21. The Bachelor

Ed’s Note: The following letter was written nearly a week ago, well before the finale aired.

To Jason Mesnick and The Bachelor producers:

On the Monday nights since the football season ended, I’ve often found myself flipping through channels searching for something to watch.

The only person from The Bachelor who deserves face time.

Molly: The only person from The Bachelor who deserves face time on this blog.

A few times, I’ve glued my eyes to your show. I’m intrigued by the story, more so Jason raising his son while divorced from the child’s mother. It’s been interesting to somewhat watch the  season unfold. I can’t tell you any of the girls’ names, but they all seem sincerely heartbroken when they’re dumped. That’s the best part of it all, to see how Jason breaks up with a girl every week.

You all have made a profitable “love” machine that Chuck Woolery should envy. But I have just one small problem: I’m coming to realize that this show no better than any of VH1’s reality love shows. Jason is clearly Flavor Flav’s white counterpart. The only difference is the coonery is turned down from an 11 to a 4 on a 1-10 scale.

Think about it. In 12 previous seasons of this show, you all have yet to make one true love connection. That’s 0 percent. I’m just guesstimating, but Woolery’s rate is at least 25 percent. I’d be willing to bet $1 million that Jason’s relationship with whomever he chose last night (hilarious considering he went back on his original pick) will not last. But I don’t have that kind of money to throw around during this recession.

What’s the problem? Oh, yeah. You’re throwing a man in a house with 20-plus women who are falling all over him because it’s a competition to stay on the show for as much possible face time as they can get. And we can only imagine what’s going on behind closed doors. Who knows how many of these girls Jason has slept with during the show?

What kind of example of love does this display for our country’s youth? Jason, what kind of example does this set for your son? This is just broadcastable whoredom that even I get pulled into from time to time.

I’m not even trying to dog you all. I just wish that you would try to reinvent to wheel. Why not follow around “real” relationships — that involve only two people — for a couple of months and make a show out of that.

We would still watch. We love relationship drama. Remember, we’re a species that makes and watches documentaries about the process of animal mating. We’ll watch ourselves do the same thing.

You just need refine the way you document the tales of love.



P.S. …

Finally, a few random notes from the last hour or so of last night’s The Bachelor finale …

8:55 p.m.: The Bachelor dude just picked his Sam Bowie (Melissa), and let Jordan (Molly) get away.
9:08 p.m.:
This dude (Jason) is really about to switch the game up on these girls. I hope it blows up in his face.
9:19 p.m.: Y
ou (Melissa) don’t fight someone who doesn’t want you. And you (Jason) shouldn’t want to be with someone who fights in the third person (Melissa). This is hilarious.
9:21 p.m.:
This is high comedy. These people need therapy. I just pray Molly doesn’t take him back.
9:25 p.m.: The Melissa chick should be mad, but compare that with how Molly reacted when she knew he was making a mistake. Molly didn’t even ask a question, just said he was making a mistake and left. Jason should have known then. He deserves to be alone.
9:30 p.m.: I’m resigned to the notion that The Bachelor is Flavor of Love on broadcast television.

9:50 p.m.: Molly looks like she’s gonna say no.
9:57 p.m.: She sorta said yes, but left room to break things off.

10 p.m.: I’ve wasted an hour-plus of my life knowing this won’t end well. It can’t. Poor kid. They’re falling right into the hands of my letter …


8 responses to “21. The Bachelor

  1. Last night was the first episode of “The Bachelor” I’ve seen in a long time…

    I was watching it like “Yes, he’s going to pick the chick he has a real connection with…(brunette)…”

    Then he flips it at the end….and that dummy excepts his offer (essentially)…


    So what happens when he and the blonde chick get into some sort of relationship and all he can think of is some other chick or better even the brunette chick….

    …Reality TV…
    Great Right?

  2. the only thing that was real was that last hour, which is one of the TOP 10 greatest hours of “reality” television ever. lol.

    Again, it won’t last. That Molly chick is too smart to for his foolishness. Then again, she might be able to tame him. We’ll see …

  3. I caught the end of this by accident but I was sucked in… I know nothing about this dude so I have a question for you… which do you think will last longer… the Bachelor and Molly or Snoop Dogg in the Nation of Islam??

  4. Snoop Dogg in the Nation? News to me. But I also don’t ever want to read anything about Snoop Dogg unless I’m shaking my head because he’s got another weed charge.

    Which one lasts longer? Snoop in the Nation. A 50/50 guess. I just want to know what his new name will be. You tell me that one …

  5. To me, both women showed signs of promise (meaning they almost flipped the script) ; when Melissa didn’t completely go out like a punk and when Molly gave him the look of death at his audacity in thinking he could just get her back like that.

    I gotta say, I wonder if any of them really believe that you can find your “true love” and someone with whom you can spend “the rest of your life” with under these circumstances. (In front of an audience of millions and constructed conditions and of course, via an actual competition).

    As bullsh*t as this show is, on one level, on another level, it’s a terrific study (if you want to call it that) on how advanced capitalism, media/technology has–I think–created this set up where everything is supposed to happen instantaneously and just the way you like it.

    Though it’s blown out of proportion on this show, it’s not actually that far off–I mean, my god–how many of us have been “devastated” b/c someone wasn’t who we thought he/she was after a short period of time? In this vain, I did appreciate that Melissa called his a** out for not holding true to the “commitment” he made and that he bounced as soon as things got rough.

    If she wasn’t acting, someone needs to let her know that commitments are anti-reality shows.

  6. There has been 1 love connection on the Bachelor. (Trista & Ryan Sutter) out of 16. I havent watched it since then though.

  7. Luvvie, I read about the Sutters still being together. But I also read that Trista beat the hell outta Ryan (I think). I hope that still doesn’t qualify as a love connection.

  8. @Luvvie & the blogmaster,

    The Sutter’s are the prototype.

    I think I’m in love again….

    thank you very muuuuuch

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