41. Weave-Wearing Women

“Weaves are saving lives one track at a time.” ~ my NSS ex-girlfriend, a month ago after an epic Kansas City story, which you’ll learn about in 400 or so words.

Dear Weave-Wearing Women:

I have a good friend who has been chopping at her beautiful hair for a few years. It once went down her back. It made her stand out. Now that her hair is short, it’s still amazingly beautiful.

Fake hair on a fake white head.

Fake hair on a fake white head.

But there’s a problem. She decided she wanted long hair again and laced in an atrocious weave.

Don’t get me wrong, I love long hair. a woman with long hair — so long as the hair’s DNA matches that woman. I like short hair, micros and braids, some locked hair AND a well-done weave. But they (good weaves) are damn near impossible to find. When you do see one, it’s either on television or has cost the recipient the car note of a Jaguar S-Type.

For that alone, I abhor most things weave on any woman. I know that men like myself have contributed to this epic dilemma. We’ll get to that later. But I want to clear things up.

There are some women who gain a “confidence” because they feel a weave enhances their appearance. But it doesn’t. An OK-to-hideous weave makes a woman seem insecure. Some people will not tell you that for fear of what you might do. I’m a proponent of the truth, and clearly not scared.

Yes, I understand there are some kickbacks to wearing weaves. Your real hair grows healthier and faster. It’s easier to manage. You might turn heads at every corner.

Problem is, the guy looking at you for your fake hair’s length is not the one you want. You want the man who loves you for who you are (even if you’re bald like Kanye’s Amber), and for what God gave you (and that doesn’t include the means to buy weave). A real man wants a real woman. That last sentence should speak volumes. But I understand some of you will disagree with me. That’s fine. This is opinion, not fact.

You still need to read this even if only for what follows.

A fake (real) person with horrific fake hair.

Her moniker should have been "Hot Mess," not "Hottie."

I recently swore off talking about weaves for 30 days because of an epic Kansas City story. A woman’s ridiculous weave prevented an intended bullet from penetrating her head and killing her. That is fact, not fiction. (Google: Kansas City, woman, weave and bullet).

If every weave came with a bulletproof guarantee, I wouldn’t be writing this letter to you. Heck, I would understand men wanting extensions. 50 Cent would be at the front of the line — so long as his extensions’ color matches his Teflon vest.

Thing is, weaves are not Teflon. That story was, as my boy Mike C. said, “unbeweaveable.” There’s maybe a 1-in-30 billion chance a weave shields your head from a bullet. Unfortunately, that situation gave more of you false cause to schedule hair appointments.

It doesn’t matter anyway. This has been a runaway train of tracks since 1990. That’s the first year a New York DJ spun Lip Licking Cool James’ “Around The Way Girl.” The first verse starts with these words: “I need a girl with extensions in her hair …”

And we all know how you Ladies Love Cool James. *barf*

Disgruntled Yet Again,

Damon

P.S. Stop caking on so much make-up.
P.S.S. Stop thinking a nose job will make you look better unless yours looks like Owen Wilson’s.
P.S.S.S. LL Cool J’s “Around The Way Girl” or India.Arie’s I Am Not My Hair

Ed’s Note: Comment threading is here. You can reply to a specific comment by clicking “reply” in the upper right section of a comment.

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102 responses to “41. Weave-Wearing Women

  1. I hate to see someone rocking a bad weave…moreso, I hate to see someone rocking a bad weave thinking it’s fly AND having friends that refuse to be the bearers of bad news.

    Now, I think weaves are a fun way to change up your style without damaging your own hair and it’s not that big of a deal to wear one. I love that men have issues with makeup/weaves/fake nails…whatever… but I’ve seen chicks rocking the “natural” (I like to call it earthy/granola) look that still get no play and men will make snide remarks.

    If a nose job makes you happy, go for it.

    Keep caking on your makeup as long as you make sure you blend in the foundation on your neckline….

    I think women should be dressing for themselves and not a guy because who cares what you all like – – it’s about looking in the mirror, feeling fly, and loving yourself!

    • @IB: You’re right. Women should be dressing for themselves.

      But they should also be practical. If you can afford a Jaguar S-Type, don’t wear one on your head.

      Don’t cake on so much make up that it seems like you’re Eddie Munster’s mom.

      And the nosejob? This is a big part of what’s wrong with America now. People don’t accept themselves the way they were made. I could go on. But I’ll stop.

    • thecomebackgirl

      cosign..

  2. I’ve never admitted this before so TCMY you should feel honored, but I started wanting to wear a weave at a young age because I thought that the guys only REALLY liked girls with long flowing hair. I never really saw them checkin’ for girls with shorter hair and even though I could pull them with my short hair, I had them drooling with the long hair. At first it started with the add-on ponytail pieces, then came the glued-in tracks that caused so much damage to my scalp that my own hair started to thin and fall out…throughout college I couldn’t afford a weave so back to my natural hair, then after college when I started working and making money, I could afford the sew-ins that looked more natural. After dating a fool that made me feel insecure and of course more hair breakage from stress, I did away with the weave and haven’t turned back. Shortly after I met a man that loves my natural beauty and ironically my hair has grown like never before, of course the happiness inside contributed to the new health, length and thickness of my hair… It was a necessary walk, and the experience is priceless. I’ll sum it up real quick, ladies, we ALL can grow long hair, trust me. Just as long as we spend more time learning how to properly take care of our hair instead of more money adding some korean chicks hair onto ours, the happier we will all be in the long run. Good post Damon 🙂

    • Good rant. I’m shocked. I thought you were going to blast me. Go figure.

