56. John Lennon’s Black Daughter

Ed’s Note: John Lennon didn’t have a black daughter, not that I know of at least. John Lennon’s Black Daughter (JLBD) is one of my best friends who recently was engaged.

Dear Burgeoning Bridezilla Friend:

cc: Future Mrs. Brown

Although you’re taller than me, I call you that with the deepest sincerity. I wish I could tell you how happy I am for you. Of course, I know most of your trials. To see you persevere, believe in and still find love … it gives real people in the world hope that the there’s a love for us as well.

I don’t know whether or not to be happy about attending another Catholic wedding next summer, though. I’m not a huge fan of kneeling and standing over and over again. That’s not cool. But then again, your actual wedding will be longer than 10 minutes.Β I despise short weddings. They’re a waste of money.

You tying the knot is kinda crazy, though. It’s only the third time since we graduated college that one of my close friends is prepping to walk the marital plank. And of those friends, you and I share the most. That’s why I decided to write this letter. I want to remind you of a few things. Here goes:

1. Don’t lose sight of what’s really important. Many women get caught up in the wedding so much that they forget about their mates (see: SATC movie, “No E. Lynn” ~ Offdwall). Consider your old man’s thoughts at all times, and don’t take everything so seriously (you already are). Your wedding day is not your marriage. And remember that you would marry this man in a dark forest with your parents as the only witnesses … that said …

redvelvetcake

This cake quells all wedding flubs and problems. This, and Blueberry Lemonade.

2. Don’t invite the world to your wedding. You’ve heard me say this a million times. People who aren’t genuinely happy for your union shouldn’t see it made. Don’t get so mindless that you send invitations to your mom’s ex-boyfriends (she’s still fine), your guy’s roster of fifth-cousins he’s never met and your entire Facebook friends list.

3. Don’t pick any clichΓ©/corny songs. I love you to death, but you know I will clown you to your face if you come with some “If This World Were Mine” or “Spend My Life With You” type mess. Be original. lol.

4. Get a red velvet cake. I shouldn’t even have to explain this. Every wedding should have one, clichΓ© or not. It enhances the reception 10-fold same as a good deejay does.

5. Remember, it’s his day, too. It ain’t all about you. I know this reads similar to No. 1, but prepping for the wedding and that actual day are two different animals.

6. When you disagree, recall why you love your spouse. Enough said.

7. Keep communicating. I know you two are good at this, but never stop. It’s why most relationships and marriages fail, because people stop talking. When there’s a problem don’t be afraid to say it. Don’t get so stubborn that you don’t listen to your husband’s thoughts. It causes people to cheat and ultimately ruins relationships.

I think that’s about it. For now at least. Again, I’m happy for you homey, and know that I’m going to act a plumb fool at your reception.

I’ll holla,

D. Scott

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44 responses to “56. John Lennon’s Black Daughter

  1. AWWWWW!!! A letter for me! Thanks sweetie and thanks for being that sounding board during the trials and tears of yesteryear because going through that stuff is what made me into the progressive woman I am now….We’re gonna have a blast at the reception! πŸ™‚

    • @you: I’m just glad to get you off my back. lol. Love you, homey (No E. Lynn). Glad I could show you in this way… and get off the Bridezilla kick, for real. lol.

  2. @jlbd – Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. It really is an exciting time.

    @Damon – this is very sweet to write for your friend…all very good points. Funny about the red velvet cake, somehow it really does enhance receptions. We had it for the groom’s cake at our wedding and no, it was not a bleeding armadillo cake. πŸ™‚

    • @shawnta: Thanks. It’s about being real. JLBD is one of my best friends of the last eight years. And she needs rules/reminders like we all do. Trust, I have to get at her once a week or so about something concerning this wedding and being level-headed. … It’s hilarious to me because it seems most women are like this.

  3. @jlbd – Congratulations!

    This letter is so true and every bride-to-be should take heed. I almost got caught up in the whole Bridezilla/wedding craziness until I snapped myself back into reality. I then decided to simply call up Sandals resorts and hold our small, intimate wedding there. Were some people mad at us for this? Heck yeah, it’s been a little over a year and we still get some snide comments about how we obviously didn’t want so and so at our wedding. Was it worth it? Heck yeah, the wedding is just a day; the marriage is for the rest of your life (hopefully). We did what was best for our future (and my sanity) and I don’t regret it one bit.

