Ed’s Note: John Lennon didn’t have a black daughter, not that I know of at least. John Lennon’s Black Daughter (JLBD) is one of my best friends who recently was engaged.
Dear Burgeoning Bridezilla Friend:
cc: Future Mrs. Brown
Although you’re taller than me, I call you that with the deepest sincerity. I wish I could tell you how happy I am for you. Of course, I know most of your trials. To see you persevere, believe in and still find love … it gives real people in the world hope that the there’s a love for us as well.
I don’t know whether or not to be happy about attending another Catholic wedding next summer, though. I’m not a huge fan of kneeling and standing over and over again. That’s not cool. But then again, your actual wedding will be longer than 10 minutes. I despise short weddings. They’re a waste of money.
You tying the knot is kinda crazy, though. It’s only the third time since we graduated college that one of my close friends is prepping to walk the marital plank. And of those friends, you and I share the most. That’s why I decided to write this letter. I want to remind you of a few things. Here goes:
1. Don’t lose sight of what’s really important. Many women get caught up in the wedding so much that they forget about their mates (see: SATC movie, “No E. Lynn” ~ Offdwall). Consider your old man’s thoughts at all times, and don’t take everything so seriously (you already are). Your wedding day is not your marriage. And remember that you would marry this man in a dark forest with your parents as the only witnesses … that said …
2. Don’t invite the world to your wedding. You’ve heard me say this a million times. People who aren’t genuinely happy for your union shouldn’t see it made. Don’t get so mindless that you send invitations to your mom’s ex-boyfriends (she’s still fine), your guy’s roster of fifth-cousins he’s never met and your entire Facebook friends list.
3. Don’t pick any cliché/corny songs. I love you to death, but you know I will clown you to your face if you come with some “If This World Were Mine” or “Spend My Life With You” type mess. Be original. lol.
4. Get a red velvet cake. I shouldn’t even have to explain this. Every wedding should have one, cliché or not. It enhances the reception 10-fold same as a good deejay does.
5. Remember, it’s his day, too. It ain’t all about you. I know this reads similar to No. 1, but prepping for the wedding and that actual day are two different animals.
6. When you disagree, recall why you love your spouse. Enough said.
7. Keep communicating. I know you two are good at this, but never stop. It’s why most relationships and marriages fail, because people stop talking. When there’s a problem don’t be afraid to say it. Don’t get so stubborn that you don’t listen to your husband’s thoughts. It causes people to cheat and ultimately ruins relationships.
I think that’s about it. For now at least. Again, I’m happy for you homey, and know that I’m going to act a plumb fool at your reception.