39. Steve Harvey

“No one makes you feel nothing. You feel that yourself.” — Steve Harvey on Monday’s Oprah Winfrey Show.

Dear Steve:

I commend you on telling the truth about the way men think. So many women believe they have us figured out only to learn that they’ve landed on one of Jupiter’s moons, and are nowhere near Mars.

I'm reading this. But after I finish Larry Wilmore's "I'd Rather We Got Casinos."

I'm reading this. But after I finish Larry Wilmore's "I'd Rather We Got Casinos."

But with your new book — “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” — you’re trying to guide them toward the tiny red planet. That’s a good thing for us all. People need to better understand what the opposite sex is thinking and why women/men do the things we do.

That said, I’m glad I caught you on Oprah.

Seriously, those two women interviewees who started the show on Monday may be thriving in some aspects of life. But they’re also absolutely nuts. With haste, you broke down their laundry lists of MUST HAVES for a man. I’ll paraphrase what you said: “If you can’t do those things for a man, you shouldn’t ask them of him.”

The cooking. The cleaning. The sexing. Any of it. A salient point, indeed.

At some point came the buffoonery of the re:virgin** who knows nothing about reciprocation. She was asinine enough to come on a syndicated national television show and declare her re:virginity. Yet she thinks heavy petting and receiving oral sex is OK. But here’s the kicker: She won’t reciprocate oral sex.

  • crickets*

You gave her the proper response … a blank stare that read: “What the hell is wrong with you?” Then joked that you wanted to join her church. Hilarious. You should have also told her that any woman who won’t reciprocate oral sex is asking for her man to seek out a navy dress to stain (think: Lewinsky).

The only place you misstepped was with the six NYC upwardly mobile 20-somethings. They queried you about intimidating men who know that they, as women, can do for themselves, and how they should refrain from such activity. You went on a tangent about them not parading their Prada and Dior in front of men.  I disagree.

Like Dylan, Harv was spitting that "Hot Fiyah" on Oprah.

Like Dylan, Harv was spitting that "Hot Fiyah" on Oprah.

A woman who can, should do for self … but remain humble. She should also know when to allow a man to do for her. But she shouldn’t worry about a guy (notice the word change: man to guy) who is too insecure to be with a self-sufficient woman. That’s not the man she needs, and she shouldn’t stoop that low.

This brings me to my final point before I purchase your book: You need to write a sequel to guys explaining how to be real men. It may not top the NY Times Best Seller’s list like the current title (or maybe it could be). But it’s a book that needs to be written.

There are so many women out there aimlessly looking for a man because there are so few good ones from which to pick. Another reason: There are too many Monica Lewinsky-types parading around the private parts of otherwise decent guys.

Guys need to know that it’s OK to be a good man who shows his true feelings from time to time. It’s OK to avoid being the stereotypical fools we’ve pigeonholed and painted ourselves into being by chasing trash. And it’s more than OK to avoid a woman who throws the “cookie” at you like a perfect Tom Brady spiral.

With your knowledge and humor, you could bring levity to this dilemma like you have with “Act Like A Lady.” You told Tyra this on Tuesday: “I’m not an expert on relationships, I’m an expert on manhood.”

Enlighten us guys with this expertise. We need it.

It would be the perfect Father’s Day present for the clowns/guys who dance across Maury Povich’s stage daily or believe increasing their “number” is one of the 126,758 most important things in life.

You should consider it. Suggested title: “Be a Man, Enough Said.”



P.S. You’re right about closure. You give yourself closure. Not someone else or his/her dancing or loaded words.

  • *A re:virgin is a person who has given up the cookie before, but has closed the jar until “marriage.”

25 responses to “39. Steve Harvey

  1. Yeah, Steve definitely needs to address these ‘guys’ who can’t seem to realize what their role is in life or in relationships….It would speak volumes coming from him….

  2. I have to say this because I couldn’t fit it in the letter.

    The best part of the Tyra episode was win the two writers of the “Hot Chick” book told the audience it was OK to have a one-night stand.

    Steve just had a blank look on his face. He was patient and waited for Tyra to ask him what he though. And when she did, he simply said that the idea of a one-night stand is stupid.

    There really are idiots out there who think this is the way life should go. And they wonder why mounds of manure keep falling on them daily. … lol. I’m not even a Steve Harvey fan, but he has salient advice.

  3. As I was reading your post one of the officers at work walked back and said that I should buy this book, which I already had planned on buying. Your blog is very insightful and I’m glad that you started it.

  4. I think your suggestion that Steve write a book on manhood was great. Trouble is, will the right guys (<<<-word usage) read it?

  5. @asmith: more of them will if they get it as Father’s Day, birthday and Christmas presents …

    @turtle: thanks. There’s a master plan behind it all, and I’m grateful for each person who reads and can see what I’m trying to pull off.

  6. I didn’t see the show and I don’t plan on reading the book. If I was looking for some comedic reading the I might consider picking it up.

    It’s just that I’m not into these so-called advice books especially those about relationships. I don’t believe that you can explain the affairs of the heart in a few chapters in a book.

    Furthermore, I feel like if you need a book to explain to you how to get and/or keep a man then you probably have some other issues that you need to address before even thinking about getting into a relationship. That’s just my opinion…I’m sure that many people will disagree as shown by the amount of attention this book has been given.

  7. @Tam: I’ll say this, between the two hours of television Steve Harvey did, he went back on a few things.

    He told women not to make lists on Oprah, then he told them to have standards on Tyra. … But there’s some middle ground. You have to have standards, just not a list of 50 of them. That’s stupid.

