61. Brett Favre

mannybeingmanny

He is what he is: an anomaly no sports fan will ever understand. Thus, the cliche: Manny being Manny.

cc: Manny Ramirez

Dear Brett:

Before I begin rambling aimlessly, I must start this letter by sincerely thanking Manny Ramirez. When I heard that you, Brett, were contemplating reneging on retirement again, I about lost it. I told my Facebook friends that I wanted someone to start a Favre steroids scandal so you’d disappear like Barry, Mark or Roger.

That didn’t happen. But something better did. Manny went Manny, got caught with female fertility drugs in his system and replaced you from the center of the World Wide Leader’s home page. Then you tried to steal Manny’s thunder by saying that you weren’t coming out of retirement that afternoon. But it didn’t work. Manny plus steroids > you doing anything but dying.

So again, thank you, Manny, for being you.

Now, Brett I know you’re an attention monger. That’s why I don’t believe you’re sincere in your contemplation of unretiring your re-retirement status. I believe that you’ll stay retired as much as I believe Rod Blagojevich is innocent and Jim Carrey’s character in “Liar, Liar” before his son’s birthday wish. Seriously, with Manny going Manny, I won’t be surprised if you sign with Minnesota by Tuesday morning.

I have some sincere advice for you, though: Buy yourself a rocking chair and go sit down somewhere. Preferably in Mississippi. You’re not going to do anything but embarrass yourself like Chuck Liddell has the last six times he’s stepped into the UFC cage. You’re not George Foreman. You’re not going to win the Super Bowl with one haymaker-like Hail Mary TD pass akin to the one that floored Michael Moorer.

Even more, you’re only going to further prove that you’re what Skip Bayless would call Team Obliterator 2.0. Yes, I’m saying you have something in common (cue Bobby & Whitney) with Terrell Owens. (Maybe you should try signing with Buffalo? You and TO could be the dynamic duo of NFL drama.)

Think about it. You destroyed the Packers 2008 season with your indecision. And then you did it again in New York, and supplanted yourself as a surefire John Legend track No. 8 (He’s the current king of the break-up-to-make-up song. See: “Ordinary People” or “Again”).

Favre when he was really happy.

Favre when he was really happy.

OK, you may not know who John Legend is. So let’s try this: Your NFL career the past three years reminds me of Kenny Chesney’s “You Win, I Win, We Lose” looped every six months or so.

As loaded as Minnesota is, Ziggy Wolf would be foolish to sign you. Seriously, you’d screw up every last dream Tavaris Jackson has of being an NFL MVP quarterback. You and Adrian Peterson might combine for 45 touchdowns, but you’d have just as many fumbles between you. Worse yet, you might drive Jared Allen back to the bottle. And we all know he doesn’t need to use the words drinking and driving again in the same sentence ever again (none of us should).

I digress.

You had a great career. You’ve thrown more touchdowns than anyone. You’ve also thrown more interceptions, too. You played the game like Benny the Jet in “The Sandlot,” and that’s why people love you so much. It’s commendable. But it’s time for you to grow up. You don’t play the game to throw childish interceptions or wing-and-a-prayer touchdowns.

ESPN analyst and former Chiefs’ coach Herm Edwards would tell you why you play the game, and I don’t think you have too many more wins in you. You know what happened to your arm at the end of your season with the Jets. We all saw it. Hang up the No. 4 gracefully, please.

You’re no Montana, Manning or Brady. And you’re definitely no Elway — you’re not going to go out on top like Denver’s No. 7. Your consecutive-games streak is impressive, but Cal Ripken’s is better. Besides, it’s just showing up for work. It’s like showing up for every fourth day of school from kindergarten to your senior year, getting Bs and Cs while trying to dodge the bullies. Sounds no different than “Everybody Hates Chris.” I know some people will see that as blasphemy, but they need to realize that you’re just an above-average player with great longevity.

But they can’t because ESPN’s executives love you as much, if not more, than they love hiring general managers as commentators who lead teams to 0-16 seasons after selecting 12 first-round wide receivers  (seriously, how do you hire Matt Millen to do anything aside from shovel snow for Detroit Lions season ticket holders?).

