37. People Who Think My BFF Is The One

Good movie, but this best friend romance thing ain't happening people.

Good movie, but this best friend romance thing ain't happening people.

To People Who Think My Best Friend Is The One:

You all know my best friend, Q-Boog, is female. Some of you have known this for the past 11 years, and continue harboring thoughts about us. A few of you tell me that we’re destined to be one (especially you, Mom).

Seriously, you (Mom) actually told my now ex-girlfriend once that you thought Q-Boog was my future wife. It’s one of the many reasons why my ex is my ex. I have probably said this a hundred times to each of you about my best friend: She ain’t it. She’d tell you the same thing with a straight face. Accept it, your visions of love for me parallel Stevie Wonder’s actual sight.

I love Q-Boog as much if not more than any of my other friends because we’ve been through so much together since we met freshman year of college. A few days into knowing her, I tried introducing Q-Boog to someone as my friend. Q-Boog promptly corrected and embarrassed me.

“Um, we’re not friends,” she said to me and anyone else who could hear her. After that, I told myself she’d be a close pal if I could help it. Our bond strengthened over many conversations, moments of trust, disagreements and reconciliations. No, not that kind.

See, I love Q-Boog like you love the little sister who told on you when you got home three minutes late. I want to be the one to pick on her, but will defend her in most cases. Our relationship is so “When Harry Met Sally,” but only the first 40 minutes of the film before Harry and Sally start falling in love.

Get us in person, and we fight so much that you might think we were mortal enemies. I once wrongly accused her of wanting to cheat off of my work. She didn’t forgive me for a few weeks. She once wrote me a poem expressing how upset she was with me. I swear I saw blood vessels about to burst when she read it. But through my trials, she has provided me with the best advice and stood by me in my darkest moments.

Another good movie where best friends end up together, but it's still not happening.

Another good movie where best friends end up together, but it's still not happening.

Yes, we can sleep in the same bed with each other because it’s purely platonic. Yet, for some reason, none of you believe me. In your minds, I’m the blinded bat who wouldn’t know a Mack truck full of love if it ran me over (I wouldn’t; I’d be dead). You all assume that just because we’re opposite-sex friends who care about each other that we should be a couple.

Hear this: It’s possible for man and woman to be just friends.

Besides, we know that if you put us in the same living space for a year you might catch our story on your local nightly news. We don’t want that. And neither should you.

This “loving my best friend” thing is a horse that never made it out of its mother’s womb, so stop beating it (Mom). Please and thank you.

Peace,

Dame

P.S. Mom, that means stop calling Q-Boog your future daughter-in-law.

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29 responses to “37. People Who Think My BFF Is The One

  1. I totally understand your sentiment. I think you and I have laid in the same bed before and absolutely nothing was there….literally just friends, nothing more, nothing less….some people just don’t get it 🙂

  2. Dame, did you find your way into my brain space? I swear I feel like I wrote this. Dang you!

    I get this ALL the time from people with my best friend, who is a guy. We also met freshie year of college and were inseparable. Had breakfast together most days. Folks swear on their first kids heads that we’re destined to be together.

    Hell, we even look alike. We’ve slept in the same bed multiple times before and nothing happened. I love him and can tell him anything. But folks need to stop holding out hope that we gon get 2gether. It ain’t gon happen. Besides, I couldn’t be with him cuz I’d absolutely KILL him b/c I already know how he is in relationships.

    Nope, not gon happen folks.

  3. @jlbd: idk … with most of my female friends who are just that, I’m able to be adult enough to not even think about them sexually. Grow up and set boundaries, people.

    Now if we’re friends and I like you and/or get a vibe from you, that’s a different story: You might not want to let me see your bedroom. lol. That’s happened a few times before.

    Seriously, I don’t understand how having platonic friends is so hard. It’s just a point of having respect and an understanding. And they’re the best friendships because you get honest perspectives from the other side of the fence.

    @Luvvie: Again, it’s a small world. … And I know there are plenty of people who can relate because I look at them the same way my Mom and selected friends look at me and my BFF.

    But I also understand it because I have the situation myself. And I’d cop to saying we could be together if it were feasible. But people really just don’t get it: We would KILL each other. lol.

    So I totally get you. Make sure you get your BFF to read this, too.

  4. (Slow clap)

    This is my life right here. Everyone is sure my BFF and I will be married. We won’t… because we work as friends, not as lovers.

  5. Wow…everyone seems to have that freshman year buddy.

    I have one…it’s pitiful how much we fight, argue and hate each other and have even done things which might have screwed the other over a wee bit (albeit unintentionally).