      • No, I can appreciate everything you said. I’m not saying that every woman that wears a weave has self-esteem issues or doesn’t know how to care for their own hair, but in my case that was the issue. Now, I actually look at women that wear bad weaves and shake my head. They do look very insecure and need someone to tell them how much of a mess they look. And, let’s not even start with the women that put weaves on their children….I mean children around the age of 5….that just sickens me…

        • What’s sad is when you actually tell a girl with a bad weave that you know well and you get *crickets* for a response. …. that’s happened a few times.

          • Yeah, that’s because they really want to believe that they are looking good and that their hair looks naturally long. When you let them know differently, they don’t want to believe you and want to continue on believing that their hair looks good…lol…it’s really sad.

    • I definitely don’t support putting weaves on children. One because it is just vain and unnecessary. Two because I believe that you can get addicted to weave. My cousin was addicted (she admitted to it) and it wasn’t until very recently that she would wear her natural hair with no weave. I’m talking about for about 10 years straight she wore weave. Starting from braided extensions to gelled in weave and finally progressing to sew-ins. Kinda sad really..

      • *smh* … ten years? That is beyond insane.

      • Yeah, I know alot of women like this. I see them every day. It’s like they get so used to seeing themselves with the weave that they can’t let it go. It’s one thing for a weave to be a temporary enhancement that a woman uses to change up her look, it’s another thing when the weave becomes a part of who you are. Kind of like Tammy Faye and her makeup…lol. And, I actually saw a 3 year old girl with weave in her hair, I could have smacked the mother senseless for that one…

    • thecomebackgirl

      “korean chicks hair onto ours,”

      now thats a 50 dollar epic fail…

      • Yeah, I hear you. And when I was in high school those were the types of weaves I wore and I see alot of women with those ‘kitchen’ hair-dos. When I was in my early twenties though, i dropped like $300.00 on the good sew-ins and paid like $100.00 alone for the actual hair, which was human and textured to fit my own hair. I did alot of modeling so it helped to have the weave with all the styling, heat, and lights. But girl you know how these chicks around the way are, got short beady hair but will be quick to throw in that silky straight hair from the local chinese beauty shop…hot mess!

  3. I have had short hair for 8 years now, by choice and have never had a weave. I, for one, cant stand them b/c I think I’d scratch my scalp raw. They just look itchy. Plus, I’d be self-conscious if a guy was playing with my hair and felt tracks. Thats just me though. I dont condemn those who use them. To each his own. BUT… bad weaves make me side-eye the wearer.

  4. Oh, and Yaki Inc LLC is making money hand over fist by producing some of the wackest weaves. And lawd knows that Tyra Banks and Beyonce don put lace-front weaves on the map.

  5. Umm I’ve never had a weave. Always had long hair but I dont knock those who do as long as that ish looks natural but I could see how men would wonder what a woman really looks like without it if she always keeps it on..
    Some people look totally different when they dont have their beyonce weave in.. TOTALLY

    • This reminds me of that episode from the Fresh Prince where Tischa Campbell and Will get stuck in the basement and he learn about all of her fake things including her hair, nails and eyelashes …. he didn’t know who in the hell she was.

  6. The desire to have weave (in my opinion) stems from the fact that the entertainment industry has conditioned us to believe that long hair equals beautiful. In movies, tv show, music videos almost all of the “beautiful” woman have long lucious hair that blows in the wind. This gets ingrained in the minds of young girls causing them to want long hair by any means necessary. Of course this doesn’t apply to all but to alot. I understand the other benefits of weave that you pointed out in the letter but those only apply if you have a GOOD weave.

    I have no explaination as to why people let their friends walk around looking like they have some sort of bird’s nest on their head but I guess these are the same people that let their friends wear outfits that are 3 sizes too small…

  7. I like this post. I was once telling an ex that I was considering getting a weave to which he looked at me funny, sighed and made no conversation.

    A few hours later, I asked him why and he wouldn’t answer, so I said what are the top five things about me you are attracted to and #1 was hair.

    Said that he liked that fact that it was naturally long, soft and he also realized that if I would not relax it it would be curly like his (which was a turn on) I was amazed…and started keeping it washed, moisturized and hanging for him to…see.

  8. This may sound like a Tyler Perry play, but a good weave is hard to find. I used to hang out with this lady who was gorgeous and had long flowing hair just like I loved. One day while we were getting ready to go out, I watched as she brushed her head and said, “Wow, your hair is like baby doll hair!”

    To which she responded, “You do know that this isn’t mine, right??” I didn’t…. which made me love it even more.

    That said, a good weave is great. But I remain convinced that there is no such thing as a good wig.

  9. 1. Weaves are false advertisement (it’s funny you are writing about this because I just wrote a blog called MateFax . . .it would rid us of such false advertisement . . . bewareofcrazythoughts.blogspot.com . . . . plug!).

    2. And as for “women dressing for themselves” . . . are you telling me that you haven’t seen your cleavage before ? . . or is it that the push up bra and low cut v in your shirt allows you to see it on a more regular basis, usually when you’re out in the club . . .where men are!

    3. I’ve heard this excuse before. Similiar to the one of “women dress for other women”. Another lie! Women dress to OUTDRESS other women who are also dressing up for men.”

