29. Tina Fey

Dear Tina:

Let me begin by saying that I would gladly be your Ike (sans the beatings, self or otherwise) any day. You rank second on my list of white women I crush on behind Scarlett Johansson and ahead of Anne Hathaway.

I have you so highly ranked because you’re not only attractive, but you’re hilarious. It’s a deadly combination that messes me up every time I see/hear you. I mean, every guy wants a gal to make him laugh. But can you really imagine turning a guy on and making him laugh until tears fall … at the same time? It screws my insides up.


The extraordinary, captivating and witty excellence that is Tina Fey.

I have an admission, though. I’ve never made it through an entire episode of “30 Rock.” I don’t know why. I guess I caught on too late. But I’m going to force myself to watch an episode online after I finish this letter. Another admission: I’ve only seen the second half of “Baby Mama.” I can’t go into detail, but I will say that what I saw was pure hilarity.

So you don’t feel as though I’ve totally neglected your work, I’ll tell you that I’ve seen “Mean Girls” at least seven times and own it on DVD (still not gay). It’s a great movie. In particular, I loved the script. It was witty and true to the problems kids have in high school. It’s the best teenager flick this century. (Note: My editor wants me to say that either “The Breakfast Club” or “Clueless” was the best teen movie of the 20th Century. I’d vote “American Pie” or “Can’t Hardly Wait,” though.)

I also adored you as Ms. Norbury in the film. You’re probably not going to believe this, but my only real teacher crush throughout high school shared your surname. I know, how ironic?

But none of the aforementioned is why I’m penning this letter. I’m writing you because of something I recently heard asked of Jimmy Kimmel: Why are there no women in late night television?

After I heard the question, I didn’t even think of a why. I just jimmied up a solution: NBC should fire Jimmy Fallon immediately (forgive me, Jimmy), and give you his new show.

It would be brilliant. You would draw a new audience to the late night spectrum.

Seriously, grandmas who wake up with the sun would set their alarms a little later and go to sleep with you, as would I (pun intended). Just think about it, and go query Lorne. It will work.

Admiring you from afar,


P.S. Before I forget, thank you for taking on Sarah Palin although you didn’t want to do so. You showed America just how undeniably clueless that woman is.

cc: Lorne Michaels.


21 responses to “29. Tina Fey

  1. Tina Fey is brilliant. I loved her interview with David Letterman where she said, “Sarah Palin is as smart as the average American…and that’s just not smart enough.”

  2. Good Morning!

    Tina Fey is witty and funny beyond her own recollection. She’s the kind of funny that doesn’t take effort that’s just her being who she is. She doesn’t seem to try to hard.

  3. You spoke the truth here. While I never did think Sarah Palin was all that attractive, Tina Fey as Sarah Palin did it for me every time.

  4. Aww. Someone’s got a crush! I kinda have a girlcrush on her too. She’s fabulous!

  5. @anon: yeah, average ain’t smart enough for the No. 2 job in the USA.
    @akua: she doesn’t have to try hard at all, she’s like Willie Mays, if you know what I mean, just full of grace.
    @offdwall: I’ll admit, my taste in white women is skewed some. IDK why. I know who the “most attractive” ones are. But I like the Tina Feys and Anne Hathaways for their simplicity.
    @akirah: I keep a few celeb crushes. No man crushes though. I don’t believe in them. lol.

  6. yes! i love her!!! i’d watch her late night..

  7. wait..was that a jab at chelsea handler…i hope so..i hate her!

  8. My taste is also a bit different…. e.g. I love Jenna Fischer aka Pam from The Office

  9. @offdwall: truth be told, I’d take a cute, witty, smart/slightly above average woman any day over a mundane gorgeous one.

    That laughter is the best medicine stuff is the truth. You have to be able to laugh and smile through good and bad, and if there’s someone there to help you do just that, it’s like extra-strength Aspirin.

  10. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree. I don’t think gross-out humor qualifies a movie as best of the 20th century. While American Pie is a classic and continues to be funny, you and I both know a particular person (actually two) who can quote Clueless from beginning to end. And, it still resonates. Counterpoint?

  11. @asyoureditor: I give American Pie as a good, hilarious tale with a good message. I’d probably pick “Can’t Hardly Wait,” though. It’s sentimental and true to some of the actual foolishness that happens in high school. And it’s also Seth Green’s at his finest sans the “Austin Powers” flicks.

    Idk. Your picks are good movies as well — I enjoy both of those films. I just had a slightly different taste for that era. Agree to disagree. No biggie.

  12. I’ll give you Seth Green at one of his best moments. As an avid Buffy fan, I think he was stellar on the show. But that’s just me. Can’t Hardly Wait is a good movie, though.

  13. “It’s all about the memories, man. It’s all about the memories.” ~ quote from the token black guy in “Can’t Hardly Wait.”

  14. thecomebackgirl


    i love how you do open letters ..i love letters btw.

  15. @thecomebackgirl: Thank you, sweets. One day, I’m going to take a break from everything and just sit and read your entire blog to catch the intrigue. It’s amazing, and I recommend it to anyone who see this. In fact, I might even write a letter to you about your blog (since you love letters). Seriously.

  16. I have a girl crush on Tina Fey. She rocks my socks. If I was a flannel-rocker, she’d be my first choice.

  17. I crushed on Ms. Norbury too. LOL.

  18. @dyer: You don’t know how good that makes me feel to know that I’m not the only one who crushed on my Junior-year social studies teacher. I must say, I learned a lot from that woman and she helped prepare me for college more so than any other teacher.

  19. Honestly you lost me after Scarlett Johansson.
    I’m all about Scarlett, all I need to say is opening scene of “Lost in Translation”

  20. @mdubb: Oddly enough, I’ve only seen bits of that movie, and unfortunately not the beginning of it.

    Though, I do understand why you got lost. I got lost in Scarlett in the “He’s Just Not That Into You.” … didn’t pay too much attention to her because those curves are cokebottle-like.

    For some reason when I thought “coke bottle” I heard Mystikal in my head. You probably understand why, though.

  21. “can’t hardly wait?!” that was one of the first movies i reviewed at my local paper and the lead was something to the effect of “i couldn’t hardly wait til the movie was over…” haha. “heathers” is one of the best teenage flicks of all time.

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