50. My Crush

Ed’s Note: If you don’t know yet, I love good music. So vibe with me for a day. We’re gonna have fun around this sincere letter.

“… I got screws loose/I pull words out the air like Bluetooth/I’m a sandwich short of a picnic/Ignorant thoughts come across/ you’d have sworn that I written this/(And I did) so maybe/It’s good to be crazy/Isn’t it baby?” Jay-Z on Ne-Yo’s “Crazy”

*Writing [insert name] X 3000*   minus   *one by one going down the line, repeating it* = *me smiling* (^^^<—— Click it, It’s not the “Crazy” you think it is, though. Hint: It’s from the first ever cassette tape I purchased.)

Dear [Insert Name]:

In order to write this I’ve had to resolve all of my issues with you finding out about this crush via this letter. I’m not sure that I’ve found that resolve. But I’m trying harder to find it than W. attempted to remove that word (resolve) from his strewn vocabulary.

It’s time I come clean about something you should know by now. I don’t know where this will go, but I believe that you deserve/need to hear it all: I’m stupid about you. I’m smitten. I’m often at a loss for words when you’re near (and I’m sure that doesn’t seem possible, but it’s true). I’m petrified of making a fool of myself in your presence. And I’m scared of disappointing you in the slightest way.

This is so strange because I never really thought this was possible. When I met you, I wasn’t sure you were even my kind of person, friend or otherwise. And I think I read people well. You seemed to have an air about you that made you appear standoffish.

Because of common interests, we happened upon a friendship. You knew early on that I had no intentions besides friendship and why. That said, you harmlessly became one of my most valued friends, though we could go a month or two without talking. Still, I always knew that I could count on you for useful advice (and vice versa) and good conversation.

That’s why I’ve toiled with whether or not to come clean about my feelings. But knowing you, I doubt this letter could ruin what we’ve built. Besides, I need to do this for you (I’ll get to this).

kerikanye

My other Kerry celeb crush: Keri Hilson and her vid for "Knock You Down." But she has nothing on my real crush. And right about now this video is the only time I'd want to be Kanye West after the assassination number that South Park episode did to dude's ego/conscious/person. It was "bad, real bad: Michael Jackson." (Mike Jack: Letter No. 31.)

Thing is, I’ve been blessed to learn/know that my initial impression of you was unfounded and inaccurate. And somehow, you’ve forced me to open my eyes to the idea of something more because of the simple things you do for me.

I am thankful that you are pushing me to be the best me (whether or not you know that you do, but I know that you know what you’re doing because you’re too calculated in your actions). Whether it’s pushing me toward a stage, nudging a testimony out of me that I might not have gone through with sans your encouragement or if it’s just setting the positive example that you give me daily; I can see it. It’s there even when we don’t talk because I simply marvel at how genuine a person you are.

I’m a genuine guy, but nowhere near the man that I know you deserve. I feel as though I could spend the entirety of my life trying to live up to the standard I’ve set for a man worthy of your love. I think that highly of you. But I’m not ready to take the next step because of the instabilities I need to resolve within myself. I must be a better me for whomever I’m meant to be with.

But that’s not what this is about. This is about the four-hour conversation we had on Valentine’s Day. You know, when you said you felt down because few men make nice gestures toward you to express interest. I wanted to speak up then. But I couldn’t get up the nerve. So here I am professing my “like” in a letter at your doorstep with a dozen roses in tow.

Yes, you have your flaws. But I want so desperately for you to know that I see you for who you are: Just how awesome of a person you are. How elegant you are. How graceful you are. And how, when put together, the package that is you is something any man should relish the opportunity to cherish. And how, if given the chance, I would do nothing else.

[Insert Name], you’re the best catch I know of in this fickle sea of love. It’s full of sharks, jellyfish and pillaging pirates, and you don’t need to be in close proximity to any of them.

I feel as though my admiration of you is my worst-kept secret. But there are so many reasons why this might not work. We both know this. I guess it’d be a miracle of sorts, all things considered. Then again, we pray to the same God. And we are both living testimonies of His deliverance, grace and mercy. If it’s meant to be, He will see fit. If not, I know we’ll always be friends.

*taking the first step*

Not-so-secretly admiring you,

D.

