33. Tim Tebow

Dear Superman Tim:

The person who gave our new president the nickname Barack Almighty had it all wrong. If the Reincarnation were currently walking this earth, you would clearly be Him. Thank God you’re not. That wouldn’t be a good thing for me. I’ve doubted you. I’ve bet against you. And I’ve lost.

Thing is, America should have heeded your warning/proclamation after that loss to Ole Miss in September 2008. Your word is bond, my brother (in Christ).

Tim Tebow, quarterback of the Florida Gators, doing the infamous Gator Chomp.

Tim Tebow, quarterback of the Florida Gators and God's favorite college player, doing the infamous Gator Chomp.

I mean, there’s clearly no other football player in America who prays to God or carries out His mission more so than you. You’ve been on several mission trips to the Philippines. I’m not sure there are any other D-I football players who can say that. So it shouldn’t come with any shock that God answers your prayers.

You’re His favorite football player not named Kurt Warner.

What? You can’t be No. 1. Kurt is humble 24/7. You, on the other hand, might be the cockiest super-Christian student-athlete I know. Remember, you are the same guy who performed a thrilling rendition of the Gator chomp in an Oklahoma player’s face toward the end of the BCS Championship game.

Now, I may be wrong. And I’m no lip reader. But I’m almost certain you weren’t saying “God bless you” or “Jesus is the light” while chomping in dude’s face. … I get it, though. We all make mistakes.

Yes, I saw you apologize to him a few plays later. You’re a good Christian who is humble enough to admit your wrongdoings with haste. I just wish even more people knew of the examples that you set. It’s been a joy and inspiration to watch your successes play out in life and on the football field.

But I have an admission. I was rooting for Oklahoma in the title game. My one Asian friend is an Oklahoma alum (yes, there are Asians in Oklahoma, not just Native Americans). She has put a Tostitos bag over her head the past few years the Sooners have lost the Fiesta Bowl. You’ll have to forgive me for not wanting to see what she looks like with an Orange for a head. It’s not a good mental image.

I should have known not to doubt you, though. Betting against you is like doubling down on a hard 19 when the dealer is showing a 6. You’d have to be omniscient or prophetic to pull that rabbit out of the hat.

And maybe you are prophetic. You spoke that monologue/apology after the Ole Miss game into reality. For that, I will always admire and respect you.

Blessings be unto you,


P.S. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you Jesus’ No. 32 for your letter. It didn’t work out. Fault Saint Patrick. But you did get The Trinity twice over. Forgive me.


19 responses to “33. Tim Tebow

  1. thecomebackgirl

    “And I’m no lip reader. But I’m almost certain you weren’t saying “God bless you” or “Jesus is the light” while chomping in dude’s face. … I get it, though. We all make mistakes.”

    LOL..i would further comment but i don’t know who the hell dude is ..i hate sports. lol

  2. as your editor

    I’m with comeback. I don’t follow college sports. BTW, I’m going to need you to check by brackets before I turn them in. I’m gonna need some advice. And, check Facebook. 🙂

  3. @thecomebackg: How can you not know who God’s backup quarterback is? You disappoint me. lol. With your vast knowledge of the popular world, I’m shocked. After food and sex, sports is the next way to a (real) man’s heart.

    You have to have some give and take, too. It’ll be damn near impossible to get a man to sit down and watch a season of “Girlfriends” (I noticed that you like the show) with you, if you won’t watch the game (not the show. It’s good. But I’m talking about sports.)

    Since you like that classic era, I’ll suggest two films for you: The Express, a period movie about the first black football player to win the Heisman Trophy … and Brian’s Song.

    @myeditor: I’ll check it on Wednesday if you want. Don’t hate me if I mess things up. I may be a sports writer, but these things are the luck of the draw. lol.

  4. as your editor

    It’s all good. I’m only here to help.

  5. as your editor

    The thing is you dogged me for my bracket choices last year, so I figure getting some of your sage advice will keep me from being made fun of for picking UConn to go into the Final Four. :p

  6. @myeditor: Actually, I think UConn might just win it all. no joke. It’s either the Huskies or Pitt.

  7. Quality letter no doubt, but it does make me sad that August is still so far away. Do you think Tim Tebow can use his sway with God to make college football a three season sport?

  8. @shelaughs: thanks. Idk. I’m a baseball man at heart, so I can wait. But there is nothing like the anticipation of September and football.

    On Tebow, I think he could sway God, but then 3/4s of the football players would be injured, and they’d be sending people like you and I on the field. We don’t want that now.

  9. Just not a Gator fan. Orange, white, and blue=yuck!

  10. I have the same sentiments about Tebow. He had a press conference when reporters where trying to ask him if there was anything he does wrong, trying to find some dirt. People just couldn’t accept the fact that maybe he actually is the real deal and lives the way he talks.

    And he is one of the cockiest mofo’s out there. But isn’t that also part of his charm?

  11. @Kim: You’re dead on, the confidence/swag is part of what makes him Tebow. But so is him immediately apologizing for overextending his cockiness. lol.

    Thanks for stopping by, and comeback often.

    @CDF: It’s hard to hate a team with this guy as it’s leader. Even though you don’t want to see them always win, you know they’re going to. Heck, they might repeat next year.

  12. natural nubian

    the blasphemy in these comments is crazy! i’m a gator to the bone and am elated tebow is leading our team. anyone who can’t get down w/NCAA sports is missing some serious excitement in their lives. i mean i get that men go into some serious withdrawl during the between months of the NBA finals and NFL season in the fall, but this time now (referred to as ‘march madness’) is something truly addicting.

    i enjoyed your blog before, but this letter just made me add u to my favorites here at work =)

  13. natural nubian

    oh! and the most impressive thing ’bout tim is he goes to prisons in the g’ville (aka gainesville)/ocala area and preach the Word of God to the inmates! i can’t think of any kinda rehabilitation better than that.

  14. I didn’t know the later about him going to prisons to spread the Word. That’s pretty cool.

    I know he has his flaws like the rest of us — I pointed his cockiness out — but he’s a good dude. And you can almost always tell that.

  15. You obviously missed Kurt Warner’s salary-bumping trip to San Francisco. You can’t preach God and team and God some more and then bitch because you were ONLY offered $10 million.
    Tebow is God’s soldier. Warner is a contradiction.

  16. The whole Warner thing was sarcasm. Kurt Warner has as much “confidence” if not more than Tebow. God wouldn’t argue on the sidelines with Todd Haley, but Kurt certainly did, quite often, too.

  17. i prefer not speaking of aforementioned game. i must of done something to displease God because i was sure that the sooners were His team. next year. i’m already on my best behavior in preparation.

  18. awesome blog dude … even a florida state alumni(mortal enemies of the gator) can appreciate your statements.

    u r def a good read.

  19. This has my stamp of approval.

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