Note: This letter is dedicated to my brother Dash, a subject of the letter about my best friend — No. 37. BTW, Dash is one of the best men I know. Period.
To Guys With Platonic Female Friend Issues:
The advice I’m about to give you will only work for about half of you. OK, maybe a quarter. But I think that if it helps just one then I’m doing the world a service.
I must start this by saying that all guys, including myself, have the following issue at times: We look at women like poultry, beef, seafood and swine. When we first see them, we determine whether we will buy the rib-eye, settle for the fish sticks or avoid the pork within five seconds (think: Steve Harvey and cookie). It’s about as wrong as the porn problems we pretend we don’t have.
I’ve thought through a salient theory for the issues guys have with maintaining platonic friendships with gals. The idea vibes along the line of thinking about baseball (or your grandmother) when you stood before your class and gave your book report with a boner because you were daydreaming about the finest girl in school. Yeah, we’ve all been there (see: Big Mike in “The Wood”).
There’s a simple answer: Think of every female you’d take the cookie from, but would prefer to keep as a friend as your best man’s girl/wife. Avoiding sexual encounters with your best manfriend’s girl is Man Law No. 173,982. (Some) Men follow this rule. (Too many) Women break it.
Remember what Chris Rock said? Men look at their guy’s girlfriend and think, “I’ve gotta get me someone like her.” Women look at their girlfriend’s man and think, “I’ve gotta get him.”
The logic is sound. Men who honor Man Law will not sleep with their guy’s girl. It doesn’t mean they won’t look. We’re men. Gay or straight, we all look, gaze and even stare at times.
Undoubtedly, there are some guys you call friend who do — and will — disregard this Man Law. But they are the friends whom you shouldn’t lament if tomorrow they digest salmonella-laced peanut butter cookies (I kid). It and they are that simple.
In theory, this works. Then again, thinking about baseball rarely made me lose my hard on. Instead, I often considered ways I could steal the next base, and you know what I mean.
Still, it’s worth a shot. Let me know what you think.
Stay up (but down around your platonic female friends),
P.S. 88 Keys’ Stay Up (Viagra) f. K.West.
P.S.S. All kidding aside: The problem is a lack of respect. If you objectify a woman and see her as nothing more than meat in a supermarket, you will not respect her as a friend … or a human being.