P.S. “But before I jump out the window: What’s ya name?” (Shawn Carter)
P.S2 Click the “yes, no, maybe” button so you can better understand/hear me (more music):

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34 responses to “50. My Crush

  1. That was so sweet. If someone wrote a letter like that to me then I would have to take a chance and see where the relationship went.

    Oh and that was the first tape I bought too. That was my joint, I played that thing until the tape popped. Thanks for that flashback.

    • Thanks, Tam. I just hope people who read this don’t overlook that song. That’s one of my favorite videos of all time … You get Rhythm Nation, Bobby Brown and I Wanna Sex You Up all spoofed by kids under 15.

      Great, great song/video.

  2. Aww, this is so cute.

    I have to agree with Tam and say that if I received this in the mail or saw it online (and knew the person thank you) I would most definitely give it a chance. 🙂

  3. does your crush blog?

  4. I think this is the sweetest letter ever. If a man wrote this to me, I’d swoon. 😉

  5. Wow.
    I’m letting you know now, I will be stealing this for future use, maybe even more than once if it doesn’t work with the first victim, I mean woman. Lol

    • @mdubb: Use a line or two if you’d like. lol. But considering how specific some of it is, you’d have to put in a little bit of work to use the whole thing…. (longtime friendship, four-hour phone convo on Valentine’s Day, finding a girl who’s not in the club every Saturday night) … lol.

      Nah, the point of me posting this letter is that it’s sincere. None of it’s contrived to make her like me. This letter gives you the real surface level of our friendship.

      • I actually do feel that way about someone right about now, you’d be surprised how some of you’re specifics could work for me too. I don’t think she’s ready for this level of conversation anyways. I’m scared I’ll scare her away.

        But for real, you’re on some Cyrano de Bergerac stuff with this one, maybe it could be a side hustle for you, writing love notes for people. Lol

        • @mjwo808: Don’t put it past me. I’ve had a friend or two tell me what they’ve wanted to say in a breakup/clarification letter and actually written it for them. I tell my friends what to say in these situations often.

          On this letter itself: most of the specifics are generalized with good reason. The actual letter is vastly different and is loaded with more personal detail.

          But it’s good to know that there’s someone else out there who can understand where I’m at right now. And you’re right, it’s feasible that you could scare the girl away. The thing I realized for myself, though, was that the honesty of this would help this person see something she needed to know… and it would be sincere. The friendship would be just fine, and anything else would just be gravy.

  6. thecomebackgirl

    That is like my favorite Mint Song…Stokley is so bad.

    ok let me finish reading

  7. thecomebackgirl

    This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SWEET:

    “I’m stupid about you. I’m smitten. I’m often at a loss for words when you’re near (and I’m sure that doesn’t seem possible, but it’s true).”

    BUT THIS:

    “I’m a genuine guy, but nowhere near the man that I know you deserve. I feel as though I could spend the entirety of my life trying to live up to the standard I’ve set for a man worthy of your love. I think that highly of you. But I’m not ready to take the next step because of the instabilities I need to resolve within myself. I must be a better me for whomever I’m meant to be with.”

    Sounds like a copout. I mean how do your ride in on a white horse ….to leave on the metro bus???????

    • @thecbg: It’s me being honest. If I ride in on what appears to be a white horse with THIS woman, pick her up and start to ride off into the sunset …. for her to realize that we’re in a desert on a donkey with three legs … It wouldn’t work out so well. We probably wouldn’t be friends. lol.

      • thecomebackgirl

        “. for her to realize that we’re in a desert on a donkey with three legs … It wouldn’t work out so well. ”

        im kilted!!!! Im sorry i was thought when a man was REALLY into you..not the airy fairy bullshat..(or maybe some of that too)..he doesn’t say things like…”you’re too good for me”..”im getting myself together”…i would look at you like negro..”you obviously dont want these good done deebies”…(wk. site b scott.)

        • She’s not too good for me. lol. If I as a person believed that, I’d have no shot whatsoever. I’m sorry, but thinking someone is going to ride in on a white horse and save you unrealistic. That’s a fairy tale. We’re talking about real life.

          The horse is going to have spots, and need a few trips to the vet. It’s not going to be perfect. Thing is, you know when you have to say something to someone … that’s explained in here, too.

