Ed’s note: Sorry people, DJ Unk can wait… a week or three. Gotta strike while the iron is sizzling.
“Because you are who you are when nobody’s looking
That’s who you are/so when the cash and cars is gone/the day after tomorrow
Don’t be asking to borrow/ski mask it hard/like the way you rap in your bars.” ~ Nas on Luda’s “I Do It For Hip Hop”
Dear Mr. Gibson:
Don’t worry. I’m not writing this letter to chastise you. You’ve had plenty of that since you finished “Passion of The Christ,” right?
No, I’m just like you: a born sinner. And I’m still sinning. I’m throwing boulder-sized stones left and right in these letters. I’m even stoning myself, but with good reason (think: self-medication). Like I said in Letter No. 9, I pray for forgiveness after each letter I write.
That’s what this is about anyway, right? Understanding your mistakes, and learning from them? These letters and this life.
That said, I’m writing you to remind you that $500 million isn’t all that bad. That’s about what you’ll have once the divorce is final, right? A lot of people are talking the talk about your pending divorce because it’ll be one of the richest celebrity divorce payouts in history since you didn’t have a pre-nup. But who cares?
What can you do with $1 billion that you can’t do with $500 million? Not much that actually matters. You could make “Passion of The Christ 2.” But for some reason, I don’t think that’s a sequel the world is quite ready for just yet.
You should know that the money doesn’t matter. If I get hosed for everything I own by future soon-to-be ex-wife, I probably won’t care too much. Just let me retain my peace of mind and understanding of Who’s game we’re playing. That may seem crazy, but I’m serious. It’s not a joke. Re-read The Book of Job. You’ll understand.
Considering your deep ties to the Catholic faith, I know you get my logic. But there are so many people caught up in this idea of you being a hypocrite. Frankly, that’s hypocritical of them. We’re all stone-hurling sinners. Let me be cliche for the non-believers: Nobody’s perfect.
Look at Steve Harvey. He writes about book teaching women how to think like guys. Most guys hate him for it because he’s giving away “the code.” (Who cares? The only real code is “LOVE.”) Some women dislike him because he’s departing common sense knowledge that they already know, but advice many of them don’t heed (Being OK with being a whore — male or female — doesn’t make it right). And others don’t trust his words because he’s twice divorced, and allegedly has left his marriages to get with the next woman.
Again, who cares? People need to be hit over the head time and time again with the same stories, parables and “Keep It Simple, Stupid” knowledge. If we don’t, we’ll keep making the same mistakes humans have been making since the beginning of time (Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3). Everything under the sun truly has already been done.
Especially, that sneaking fruit from the forbidden tree thing/mistake. Steve knows about that (calls it the cookie). You allegedly do, too. We all do. But that’s just the wages of sin running its course.
If humanity came with a rule that you had to cut off every person who ever did three things wrong, none of us would have family or friends. Thank God that’s not the case. We all would be searching for Wilson volleyballs.
So again, who cares? Live your life. Do more right that wrong. Continue sharing what you know with the world. Be who you are.
But know this: If you want people to listen or take you seriously, it might behoove you to avoid making insensitive, antisemitic and/or borderline racist comments after being pulled over for driving drunk. (Dude, they call alcohol the truth serum with good reason.)
You can’t win cool points that way, unless you’re trying to rack up KKK points. And I don’t think that’s your aim. Get enough of those points, and you might assure yourself of a one-way ticket to the penthouse suite next to Mark Cronin’s Lucifer’s 2×2 layer.
I know you don’t want that.
In God We Trust,
P.S. “In God We Trust”: That’s what your money says. Your money is telling you to not trust in it, but to trust God. I wonder why this country’s forefathers put that there? (Think: greed/messed up economy).