    4. And if it’s a “change it up” for the day, women should be required to wear a disclaimer tshirt that day:

    Disclaimer: This is not my hair. Actually my hair is very course and short as the fuzz on a tennis ball. These also aren’t my eyelashes, fingernails, boobs (though I paid for them), buttocks (I pad) or real height (notice the 6 inch stilletos . . . I’m actually 5’3″.

  10. thecomebackgirl

    Oh God.

    Imma have to read this post and re-read again..

    but first i must finish my breakfast. I’m just amazed that a) black people still find this to be a controversial topic. because b) women have been wearing weaves (and other variations-ie, braids etc) for a very long time…ask the egyptians.

  11. thecomebackgirl

    I dunno i just think the whole weave arguement is so wrapped up in mystique and bullshat that its funny.

    A. Under the overused definition of false advertising.. all cosmetics are “false advertising” (eyelash curler, bronzer, lipstick, hair color etc)..hell even dudes who get a shape up with those super sharp edges…hair doesn’t grow like that..so under the same definition i could scream, dude is falsely advertising his hair line. lol..

    B. Weaves have been around for a SUPER long time. I wonder if Egyptian men were going around wondering if they were being douped while they built the pyramids.

    C. To me hair color, hair weave, relaxers etc are mere accessories. If I did some of the things in terms of heat and styling that I did to my natural hair..i would not have any. To me it gives me the flexibility and the mainatance to throw mad color in it, heating and other styling products etc.

    And yes there are bad weaves, but most of the women I know who have them are styled by people who have been in the industry a LONG time. And pay upwards from 800-1600 bucks a pop. One of the best weaveologists in my area has done Robin Givens, Vanessa Williams, Gabby Union..but hey none of these women actually “wear weaves”. right?

    The funniest thing and i’ve mentioned this before, is that most men’s favorite pin ups..have or do wear weaves for the reasons above. They like different looks and styling options. And why should any woman subject herself to harsh hair treatment (of her own hair) just because a man thinks its false advertising.

    Most women who have been weaving their hair for a long time, ironically have great REAL hair, why because weaving (when done right) is really protective styling enabling those of us who beach in the summer time to have braids and cornrows that are long and REALLY OURS.

    but i guess braids don’t count as weaves lol…

    • @thecbg: a quick reply, and I’m curious to see how you comeback.

      $800-$1600 for a weave … THAT’S UPTO A FOUR BEDROOM, 3.5 BATH HOUSE ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD, that most of these women cannot realistically afford.

      That screams “ISSUES,” just as much as a bad weave does.

      Conversely, a fresh line cost $5. This is about the bottom line. If a good weave cost $50 …. this letter wouldn’t exist.

      • thecomebackgirl

        “$800-$1600 for a weave … THAT’S UPTO A FOUR BEDROOM, 3.5 BATH HOUSE ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD, that most of these women cannot realistically afford.”

        ive seen good weaves also range between 300-600 as well..

        but if women are getting weaves for 50 bucks..there in lies the problem right there. But I’ve seen men plunk down several thousand bucks on a flat screen tv..hundreds of bucks on shoes..

        everybody has there something. Some people’s something is cosmetics/hair/etc.

        • You’re right. Dudes like expensive TVs and nice, expensive shoes (you can’t find cheap good shoes if you’re a man).

          And expensive cars (because they bring women) and steroids for the muscles …. Does that make them right? No.

          Do what you do for yourself. And if you need “fake this, fake that” to boost your esteem, you’d probably be better off spending that money on your co-payments for a shrink.

          This is one of the biggest things wrong with America. WE DON’T LIKE OURSELVES THE WAY WE WERE MADE, and we start picking and altering. And it does nothing but make you a pseudo-Mike Jackson.

          • thecomebackgirl

            To me its not really about self esteem. I’ve worn my hair short and I have worn my natural hair to the top part of my back. But again, I like the option of options. And most women who do, should not be putting in the kind of heat that most of us do every other day or every week.

            And as for addition or subtraction..I’ve actually worn weaves the exact length of my own hair for the above reasosn.

            I notice there are short dudes in DC who love NIKE boots??? why it gives em 2-3 inches in height ESP Police Officers. Now I don;t go around intellectualizing this like..that negro is lying about his height.

            But its funny to see the things men do that are “acceptable” and the things women do that aren’t.

            Yesterday I saw this man in the gym on the same piece of arm equipment for 1 HOUR. He was already super fit. But just going for that extra pec work, i mean its not a weave, but it also ain’t “natural” work free muscle enhancement.

            • I’ll stop the back and forth with this: I’m glad I live in the Midwest and rarely see NIKE boots that make a dude three inches taller.

              That’s extremely suspect.

              • thecomebackgirl

                excuse me..maybe its not 3 inches..but there are shoes out there that men wear that give them a “lift”..some italian made shoes actually have a slight heel…

                don’t play me D like im crazy today ok?

                • No, no, no … you read it wrong. I’m agreeing with you.

                  The idea of a man walking around in 3-inch boots for more height is ridiculous. Again, agreeing. lol.

                  • thecomebackgirl

                    i know i was playing with you..but wanted you to also realize that

                    A..men do things for PHYSICAL “enhancement too” whether it be subtraction or addition of a hairline..men don’t just buy shinny things.

                    they partake in a niche market of the cosemetic industry too. its considerably smaller than women but it exists. Men need to stop pretending that they wake up and fall out of bed..sexxy..they have their beauty regimines and rituals too.

  12. . . . i would agree with the fresh line being false advertising . . . if it was a paint on like Lavar Arrington did on draft day a while back. . . a fresh line when done with clippers requires an actual SUBTRACTION of hair from the head while a weave is a ADDITION of hair to the head.

