Dear Most Gifted and Extraordinary Kerry:
I recently told my NSS Ex-Girlfriend that I was aiming for the sky. Well, here I am writing on your cloud.
I don’t have any corny lines (save the one I just spit), so I’ll just come right at you: I’d like to take you out some time and talk politics with you. You are politically engaged, right? I want to know what you’d think of Sarah Palin if she weren’t president of the National Blame-aholics Organization.
You may not agree with her views, but do you think Palin could challenge Obama in 2012 if she realized how ignorant she looks blaming others for her problems? Can’t you see the Republican Party falling apart if it doesn’t get it together soon?
But we don’t have to focus on politics.
I want to know what your dream role would be. I’d love to write a screenplay around it, and tag-team an Academy Award-nominee worthy film starring you in the next few years. I’m also curious to see what it was like for you to work with Chris Rock. He’s a genius, and it would be an honor to meet him.
If you say yes to us getting together, we can stay out of the paparazzi’s view, if need be. We can just sit around and play Chess, Scrabble, Monopoly or the card games Speed or War. We can make dinner. I know, a man who cooks. I’m about a B-plus in the kitchen.
Maybe we could go to a museum, planetarium or a baseball game. Or maybe we could just talk … (think: Jill Scott or Will Downing).
I’ve suggested some of my favorite things to do. So as you can tell, I’m flexible. I don’t even mind that you make more money than I do. That’s the one of the last things that should concern a real man.
Anyway, you can get back at me whenever. If you don’t, maybe I’ll just go Darius Lovehall on you (think: “Love Jones”), buy a couple of albums I know you’ll like and show up at your front door (Who really does that?). Then again, maybe not. I have no desire for a restraining order or a stalking charge.
Either way, I must say this: No disrespect to Beyonce (she’s fine), but you’re the pinnacle sister every black man should be salivating over and every black woman should aspire to be like after Michelle Obama. I mean, what self-respecting man wouldn’t want a woman who can rival Beyonce’s looks and go toe-to-toe with the pundits on Real Time with Bill Maher and Larry King Live?
Can you see why I admire you so?
See you in my dreams,