HolyDays and Spirits

On Cinco De Mayo (May 5th), I finally came to a realization concerning something I should have noticed long ago: Americans will make up any excuse to blame it on the alcohol.

Wife cheating? Take two shots of Patrรณn, go to the club and find some new booty. Ashanti mumbles the word “baby?” in a song? Vegas bombs around the bar. Watching Half-Baked? Take a drink every time any synonym of marijuana is mentioned.

Liquor stores and distributors do their best business on and around holidays. Go figure.

Liquor stores and distributors do their best business on and around holidays. Go figure.

I also realized that Americans drink more alcohol on holidays, a time where it seems it should have little place. Isn’t there supposed to be something “holy” about some of these days?

We’re going to run through some of the major ones, and reasons why you drink or things that you’d drink on these special occassions. Feel free to add reasons to blame it on the alcohol on these holidays — or others we leave out — in the comments.

New Year’s Eve: Drink because you want to forget the previous year in its entirety, and because you know you’re gonna give up on your resolutions before January’s end.

Martin Luther King Day: Pour out a little liquor for the righteous homey who is dead and gone. But only a little because you must drink the rest of the bottle.

Valentine’s Day: You’re either drinking because your depressed by your lonesome or at some Italian restaurant with the love of your life, and a Cab(ernet) and a cab are a must.

President’s Day: If you lived in America from January 2000 to January 2008 you have plenty of reason to drink on this day. Enough said.

St. Patrick’s Day: Because it’s the only day you’ll ever desire to drink green beer. And who can pass up green beer? Even if you’re not Irish and you’d point to Africa if someone asked you where Dublin was on a map.

Easter: I can’t even joke about this. The story and meaning behind is too good to find a reason to drink.

Cinco De Mayo: Because Americans think they need to celebrate the fact that they weren’t born in Mexico. Seriously, why are non-Mexican Americans celebrating this day? Because Patron and Jose Quervo offer IVs on the low low? No.

Memorial Day: Must pour out a little more liquor for the real homeys who are dead and gone. But only a little. You must drink the rest of the bottle.

Independence Day: Because you want to be incoherent when that bottle rocket blasts your arm and in honor of the wondrous freedom of speech you have because of Ben Frank, Thomas Jeff, Geo Wash and Co. Also because of the ignorance that same freedom of speech allows some clowns to spew out daily.

Labor Day: Because you don’t have to work. Period.

Halloween: Do you see how foolish some grown people dress on this day? In order to laugh you must be drunk enough to blow over the legal limit or else you will have nightmares.

Thanksgiving: It’s the one day you could down 10 Jaeger bombs and 5 shots of Patron and still be just “tipsy” because of all of the food you’ve consumed.

Christmas: Because Jesus turned water into wine. Because you didn’t get what you wanted from your ‘rents, your significant other. Because you just broke your bank account for the next month to give some kids gifts from a fictitious man for whom they will hate you for a week when the find out he’s not real. (In case some kid stumbles upon this, don’t say his name.)

So what are some other excuses for partaking in Holiday spirits?


47 responses to “HolyDays and Spirits

  1. You are a fool for this one but it is SO true. Ironically holidays are usually the times I don’t drink but I can always find a reason to drink on other days.

    I read this interesting article about St. Patrick’s day and how it is a religous holiday in Ireland, not a day to get sloppy drunk and throw up green beer. It also said that if you go in a true Irish pub and order an Irish Car Bomb that you might get cut.

    • @tam: St. Patrick’s Day baffles me the most. Then Halloween.

      And it’s because as a kid, I thought those holidays were made fun for us. I didn’t think grown people celebrated those days as much as they do.

      It amazed me the first time I went to a Halloween party as an adult. There were nearly 1,000 people at a party, and 80 percent of them were in costume …

      Same goes for St. Patty’s … how do you take off of work to drink, and you’re not Irish? Explain, please … someone?

  2. Interesting post.

    First, I LOVE that you left Easter alone. It is my favorite holiday…always has been & always will be. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I don’t drink. At all. Not even a little. Not even in school (yes, that automatically made me the designated driver & “Debbie Downer” sometimes – depending on who I was hanging with). ๐Ÿ™‚ So, although I can’t offer other reasons for mixing holy days and spirits, I am interested in reading others’ comments. I’ve always wondered why it seemed impossible for some people to have a good time without at least one drink.

    • I don’t know for certain WHY at one point in my life it was almost impossible for me to have a good time without a drink but it certainly was. Maybe because I was shy so having some drinks gave me some of that good ol’ “liquid courage” or maybe I enjoyed not having to think about things because once I got a few drinks in me all thoughts seemed to disappear.

