Ed’s Note: Monica murdered Freddie, yesterday. Guess there won’t be any more requests for Fred to drop dead on Elm Street, huh? Don’t worry if your name’s not Fred, I’m coming for all you texters right now.
Dear People Who Enjoy Dodging Phone Calls:
In recent days, I’ve been in cars with two drivers who have had my life in their hands. But their hands were concentrating on texting while driving. If you think texting is so essential to your life that you must endanger mine, I have a simple message for you that you should be able to decode: GTHOHWTBC! Yes, this necessitates an exclamation mark.
This is what happens when you text while driving: You kill your intended wife in a car crash, then go on a rampage of playing God before killing yourself (by swimming with a jellyfish) to give your new love interest your heart. SMH. Great acting. But if you can't tell, I hate the message of "Seven Pounds."
OK, let’s get serious. Text messaging is of the Devil. I believe that God and the Devil came to an agreement about text messaging. In order to prevent a major Tsunami-like disaster, God allowed the Devil to introduce the text message to our world. It’s not quite a Tsunami, but texting has become quite disastrous.
I know that’s far-fetched, but it should be a sin. I hate texting that much. It’s ruining the fabric of American communication: the spoken word. Hell, it’s destroying the written word. Too many kids are turning in homework spelling straight as “st8” and enough as “enuf.”
I’m going to give it to you straight: It’s enough.
That’s just a start, though. Kids don’t know how to converse. They “conversate” via text. They could care less about learning to write. They think the best way to profess their “love” “like” for someone is sending naked pictures that will be forwarded along (boys will be boys). That’s why we have 14-year-olds tagged as lifelong sex offenders. *SMH*
This is real. We’ve all seen/read the stories. Hell, some of you have seen the pictures. It’s serious stuff. And that’s just the kids.
There’s still the frivolousness concerning your kind. You know, the adults who attempt to have serious conversations via text messaging. … What are you thinking? Better yet, are you thinking?
This annoys me to no end. If you’re close to me, and you text me with a serious question you already know what’s going to happen: I’m calling you. I don’t care if it annoys you. I’m just returning the favor while trying to recondition you in regards to how I operate.
Don’t ask me how I’m doing via text message, either. Sure, I can text “fine” back. But that doesn’t tell you anything — accept that I’m pissed at you for asking me that potentially loaded question via text.
If I have a story to tell, and I likely do, I’m clearly not using my thumbs and 160 characters to tell it. That’s not a good look method of communication. Call me or answer the phone. Meet me in person. Facebook, e-mail, tweet or IM me. Write me a letter (@Comeback, Weave reply reminder). It’s simple.
If this is your preferred method for relationship upkeep, you don’t deserve the attention of your interest. No, you deserve the attention of two parakeets mocking every sound that you make better known as chickenheads. … Then again, you wouldn’t have to worry about the mockery because you don’t talk. You text. *SMH*
Now, I’m not saying that all texting is bad. The “meet me here for happy hour” text is cool. So is the “I’m running 30 minutes late” message — so long as you’re not tardy for your own wedding or to pull a pot roast out of the oven. I don’t even mind the Merry Textmas fest that goes on during the holiday season.
Just don’t be crazy enough ask what I want for Christmas via text. Actually, go ahead. This is how I’ll respond: “… For Santa to remove your thumbs after he’s had his (channel Bernie Mac) ‘milk & cookies’ so that you will not be able to text me with questions meant for a phone call” … or I could just repeat myself and type “for you to ‘GTHOHWTBC.'”
Yeah, that would save time and effort.
Disgruntled Again,
Damon
P.S. Before I forget, don’t ever send me a text forward. I might blow a gasket or two, and be “In Repair” for at least a week.
PS2. If you disagree, feel free to explain why because I’m curious as to why people prefer texting so much over actual conversation.
This May Concern You 
What is your number? I have dozens of HILARIOUS text emails to forward. 😉
I hate to talk on the phone so texting is a god send to me. Emailing necessitates proper greetings, small talk, and appropriate closings. Blah. Too much work. Wow. Apparently I’m quite the introvert? Oh well. Text ya later! ha
@mrsmarcos: Welcome. And I don’t say this to be rude, but there’s no way you’d get my number for two reasons:
1) You’re apparently married. lol
2) You think texting is a godsend. Did you miss me saying it’s of the Devil? lol.
1) Thanks for ruining 7 pounds for me. I guess now there is no need for me to bother seeing it. You’re going to make me write a letter to “people that ruin movies”.