    . . . and those pinup chicks with long hair may be given a pass . . . . DUE TO THEM BEING PINUP CHICKS! . . . . Ashley who works at FedEx doesn’t get the same pass . . .sorry . . LOL

    • thecomebackgirl

      “and those pinup chicks with long hair may be given a pass . . . . DUE TO THEM BEING PINUP CHICKS! . . . . Ashley who works at FedEx doesn’t get the same pass . . .sorry . . LOL”

      well you need to reach higher if your women are working at Fedex and you find it unreasonable that she’s wearing a weave. Maybe you and Dame should draft acceptable professions where its ok for women to wear weaves, colors, highlights etc.

  13. absolutely agree with you re: on the short dude + nike boots = accomodation for napoleon complex tip. dude should just deal with it, find a six foot woman who’s okay with her guy coming to her hip, and make a son that will have a better chance in life.

    . . . as for the gym, that’s not fair. . . . I go to the gym about four days a week. . . and I do like the results of muscle build and the look . . .but it’s done for health reasons primarily. I could go into how we don’t have the opportunity to build our muscles due to the fact that most of the “natural” work that used to permit that is now done by machine . . .but that would be a horribly long reply.

    . . . and their are only three professions for brightly colored hair (not highlights. . I dig highlights . . I’m talking the blue weave). 1. Runway Model 2. Hair Stylist 3. Clown. . .

    • thecomebackgirl

      “. I go to the gym about four days a week. . . and I do like the results of muscle build and the look . . .but it’s done for health reasons primarily.”

      I gotta call bullshyt..When im at the gym Im not so much thinking about my cholesterol/blood sugar levels etc..im thinking my @!ss is gonna fit into these jeans next week. Period amen. Lets get real the gym is a form of cosmetics esp for men..with a health payoff advantage.

      Rob..whats your obsession about weave..aside from your last name (or moniker) being composed of parts of it.

      • it’s my real name, i don’t do monikers.

        . . . and if I was 21 and still in college, I’d probably say . . .okay, you got me, i do go to the gym so that when I play basketball on outdoor courts with my shirt off behind Rollins (that’s for D) the chicks will be geeked. but i’m 31, trying to keep the pants size from going up, have a family history of adult onset diabetes and want to be able to beat my unborn son hooping until he’s at least 14. . . so I’m really trying to stay healthy so that it doesn’t limit me in my later years. . . . . and there’s the fact that I have young nephews who crack up when I flex my arms and say “yall got tickets . . . . . . . to the gun show!” busts them up errtime.

        . . . and I’m not obsessed/opposed with weave. I’m really just kidding around. but I do think it gets out of hand (especially when it’s red, pink, blue or yellow). I prefer women with longer hair (it’s actually a bullet point in my prenup. . . j/k) . . . but that’s just a preference. I know plenty of short and medium hair women who keep it fresh, tight and sexy.

        . . . and the weave conversation in the black community is like the “what came first, the chicken or the egg” conversation . . . it ain’t going nowhere.

  14. I think that people shouldn’t feel guilted into walking around with something they truly don’t like about themselves. Whether it’s a boob job, nose job, tummy tuck after you’ve finished popping out all your kids…I try to not judge anyone. Maybe because I lived in AZ for a few years and plastic surgery is an every day thing out there…I just feel like there’s nothing wrong with someone putting the energy into themselves to look the way they want. I do agree that sometimes there are deeper issues there and it’s easy to get out of control, but does it really affect my life if so and so decides to get a lace front and nose job? Not really… We are always so concerned about what everyone else is doing… I don’t have any inkling of “captain save em” in my body… to each their own.

    • @IB: This isn’t “captain save em” … this entire blog is “Captain Save America,” which is impossible. But these things still need to be said.

    • thecomebackgirl

      “We are always so concerned about what everyone else is doing… I don’t have any inkling of “captain save em” in my body… to each their own.

      this is what i was JUST writing..if some of the anti-wewaveologist really care..be a carol’s daughter or carol’s son and formulate whatever formula you think would save a weave wearer…word to the wise..again most women i know who wear weaves have hair in better condidtion than those preaching against it.

      i think its funny for women to get up in arms about it and I agree…do you..why would some other women’s hair (real or not) really cause you to speak out so against it.

  15. thecomebackgirl

    ” . and the weave conversation in the black community is like the “what came first, the chicken or the egg” conversation . . . it ain’t going nowhere.”

    I agree..but even with our OWN people its not even wrapped in truth..whoever is still wearing Korean hair..needs to be shot LOL..thats a 10 year old conversation.

    Most people hates/dislikes etc regarding it are based in very old arguements, personal opinion and stigma.

    Again Egyptians started weaving a LONG time ago, white folk bought it to the 20th century black culture around 1950s/60s..and its still a big deal to men and women.

    i just have always wondered why. If you’re cool with you rock on. If women with weaves are a deal breaker ask to feel her scalp first LOL.

    • Well although you make some valid points, there are ALOT of women walking around with weaves ruining their own hair and damaging their scalps and looking terrible. I’m sorry, maybe it’s the area I live in but I see it very often. And, it’s not just a bad weave that alarms me, it’s the way that many women are not happy with themselves and it shows with their constant weave wearing, contact lense wearing, caked on makeup wearing, false eyelash wearing and overall ghetto ‘hood look. I’m not trying to offend anyone, but there’s a line and alot of women are crossing it. Yes, we as women should be allowed to wear things that enhance what’s already there, but that should be it….to ‘enhance’, some of these women are using it to represent who they are. That’s when it gets ridiculous. I mean come on, look at the pic of ‘Hottie’ that TMCY put up (and I think this chick really thinks she looks good), that’s sadly an image that I see ALOT and it’s got to stop! 🙂 lmao!