          This goes against everything you read in the book “He’s Just Not That Into You.” … But IT’S REAL. I can’t stress that anymore. If you’re dealing with someone who’s being shady, sure use that book’s logic.

          But if you’re dealing with someone who’s going to be forthright with you … what can it hurt for the guy to be who he is with you, flaws and all, 100 grand? That’s what I think you should want.

          • thecomebackgirl

            “The horse is going to have spots, and need a few trips to the vet. It’s not going to be perfect. Thing is, you know when you have to say something to someone … that’s explained in here, too.”

            I actually don’t think love is a fairy tale either..neither is it a HUGE DOSE OF PRACTICALITY either. Some of why true love lasts is because of the “otherworldlyness” the stuff people don’t believe in any more. The fact that it conquers all, when its right.

            I guess I don’t need to hear about the vet and all the spots before a relationship has commenced. I’d like to find out about the sweet imperfections as they come….not in a disclosure agreement before it starts.

            • I’m gonna try to make this make sense. This person already knows me for who I am … well. And I know that if I came with the “would you be my girl?” line, that she’d say no on this very day.

              Why would I be asinine enough to not be real with someone who knows me and my flaws?

              That would be like proposing marriage to a woman and not knowing whether or not she’s going to say yes. …. I WILL NEVER DO THAT. lol.

  8. WOW…. I would say that this girl is more than just a crush. A crush is what we have in fifth grade when we pass the letter “Will you be my girlfriend?” This is not that letter and far from that crush. I think this letter along with the dozen roses will do the trick. BTW…is this about a real person?

  9. GREAT playlist, if only i could find it on the radio somewhere… smh.

    I find myself agreeing with thecomebackgirl on both counts… Stokley is amazing, and while you probably know yourself best it seems as though

    “I’m a genuine guy, but nowhere near the man that I know you deserve. I feel as though I could spend the entirety of my life trying to live up to the standard I’ve set for a man worthy of your love. I think that highly of you. But I’m not ready to take the next step because of the instabilities I need to resolve within myself. I must be a better me for whomever I’m meant to be with.”

    is a qualifier/negation that allows you not to approach her.

    • @Jaydelicious: Make sure you read my reply to cbg. It seems like a qualifier/negation … but it’s not. It’s the truth. lol. This woman knows this as well.

      Good look on the playlist … That’s a typical playlist for me. And we all wish we could find it on the radio. But that ain’t happening. EVER. lol.

      • “I’m gonna try to make this make sense. This person already knows me for who I am … well. And I know that if I came with the “would you be my girl?” line, that she’d say no on this very day.

        Why would I be asinine enough to not be real with someone who knows me and my flaws?”

        If this is a known know (lol) then i guess no argument will suffice and lead you to knowing otherwise. You made it make sense, bravo.

        • I’m glad you get it from what’s here. I wish I could explain it better without letting go of too much more info, but that’s pretty much impossible.

  10. I’ll just repeat what I told you the other day:

    I am by no means a sentimental sap. I don’t understand gushy behavior, but I’m not made of stone either. This letter is truly, truly beautiful. This sentence alone:
    “I feel as though I could spend the entirety of my life trying to live up to the standard I’ve set for a man worthy of your love.”
    is one in a million. As always, good job, D.Scott.

  11. That was so sweet D and I could tell you were so sincere about it. I think that is missing in many human interactions.

    And I love that Crazy song by Ne-Yo too!

  12. i’m just speechless. you gave me great insight into my i’m-almost-over-him (really, i am) crush.

  13. Is this for your best friend? Finally!!!

    • @Andy: this is the best comment thus far. I got a good chuckle because of this one. … Seriously, if I sent this letter to my best friend (Letter No. 37), she’d call me and ask “if I’m off my pills again?” … And no, I’m currently not taking medication. lol.

  14. hypervisionista

    this reassures beautifulintelligentsweet&extremelysingle women like me that men can (still) express themselves with this kind of authenticity. and if she knows you as well as you seem to know her–it won’t exactly be what you said, but the pauses and spaces in between the words, that will shake her foundation. she’ll be seeing you for the first time all over again.

    thx for the stokley, and for the smile. 🙂

    • @hypervisionista: No one has captured the essence of what this letter is about better than you (sans the actual letter subject). Period. I’m glad someone can see it for what it is. And trust, she knows me well.

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