2) I knew you disliked texting but DANG!
3)I am one of those people that will call a person if they text me something that takes more than one word to respond to. The only time I will text is if I’m in a place (meeting) where I’m unable to talk and I’m bored so even texting is better that paying attention.
@Tam:
at 1) You’re welcome. And trust me, you’d be wasting two hours of your life. I actually wasted four because I needed to see it a second time to put my finger on why I disliked it so much.
at 2) I’m dead serious about it, too.
at 3) That’s when I tweet or read something from the Internet on my phone. But I’ll only text someone to say “in a meeting.” I also rarely use shorthand words. I spell most things out except for your lols and smhs …
@Damon: Hilarious post.
I agree 100% on the text forwarding. Those messages drive me cuckoo & the ones that play music are even worse.
Although I don’t dislike all texting, I also agree that serious conversations are meant for face to face, a telephone or written letter (if the people seriously cannot express themselves and get it all out in person).
People who text & drive scare me. Seriously. Just like some states are considering requiring hands free dialing & talking, there should be consideration given to text free driving. I would include the reading of texts while driving as well, but the argument has been made that this is no different than reading a map or handwritten travel directions.
Also, like you, I rarely use shorthand when texting. Actually, my siblings, friends & husband tease me about this…especially my siblings who are in college. They think it’s SOOOOO funny that I spell everything out except the LOLs, SMHs, BRBs, etc. Guess that defeats the purpose of a 160 character text message since it’s meant to be short, sweet & to the point.
There have been times when texting has been my saving grace. One example is when I’m in a social setting & ready to leave or want to be rescued from someone that has me holed up to listen to their dissertation, restatement of law or something equally as mind numbing and I text a friend or husband to come and interrupt the conversation. LOL! This has only happened once but it has happened. Who discusses things like this at a party?
Sidebar: What was it about Seven Pounds that you disliked?
@Mrs. Marcos, welcome.
I’m not even going to talk about texting. I’ll talk about Seven Pounds …
Ben Thomas was playing God, choosing who deserved to live and who didn’t based on whether or not he saw the person as good or bad. After I saw it the second time, it irked me. I couldn’t believe that a good writer would leave such a major/catastrophic flaw in a good script.
Here’s a link to a note I wrote about it after I saw it: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=50501421095
Dame,
Generally I go along with most of your letters but as an avid texter, I have to respectfully disagree. I’m a person who likes to stay connected with my people and I can do so pretty well thanks to my Blackberry/Facebook/Twitter usage.
If I actually took the time to call EVERYONE I wanted to reach out to, I’d have the neck cramp of death from trying to hold my phone up as well as a headache from trying to listen to some various family member tell me about some other various family member did to embarrass them. It’s just easier sending a fancy acronym to let ’em know you’re on my mind.
Should this apply to everyone? No.
If you’re really, REALLY worth the call – I’ll make it.
That’s my two cents for the day.
@mrsmartguy: You’re right, thru and thru … I just choose to facebook/tweet some of the friends I don’t really have time to call.
But texting is too much. I hate my phone going off as it is (and it’s does more than enough for me with the phone calls I get a day). I couldn’t imagine receiving/sending 100 texts a day.
I used to love ringtones. Now, I hate them with a passion because they ruin songs for me. I had Jay’s PSA as a ringtone for three years, and had to get rid of it so I could enjoy the interlude again.
Now I only use regular ringers. And only receive 10 texts or so a day.
“Write me a letter (@Comeback, Weave reply reminder). It’s simple.”
Im glad you wrote it in here instead of emailing ME!!! i think blog..is my perferred method of contact. Im serious. Unless we’re dating and then i’ll make a few exceptions and boo up on the phone during the honeymoon period LOL…
after that..im bored. i need face to face time.
@thecomebackgirl:
Yeah, I know about e-mailing you. lol. I thought it would be funny to do it this way, because I knew you’d read it …
Before I begin, full disclosure: I text waaay too much for my own good. However, I do agree with you on most points.
I think texting while driving should be banned in all states. Sure I’ve done it, but I won’t anymore now that I have the kind of phone where I need 2 hands.
My #1 texting pet peeve is people who have phones at the table and have to answer every text. Meal time is intimate/family time and if it’s through text, it’s not an emergency. Take your phone off the table and pay attention to me.
That being said, I think everyone should know their friends well enough to know who feels like you do and who prefers texting as communication. I prefer texting, but I know some of my friends hate it, so I call them out of respect for their preference. I think that’s very nice of me.
