Ed’s Note: If you don’t know yet, I love good music. So vibe with me for a day. We’re gonna have fun around this sincere letter.
“… I got screws loose/I pull words out the air like Bluetooth/I’m a sandwich short of a picnic/Ignorant thoughts come across/ you’d have sworn that I written this/(And I did) so maybe/It’s good to be crazy/Isn’t it baby?” Jay-Z on Ne-Yo’s “Crazy”
*Writing [insert name] X 3000* minus *one by one going down the line, repeating it* = *me smiling* (^^^<—— Click it, It’s not the “Crazy” you think it is, though. Hint: It’s from the first ever cassette tape I purchased.)
Dear [Insert Name]:
In order to write this I’ve had to resolve all of my issues with you finding out about this crush via this letter. I’m not sure that I’ve found that resolve. But I’m trying harder to find it than W. attempted to remove that word (resolve) from his strewn vocabulary.
It’s time I come clean about something you should know by now. I don’t know where this will go, but I believe that you deserve/need to hear it all: I’m stupid about you. I’m smitten. I’m often at a loss for words when you’re near (and I’m sure that doesn’t seem possible, but it’s true). I’m petrified of making a fool of myself in your presence. And I’m scared of disappointing you in the slightest way.
This is so strange because I never really thought this was possible. When I met you, I wasn’t sure you were even my kind of person, friend or otherwise. And I think I read people well. You seemed to have an air about you that made you appear standoffish.
Because of common interests, we happened upon a friendship. You knew early on that I had no intentions besides friendship and why. That said, you harmlessly became one of my most valued friends, though we could go a month or two without talking. Still, I always knew that I could count on you for useful advice (and vice versa) and good conversation.
That’s why I’ve toiled with whether or not to come clean about my feelings. But knowing you, I doubt this letter could ruin what we’ve built. Besides, I need to do this for you (I’ll get to this).
Thing is, I’ve been blessed to learn/know that my initial impression of you was unfounded and inaccurate. And somehow, you’ve forced me to open my eyes to the idea of something more because of the simple things you do for me.
I am thankful that you are pushing me to be the best me (whether or not you know that you do, but I know that you know what you’re doing because you’re too calculated in your actions). Whether it’s pushing me toward a stage, nudging a testimony out of me that I might not have gone through with sans your encouragement or if it’s just setting the positive example that you give me daily; I can see it. It’s there even when we don’t talk because I simply marvel at how genuine a person you are.
I’m a genuine guy, but nowhere near the man that I know you deserve. I feel as though I could spend the entirety of my life trying to live up to the standard I’ve set for a man worthy of your love. I think that highly of you. But I’m not ready to take the next step because of the instabilities I need to resolve within myself. I must be a better me for whomever I’m meant to be with.
But that’s not what this is about. This is about the four-hour conversation we had on Valentine’s Day. You know, when you said you felt down because few men make nice gestures toward you to express interest. I wanted to speak up then. But I couldn’t get up the nerve. So here I am professing my “like” in a letter at your doorstep with a dozen roses in tow.
Yes, you have your flaws. But I want so desperately for you to know that I see you for who you are: Just how awesome of a person you are. How elegant you are. How graceful you are. And how, when put together, the package that is you is something any man should relish the opportunity to cherish. And how, if given the chance, I would do nothing else.
[Insert Name], you’re the best catch I know of in this fickle sea of love. It’s full of sharks, jellyfish and pillaging pirates, and you don’t need to be in close proximity to any of them.
I feel as though my admiration of you is my worst-kept secret. But there are so many reasons why this might not work. We both know this. I guess it’d be a miracle of sorts, all things considered. Then again, we pray to the same God. And we are both living testimonies of His deliverance, grace and mercy. If it’s meant to be, He will see fit. If not, I know we’ll always be friends.
*taking the first step*
Not-so-secretly admiring you,
P.S. “But before I jump out the window: What’s ya name?” (Shawn Carter)
P.S2 Click the “yes, no, maybe” button so you can better understand/hear me (more music):