To Anthony “DJ Unk” Platt:
Forgive me, Mr. Platt, for what I’m about to say. I’m rolling out a few vignettes to accompany these letters. One of the first ones will undoubtedly showcase you and your tomfoolery (read: coonery). I’m writing you to let you know about your starring role.
This sidebar is titled: “People for whom I wouldn’t shed a tear for if they were run over by a Greyhound bus.” Now let me qualify that by saying that I didn’t say I’d laugh or be grateful. I just said I wouldn’t shed a tear. Yes, I’m being facetious. But I’m carefully choosing my words … unlike you. Still, I hope you can understand my sentiment and what follows.
If the aforementioned incident were to happen to you, I’d prefer that you be hit by a yellow school bus filled with 15-year-old black kids as witnesses to the day your coontastic word choice ceased to exist. They need to witness a symbolic end to the shuck and jive movement. It’d be like the burial of the n-word.
OK, to business.
How could you possibly think that writing, free-styling or usurping the song “Don’t Hide It, Divide It” was a good idea? It’s the worst song I’ve heard in 10 years, bar none. And I’ve heard plenty of (fecal matter).
A little background: My ex called me on her way home from the club a few of Saturdays ago, and told me that I had to listen to your new song. She’d heard it in the club, and was taken aback.
So, I googled it and clicked the Imeem link. … I was immediately appalled by the chorus:
“Don’t hide that (vajayjay), divide that (vajayjay) …”
How could you be asinine enough to loop that vulgar word (think: kitty cat), in the chorus of a song? I went back and counted each time you said it. (I’m lying. I googled the lyrics, copied them into Microsoft Word and let it count for me. But that’s not the point.)
What’s relevant is that you used that word 62 times in a four-minute song. Sixty-two times. You couldn’t justify using that word that many times in that time span while hanging in a strip club with Pacman Jones. I could understand you saying “duck” 62 times to spare yourself from gunfire. But that’s neither here nor there.
The number of times the word is repeated isn’t even the worst part. Yes, I listened to the entire song. I got to the bridge, where you named streets and sections of Atlanta in concern with females who reside there, and then say those women have “some good (vajayjay).”
With little surprise or tact, you had the nerve to say that “Martin Luther King girls (have) some good (vajayjay).” Do you understand how ignorant that sounds? That’s like — but not exactly akin to — using Jesus’ name in a sentence with four curse words. For that matter, any rapper who seriously compares what he does to MLK needs a permanent muzzle stapled to his face while he’s awake to feel the staple gun’s wrath.
Are your life’s goal to share a burning bunk with Mark Cronin in Hell?
This is why so many non-black Americans look at most blacks like we are what’s wrong with the world. Because fools like you perpetuate ridiculous stereotypes for the almighty dollar. This is why they stereotype us.
This (manure) is not cool. Neither is me alluding to wishing you to be hit by a Greyhound or school bus (remember, I didn’t technically say that). But if it were to happen, you’d have to admit it, America probably would be better for the loss of your voice box’s functionality.
That thought should shame you, make you want to apologize and stop your shenanigans. … Oh, and my one piece of ad vice for you: READ A BOOK!
P.S. No, I don’t apologize for using your government name because you’re embarrassing it, and the ancestors who wore it and bore you.
cc: Plies, The Dream, T-Pain, post “Happy People”-album R. Kelly, Soulja Boy, Pleasure P and those clowns who wrote the song about “Halle Berry.” I don’t know their names.