“Now here’s another hit, Barry Bonds… (Get) outta here (Buddy)” ~ Kanye West from “Barry Bonds.”
Dear Mr. Allan “Bud” Selig, Jr.:
Resign. No, not retire. Resign. Step aside.
If you want to save face (you can’t), you’d forgo your annual $18-million salary (you don’t need it) and leave the MLB commissioner position to someone better suited for the job like George W. Bush (I’m not joking).
You do understand that most fans despise you nearly as much as they do Barry Bonds? You’re the man who thought it would be right to end a nationally televised baseball game in a tie. No one cares that it was an exhibition. Baseball is NOT soccer! (Exclamation mark use was necessary.) You should have sent the right fielders in to throw 70 mph batting practice. The 2002 All-Star game would have ended in minutes — with a winner. You’re smart, but you’re clearly not “the sharpest tool in the shed.” (Smash Mouth’s “All Star”)
But that’s not your most egregious offense. See, if we were to build a Mount Rushmore to baseball’s Steroid Era, there would be a few familiar faces. Barry, Roger, Mark and you, Bud. No, not Alex, but you.
Alex is the only one of the aforementioned people listed to actually admit to his wrongdoing, no matter how long it took him to do it or how hard it was for him to admit the truth. He did, and — over a few months — has accepted culpability for his mistakes. A-Rod has acknowledged the fact that he was foolish enough to let his cousin shoot him up with some stuff that he wasn’t even sure was (serious blind faith for you).
You, though, are like Sarah Palin and Barry. You can’t define the word culpability.
You won’t admit that you and your friends turned your heads at this performance-enhancing nonsense as it was happening for 25 years or so — in the name of the almighty dollar. But history won’t allow you to escape responsibility. Trust me. It’s not going to let Dick Cheney off the hook, either. Just watch. There’s a reason the former veep was in a wheel chair during President Obama’s inauguration. And it ain’t irony.
But American history will spare W. a little — especially if you step aside and allow him to clean up a mess he can handle. For the most part, the former president is an honest and forthright person — everything you’re not.
Remember, you only care about money, not integrity. What did I say in my first baseball letter concerning people who only want you for your money? They can’t be trusted.
Dubya may have followed through with a few hundred bad ideas, but he cares about people (even a few black ones, Kanye). In this case, I think he cares about the game and could do your job 10 times better than you even if he were trapped in the hole in which we found Saddam Hussein. Yes Bud, you’re that bad for baseball.
Anyway, just thought I’d drop in and share my thoughts. Let me reiterate myself: We baseball fans would love nothing more to see your letter of resignation on MLB.com before May 1. And yes, this time it counts. *smh*
P.S. No, this isn’t an April Fool’s joke. I’m dead serious.
P.S.S. What are you going to do if the All-Star game is tied after six innings in St. Louis this summer and it starts pouring rain? Missouri weather is fickle, and so is your “this time it counts” rule.