    • @Tam: I’m a proponent of a small wedding. There aren’t that many people who genuinely care for you in this world. And by having those outsiders there, it puts you in a position where negative energy is coming down on your parade.

      I’ve been that negative energy before. And that’s not cool. I feel you should only attend weddings where you’re supporting the union, not tearing it down before it’s made. … Glad you had the small ceremony. That gives me hope. lol.

  4. I agree with all of these. I think that too often, brides get caught in the hustle and bustle of trying to impress everyone else that they lose sight of what is really important.

    One of my homegirls and her spouse have moved back in with his mother because the wedding has gotten so big. Now what sense does that make?

    • It makes absolutely no sense. I find it so ridiculous when young couples send a boatload of money on a wedding when they should be spending it on a down payment for a house or paying off student loans.

      • @Nicki: Impress people with the soundness of your love, not with how much debt you can take on for a one-day event. Seriously.

        @Tam: the second part of your second sentence makes total sense … really, the whole thing makes sense. lol.

        • I agree Tam!

          “Nicki: Impress people with the soundness of your love, not with how much debt you can take on for a one-day event. Seriously”

          Exactly.. and it’s only a couple of hours..

  5. Damon you are cracking me up with this ‘No E. Lynn & No Ellen’ stuff, I’m gonna start using it…lmao! I’m trying not to spend a boat load of money. The wedding is getting bigger and bigger. I’m trying to keep my guest list miniscule but the problem is that we both have big families and lots of friends. They ALL are expecting an invite. We thought about the destination wedding but we both know that we’ll get hammered for years if we go that route….The good thing is that alot of the initial costs for venues, dress, and bridesmaids dresses I’ve already pretty much covered….the monster cost is going to be the catering…**SIGH**….thanks for all the well wishes though! πŸ™‚

    • I definitely understand how you’re feeling. Both my husband and I have large families and lots of friends that were all expecting invitations. It was not an easy decision for us to scrap it all and have a destination wedding instead. Just like you, our list kept getting bigger and bigger and I became more and more stressed due to the “helpful” input of my in-laws so instead of snapping (which is what was soon to happen) we just decided to make it super small and have it on an island. And yes, we are still getting hammered for it but I figured even if we would have had the big wedding we’d have complaints from someone. I believe that you can’t please everyone so you might as well please yourself.

      It looks like you have things under control and I’m sure you will have a wonderful and beautiful wedding. I wish you and your husband-to-be the best in your future together.

    • @jlbd: Just be sure you give proper citation to Offdwall and The CBG for “No E. Lynn, No Ellen) … lol …

      I gotta look back and see if it started in my comments or CBG’s, though. I think it started in “I’m So Hood…”

  6. thecomebackgirl

    “5. Remember, it’s his day, too. It ain’t all about you. I know this reads similar to No. 1, but prepping for the wedding and that actual day are two different animals.”

    Im on the fence with this. I mean on the surface it is HIS day as well. But come on, weddings were made for women. LOL

    everything else i agree with.

    • @cbg: Did you see the SATC movie (no E. Lynn)? Why did the wedding fall apart? Because Carrie thought the day revolved around her …

      You can’t share it with one other person? lol. It’s all about you, huh?

      • thecomebackgirl

        Yes I saw SATC and can’t wait for the new one in late 09 or early 2010…

        Mr. Big got cold feet ALSO because of what OTHER people were feeding him..I think the whole Miranda cheating thing threw him over the edge. Also he was a former h!oe..so with formally hoish azz men you have to ease them into stuff like that.

        • @thecbg: That marriage (Carrie & Big) is doomed. … I always thought Carrie was really meant for Aidan. Don’t know why. Just felt like it was a better fit considering who Mr. Big is. …

          And no man who really loves his woman will ever leave her at the altar. It just doesn’t happen … although I’d love to be at a wedding where it does (No, not you JLBD or Future Mrs. Brown. That wouldn’t be funny in any regard) …

          Another thought, and I hope this doesn’t piss a few people off (I got slapped by the two women I saw the movie with when I said this): Miranda getting cheated on was Miranda’s fault.

          Totally. If you don’t give your man what he “wants/needs,” he is eventually going to find it elsewhere. And that’s the case if he’s a great guy like Steve … That’s all Miranda’s fault.