      • on Hottie: “She thinks she looks good” and she looks like she belongs in Barnum and Bailey’s …

        • That and the looney bin! This chick is delusional and I saw those pics of her back in the day with the crunchy jheri curl….not tight….

      • thecomebackgirl

        I dunno i guess i just feel like Ishea in regards to all of this..actually I come from a live and let live state of mind…It just doesn’t bother me either way..Its just some of the misconceptions bother me most, which are usually believed in what one WANTs to believe rather than fact.

        if you are washing/conditioning and cornrolling hair and then weaving properly, how does this damage the scalp or even the natural hair for that matter?? hair grows 1/4-1/2 a month so again where does the damage come in (aside from gluing tracks in and pulling them out).

        I cosign Ishea’s sentiment..if you are so moved to save women from themselvese work on the magic potion that you believe will cause a woman to not want a weave..since weaves are derived in your opinion from self esteem issues. I suppose egyptians hated themselves too??

        People have issues period some are masked in food, others are masked in relationships and to that end maybe hair is the same. but is a weave really that serious? My issue is the misnomers that are perpetuated behind them to suit whomever wants to believe the falsehoods.

        • Well, respectfully I never said weaves were derived from low self-esteem, honestly I don’t know what they were derived from, and like I mentioned weaves are fine as long as they look nice and are worn to enhance a woman’s looks. I’m speaking, again, about the women that do have low self-esteem and the women that do have terrible looking and damaging weaves….they do exist. And, to speak on that is not coming down on anyone else who doesn’t suffer from this…heck yeah, ‘do you’ cuz imma do me… but I see alot of young women (mostly black) that don’t think that their natural state is beautiful from the get go and so they mask themselves with weave and other false bodily accessories. To ignore this just to give power to the attitude of ‘live and let live’ would almost be like turning your cheek to an injustice. There are many girls out there that don’t know how to take care of their hair, that grow up hearing that nappy is bad and are brainwashed with the European standard of beauty (long and flowing). You and I may not be, but that doesn’t mean others aren’t.

          • thecomebackgirl

            ok..so i guess my question is all the women who are speaking out about women who hate their natural hair..what are you going to do about it personally?

            Personally i think the self hate issue is much deeper than wanting a weave or not.

            people rationalze all forms of extensions..braids are ok? locs-that are sometimes interwoven with fake nappy hair? ok..weaves (when you hate yourself aren’t).

            people are going to always do things that they love. maybe its all selfhate. i love perfumes and lotions..perhaps i hate my post-shower dove smell. I don’t know. but sometimes the arguments can become over intellectualized.

            These converstations ofetn bypass weave and get into the natural vs. permed discussions. Hair is so political ..why can’t it just be hair. And personal choice and not a reflection of me hating my natural hair from the months of aug-april.when its usally in a weave.

            • Well, that’s definitely your opinion and you’re entitled to it. Personaly don’t feel the need to compare my own hair or weave to a musty stinch or shower, it’s two different things and that’s really not my focus. Also, I think ‘self-hating’ is a little strong. I wear a relaxer in my hair, but I don’t hate my naps, I just prefer my hair to be in a relaxed state. A woman that chooses to wear a weave is perfectly open to that option. I guess I’m just the only one on this thread with family members and friends that seem to want to always mask themselves with weave and seem unsure of themselves. I’m sorry to get a little concerned when I overhear a friend watching a movie with a bi-racial black woman that has wavy long hair say ‘I wish my hair was like hers’, and me responding saying ‘yeah, her curls are pretty and I like the color’ and she responding with, ‘no, I mean I wish my hair was straight at the root like that’…. and then months later hearing another friend saying ‘I wish my hair was like a yt woman’s’…..those type of statements alarm me, and ironically both friends wear weave and sometimes they look unkept, but they both feel more confident with some tracks up in their head. Again, for the women that wear them to change the look up and have an enhancement to their already pretty and healthy locks, more power to you….but for the others I think society has given them a complex…sorry, but I see it…

              • thecomebackgirl

                “I wear a relaxer in my hair, but I don’t hate my naps, I just prefer my hair to be in a relaxed state.”

                I just want to clearly draw parallels when i lived in philly..in some circles there was a little tension between the permed girls and the headwrap/natural girls.

                the weave arguments are very similiar. I don’t think its fair to preach a sermon to a weave wearing woman and not to a permed hair chick..all in all NONE OF IT IS NATURAL. The weave and the permed girls all site managability etc. One just has the “luxury” of saying its her’s without the reciept.

                A perm IS AN ENHANCEMENT. I’ve heard it called creamy crack. So lets have a full on come to Jesus..you can’t throw weave girls under the bus with out a motions relaxer chick getting crushed by the tires too.

                • Well, although you again make a good point, it’s not the point I’m making. I never said everyone had to be ‘natural’ and like I said about 4 times before there’s nothing wrong with a woman wearing a weave (or a relaxer or braids or a wig) to change it up or enhance her looks. The only point I’m making is about my own life experiences with women that don’t feel comfortable with their own God given looks, if that’s not what you’ve experienced, then great, we’ve had different experiences and outlooks and definitely differing opinions.