      Oh my, that just made me sound like an alcoholic….

    • @shawnta: I once played CatchPhrase with a group of friends responded to the clue/question “what do people hunt for on Easter?” with the answer “rabbits.”

      Yes, I was drunk. No, it wasn’t anywhere near Easter. Yes, I was embarrassed as hell, and can’t get by without a mention of that flub at least once a month from one of the parties that was in attendance … smh.

      • @Damon: Funny. Yeah, I’d imagine that would be a tough one to live down but a monthly reminder? Funny.

  3. Not much of a drinker, especially on those holidays (unless they happen to land on a Saturday night). I prefer that green leaf if you know what I mean.

    Anyway, you do make some good points!

  4. My favorite holiday is my birthday (Saturday!!!). Yeah, I said my birthday. Ask D.Scott if you want more info. Seriously, how many times do you get to just celebrate me?

    Also, as a side story, I had a bad experience with fireworks when I was a kid. My dad, having had a bit to drink on the Fourth, decided it would be a cool idea for me to hold a Roman Candle in the air as it went off. Mind you, Daddy was drinking. So he put it in my hand and told me to hold it up high. What he didn’t do was check to make sure the right end was facing the sky. So the Roman Candle backfired into my hand four times. Needless to say, my mother was pissed.

    • @aye: I might have a little surprise for you. And yes, I say that just to get to you. lol. How many more days is it? 20? lol.

    • @aye: I’m with you. I celebrate each and every birthday for a week…drives my husband cuckoo. ๐Ÿ™‚

      That side story is crazy. I don’t blame your mom; I would have been pissed too. Is it one of those stories that everyone can now look back on & laugh about or is it still a sore spot?

    • @Damon: You know my bday is in THREE DAYS!!! I love surprises, so make it a good one :p

      @Shawnta: It’s not even a topic of discussion anymore. I think I’m the only one who can still see the scar on my palm.

  5. It’s not necessarily a holiday, but people drank ’til they pass out on birthdays.

    • @nicki: This is so true. I thought about adding it, but people who consider their birthdays to be holidays are slightly crazy (see: asyoureditor). lol.

      But you’re right, I’ve had some pretty wild b-days. I don’t think I’m gonna drink to drunkness this one, though. I want to have coherent memories of it all.

      • I’m not crazy. I just think everyone should take part in enjoying my day ๐Ÿ™‚

      • @Damon: I’m not crazy (isn’t that what all crazy people say? :-)) but I agree with @aye: everyone should take part in the celebration of my day. LOL.

        • @Shawnta: Nasir Jones said it best, “Everybody’s Crazy” …

          just wait, I’ll prove it at some point. lol.

          And ain’t nothing wrong with the celebration of great person’s b-day.

          • I know I may seem over the top. But if you think about it, this is the only time of year I’m like this. Usually I’m a go-with-the-flow kind of person. But, when it comes to my birthday, I like attention. That’s all I’m asking for. D.Scott knows this. We’ve been doing this for about 10 years now.

      • “but people who consider their birthdays to be holidays are slightly crazy ”

        I’m sorry yaw but the ones that go around reminding every one that it’s there burfdays makes me want to overdose on cheetos.

        • @Nicki: Come December get your Cheetos ready. ๐Ÿ™‚

          @Damon: Very true…we’re all at least a little crazy about at least one thing/person at some point in our lives. Right? ๐Ÿ™‚

        • @nicki@aye: I will defend Cicely. She’s even keeled about everything else in life aside from that one day. I’ve respected that for the last 10 years.

          I may have slipped on one b-day. But the reminders aren’t a bad thing because remember the b-days of 50 people or so is damn tough. That’s part of why Faceboook is a godsend.

          My birthday take: I grew up with a lot of disappointment surrounding birthdays, so I don’t make too big of a deal concerning mine.

          I may celebrate it one year (I had a birthday gathering with another friend at a lounge last year) or I might go to lunch and dinner with just a friend or two.

          But I never expect anything but phone calls from my mother, brother and a handful of other people. That’s it.

          That way I avoid any possible disappointment.

          • Dude, what’s your email so I can send you a hug. Geez. I’m sad now.

          • Sending you a long distance *hug*. I’ll send you a shorter one when I get to the Midwest.

          • Who is Cicely??? Did I just miss something.

            “That way I avoid any possible disappointment.”

            I am like you on this…Usually never made a big deal about mine but last year, I got a group together to go to Miami. It was more so I could have another excuse to go and take the people who have never been.