    And yet, people are like E&J belong together (get it?) and here’s the thing we probably could be good together, except I think he does the wrong type of hustling (nothing bad…just not right) and he thinks I shop too much. There’s a huge lifestyle gap…yet we love each other…through arguments, deep sighs, and me sitting on his couch so I can cuss him out.

  6. My sentiments exactly. BFF does NOT stand for Best Friends F*c%!n.

    I met my BFF sophomore year of high school and we even lived together in college for just over a year, and not a thing happened. And it wasn’t because she looked like a river horse; she was fine lil sumthin. But, we just never crossed that line because it would have seemed incestuous. Admittedly, in the beginning of our friendship, there was an attraction. But that quickly gave way to friendship.

  7. @ASmith: The slow clap really had me laughing for a few minutes.
    @Jac: Yeah, we fight about every little thing because we think we’re right, and think the other one is crazy for not following suit. Crazy, thing is we’ve collaborated on some great things while arguing.
    @offdwall: I totally agree. Once you’re in the friend zone (and you have some tact), you don’t step out of it. Unless you want to ruin your friendship with that person.

  8. thecomebackgirl

    i thought friendship was the true basis of romantic love..so says everydayum body i hear talking about it.

    @ TMCY so…there is NO physical attraction at all..normally when a man friends you (its NOT THAT HE’S NOT ATTRACTED..thats bs) but rather she KNOWS something that has forever altered the potential about the “oneness”…ie his proclivity to “wander” etc.

  9. @thecbg: Friendship is the basis for love. I still subscribe to the theory that the world would be better and the divorce rate would be lower if no one were able to get physically or emotionally involved the first six months of dating/knowing someone. The friendship is most important because you also learn whether or not “it” would work. In this case, no way. lol.

    on your second point: My BFF is one of the most beautiful women walking NYC, no doubt. When we were introduced it was by a girl who had my FULL ATTENTION (you know what I mean) and Q-Boog knew that as well.

    That, and getting to know each other, took away any possibility of “oneness.” If I could explain more about Q-Boog without her disowning me for three months I would. It would make you understand what I’m about to say.

    But let’s just put it this way, we’ve grown to realize that we would drive each other insane if we were a couple. And that’s not a joke.

  10. thecomebackgirl

    “If I could explain more about Q-Boog with out her disowning me for three months I would”

    Im dying to know now..please get QBoog’s permission and report back at once…POST HASTE lol.

  11. tmcy-you are going to learn that you cannot say things like that to cbg…she will want to know..you cannot give “popcorn with no butter”

    and isn’t q-boog around here on the blog somewhere?

    all this best friend love has me about to call my little friend make sure he aight.

    man…when i think about all the nuts ish me and him went through it makes me smile mad big

  12. @Jac: I’m quickly learning this. I e-mailed CBG. I just couldn’t front my best friend out in public or else she might seriously disown me for three months.

    And Q-Boog is a Hebrew slave who barely gets away from the field (I don’t know how she got stuck in the field. Her skin tone clearly would have her in the house) for water let alone to read my blog consistently. She’ll probably read this because it’s about her … I read it to her beforehand for approval.

    And yeah, that’s the thing about any friend, male or female. When you been through something with them and come out of it together, your bond is strengthened, those memories and trials hold it together.

  13. Wow this is my life! My male bestie, whom I knew in college but grew very close to my last year, is like the male version of me. If I were a man I’d be him…that’s how much we are alike. My Mom is forever telling me I should get with him. Not to mention all of our other friends, and strangers on the street who constantly mistake us for a couple.

    It’s so annoying. They just all know e’re meant to be. I beg to differ. As much as I love me…I’d hate to date someone JUST LIKE ME. Besides I look at him like a brother, and I just cannot seem to wipe that out of my mind. Our relationship works best as friends. I really don’t understand my people can’t understand that.

  14. natural nubain

    “P.S. Mom, that means stop calling Q-Boog your future daughter-in-law.”—very very funny.

    as i was reading ’til i saw u posted it, i was thinking of the movie ‘brown sugar’ also. but my only question is have u or Q never even tried one another?? i mean never even hinted towards an extra long, extra tight hug/embrace, or a puck on the cheek a lil too close to the lips??

  15. I am with you – I had a great guy friend growing up and everyone in our families and all of our friends swore up and down that we would be together in the end – up until the day we were both married to other people I dont think anyone ever doubted their assumptions – but we knew!