    All in all, I think it’ll be a healthy read because it will give women and men insight on how to deal/cope in relationships.

    Will it give all of the answers? Hell no. But it will give necessary insight … but I know most of it you don’t need. It seems like your relationship game is healthy as is, right? 😉 … hope all is well.

  8. @TMCY – Is that sarcasm I read?

    Too bad most of the men that would read this or your other proposed book aren’t the ones with the relationship issues. I’m sure this as book will provide some useful insight but you still have to know how to use and interpret the information within a real-life relationship.

    And yes my relationship game currently has a clean bill of health…perhaps I should read this book to make sure it stays that way. HA!

  9. @tam: you don’t read sarcasm. You read that my facebook stalker game is on 10. lol. No, I just saw that you have “a clean bill of health” via your facebook page. lol.

    And you’re right. None of the guys who need to read will pick up either book. But it still puts the definition out there for everyone else to see, and be able to call and stamp a ginormous L on the heads of those guys …

  10. I bought the book and read all of three chapters of it. I’m kind of torn about actually listening to a man who has wrote a relationship advice book and has been married three times (I found this out after I purchased the book! lol) But it is a good read for insight into a male perspectictive on dating…well at least one point of view!

  11. Bought, read, and discussed this book. I think the general information Steve supplies women about men are excellent pointers. It gives a general overall explanaition of what we should be expecting and looking for if we are interested in a meaningful relationship. I don’t think that the information is anything that women don’t already know, but the dating climate has so confused and misguided us that it was helpful to get back on track on what we really should be looking for and paying attention to. Cause some men will have you convinced otherwise. I recommend the book.

    And that book you proposed is beyond necessary at this point.

  12. thecomebackgirl

    “There are so many women out there aimlessly looking for a man because there are so few good ones from which to pick. ”

    I do NOT receive this statement in the name of Jesus.

  13. thecomebackgirl

    TMCY..what you gonna do when one of these letters addressed to entertainers and other public figures get answered LOL..

  14. @YO: I feel you, but read what Jada wrote immediately after you.

    @Jada: One of the points in life, and I’ll make it more thoroughly at some point, is reiteration. It’s why repetition is so important. So you can remember. It why you take notes in class, and then go home and read them. It’s why when someone teaches something or speaks of it constantly, he/she retains it well. All that to say, men need the book like Christians need to hear “he got up on the third day (blah, blah, blah)” every Easter.

    @thecbg: Don’t receive it. You shouldn’t, but be cognizant of that fact. I know you are. And don’t take in a Big L for any reason.

    On the second point, that’s part of this. when I get this where I want to, I want them to respond for the sequel (and for some of the people I bash to attempt to defend themselves).

  15. I just read this book! And I spent my entire time in the Bahamas discussing it with my girlfriends. I thought some parts were really helpful. As with anything, you have to soak in the stuff that applies to you and weed out the things that do not.

  16. OMG!! I think you read my mind. As I was reading the book last month I was thinking, “Do guys even know this stuff about being a man?” I actually think my facebook status at one point was that Steve needs to write a book for men.

    I do think it was an excellent book with good information. I learned a lot from the book!! What I’m missing now is a male’s (who has read the book) point of view.

  17. @akirah: agree. you have to take what’s good for you, and work around the rest.

    @bourgiebama: Like I said in the caption, I’m reading it after I finish “I’d Rather We Got Casinos” by Larry Wilmore …

  18. I’m not planning to read this book. From what I’ve heard, a lot of this sounds like common sense.

    I think relationship books get a bad name. Either people read them and quote them like the Gospel truth that they are not always or people shun them as if it’s all evil and made up.

    It’s important to read these books and understand they’re not fail-safe or always right. There are times where situations don’t fit in the little boxes they create. However, they are great reference points and good jumping off places for people to consider how they “do” relationships.

    Unfortunately, everyone wants a silver bullet. Those just don’t exist when you start talking about how people relate to each other.

  19. def interesting – i wish i would have caught the show.

  20. Listen, if I wanted to be called a desperate whore, there are plenty of ways to get that done without handing over $25 to a comedian.

  21. @asmith: I co-sign, but still think some people need the reinforcement of their common sense.

    @annesfriend: the show was priceless. Probably better than the book itself.

  22. I just finished this book. Luckily, I have great guy friends who have informed me of the things he wrote about in this book already. I think the book is mostly for naive women, but at the same time, its a good reminder for those who are still looking. I agree, he should write a book for the good men. I think this book mainly points to the clowns that are out there, and not really uplifting the good guys who want a committed relationship.

  23. “There are so many women out there aimlessly looking for a man because there are so few good ones from which to pick. Another reason: There are too many Monica Lewinsky-types parading around the private parts of otherwise decent guys”. Priceless.

  24. “The only place you misstepped was with the six NYC upwardly mobile 20-somethings. They queried you about intimidating men who know that they, as women, can do for themselves, and how they should refrain from such activity. You went on a tangent about them not parading their Prada and Dior in front of men.”

    I think if a woman goes with that advice she will learn to become dependent on men, rather than flourish in her independence. I agree that women should however, remain humble. It’s no fun to constantly hear how much someone has in their bank account. But if a man is intimidated by the shoes, handbag, or clothes a woman wears because of the price….maybe he doesn’t appreciate having nice things, and frankly he isn’t a man. Men should be secure with themselves.

    The only time I think it’s wrong for a woman to go with the Prada and Dior is if they are merely doing it for show and/or can’t really afford it (false advertisement). Otherwise, aren’t we all allowed to reward our accomplishments? Not all of us do it with material things, but for those that do… do you! It’s not my place to judge.

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