No matter. Stop thinking you’re Michael Jordan or Jay-Z. You’re not going to fade to black, come back and takeover the Lombardi Trophy again. If you come back (and I still believe you will), winning should be your goal, not sticking it to Green Bay. Trust me, vengeance and running the rumor mill gets you nowhere.

You know winning isn’t realistic. So stay home. Go hunt. Go fish.

Better yet, go take care of your kids so they don’t end up like Manny and his friends.

Sincerely,

Damon

P.S.  Jay-Z’s “Heart of The City” or Bobby & Whitney “Something in Common”

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34 responses to “61. Brett Favre

  1. All I can do is laugh! However, the sad thing about Brett is that, he really can’t help it if he comes back to football — it’s really all he knows. Could anybody really picture Brett Favre sitting at home, ‘on a rocking chair’, telling stories (to himself probably) about when he was in the league? Absolutely not. He might as well coach — actually he probably shouldn’t; he probably should stay as far away from football as possible. At this point, Brett’s “addicted” and we don’t need him relapsing AGAIN! But cold turkey isn’t all that fun either…

    The way I see it is this: If Brett completely leaves football, he’s going to kill himself; THEREFORE, he must stay intrinsically close to the game of football as a form of therapy for his broken heart (and shoulder).

    • @andre: I don’t know. I think Favre will be OK, so long as he is able to hunt, golf and fish. He’s been doing the same thing every year of his life since he was about six or seven, probably. so there is some sort of clock that goes off …

      I know that a lot of pro athletes go through that period of depression where they don’t know what to do with their lives. But I think when Favre looks back, he’ll see that he had an illustrious career and played the game happier than anyone else up until last season. I think he’ll be OK… so long as he’s able to hunt, fish, play golf, etc.

  2. I don’t have much to say about Brett except whenever there is Favre coverage on ESPN, my eyes usually glaze over & I automatically tune it out. I just don’t follow his career at all.

    Good use of the Chesney song…only you. Funny. 🙂

    Oh, and The Sandlot reference? Classic.

    • @shawnta: You get all cool points for picking up ‘The Sandlot’ reference … and thanks for the Chesney song. That worked out well… lol.

  3. Why do sports players constantly go in and out of retirement? Michael Jordan did it too.

    • @nicki: You have to remember that most professional athletes have been playing their sports since childhood. It’s what they know. It is their lives.

      And when you have the ability to keep doing what you love or what’s become the norm/habit because you’re that good at it or because no one can force you out … why stop? Especially when you’re making the money you make.

      I think that’s a big part of the logic. Then consider the competitive nature of most of them … and yeah. It starts to come together.

      • That’s what I mean- why stop? If you love it, and you’re not breaking bones doing it (getting too old), then why do they say they’re gonna retire… and then come back.

        lol. I am NOT a sports head, if you can’t tell.

        • Let me put it in terms you’ll understand: It’s like a relationship (the pro athletic career) that you know has to end.

          But you don’t give it up because you’re one of THE GREATS, and you have control. Not the teams in the league, i.e. your Significant Other.

          You have strong ties to the relationship, but it must meet it’s demise. You have control, so you go back and forth with whether or not to try to give it another try … but eventually inevitably will rear its head.

          Make sense? It’s really the same concept as the song “Ordinary People” or “Again” … seriously.

  4. Brett should have retired after GB won the SB in ’97. By that time he had already had a great career and wasn’t tore up. It would be hard to step away from the limelight, the butt kissing, and general celebrity worship of being a “star”, but I think it would have been a fantastic decision. Leave them wanting more…kinda like when Jim Brown left the game.

    • @travis: That sounds good in theory, but Favre would have retired and come back at least 10 times by now if that were the case. lol.

      The Jim Brown thing is extremely rare. Although, Jim has his drawbacks, he’s a very wise person. He got out because he wasn’t going to end up like Muhammad Ali did (apologies to the GOAT).

      Besides, Brown knew he was bankable on so many other avenues of life. Most of these athletes don’t get that. And then you have your Favres and Jordans who really have that passion and love for competition…

      Funny thing, I was talking with a guy about Favre this morning, and he said Favre needs hang it up and go back to doing Wrangler Jeans commercials … good stuff.