          • I heard in the sequel that Mr. Big will cheat on Carrie and Samantha will have to downsize her life as a reflection of the recession…I loved the first movie, all those mens was lookin’ miiighty tasty! Samantha’s lil’ young tender could get it and that delectable Italian next door to her….mmm mmm mmmmm….ok ok…sorry, my eyes are only for one man now! LMAO πŸ˜‰

            • @jlbd: Like I said, it’s a relationship that’s doomed. … and Samantha downsizing just doesn’t seem feasible, in more ways than just her lifestyle. lol.

  7. future mrs. brown

    Although I really haven’t made comments on your site, I do read it every week. Thanks for keeping it in perspective. Still, if Brandon even thinks of pulling a Mr. Big, I’ll kill him dead.

    • @futuremrs.brown: That’s good to know that you’re reading. And I’m not worried about you commenting. You made the one comment you needed to make on Letter No. 38.

      And if B. pulled a Mr. Big, I don’t think that you’d get to kill him before Moms did. And that’s the truth … I’ll try to call you tonight. We need to play catch up. … BTW, you know Moms is following me on Twitter. hilarious. lol.

    • He’d have to deal with a lot more than Moms and the future Mrs. Y’all know I don’t play, and I’ve got a group of girls ready to ride out with me πŸ˜‰

  8. future mrs. brown

    Lord, My mom and these social network sites. I have nothing to say

    • I will never, and I mean it, add my mom as a friend on Facebook, Twitter, AIM chat or Google chat. I refuse to allow her that type of access to my life.

      She can read the blog (she doesn’t consistently — thank God — but her manfriend does).

      I’ll add her on MySpace, though, because i never get on there.

  9. I absolutely REFUSE to get on Twitter. It took me forever and a day to do the Facebook thing….it all stops there. I don’t see the point of Twitter and honestly Damon, I’m surprised you did it…lol!

  10. Solid advice…although I’ll have to partly disagree about it being his day too. Honestly, all eyes are on the bride. Do the people attending the wedding stand up when the groom enters the sanctuary? Unless the B&G having been “saving themselves” for post wedding celebrations then the day really is about her.

    As an addition to #2…I’d add only have bridesmaids/groomsmen that will be there to support both of you. I’ve seen a few weddings where folks were chosen simply because they’d look good in a dress/tux for the pics or they were worthless and didn’t pick up any slack because they didn’t really care.

    • @travis: You got me with this: “Honestly, all eyes are on the bride. Do the people attending the wedding stand up when the groom enters the sanctuary? ”

      I have no answer beyond saying that the wife has to understand for herself what’s really going on, and allow the husband to share in her glow …

      BTW, totally agree with the bridesmaids/groomsmen take.

    • Travis, I totally agree with you about the bridesmaid/groomsmen thing…I’ve already had to replace a bridesmaid because she was unable to support me to the fullest and we mutually agreed that it was best to move on without her. Lucky for me all my girls look nice in a dress! πŸ™‚

  11. Good advice

  12. In regards to the whole world being at the wedding, that’s the reason I want to elope.

    I’m gonna send a mass email the night before telling everyone I’m flying to Greece to get married … if they can make it … they’re welcome to come.

    • I can definitely relate to your desire to elope. By the time our wedding plannnig was finished, I was ready to elope (and I didn’t even do most of the planning since I was in still in school). I thought it would be easier/less stress, more fun and more romantic. If only I had come to this realization before everything was planned and paid for.

    • @SBM: That sounds like a grand idea. Not to say that I’d follow it (I might if I can find the right woman) …

      don’t know about Greece, though. lol. Maybe Italy, you know Rome or Venice.

  13. Conrgratz on the wedding sista! May you and yours be blessed in the warmth of eachother..

    D.Scott,
    funny how I just officially met you.. and I know that you really are gonna KICK IT AT the reception…lol

    great blog!
    smooches

    • @ShavonQueen: I met you at Qudo’s, right? In one of the cigar rooms? If this is you, welcome … and you’re right, I do know how to have a good time around random people … but put me in a room full of people I’m actually cool with/know … utter dumbness ensues. lol.

      • How can you forget our first date? the blue room? Remember our laugh! well.. I guess it was not a real date since I sat in the booth beside you. lol

        • @shavon: OK, I promise you I met someone named Shavon on Friday at Qudo’s. Weird. But that’s life …

          If what we had was a first date, I think I had about four of those that night … lol … and a break-up. lol.

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