Ed’s Note: The following letter was written nearly a week ago, well before the finale aired.
To Jason Mesnick and The Bachelor producers:
On the Monday nights since the football season ended, I’ve often found myself flipping through channels searching for something to watch.
A few times, I’ve glued my eyes to your show. I’m intrigued by the story, more so Jason raising his son while divorced from the child’s mother. It’s been interesting to somewhat watch the season unfold. I can’t tell you any of the girls’ names, but they all seem sincerely heartbroken when they’re dumped. That’s the best part of it all, to see how Jason breaks up with a girl every week.
You all have made a profitable “love” machine that Chuck Woolery should envy. But I have just one small problem: I’m coming to realize that this show no better than any of VH1’s reality love shows. Jason is clearly Flavor Flav’s white counterpart. The only difference is the coonery is turned down from an 11 to a 4 on a 1-10 scale.
Think about it. In 12 previous seasons of this show, you all have yet to make one true love connection. That’s 0 percent. I’m just guesstimating, but Woolery’s rate is at least 25 percent. I’d be willing to bet $1 million that Jason’s relationship with whomever he chose last night (hilarious considering he went back on his original pick) will not last. But I don’t have that kind of money to throw around during this recession.
What’s the problem? Oh, yeah. You’re throwing a man in a house with 20-plus women who are falling all over him because it’s a competition to stay on the show for as much possible face time as they can get. And we can only imagine what’s going on behind closed doors. Who knows how many of these girls Jason has slept with during the show?
What kind of example of love does this display for our country’s youth? Jason, what kind of example does this set for your son? This is just broadcastable whoredom that even I get pulled into from time to time.
I’m not even trying to dog you all. I just wish that you would try to reinvent to wheel. Why not follow around “real” relationships — that involve only two people — for a couple of months and make a show out of that.
We would still watch. We love relationship drama. Remember, we’re a species that makes and watches documentaries about the process of animal mating. We’ll watch ourselves do the same thing.
You just need refine the way you document the tales of love.
Finally, a few random notes from the last hour or so of last night’s The Bachelor finale …
8:55 p.m.: The Bachelor dude just picked his Sam Bowie (Melissa), and let Jordan (Molly) get away.
9:08 p.m.: This dude (Jason) is really about to switch the game up on these girls. I hope it blows up in his face.
9:19 p.m.: You (Melissa) don’t fight someone who doesn’t want you. And you (Jason) shouldn’t want to be with someone who fights in the third person (Melissa). This is hilarious.
9:21 p.m.: This is high comedy. These people need therapy. I just pray Molly doesn’t take him back.
9:25 p.m.: The Melissa chick should be mad, but compare that with how Molly reacted when she knew he was making a mistake. Molly didn’t even ask a question, just said he was making a mistake and left. Jason should have known then. He deserves to be alone.
9:30 p.m.: I’m resigned to the notion that The Bachelor is Flavor of Love on broadcast television.
9:50 p.m.: Molly looks like she’s gonna say no. Yes!
9:57 p.m.: She sorta said yes, but left room to break things off.
10 p.m.: I’ve wasted an hour-plus of my life knowing this won’t end well. It can’t. Poor kid. They’re falling right into the hands of my letter …