for adding me on 20sb]

  9. LOL

    sorry, couldn’t help it

  10. To The Guy Who Tripped Me During the MLK Program in Middle School:

    This actually did make me LOL and I forgot my other comment about abusing the LOL.

  11. i love how more than half of the comments have LOL in them. And i’m dead serious about being an addict myself. I’ve probably typed lol at least 15 times today and haven’t laughed aloud once.

  12. i use asteriks to narrate my actions a lot…

    *scratches head*
    *upchucks at the taste of mayonnaise*

    it works…it works..

    how about a letter to grown folks who don’t know the difference between “their,” “they’re,” and “there!”

  13. Nina, I can’t even start to write that one. lol. I would be the biggest hypocrite known to man. If I don’t make myself think it through, I’ll mess those words up (their, there, they’re) to this day. lol. But I’m training my brain, I promise.

  14. This is a good one. I think about this all the time even though I am definitely guilty of the above. I also had a friend that would “LOL LOL LOL” ALL THE TIME in text conversations. I would always think, 1. I know it’s not THAT funny and 2. Even if it is that funny, you are definitely not sitting there alone literally laughing out loud. I think the use of “Lol” has become a disclaimer in order to minimize akwardness within emails or text conversations. If someone throws a “Lol” on the end of a sentence it could possibly lighten the tone of the conversation. Thanks Damon, I will now forever be paranoid about my use of “Lol” from here on out. 😦

    P.S. I’m with Nina-how about a letter on (your vs. you’re)? lol

  15. Damnit, this may be me. I have been warned though. But I do laugh out loud when i type it. I’m silly enough for that though.

  16. Wow…sometimes I do laugh out loud…there have even been times when I have rolled on the floor laughing that’s really something right there.

  17. I agree with Tieraa. I mostly use it now to convey that I’m joking or to lighten the seriousness of what I just said. Sometimes sarcasm doesn’t come across too well in a text or IM.

  18. ROFL! I CUMB’ed at this!

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