“Weaves are saving lives one track at a time.” ~ my NSS ex-girlfriend, a month ago after an epic Kansas City story, which you’ll learn about in 400 or so words.
Dear Weave-Wearing Women:
I have a good friend who has been chopping at her beautiful hair for a few years. It once went down her back. It made her stand out. Now that her hair is short, it’s still amazingly beautiful.
But there’s a problem. She decided she wanted long hair again and laced in an atrocious weave.
Don’t get me wrong, I love long hair. a woman with long hair — so long as the hair’s DNA matches that woman. I like short hair, micros and braids, some locked hair AND a well-done weave. But they (good weaves) are damn near impossible to find. When you do see one, it’s either on television or has cost the recipient the car note of a Jaguar S-Type.
For that alone, I abhor most things weave on any woman. I know that men like myself have contributed to this epic dilemma. We’ll get to that later. But I want to clear things up.
There are some women who gain a “confidence” because they feel a weave enhances their appearance. But it doesn’t. An OK-to-hideous weave makes a woman seem insecure. Some people will not tell you that for fear of what you might do. I’m a proponent of the truth, and clearly not scared.
Yes, I understand there are some kickbacks to wearing weaves. Your real hair grows healthier and faster. It’s easier to manage. You might turn heads at every corner.
Problem is, the guy looking at you for your fake hair’s length is not the one you want. You want the man who loves you for who you are (even if you’re bald like Kanye’s Amber), and for what God gave you (and that doesn’t include the means to buy weave). A real man wants a real woman. That last sentence should speak volumes. But I understand some of you will disagree with me. That’s fine. This is opinion, not fact.
You still need to read this even if only for what follows.
I recently swore off talking about weaves for 30 days because of an epic Kansas City story. A woman’s ridiculous weave prevented an intended bullet from penetrating her head and killing her. That is fact, not fiction. (Google: Kansas City, woman, weave and bullet).
If every weave came with a bulletproof guarantee, I wouldn’t be writing this letter to you. Heck, I would understand men wanting extensions. 50 Cent would be at the front of the line — so long as his extensions’ color matches his Teflon vest.
Thing is, weaves are not Teflon. That story was, as my boy Mike C. said, “unbeweaveable.” There’s maybe a 1-in-30 billion chance a weave shields your head from a bullet. Unfortunately, that situation gave more of you false cause to schedule hair appointments.
It doesn’t matter anyway. This has been a runaway train of tracks since 1990. That’s the first year a New York DJ spun Lip Licking Cool James’ “Around The Way Girl.” The first verse starts with these words: “I need a girl with extensions in her hair …”
And we all know how you Ladies Love Cool James. *barf*
Disgruntled Yet Again,
P.S. Stop caking on so much make-up.
P.S.S. Stop thinking a nose job will make you look better unless yours looks like Owen Wilson’s.
P.S.S.S. LL Cool J’s “Around The Way Girl” or India.Arie’s I Am Not My Hair
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