GFSD: I’m So Hood

White people can be hood, too.

I know you didn't think it was only black people who potentially could be hood.

Good Facebook Status Dialogue: Here’s an intriguing method that might help you determine whether or not you’re hood. Rob Weaver, a hallmate from my freshman year who runs Beware of Crazy Thoughts, challenged his Facebook friends to a game of “fill in the blank” a few weeks back:

You might be ghetto if you think [fill in the blank] is/are sexy.

The responses …

MWF: Green, pink, purple or orange hair
RW: Stiletto Timberland boots, being over 170 lbs and wearing halter tops or rhinestone fingernails
DSS (me): a cornrowed head
SDC: Gold teeth
LS: fighting before (procreating)
MB: back fat
DSS:24-inch rims on a car worth less than the wheels
RW: Neck Tattoos
DSS: Face Tattoos
DSS: Al Sharpton’s hair
SLB: Heyyy … I have a Tattoo behind my ear??? Lol!
SLB: Thongs showing
RW: wearing shades in the club
RW: earrings that say “SEXY”
RW: those flip flops with the flower on the top
DSS: wearing color contacts when you already have hazel eyes
RW: Motor Car Clubs
MB: multiple pitchers of Kool-Aid in the fridge (purple and red are a must)
RW: Guys who wear big collar and cuff shirts
SLB: wearing color contacts with non-prescription glasses.
DSS: wearing a bulletproof weave (Google: Kansas City, weave, women and bullet)
SLB: Oooooh! Ur too silly for that one! LOL!
KP: Saying conversate in an attempt to sound educated.
DSS: women who wear skinny jeans with a pack of Newports in the back pocket.
DSS: Titty tattoos.

Same thread a week later:
Another commenter: wait a minute … i have titty tattoos, i wear rhinestones on my nails when i feel in that mood and i wear my shades in the club so what you trying to say or anybody lol.
DSS: … that a person might be ghetto if — and “might” and “if” are operative words — he or she thinks anything on this list is sexy. Sexy, yet another operative. lol.

Yes, you’re so hood.

In preparation for tomorrow’s letter, a late addition to the list:

DSS: DJ Unk’s song “Don’t Hide It, Divide It.” …

DSS: and 27. Cotton-Picking Time for throwback sake.

Feel free to add to the list in the comments. And as you can see from the picture above, blacks aren’t the only ones who do “ignorant/hood things,” please feel free to share things that aren’t on this list as well.

I’ll give you a few: “using the n-word as slang” or “eating at McDonald’s every day” or “chewing with your mouth open” or “spoilers or those super loud mufflers that sound like jet engines.”


35 responses to “GFSD: I’m So Hood

  1. LMAO.. Dang, I may be ghetto bc I find neck tattoos sexy although this guy would has a 99% chance of NOT being my man.

    U might be ghetto if:
    1. Everything is coordinated.. Your cellphone, shoes, purse, thong, and bra.

    2. If you have Nascar-ish logos painted on your car and you do not have an endorsement deal.

    3. You pronounce things wrong or shorten syllables, like Skrimp and cor (‘car’) and urrr’body.

    4. Your baby has on gold chains and Jordans.

    • Gotta emphasis “might.” … lol … We all do hood things, but that doesn’t make you hood. lol.

      I love the Nascar one … Seriously, why are you supporting some driver, company or racing team with a logo that takes up too much space on your ride, and they aren’t paying you? lol.

  2. Dude, I’m so glad you put trying to use the word ‘conversate’ and sound educated…..nothing annoys me more when a guy is trying to spit game and says….’yeah, guurrrl, we can conversate…yada yada yada’….smh

    But uh yeah, you might be ghetto/hood if:

    1. You think colored pimp suits are fly and wear them to church with pride.

    2. You pierce the tip of an acrylic finger nail.

    3. You have a short hairstyle but decide to wear weave pieces not only in the top which is cool, but you proceed to put tracks in the back that are as short as your faded kitchen….***scratches head and wants to know what the point is of the tracks in the back***

    4. You wear jeans, a s3xy shirt and some stillettos to a funeral (I actually have family that did this)

    5. Your champaigne toast at your reception is actually hypnotic liquor. (true story)

    • I’ll admit that my moms had to talk me out of using the non-word “conversate” for two years of high school.

      So I shake my head when I read it, but more so at that it took me two years to get it right. lol.

      • I think as youngsters we all had to learn the proper enunciation of certain words. I used to say ‘light-skinded’ when I was like in junior high and some of high school and my auntie about lost it on me and said…’girl it’s light-skiNNed!!!!’….LMAO! But, if we grow up with somewhat of a formal education then we should know what’s right as adults….lol…

        • “But, if we grow up with somewhat of a formal education then we should know what’s right as adults”

          @jlbd: that ain’t true. lol. One of my friends who has far more formal education than I have just stopped saying “conversate” a year or so ago. lol.

    • “You think colored pimp suits are fly and wear them to church with pride”


  3. if you bring Arbor Mist or Boone’s Farm to a “Wine Tasting/Pot Luck” … I really heard this story last week … twice … and it left me befuddled both times.

  4. thecomebackgirl

    “DSS (me): a cornrowed head”

    WHAT IS UP WITH YOU D MONEY AND HAIR..Im bout ready to write my weave letter in resp to you and on pretty paper too.

    • I’m glad I’m giving you the motivation. lol. Seriously, hair is one of the first things I notice about a person when I see them.