                • Sorry, a relaxed head of hair still belongs COMPLETELY to the woman from whose scalp it GROWS. There is no comparison between a relaxed head of hair and a weave . If you want to use that argument, you’ll have to include all those who cut, color, pomade, or even COMB their hair.

  16. LMAO!!!! I have seen some bad weaves… I would hate to be a guy running my fingers though a bad one. What does it feel like up under there?

  17. I know I said I wasn’t a personal fan of weave but I just left the pool and while I was washing and attempting to make my hair look somewhat presentable since I had to go back to work I started thinking. If there was some sort of decent looking waterproof/sweat resistant weave that I could wear while swimming, biking and running I surely would cop some because trying to keep any sort of style while also exercising daily is the worst.

  18. as your editor

    When you sent this to me this weekend, I didn’t expect the response to be like this. I thought this argument had been had and hashed out ages ago.

    My two cents (since, obviously, everyone still has an opinion):

    Everyone can tell a good weave from a bad one, especially if it’s on your head. Any woman who’s been to the beauty shop or the magazine aisle at CVS has seen what a good weave looks like. Some people can’t afford the Jaguar S-type but still feel more comfortable with a weave. It’s not a crime nor does it require judgment from others. Like cbg said, live and let live. A woman will come to realize what she can live with when the time comes. For some, it’s when she realizes that the glue and/or poorly sewn-in tracks have ripped out the little hair she has left and she’s forced to try something different. For others, it will be a wake-up and come to Jesus moment when she looks in the mirror and realizes that that look is not for her. I just don’t think it’s our place to damn some women who choose to go for the “artificial” look when there is soooo much more that can be addressed.

  19. I’ve done it ALL, braids, weaves, short hair cut, and I’m currently growing dreads. I used to wear braids from when I was small. My family isn’t from America and whenever I’d head back home to the West Indies for the summer my mom would get my hair braided. It was EASY to maintain. And I used to occasionally rock a weave(str8 hair) when I was in college. Because it was EASY. Prior to going natural I would still throw a short curly weave or braids when I would go to Trinidad for Carnival because it is HELL on your natural hair with all the powder, oil, paint, and plain old madness of di season. Wasn’t no underlining self-esteem issues (though I don’t dispute some may have issues). But someone throwing on braids/weaves/lashes/ or even make up doesn’t always stem from self esteem issues. I would even throw in some color every so often because I didn’t want to color my own hair. All items when worn correctly can be used to ENHANCE your own features. Its all about it being done right. I think this letter should be to women who wear to much make up or to women who wear a bad weave (I can’t stand those broads either) but not to generalize every female that uses the product. Anything done without moderation can south…
    And I live in NYC and you can get a good weave for about 200 and up. Some stylist charge about 100 and up but its really about what kind of hair you choose. And if you want good hair your going to need it by the ounce which will probably cost like 200+ Every weave crafted in your homegirl kitchen isn’t a bad weave if ya homegirl got skills and you got some good hair. Just my 22 cents..

  20. I HATE HATE HATE weaves. Truly good ones are like 1% of all weaves (those that match in color, texture, thickness)

    I put one in :

    1) to see if I could stomach it and test out a style because I was contemplating cutting my hair

    2) Get perspective on it, see how the other half lives (die-hard weave wearers)

    That thing came out in 2.5 days. It just felt WRONG. I cannot understand why people do it because it was absolutely uncomfortable. I think it was a lace front? I really don’t know, cause I have always strayed away from that “genre” of haircare. I know my stylist wouldn’t fathom coming near my scalp with some track glue though!

    I don’t think going to the gym is false advertising although wearing a weave to me, kinda is. A guy renting a nice car for the weekend is about the equivalent, you know, flossing what he ain’t got.

    I also don’t want to attract the kind of man who can’t notice when its a weave (of the 99% bad ones) or not. To me, that shows he’s not too intelligent.

  21. I’m only leaving this comment because I don’t like being stuck on 66.

    No one has convinced me yet that there is justifiable reasoning for a woman to wear a bad weave either. Great commentary, though.

    Carry on.

    • That would be because there isn’t a justifiable reason for wearing BAD weave. Good weave, yes…Bad weave, hell naw.

      • @tam:
        @everybody:

        What constitutes a good weave? What makes for a bad one? I just want to be sure of what I’m thinking?

        • good weave = looks natural, most people can’t tell it’s a weave, blends with your hair well, no tracks showing. bad weave = looks fake, everybody can tell it’s not your hair, does not blend with your hair texture/color, tracks showing.

      • I think jlbd summed it quite nicely especially the good weave discription. I would add that bad weave = anything that looks like it could also serve as a home for an animal or if it looks like it came off a barbie doll (plastic).

    • lol! there is no argument for that. i don’t care what your situation is. in my opinion, everyone should walk out the door looking presentable… a bad weave is not presentable.

  22. I would also like to note just for the record that black women aren’t the only ones that get weave. There are lots of white women that have extensions in their hair but this isn’t as looked down upon as it is for black women, why is that?

    • @Tam: I tried to point that out with the mannequin. I couldn’t find a picture of a white woman with bad tracks. And wasn’t going to look that hard.