            • as your editor = cicely …

              Seriously, though. When your dad and stepmom purposely avoid saying happy b-day to you (at age 15) for something you did two weeks before, you carry a bit of hurt with you … and you have to find some way to cope. …

              It made me seriously learn not to expect anything on that day. That doesn’t mean I won’t do for others or will disregard their birthdays. If I have kids, I’ll spoil them rotten on the birthdays …

              They won’t get trips to miami for their b-days, though … lol.

        • My last little bit of self defense: My enthusiasm about my birthday comes from my mother. My mother always made a big deal out of birthdays. I had parties until I didn’t want to have them anymore. I always got a cake and ice cream. When I got to high school, I got tired of parties, so my family just went out to dinner and a movie. There were always presents. Birthdays mattered in my house, so I like to keep the tradition going. I get reasonably excited about everyone else’s birthdays, too. I make sure to at least call or send a text. I know everyone doesn’t make as big a deal out of it as I do, but that doesn’t mean that it should be thrown my the wayside. It’s your own personal New Year’s Day. Take advantage of it.

  6. Xmas – drinking mellows me out so I don’t get tempted to get violent on some family member who got on my last nerve!

    • @ygb: As kids I didn’t remember seeing alcohol in the house on Xmas, which is why I think it’s sorta strange that people drink on Christmas, just because I didn’t grow up that way.

      But I totally understand where you’re coming from. The ridiculous debates that on Christmas are ridiculous …

  7. The Comeback Girl

    I think boredom stands for alot here too. I consider myself to be a sipper and a social drinker. I never understood the drink till wasted..just for wasted sake.

  8. Ends in “day” holiday. . . .

    As in monDAY, tuesDAY, wednesDAY, thursDAY, friDAY, saturDAY or sunDAY ( . . when you read that, did you emphasize DAY in your head like it was written . . . lol).

  9. Cause you’re usually spending time with family.
    or long time friends
    One of them is guaranteed to be drunk or drinking.

    You need to cope. Otherwise, if you’re the only sober one, the stuff that happens wouldn’t be as funny when you remember it later in life.

  10. I don’t quite remember YOUR birthday the way you do. I remember a birthday party with family and friends from the age of 1 til 10. I remember spending all day at Worlds of Fun and then the birthday party afterwards or the next day. Then I remember just Worlds of Fun. When you got older….well money was funny but always something…until you got 25. So…what’s up with your memory. Oh, you based your dislike for birthdays because you lived with your father and he didn’t believe in birthday’s, Christmas, anniversaries, or even you! Sorry, it’s your mom’s poor choice, but your mother always did something for you until you were damn near grown. Yes…I know because….

    • @greedywoman bka Damon’s Mother: Welcome, this is your first comment here, right?

      Interesting. I think you missed the point Moms. It wasn’t to say that I don’t have good birthdays. It was to say that I have low to no expectations because expectations lead to disappointment a la the story I told above. Therefore, I only look for an early phone call from you and Ryan. That’s it.

      Everything else it gravy. But you already know this. … Calling you now. Love, your son.

  11. Even folks in the bible drank to have a good time (remember the water into wine passage); so, as long as it’s done in moderation, drinking on holy days is ok.

    • @jlbd: this is too true. But it’s tough for some people to drink in moderation, ya know? please tell me that you read my mom’s comment. smh. lol.

  12. Uh. I’m scared now cause your moms chimed in.

    • Dude, you don’t even understand. smh. I had to call and actually explain myself in detail.

      I can’t even say what I’m thinking, so I’ll just *smh*

  13. LOL. U need to explain gettin “punked” to your moms cause that’s what she just did to you. On your own blog. But I’m with it though. Y’all already got open lines of communication going this could be a new breakthrough. . . Or you may continue to get punked. One or the other.

    • @rob: Now you can clearly understand why I won’t add my mom as a Facebook friend. This is why she is still in FB purgatory.

      I can deal with it here. But on facebook, I’d basically be Flavor Flav if I added her. smh. lol.

  14. LOL. Called out by Mom! I’d be feeling this >< big right now.

    Most of these holidays aren’t really holy days anymore. That’s pretty sad. St Pat’s is the most confusing one to me. Followed closely by May 5th. I think we need to start celebrating other countries’ independence day. Maybe we can incorporate Canada’s Boxing Day.

    As the son, grandson, great-grandson, nephew, and on down the road, of alcoholics…drinking to get hammered is beyond ridiculous.

    • @trav: read what I just said to Rob. smh.

      yeah, drinking to get hammered is ridiculous. I’ve done it my fair share of times. And will say I’m not too proud of those moments.

      But that’s life, I guess. You have to learn. I think I have …

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