      It can say a lot about you (look at Kanye two months ago). And I’m not one to front, if I’ve been down I’ve let my hair go, too, before. you go through some stuff, and it affects you.

      I’m not hating on cornrows. If you want to, rock them tough. Just know that you’re decreasing the odds that a business man will hire you to do the job you want. … I’m not saying it’s right, that’s reality.

      Same thing goes for a white guy and a frohawk. It’s not going to work out so well.

      Besides, cornrows are so 1862. And yes, I meant the 19th Century. lol.

  5. Oooh this is easy, and fun:

    The only vegetable in your diet is the ketchup on a large fry.

    If you think any book by Zane is a literary masterpiece.

    If you hold your wedding reception at Popeyes (true story).

    • @KindredSmile: I wish you could understand how much all three of these “fill in the blanks” warm my heart. lol.

      Oh my, the Zane one is scary. There are some people who really think that she’s a literary genius. But don’t understand they’re reading “Debbie Does Dallas.” … I read one Zane book (Addiction) at the request of a then girlfriend. And she’s an Ex now. lol.

      • lol, the book is called ‘Addicted’ and yes I am an avid Zane reader. Do I think her work is literary genius, no, but do I think she’s a talented erotica writer? yes. Of course when it comes to stimulating my mind I look for something more than a few lines to get me bothered, but if I want to read some hot steamy stuff for fun and relaxation I can always count on Zane. Don’t hate…lmao!

        • @jlbd: Addicted … Addiction … same difference, cocaine is still “a helluva drug.” (Rick James) … lol.

          • Wow Damon, you’re being too critical…lol, I like her books, I won’t deny it, but I also enjoy a plethora of other great authors who don’t necessarily write erotica noir. It’s good to have a mix of literature. I like books by Shannon Holmes and Eric Jerome Dickey too, it’s good to have a mix…lol…

            • I’m joking. lol. The book was OK. The characters were engaging (in relations often) and complex.

              I just wouldn’t read another one of her books. Kind of like I’m cool on all Eric Jerome Dickey reads as well … that’s just too much work when you could just download some porn. lol.

    • “If you think any book by Zane is a literary masterpiece”

      This has killed me. But I agree. A lof of those stories from other authors are good too… but I can’t stand that bad grammar

  6. If you think Zane or any other ‘hood literature’ is a masterpiece. Hood literature = book full of slang, bad punctuation and generally has a drug dealer/video girl/playa as the main character and a title that uses ‘z’ instead of ‘s’= i.e. “Playaz Game”

    If you worship Beyonce as the queen of the world.

    If you use “libary” “skinded”, ‘irregardless’ and don’t recognize why they shouldn’t be used.

  7. Zane is offensive to my literary sensibilities….MHPH

    She’s not even that great at erotica. She needs a freaky word a day calendar. LOL

  8. People who say things like “You already know what it is” or “what it do, shawty”

    Also, I’d argue that though Zane is atricious, ghetto people don’t read so that disqualifies a Zane nomination. LOL

    • @offdwall: I have a problem with asking people “What’s good?” or “What’s really good?” … is that potentially hood?

      I also say “good lookin” … lol …

      And you’re right. Ghetto/Hood people don’t necessarily read. But people who come from the hood and get educated do, and they read Zane and EJD religiously …

      I have two EJD books. *hangs head in shame* But I can’t get past page 20 on either of them now. I think they’re both good writers who could do more with their talents.

      • What authors do you support frequently?

        • I’ll make a list as vignette for the day after I actually run the DJ UNK letter. I’m not running it tomorrow. Got something better that I wrote last night that’s more current.

          I might run DJ UNK two weeks from now, or something.

          Here are a few, though: Michael Eric Dyson (if you can comprehend him), Ron Suskind, William C. Rhoden, Joe Posnanski …

          That’s just a start.

  9. How did I know you were going to name Michael Eric Dyson…lol

    • I would say Tolkien, too. I’m just not the biggest fan of reading fantasy stuff. It can be good and related often. I just think that reading/watching/learning from real life is better than anything.

      And no, real life doesn’t include “Reality Television.”

      • I will tell you that I adamantly DO NOT like fantasy literature. I have yet to read anything besides ‘A Wrinkle in Time’ that actually held my interest…

        • I think some of it is good, but there is a sincere reason why I’m not the biggest fan. I’ll explain later. Actually you already know … e-mail.

  10. This blog’s where its happenning. Keep up the good work.

  11. You are hood (or just plain crazy) if …

    1. you think ordering business cards from Vista Print means you legitimately have started a business.

    2. your car note is more than your rent (notice the word “rent” not “mortgage”).

    3. you have a tattoo of your own name on your body (unless you are preparing for early-onset Alzheimer’s…).

    4. you hold a champagne flute/wine glass by the stem instead of the base of the bowl (also known as the “monkey paw”, which has been demonstrated repeatedly by New York from VH1’s slavery series).

    5. you think Red Lobster is a gourmet dining experience.

    6. your toes hang off the front of your open-toed shoes.

    7. the big toe hanging off the front of your open-toed shoes has an acrylic nail, with a french tip.

    8. you think “I’m ‘Bout It” was a prolific tale of life’s struggles and you were motivated to be more “bout it” in your own endeavors.

    9. you consider the No Limit (P, Silkk, Mia-X…) camp’s music to be classic hip-hop.

    10. you spend your pay check on the new Jordan’s and run out of gas on the highway the next week.

  12. Hi, interesting post. I have been pondering this topic,so thanks for posting. I’ll certainly be coming back to your posts. Keep up great writing

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