@Kim: Great point about texting (and sometimes even answering a call, unles it’s an emergency) during meals…especially when at a restaurant.
@Kim: I’m glad you see it … and you’re right, texting while driving should be banned period.
It’s not like eating or reading a text even … It’s you trying to think through what to type, typing it and sending it … there’s too much to concentrate on while driving …
And yeah, texting during dinner is bad. I leave my phone on the table sometimes. But I don’t get that many texts because my friends know to call …
Text forwards do piss me off… and enough with those dirty cartoon texts. The sender just ends up looking like a serial pedophile.
I like text messaging. I don’t like when a man uses it as his #1 means of contacting me. That will get you dead. I like text messaging bc I can tell you I’m on my way without picking up the phone or getting a brief of how you are doing (sometimes I don’t really want to know… I just want to know that you are alive and kickin.)
By the way, I hate when people text in class.
@Nicki: Texting in class wasn’t big yet when I was in school (no, it wasn’t THAT long ago – but long enough :-)), instead it was IMming because everyone had their laptops out.
lol. In class now, some professors won’t even allow a laptop. Prolly bc of you people!
@nicki: Dude, laptops in classrooms only became chic when I was leaving college.
All the law school students had them, but not too many undergrads. But I can see where that would be a major prob.
@nicki: I’m glad i’ve never got a dirty cartoon forward … And Idk about texting in class … I just hate when people text at the dinner table or in the middle of a conversation (more than once) …
You can tell that they clearly aren’t paying attention and that they don’t care. Excuse yourself from the table or conversation ….
I agree, texting when someoen is talking will get you a throat punch (workcite: someone) or an ear jab.
one of my friends sends me tons of dirty cartoons and men ain’t shat and send this to all of your down ayse bytches (HOOD) texts and it pisses me off… I don’t have the heart to tell her though. I just delete
Amen…thank you Jesus @ text forwards! What is the point???? Its bad enough receiving forwards via email. At least via email, you have the option on when you want to read it.
But other than that, I tend to think of text messages as an appetizer to a phone call. I need undivided attention if I’m going to sit on a call- unless of course its PCS to PCS…. Texting allows me to stir up a conversation or topic, so when the phone call occurs, we can jump right into discussion. It makes for an efficient and effective convo. I don’t have to go through all that “how was your day”…. “what’s for dinner”…. “are you busy” jazz. But that’s just me.
As always, it was a good read!
@Indy500: See, I get you. If you can find someone who doesn’t want to talk and would rather text, then maybe y’all can ask those questions via text: “how was your day” and stuff …
All of those Q&As are too much for texting for me except the “are you busy” one …
But you’re right, the text forward is the worst, especially considering that I dislike forwards period. lol.
If this is your preferred method for relationship upkeep, you don’t deserve the attention of your interest. No, you deserve the attention of two parakeets mocking every sound that you make better known as chickenheads. … Then again, you wouldn’t have to worry about the mockery because you don’t talk. You text. *SMH*
This is why my last relationship ended. No relationship can be furthered without direct telephone communication.
When I start dating again I’ll be very upfront with my disdain for texting in lieu of talking.
@themanagement: make sure you read monica’s letter from yesterday if you haven’t. It speaks specifically to this type of relationship …
I wish in our initial courtship he had shown that he was a “texter” … no, for about 2 years he was a caller (albeit a rare caller). When I expressed my hatred of texting he became quite defensive.
Basically, texting sucks.
@themanagement: my tweet deck is acting a fool at the moment, so to your DM the answer is no … I bought an LSAT prep book and refused to learn the seven-syllable words I’ll never use. I gave up after one practice test. lol …
on the re: comment … I’m glad someone else realizes that texting sucks. I know I can talk forever. But I also know how to be succinct when the situation warrants it (though I don’t do it all the time).
Texting is for succinct moments like “we’re moving to this bar” but not “tell me why you like this nightclub.” smh.
Yeah, a dude has told me “I don’t talk on the phone much” but commenced to text me every hour on the hour. I was so done in like 48 hours.
If we have a long standing relationship/friendship, you can text me repeatedly. (my SO, my BFF, cousins, family, etc)
Otherwise, call. We do not get to know each other over a text
Just got an email from this guy who was trying to TEXT Me..i lie to you not..Trying to figure out how to politely steer him to the light..since I sorta dig him.
I totally believe this comes from other women…if the majority of women found ALL text messaging inappropriate dudes wouldn’t be doing so much of it.