  16. @everyone

    I happen to know thismayconcernyou and Q-Boog and I can co-sign that it would absolutely NEVER work. That’s not to take anything from either one of them, but knowing how different their personalities are, it would be too much of a clash. Even if they tried and tried, it would fail time and time again….lol

  17. @naturalnubian: It’s never been close. We might have a long hug/embrace but it’s genuinely platonic like I’d hug my favorite female cousin or JLBD. I think the closest we’ve ever come to a weird moment is me paying for a dinner, and us looking at each other funny. But even then, we knew better.

    And my mother still calls Q-Boog that. It’s very strange because Q-Boog and her mother bare a strange resemblance to my mother. It’s eerie. I think my mother see herself in my BFF. But I would — and I love my mother dearly — NEVER marry any woman like my mother.

    @anne: That’s why I wrote this. People will be just like that until the day each of us marries, and maybe even after that ala Brown Sugar.

    @jlbd RE: everybody: It’s not that it would fail time and again. We would kill each other. lol.

  18. @thismayconcernyou

    Yeah, I know you guys would be like Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas in ‘The War of the Roses’; I haven’t forgotten those days in college when you two would be hanging out and you both looked like you wanted to stick a fork in your neck before the day was out…lol

  19. as your editor

    I second jlbd. I’ve seen these two in action and sometimes it’s really sweet, sometimes you want to just steer clear of the line of fire.

    Like many of you, my bestie is a guy that I’ve known since we were 11. When I was in college, he came to visit more than my then-boyfriend. Like TMCY and Q-Boog, we’ve slept in the same bed. He’s even been in the room when I’ve changed clothes. But our relationship beyond friendship would NEVER work. It would be much too awkward.

    Plus, I introduced him to his current girlfriend.

  20. WHMS is one of my favorite movies because the idea that women and men cannot be friends without the question of attraction/sex coming. Once this has been addressed then the two parties can go on with life. best to be addressed than to have it linger like a fiend waiting for you drop some change.

  21. @gator: Thanks for joining the discussion, my dude. Your wisdom is appreciated.

    WHMS is in my all-time top 10 because of that plotline and the dialogue.

    And you’re right. Once you address the purgatory stage of your relationship, and define it for what it is, things should become easier.

    That’s not always the case, though, when people have ulterior motives or don’t admit their true feelings. This is also known as being childish.

  22. This is so needed these days. Somewhere people got trained to believe that all men are unable to control themselves and that all females aren’t to be trusted when a “friendship” is stated. I’m constantly caught in a defensive position because of other peoples assumptions.

    Great Blog

  23. Wow, where do I start? First, I do want to say we are actually great friends. Reading this, you’d think we can’t stand each other and should never be near each other and silverware at the same time! Damon can laugh at my goofy jokes and weigh-in with a manly perspective when he thinks I’m trippin’. I appreciate his presence in my life.

    Second, and on the other hand, it is true: Q & D are no match made in heaven. I can admit, I am way too particular when it comes to things I like and things that get on my nerves! It is that perfection seeking that drives him up the wall. We are both very strong, opinionated people who would rather discuss our relationships than be in one together. He is like a family member to me now and any physical contact (other than being friendly) would just be gross!

  24. @Q-Boog: The only thing I want now is for my Mother, Ryan, H.Dot and anybody else who thinks we should be together to read what you just wrote. lol. Trust, I will make sure that they all do.

  25. I love this post. My best friend and I though did try to make a go at a relationship. HUGE FAIL! but now we are friends and can be around each other meet people we are dating and sleep in the bed together with no contact. sometimes you need that person in your life. glad you guys found each other and create balance for each other outside the realms of a relationship …

  26. Once again, I don’t believe it. Reasonably attractive and straight men and women, can’t be friends for ever. One day maybe far, far, far into the future that line will be crossed. Once again, just trust me on this one.

  27. @joliefatale: I’m glad you two were able to work things out. I’m friends with a few people I’ve “talked” to, but all of my serious relationships are ones that are final as friendships as well. Except the last one…

    @dash: you know this letter is to you, Moms, Ryan and a few others right? I clearly disagree. lol. If you know something won’t work why keep trying to fail?

  28. Dash, friends come in seasons so why expect your male-male friendships to last forever as well?

    Then again, I’m of the belief that once a man becomes comfortable turning down sex, for whatever reasons/reservations he may have, that man is now on the path to becoming a mature individual.

  29. Pingback: Guys With Platonic Female Friend Issues | FreshXpress.:.The PULSE of Young Black America

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