    • You know I was going to expand on that earlier but I think that some people were misunderstanding my point. Many women of many different races wear weave but I think that black women are frowned upon because of the fact that you don’t see us going out and buying nappy tracks or tracks that match our hair in its natural state. Other races of women can get hair extensions and it flows naturally with their hair without them having to chemically alter their own hair (unless its color or something). But black women, what do we do? We get relaxers (which is fine) and in many cases we go and get the silkiest straightest hair you can find (in some cases curly hair but it’s all straight in texture). I think the reason why we are ridiculed is because when them tracks come out and you unbraid your hair, it’s a far cry from the weaved up look. That’s my only guess….but, I could be wrong…In many cases men don’t like it because it’s a faked up look (at least that’s what my fiance’ says) and they want a woman that doesn’t have to transform herself to look good. They want to be able to wake up to their woman looking at least half-way similar to how she’ll look done up….lmao!

      • good point! i would like to add a couple tracks in now while my hair is natural for kicks but there are not may options available. most weave hair is straight or wavy. 😦

  23. I detest weaves. It’s not even the look all the times … every once in awhile you catch a good weave … but its the actual concept of it and what it stands for. Its fake!

    Gonna go start up the anti-weave movement.

  24. Too many comments to read and I’m sure they all have valid points. I am definitely a weave lover. I wear my hair natural but I LOVE to switch it up. I would get my tracks in the spring/summer rock it for a while then go right back to my curly/kinky fro. If someone can’t get with my natural or my weave, they can get lost. Thanks for posting…times a ticking for me to get those tracks soon lol (yes i did laugh out loud)

  25. Mmmmm… I wouldn’t say there are only 1% good weaves. Only they do have females that don’t do SO wrong but I can’t agree with there being 1% I’d say 50% lol And not all weave is str8 hair either some people jack up natural looks as well. Its really about people not being willing to spend the money for the right hair because they have hair that is str8 but still looks ‘ethnic’. Back when I’d get tracks sewed in it was for convenience not to be someoneless. And it was never overly done in the way that when I took it out you couldn’t recognize me. Some people do go over board but that doesn’t mean the entire weave wearing population should be stoned. Also… I’ve seen some bad white girl weaves too

  26. blackgirlinmaine

    Excellent post. Only time I ever rocked a weave was 10 years ago when I was transitioning into becoming natural. After 2 months of wearing half my rent on my head, I realized it was time to just make the leap and as the Nike ad used to say Just Do it.

    I have been natural now almost 10 years. I guess weave if done well can look fine, I know the one I had was natural looking but it was too much to maintain.

    Maybe its my age but at this stage, I feel like I wouldn’t rock a weave.

  27. I looove this post. Esp. the part about the natural part, in Southern CA– the land of faux tans and extensions– no matter what ethnicity you are, someone ‘real’ is hard to find. Don’t get me started on the men…

    Let me know when you find your princess with the natural hair and bamboo earrings, at least two pair.

  28. Damon, when you say you call your friends out for wearing a birds nest, I do hope you are using “grace” to season your speech.

    Some folks wearing weaves have underlying issues and when confronted can be devastating to their psyche.

    Just sayin’.

  29. all i got to say is the higher gloss, the cheaper the merchandise.

  30. i’m always amazed at the number of men that have a sincere interest in how women present themselves and feel about their self worth. kudos to you for speaking up and speaking out.

    now for my two cents…. 🙂 i am a firm believer in “doing you” but only to a certain extent. i’ve worn weaves, i’ve had my hair cut so low that it looked like a caesar, i’ve worn braids, i’ve worn my hair natural (present situation and loving it), i’ve had perms… (basically, whatever floated my boat at the moment) and none of those looks defined me or made me feel better about myself. i get all of that from the inside. i don’t think changing your look is a problem as long as you look at it as an accessory like putting on high heels. i do feel as though it becomes a problem when women begin to define themselves by the amount of attention they receive from wearing a weave or even having long natural hair. your hair should NEVER define who you are or give you a sense of self-worth.

    i appreciate a man not wanting to date me because my hair is natural or in a weave or whatever because that’s not the type of man that i’d want to keep in my life. i would prefer to have a man that really wouldn’t care how i look because they know who i am and what i stand for. 🙂

  31. nothing compares to how ‘fake’ hair feels, not even the fakeness of ‘human hair’. I don’t wear weaves. Period. I’m content with my own natural hair which I normally wear shoulder length, but sometimes I wear it even longer. I hate hair the colors of the rainbow. I’ve seen few women that look decent in orange, blue, purple, red,or yellow hair. You look god damn ridiculous. And with this economy, people should save their money and choose wisely what they lavish themselves with. Too many go to other people or salons where the women working have ‘jacked’ up hair themselves. My experience is that few minority salons know how to ‘deal’ with naturally long hair- they always encourage your to get a cut, (so they then can encourage you to get a weave).

    No thanks natural is the way to go.

  32. I agree 100% with your thoughts. Changing hair styles is fun and shows creativity however hiding your natural characteristics implies a lack of self-esteem and severe imagery brainwashing. Bottom line, if black women keep supporting the white beauty paradigm by gluing on straight hair then they should not be surprised when black men start wanting the real thing which will ultimately happen. There are varying degrees of fakery, some less harmeless than others, however lace fronts are at the top of the echelon of self-loathing.

  33. I’ve been wearing weaves for a while now. I’ve had more hits than misses (one very bad weave that should have never been) and generally love my hair.

    I’m one of those ladies who wears a weave for convenience and because my natural hair in either state (pressed straight or afro’d out) does not and will not listen to me. Its too much work. My hair is healthy and strong but is in no way functional. Weaves are my alternative. If I was to go weaveless, I’d be bald.