@cbg: smh … I’m confused. what did his e-mail say?
“Um, I want to text you. Is that cool?”
Let’s do a little intervention, and come up with the perfect response. Unless you already have … (which I’m sure of) lol.
““Um, I want to text you. Is that cool?””
sorta kinda…i think i know how to fix that. ..just give him overwhelming postive reinforcement when he calls tonite…LOL
you best be joking. lol. I’m still tripped out at the fact that he e-mailed you to see if he could text you … smh.
Who are these people?
i met him at a lounge a couple of weeks ago…my dumba!zz thought since he gave me his email, phone number etc..i would do the same.
Ain’t it in the Comeback Rules to not give your number to Mr. Comeback Wannabes?
I swear i saw that in the scrolls … lol
I hate texting because of the forwarding but I love texting because it eliminates the akward silence on phone calls. Sometimes you just have a quick reminder or message to tell someone that doesn’t neccessarily require a phone call. For example, you wanna tell your friend really quickly that Macy’s has a crazy sale. You wouldn’t call her just to say that.
I find myself on the phone with someone for like an hour and realize of said hour, I really spent like 15 minutes talking. The things that were said, could have been said via text.
I wouldn’t say that txting is of the devil, but gee mo-nee the damn sidekick and it’s ability to use aim/txt without having a real plan is of the devil.
“I find myself on the phone with someone for like an hour and realize of said hour, I really spent like 15 minutes talking.”
@ashb: I know there are people out there like you … I’m just not one of them. I’ll always find something to talk about … there’s too much out there … seriously.
You seem like the ideal phone friend.
Yeah, I am. It’s good because it keeps me from watching too much crap television.
Lol, what on tv isnt crap? Although I am sucker for all of vh1’s foolery and ignant nonsense.
The Animal Planet, The Discovery Channel, The History Channel …
You’d be amazed by the parallels between the stupid stuff we humans do and the things animals and our ancestors/forefather do/did …
@ashbunnie: Other non-crap TV: Food Network and HGTV…well, non-crap in my opinion. LOL! 🙂
oh gosh shawnta my mother watches HGTV and swear she can do her own home improvements. I do like the challenges on sundays that comes on fn. damon I love love loved the planet earth serious. it was really good.
I thought I was the only one who HATED 7 Pounds! But on the texting is the devil … I dunno. Technology has helped in a lot of ways, but there are a lot of negatives too. Kids coming up now use so much texting language, Facebook, Internet usage that it’s most def going to affect their reading and writing abilities. But I love to text because I don’t like talking on the phone all the time. Sometimes it’s just quicker to send a text than have to call and get in a long conversation. And if the other person can’t talk at the time, you can still get in contact with them.
@eby: If you see this, why did you hate Seven Pounds? I have my reasons … but I’m curious to see what you think …
I just didn’t like it because halfway through I felt like I was wasting an hour and a half (or however long it was) of my life. And I think the makers of the film tried to make it seem “deep,” and it really wasn’t. Also, I liked Will Smith in “The Pursuit of Happyness,” but for some reason in this film, I didn’t really feel for his character at all.
@eby: I couldn’t feel for the character because the character was flawed.
I think Will did a good job with it. But the character was written to play God with the outcome of people lives, which none of us should do.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! and THANK YOU! I absolutely DESPISE people who use texting as their main source of communication. ESPECIALLY when your first dating someone and they want to have serious conversations with you via text. Ninja I don’t know you and you can’t possibly expect me to know about the tomes of your messages!
I even hate text lingo, especially people that say “Oh em gee” when in an actual face-to-face conversation. Our in-person conversations do not have to be 160 characters or less, so please spare me the jargon! Ughh! [I think you hit a nerve today 🙂 ]
BTW, Seven Poounds sucked!
Well…my name is Mallorie, and I’m a texter. My reason for texting as much as I do – I despise talking on the phone…I’d rather talk face-to-face. That doesn’t always work out with the type of schedule that I have – as a result, I send text messages.
Do I agree with texting and driving? No. Do I agree with texting during award shows to comment about all the random occurrences? Yes. Do I agree with texting “help” to a friend when the guy at the bar is annoying the hell out of you? Yes. Do I agree with breaking up via text message? No. Do I agree with confronting an issue via text message? No.
