18. Men Who Watch SportsCenter Loops

To the men who still watch SportsCenter loops:

Once, I was one of you. So I understand the faulty logic behind the method. Men only watch a few channels anyway: CNN, ESPN, Spike, Fox News, HBO and Fox Sports (the MMA reruns). You have box sets of The Wire, Entourage and The Sopranos that you bought for yourself because your girlfriend refuses to promote you taking those IVs of genius 24/7.


The SC set

But every morning, no matter what, you enjoy watching your highlights on ESPN– the same ones you saw the night before — so much that, if you have time, you’ll watch Stuart Scott Van Pelt again to see the most amazing highlights again when you wake up. You know I’m right.

I did it most days in college when I skipped class, which was too often. I’d slip in and out of a slumber at the right time to catch the next Barry Bonds’ blast into McCovey Cove or Kurt Warner “Greatest Show on Turf” touchdown pass. You did it, too. Admit it.

Thing is, in today’s age of innovation, watching SportsCenter loops is senseless. Every meaningful highlight is uploaded somewhere on these here Internets at some point soon after the game, rendering looped SportsCenters irrelevant. Even ESPN understands this. You can playback the Devin Harris buzz beater from earlier this week  or the A-Rod interview you missed last week whenever you want.

Although I pray you didn’t watch more than two minutes total of Brett Favre retirement coverage. I’m sorry, I’m cool with the Ironman thing Favre had going, but it doesn’t compare to Cal Ripken’s streak. Plus, I don’t understand how Favre brings the media to its knees on a whim. Some media members continue to overlook his bloated numbers (dude’s thrown more INTs than anyone else in history) for hiw “aww shucks” Mississippi gunslinger mentality. Idk. Give me Donovan McNabb or Brenda, Kurt & God.

ESPN’s souped-up coverage has made me dislike him as much as its made you hate Terrell Owens. I’m just glad Favre didn’t show up in Kansas City last off-season. I might have boycotted my beloved Chiefs. Favre is not Jordan, Ruth, Montana or even Brady.

OK, off the Favre tangent.

You can rewind live television and watch a specific highlight again. You can flip to The Deuce to watch the former Cold Pizza (I refuse to call it the other name. Cold Pizza was genius). You can go to YouTube or ESPN.com.

There are just too many ways to refute an excuse for watching SportsCenter loops. And if you still watch them, there’s a chance it could cost you a good relationship the way playing Madden on PlayStation 2 in 2003 did, or does today on your XBox. I’m just saying …

Don’t hate the messenger,


P.S. If you’re salty and feel like I’ve called you out specifically, just wait for the next letter. There’s a reason for this.


6 responses to “18. Men Who Watch SportsCenter Loops

  1. Good point! I also agree on the “Cold Pizza” situation. I tried to catch it before heading to work as an alternative to SC when it debuted…oh well!

  2. The former Cold Pizza has so much potential, but consistently falls short because of Skip Bayliss, and Skip Bayliss alone. He is on my high up on my long list of people who need a permanent muzzle for their mouths.

  3. Somehow, I have a boyfriend who does not watch Sports Center loops. Will he watch it occasionally? Sure. But never the same one he’s already seen.

  4. amindinmotown, you are lucky gal. lol.

  5. A few years ago Esquire asked regular women to submit items for their 10 things you don’t know about women column. One of my items was that there’s no need to watch SportsCenter every time it comes on. It’s the same highlights you saw two hours ago. Alas, none of my items were accepted, because no one likes my writing 😦

  6. I do like the name Cold Pizza…that was hot…like cold pizza, beer and sports are stables of the 20-something male.

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