    I actually spend a lot of money on the hair I purchase to put in my hair because that’s where you get the best return. I also learned how to sew in my weave myself so I never worry about whether its too thick or thin or how expensive it is to maintain … and my hair looks good. Its a cost effective (for me, I can get 3-4 months of wear out of my tracks) and I think compliments my features well …

    In addition, it saves my poor natural hair from being chopped off.

    Also, I don’t know if its because I’ve been wearing weaves but I can spot a weave good or bad. I also have never been rejected by a guy for wearing a weave. I’m sure there are some guys who are adamantly against weave wearers and surely, its their own preference. I’ll just find the guy that prefers me, weave and all.

  34. Most weaves on black women look dumb, fake and artificial. I’m ashamed for them sometimes.

  35. Hair Extensions are a must have accessory for any woman or man on the go. Hideous weaves are a no-no. At Weaveology we have mastered the art of Hair Extensions. If you are looking for a fabulous natural appearing weave come to Weaveology. We can transform you.

  36. I think weaves are beautiful but I would be afraid to wear one. I’ve seen how wearing weaves can cause women to lose their hair. Some of these womens’ hairlines start way back behind their ears.

  37. Let me get this straight. I’m seeing contradictions here. First you say that a cheap weave screams issues. Then you say that an expensive weave screams issues.

    I say that ALL weaves scream issues. Cheap or expensive; well executed or sloppy; the hair is still TOTALLY FAKE.

    Men, STOP repeating like parrots that weaves can be “healthy” for a woman’s hair. This a BS myth perpetuated by weave wearing women. Tell that to Naomi Campbell– who could afford a Bentley Coupe weave, yet has no discernable hairline left. Think about this. It makes NO SENSE! You cannot properly clean, condition and hydrate your hair when it is in tiny, tight airless braids and has fake a$$ stuff SEWN or GLUED into it! Who cares what the ancient Egyptians did to their hair? Their average life span was 30 if they were lucky! As they didn’t have much time and, it didn’t matter.

    I hate weaves and all they stand for. Sistas just wanna look like the media dictates they should look. Instead of caring for their own hair properly (With knowledge, Black women without blow hair can grow their OWN hair to extraordinary lengths, (I’ve done it.)

  38. Ahh, but hair IS defining. Hair sends a subconscious biological signal to men about our health and fertility. It’s a great song, but India Arie was WRONG. Like it or not, you are VERY MUCH your hair.

    Best to treasure your OWN locks, take care of them and show them off.

  39. I have tried every style that came out. I couldn’t do the braids because my head itched soooo bad! The first time I tried a weave I got into a fight, and guess what was pulled out! I’ve straighten, curled, rolled and pressed my hair to the point I’m surprised I have hair on my head at all! Now I am wearing my hair natural. I love the look but it’s hard to find someone to keep it styled for me. Hairstylist can cut and style the straight hair, but natural seems to be a problem, even black hair stylists have messed up my hair. My opinion is each woman should do what makes them feel comfortable, regardless of what others think.

  40. I feel ashamed when I see a sister wearing a fake-looking weave. Either you have the hair or you don’t. Or like one of the earlier posters said, take cair of your hair and it will grow.

    Entertainers, black AND white, spend $10K PLUS on their weaves, which is why they look so good (although this isn’t always the case – coughBeyoncecough). You are NOT GONNA GET the same result buying hair from the Koreans at those discount shops.

    You fake-hair addicts should stop putting money in the Koreans’ pockets anyway – they are laughing at you like crazy when you leave the weave store.

  41. My stepson recently gave me a Black Hairstyle magazine (very tongue in cheek cuz I was ranting to him about all the fake hair I see all day long.) I could not believe it! NO ONE in the magazine had real hair! This is totally sick
    (and I don’t mean good sick.)

    Look, I REALLY understand why we do this–deep down inside we all know that most men and women of ANY race love long hair. We want it too. This has nothing to do with wanting to be white.

    What I want to let sistas know (lovingly) is that with a little effort you CAN grow your hair way WAY past your shoulders, regardless of where your mama or sister’s hair grew. Just do a search online for black hair growth, long African American Hair, etc. There is a wealth of knowledge out there! The main reason our hair seems not to grow it because it needs much more moisture than other races. LAck of mosisture causes our hair to break off before it can attain length. Solve this problem and you’ll be shocked at the lengths you can achieve.

    We also frequent stylists who are trained to STYLE, not CARE FOR hair– thus we end up getting our hair trimmed and cut so often that it appears not to grow.

  42. Weaves and lacefronts are the modern day equivalent of the head rags worn in slave times. Back then, we were forced to cover our hair at all times because Massa’ found our hair offensive. Now, we’re paying huge dollars to to do it to ourselves.

    If I see one more nasty, matted, dust bunny, string and lint filled weave …If I see one more silly weave comb over ( when you have to hide your shaky, thin hairline by combing your weave over like Howard Cosell… If I see one more pile of weave kill on the sidewalk…if I see one more sista flipping her silly weave around like she’s Gisele Bundchen… I’m sorry, but WHATEVER you have or don’t have underneath your weave has to be better than that.

    LEARN TO TAKE PROPER CARE OF YOUR REAL HAIR!!! It will be BEAUTIFUL, and it will be YOURS.

    I do not lump relaxers and weaves in the same category. A relaxed head of hair is still YOUR hair, growing out of YOUR scalp. Since it’s dead anyway as soon as it grows out of your scalp, it doesn’t really matter what you do with the texture, as long as it is YOUR REAL HAIR.

  43. Janine, thank you so much for your candor. You speak the truth.

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