54. Mel Gibson

Ed’s note: Sorry people, DJ Unk can wait… a week or three. Gotta strike while the iron is sizzling.

“Because you are who you are when nobody’s looking
That’s who you are/so when the cash and cars is gone/the day after tomorrow
Don’t be asking to borrow/ski mask it hard/like the way you rap in your bars.” ~ Nas on Luda’s “I Do It For Hip Hop”

Dear Mr. Gibson:

Don’t worry. I’m not writing this letter to chastise you. You’ve had plenty of that since you finished “Passion of The Christ,” right?

No, I’m just like you: a born sinner. And I’m still sinning. I’m throwing boulder-sized stones left and right in these letters. I’m even stoning myself, but with good reason (think: self-medication). Like I said in Letter No. 9, I pray for forgiveness after each letter I write.

That’s what this is about anyway, right? Understanding your mistakes, and learning from them? These letters and this life.

The Mel you need to be: Braveheart, minus the extensions (That's for you, Comeback... lol)

The Mel you need to be: Braveheart, minus the extensions (That's for you, Comeback... lol)

That said, I’m writing you to remind you that $500 million isn’t all that bad. That’s about what you’ll have once the divorce is final, right? A lot of people are talking the talk about your pending divorce because it’ll be one of the richest celebrity divorce payouts in history since you didn’t have a pre-nup. But who cares?

What can you do with $1 billion that you can’t do with $500 million? Not much that actually matters. You could make “Passion of The Christ 2.” But for some reason, I don’t think that’s a sequel the world is quite ready for just yet.

I digress.

You should know that the money doesn’t matter. If I get hosed for everything I own by future soon-to-be ex-wife, I probably won’t care too much. Just let me retain my peace of mind and understanding of Who’s game we’re playing. That may seem crazy, but I’m serious. It’s not a joke. Re-read The Book of Job. You’ll understand.

Considering your deep ties to the Catholic faith, I know you get my logic. But there are so many people caught up in this idea of you being a hypocrite. Frankly, that’s hypocritical of them. We’re all stone-hurling sinners. Let me be cliche for the non-believers: Nobody’s perfect.

Look at Steve Harvey. He writes about book teaching women how to think like guys. Most guys hate him for it because he’s giving away “the code.” (Who cares? The only real code is “LOVE.”) Some women dislike him because he’s departing common sense knowledge that they already know, but advice many of them don’t heed (Being OK with being a whore — male or female — doesn’t make it right). And others don’t trust his words because he’s twice divorced, and allegedly has left his marriages to get with the next woman.

Again, who cares? People need to be hit over the head time and time again with the same stories, parables and “Keep It Simple, Stupid” knowledge. If we don’t, we’ll keep making the same mistakes humans have been making since the beginning of time (Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3). Everything under the sun truly has already been done.

Especially, that sneaking fruit from the forbidden tree thing/mistake. Steve knows about that (calls it the cookie). You allegedly do, too. We all do. But that’s just the wages of sin running its course.

If humanity came with a rule that you had to cut off every person who ever did three things wrong, none of us would have family or friends. Thank God that’s not the case. We all would be searching for Wilson volleyballs.

So again, who cares? Live your life. Do more right that wrong. Continue sharing what you know with the world. Be who you are.

But know this: If you want people to listen or take you seriously, it might behoove you to avoid making insensitive, antisemitic and/or borderline racist comments after being pulled over for driving drunk. (Dude, they call alcohol the truth serum with good reason.)

You can’t win cool points that way, unless you’re trying to rack up KKK points. And I don’t think that’s your aim. Get enough of those points, and you might assure yourself of a one-way ticket to the penthouse suite next to Mark Cronin’s Lucifer’s 2×2 layer.

I know you don’t want that.

In God We Trust,

Damon

P.S. “In God We Trust”: That’s what your money says. Your money is telling you to not trust in it, but to trust God. I wonder why this country’s forefathers put that there? (Think: greed/messed up economy).

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31 responses to “54. Mel Gibson

  1. Love this blog I’ll be back when I have more time.

  2. Good post, and you should have asked him if his new bust-it baby was worth $500 million…just a thought…

    • @jlbd – not his bust-it-baby…HA! I’m over here cracking up at that.

      • I don’t even know how to respond at “bust-it baby,” aside from claiming that JLBD is one of my best friends (like she’s my kid, and I’m proud) … lol.

        @jlbd: IDK … He should be asking her if she’s willing to sign a pre-nup because he’s about to get taxed like he lives in Canada. (BTW, I don’t know why people say they’d move there. You get free health care, but the taxes are really that ridiculous. lol.)

        • Uh, they’ve been married for like 20 years or something ridiculous like that and they did not sign a pre-nup, so no matter what he tries to do she’s gonna end up like a one-liner out of Eddie Murphy’s ‘Raw’ and getting HALF!!!!