    • @Damon & @Travis: The anaylsis the two of you used for why athletes struggle with retiring and remaining retired is most likely accurate. It reminds me of the guy in Any Given Sunday who kept pushing himself to stay on the team & in the game…but that was more for his wife. So, I guess it makes me wonder if spouses, signifant others, children and family in general is also a reason why athletes come out of retirement (or refuse to retire altogther). Do y’all think family and friends (friends both in the sport & not in the sport) affect an athlete’s to give it another go, one more season?

      • @shawnta: They do/can. I think it’s different with every decision. The families are often in a supportive role. … But if the player is truly a family man, and there are plenty of them out there, being away from their families will tug at them.

        Or the family’s are strong enough without them being around 24/7 that they push the athlete to continue playing if they want. It’s ultimately up to the player, though … unless we’re talking about Doug Christie. (just joking) lol.

        • @Damon: Right. I think those who are dedicated to their families would jump at the chance to finally be home with their families and see their children grow up. Especially if they’ve had a long and glorious career and have set their families up financially.

          I can also see the flip side of this where the families are strong enough without the athletes around or a permanent basis because they’ve been doing it for so many years without the athlete around, almost like they’re living two separate lives. So, I could see family supporting their decision to keep playing.

          • @shawnta: I think you’d be shocked to see how this happens with coaches from the high school level on up. …

            I’ve watched it for several years now, and it takes a committed & faithful spouse to stand by a high school football or basketball coach because they spend so much time out of the house…. it’s kinda scary.

            And to think of what college coaches and professional coaches do? idk. I guess it explains part of why they are compensated as well as they are.

      • I doubt the Favre family is hurting for cash…I don’t think she’s yelling at him to “show me the MONEY!” Maybe he’s a pain in the butt being around the house all the time. I would like to think that she knows that he’s old (for a footballer anyway) and the chances for him getting seriously injured are going up. My wife would be telling me to hang it up without a doubt.

        • @Travis: Right; I doubt they’re hurting for the cash but I wonder if he and his family would miss being in the spotlight, miss having the media hounding him for exclusives, etc.

          I would be the same way if it were my husband. As the chances for him to be injured increased, so would my pleading (read as: nagging – LOL!) for him to walk away from it.

      • @shawnta: btw, I love “Any Given Sunday” …

        cues: “My name is Willie … (Willie Beaman) … I keep the ladies … (Steamin) … And if you think you can defeat me (you’re dreamin) …

        lol.

  5. Okay, let me play devil’s advocate:

    Last year Brett’s Old Ass was . . .

    #21 out of 32 in QB Rating (dude’s old what you expect?)

    #6 out of 32 in Completions

    #5 out of 32 Completion Percentage

    #11 out of 32 in YDS

    #22 out of 32 in YDS per Attempt

    #32/32 in INT’s (but so was Drew Brees and Jay Cutler . . . cause they aint scared to throw the ball).

    Most importantly, the Jets where 4-12 the year before he came and 9-7 the year he came.

    Ofcourse there are tons of nuances that can be brought up, but he’s still a better quarterback than like half the league and you’d take him in the clutch over probably 80% of the league.

    Let dude play.

  6. @rob: Always good to have a DA in the house.

    Thing is, if he wants to play, fine. He shouldn’t be orchestrating his way out of Green Bay or New York to position himself to play for Minnesota.

    That’s not cool. It’s annoying.

    But the more and more I think about it, I can’t blame him because he does have control of the situation. Half the teams in the league would sign him for a sign for the publicity of it all …

    It’s just annoying as hell. And I hate that the majority of NFL fans, certain commentators, talking heads and columnists are on their knees “praying” to Favre Sunday thru Monday for 52 weeks of every year. …

  7. As a Packer fan, and an official Brette Favre Stan fo’ life, I think he’s God and he can do no wrong. Lets be honest: he was the only 3 time MVP, no? The man is the Rick Flair of the football world!

    WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    LOL

    Yeah I know that sounds as crazy as me allowing my 18mth old child to attend a sleepover at Michael Jackson’s house. But I’m a fanatic, and we’re all not always logical. We tend to lean to the side of the ridiculous.

    So with that said, I believe Favre should stay retired. However, I go against everything bad you have said about him. No he did not wreck the Packers 08′ season that was all the General Manager. No he didn’t screw the Jets, that was all bad coaching; they got away from the running game.

    That’s all I’m going to say for now as I go back to pouring some more cofee in my Packers mug and sneakily dig my Packers underwear out of my butt here at the office without anyone seeing.

    • As a Packer fan, and an official Brette Favre Stan fo’ life, I think he’s God and he can do no wrong. Lets be honest: he was the only 3 time MVP, no? The man is the Rick Flair of the football world!

      @RiPPa: Your comments are funny and they definitely bring more balance to the discussion. Get your rep on. Big up your team, especially since the result is the same – stay retired. 🙂

    • @rippa: 20 cool points come your way for being brave enough to let out a Flair-like “Whoooooo!” in the comments …

      I personally would spit my gum out of my mouth and swat it with no regard for human life a la Mr. Perfect Curt Henning.

      Favre screwed over GB with his indecision. The GM was forced to make a decision and stick with it, like any good person does with time constraints.

      Favre’s arm ruined the Jets season, and had he stayed retired Kellen Clemons (sp?) could have come into his own and led the Jets to the 7-9 record they were supposed to score. Mangineius could still been working in the Big Apple. And Brett could be a year closer to the Hall of Fame ….

      But … Favre is Favre. And vengeance is vital to his life. smh. Just my thoughts.

  8. thecomebackgirl

    i hate sports but i like this blog to at least try and read the letter.

    • @comeback: I applaud your effort. But will never understand how you hate sports.

      Do you hate competition in general, too? It’s at the core of sport… and many of life’s best lessons are taught through sport and competition.

      It’s just perplexing to know that you loathe sports this much. But hey … *shrugs shoulders* … I tried to put a little Bobby & Whitney, John legend and Jay-Z into the mix for ya.

      Not to mention blago, ‘Liar, Liar’ and ‘The Sandlot’

      I tried. lol.

    • @CBG: Do you hate all sports? Do you hate watching and playing or just watching?

  9. Damon, I feel you, and believe you me last year was a tough year for me football-wise. I’m a New Yorker, a Packer/Brette Favre fan, now living in Memphis TN. Now tell me that wasn’t hard for me last year?

    LOL

    When the Jets crushed the Titans I just knew it was going to be 1996 all over again when Brett went to the Superbowl. And as a New Yorker, I seally wanted to see the Jets come out on top of the AFC East especially with Tom Brady out for the season.

    But hey, you have renewed my hope. I hope he does comeback and go to the Bills and hookup with Terell Owens. Don’t tell anybody, but I rooted for the Bills all four consequtive years they lost in the Superbowl.

    • @rippa: Rooting for the Bills is like rooting for the Cubs, Bad News Bears, Detroit Lions or Royals … so I understand …

      But that’s at a different level: They came in first loser four years in a row. I’m shocked there weren’t any guys on that team that didn’t think about swimming with a jellyfish or two.

      Losing the biggest game four years in a row: That takes some humility.

  10. I’ve said it on FB and I’ll say it here: I’m soooo sick of Brett Favre. Most of the TVs at the gym are stuck on ESPN, so I’m stuck watching endless loops of Sportscenter (see Damon’s previous letter) about Brett taking his on-field indecision to the negotiating table for another season. Brett, seriously, hang it up. If you really want to be like Jordan or Jigga, come back in three years and scream, “The industry’s shady, it needs to be taken over!”

    Or, hang out in a small boat fishing. Spend time with your kids. Figure out what your life can mean without the pigskin. You might find there are other things out there.

    • … Yeah, If Brett Favre knows what song “the industry shady and needs to be taken over” comes from, I’ll give him a pass. … lol.

  11. Hey man, leave Brett alone!!!!

    Any anglo-saxon whose middle name is Lorenzo deserves to do whatever he wants.

    (Note: his middle name is Lorenzo, real talk!)

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