Over the past few months I’ve had child-like males who look like men try to confront about an issue via text message. I made an attempt to call, but of course no answer…and then I got a text!! WTH?? When you’re attempting to resolve adult business…you need to pick up the phone, or text and meet somewhere. The 160 character limit is there because texting is supposed to be nothing more than a brief message. Not an avenue to confess your love, tell a long story, have an arguement, or get to know someone.
Yes, I am a texter…but I’m also an adult. There should be a balance…figure it out folks!!
*smooches*
Oh…and thanks for ruining “Seven Pounds” for me…I hadn’t seen it yet!! Lol!!
You don’t need to see it. But I’m sorry. lol.
I was driving home today and guess what happened. The guy in front of me was TEXTING while driving and almost ran into the median. After my anger/fear from almost crashing passed I laughed and thought about this letter.
LOL
I love texting and YES, I do it (text, that is) while driving. I text way more than I use minutes but I won’t send a text that is more than 2 sentences long……unless I’m at work and am sneaking on my cell. :0)
Luv ur blog btw …. ;0)
#1 Thanks for the ‘welcomes!’ I will have to pop over more often from the rss feed and see the funny comments.
#2 Yes, I am married 😉
#3 Just to clarify, I was 100% KIDDING about getting your number so I could text you some forwards. I suppose since we haven’t ‘conversated’ you wouldn’t realize I am usually sarcastic! I don’t get a TON of forwards…but several times a week I get some stupid thing texted to me and it drives me nuts. HOWEVER, I will share the only funny fwd I ever got – “What do you call a woman with PMS and a GPS?”…’a bitch that can find you ANYWHERE!’…sorry, that is funny to me because I’m crazy.
#4 You say texting is of the devil…I think talking on the phone is of the devil!! I’m an introvert, you’re cool and not an introvert…so there you go!
P.S. now I have to go make 33 phone calls to clients. I did not make the number up.
Keep up the nice blogging! 🙂
@mrsmarcos: the comments can get pretty good, there are some witty/funny people who comment every day …
on no. 3, I know you were kidding, but I had to play back … that’s my style … lol … the PMS/GPS joke is a bit much to a man, because that means you could be lurking. lol. … and we’re all crazy on some level or another …
on No. 4, what’s weird is I can be an introvert amongst a crowd, and just observe. But you give me one person or a crowd of three or four and … yeah …
on your phone calls, good luck. Sounds like a lot of fun… yikes?
I survived the phone calls. I didn’t even snap at anyone! Go me! Once a month I have to do collections for my groups that haven’t paid their premiums yet (I work in the insurance industry). It is lame and it makes me hate talking on the phone even more than I used to…but, it pays the bills! 🙂
Catching up to reading your blog and this one right here has me cracking up
What makes Twitter OK, but not texting? They’re both about the same number of characters. 🙂
Ok so i know I am about a month late commenting on this but hey I have been busy! And as you saw from the other night when it texted you about the news, I text ALL THE TIME. That is like the basis of mine and Ryans relationship! (speaking of; english major, what is the correct grammar for that? Me and Ryans relationship, ryan and I’s relationship or what? ) But anyway, if you spend ALL day on the phone, sometimes it is alot nicer to just text. Or if you need to ask someone a question but you know they will talk to you for an hour, and you just dont have that kind of time, a text is appropriate! Anyway, just thought i would give my two cents! Love ya!
Great topic sir. Very Good.
Well I didn’t 7 pounds all the way through. I saw littles specs of it.
I agree with you on some parts and disagree on others. You have points all trhough out this writting but… Well here I go… (Deep Breath taken)
Have you ever been on the phone with someone and the conversation started to go dull? Well I’m sure you have. What was your reaction to it? Did you feel like you this, ” I don’t want to be rude but I have to get off this phone with her/he”? That’s what I feel like and just when I tell her (more than like it’s a female.) that I’m getting off the phone, she bugs out saying this, “WHY?” “UGH, I’m bored, talk to me, don’t get off the phone!” all that crap. I hate that crap, and I hate hanging up on people but I’ve had to do so numerous of times because of bull like that. So texting for me is much easier to handle. If I have nothing to say, well then, I don’t have to reply to it and make up an excuse about it later or just not deal with that issue.
Texting while driving is crazy, especially when they don’t look up once in thirty seconds because of text message. I’m guilty of that at times so I guess just…AAHH, moving on. (LOL). Also I could be at work and really want to discuss something with someone that no one else needs to hear so I can have a full blown conversation without anyone knowing whats going on, or be in a meeting and have something that needs to be addressed right then… HMM. I think I make a point.
This can go on for days.
Great stuff Dam!