  3. Perfect!

    “You can’t win cool points that way, unless you’re trying to rack up KKK points”

    And this about killed me. lol

    • @nicki: it’s the truth. lol. You can’t verbally assault every non-Catholic in America and expect people to listen to you unless you’re at a KKK rally.

      It doesn’t work… lol.

  4. I took this off the letter because it was getting too long …

    P.S.S. I haven’t forgotten about Mark Cronin and the coontastic “For the Lust of Brandy’s Brother.” (~ Monica) Still, haven’t watched a minute of an episode of it. But because everybody is tweeting and facebooking it, I know some girl nicknamed “Cocktail” won Raymond momentary “attention.” Again, who cares?

    • UGH! I made the mistake of pausing on that show when I was flipping through channels the other night and after only 2 minutes I was fairly certain that I had killed some of my brain cells. That show and the others like it are a disgrace and black people shouldn’t support it. It objectifies women and makes them look like stupid, money/fame hungry whores. Is this what America feels is real entertainment?

      I like what you said as your fb status one day: something about sports being the only true reality show. I agree with that.

      • @tam: your last sentence/my status that day is true. None of this reality mess is real … save American Idol and “Dancing with the Stars” and shows like those …

        But throwing people in a house to compete for a coontastic fool’s love (white, black, Latino or Asian)? *kicks the air* get outta here …

  5. thecomebackgirl

    I didn’t know Melly Mel had that kind of doe.

    re: Steve Harvey..for the 50 millionth time Steve never said he was a RELATIONSHIP expert. The book isn’t about staying married for 900 years. Its about attracting meaningful relationships and good men to you. Slowing the party down with ANY OLD BODY is easy (and what he did TWICE)…meeting the RIGHT PERSON for YOU is the rub.

    • TCG: yes, he did state he isn’t a relationship doctor/know-it-all, but the fact that these are his “rules” on how to keep a man?? really? he himself could barely be kept!!

      good letter. i do feel for make-money-mel. divorces are no joke for those in tinsel town. but as my granny always says, this too shall pass. he’ll be a’ight.

    • @CBG: your SH rant is on point …

      And Melly Mel has mad dough. Especially after making POC … BTW, I feel like I should watch that movie again.

      But it probably won’t happen until later in life. It’s too real.

  6. Now it could just be me, but don’t you think it’s a little unrealistic for a woman to want that kind of money simply because you think it will hurt a man?

    To me that’s what it boils down to…it’s like this…

    You’ve cheated on me with somebody younger, prettier and blonder so now I need half your net worth.

    This is dumb to me for the simple reason that money does NOT buy happiness. So you will have all this money (you run the risk of kids hating you) and no mate to share it with because if I were a man and I met you I would try to take it or not be interested because I’d find you to be a cold hearted b.i.t.c.h

    Again, just my interpretation of this stupid situation.

    • I wanted to explain it like this in the letter, but it would have taken forever. Thank you for pointing this out …

      Taking a guy/girl for everything he/she has got out of spite is some of dumbest/most childish BS I’ve ever witnessed in life.

      It gets under the person skin often, which means the money taker is doing his or her job.

      But like I told one of my boys last night: If my future soon-to-be ex-wife serves me, and we have no pre-nup … I will go to the courthouse the next day and gladly cut a check for half of my net worth and keep stepping ( I know it wouldn’t be that easy, but it’s what I’m thinking).

      Peace of mind, people. Peace of mind.

      Good take, Jac.

    • I won’t even elaborate on all the moral and sentimental value marriage should hold to both people involved because most men would just roll their eyes….but if you choose a young blonde bust-it baby who will give your old azz a temporary thrill over the woman who has been by your side through thick and thin for years upon years then you deserve half your wealth taken….and trust me, if I was the woman, I wouldn’t be concerned about finding a man with $500 milli in my bank account, I would enjoy some boy toys and keep it moving….my stacks would keep me happy because even the book of Corinthians speaks about how one will be more at peace ALONE….!

      • … IDK … I’m not gonna say anybody deserves to get half taken away. if your name is Bernard Madoff they should snatch it all …

        But taking half of what someone has is extremely tough … And sometimes I guess they do deserve it per their actions … But it’s also how ex-wives end up in trunks.

        I’m just saying. OJ. Nicole “Brown” Simpson. There’s that infamous last name again. Chris. Charlie. Bobby. James. …. avoid those Browns (except for Charlie).

  7. Good stuff, man…most people are way too eager to judge others, so it’s refreshing to see someone think logically about it. We all make mistakes – but only God can judge us.

    • You my dude, you know that right? But that you’re using the moniker TP2 is PURE HILARITY …

      The number of directions that can be taken from R. Kelly to T-Pain … it’s ridiculous … lol.

      And you’re right, only God can judge us. But unfortunately, he’s not the only one who tries.

  8. Yeah, you’re right. I meant it to be TP2.0 – I’ve been working out with G-Mo and using that as moniker for the new, fit me.

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