RE: 3. Kanye’s Hair … ATTN: Jay’s Follicles

Note: I’m double posting today because of what I saw while watching the Cavs game last night. It’s an emergency. If you get a sec, still answer the FRQs in the previous post.

To: 3. Kanye West’s Hair
set to send on Tuesday, 17 Mar 2009
From: Damon <thismayconcernyou (at) gmail (dot) com>
Subject: RE: 3. Kanye’s Hair ATTN: Shawn Carter’s Follicles

He looks content, like maybe he shoulda never left that Beach Chair. But this is unkempt. Uncalled for. Uncouth. And unnecessary.

He looks content, like maybe he shoulda never left that Beach Chair. But this is unkempt. Uncalled for. Uncouth. And unnecessary.

Dear Kanye’s Hair:

Seeing as how you got Kanye to taper you down, we all know that you got my letter to you. I thank you for your diligence and persistence. It paid off, and now you look the part, and Kanye no longer looks like a 2yK version of Mr. T.

But that’s not why I’m writing to you again. I actually have a small favor to ask:

Would you please forward my original letter to you to Shawn Carter’s follicles? Did you see what they looked like on his head last night as LeBron James extended the Cleveland Cavaliers season for another two days?

It’s apparently a rapper-see-rapper-do hip hop world, huh? (think: Vocoder)

Seriously, someone in QuickenLoans Arena had to have a Cavalier shear or two that some Edward Scissorhands wannabe could have taken to Jay’s head before TNT started in with all its cameo shots. And Beyonce wasn’t there? It kinda makes me question what’s really good? Did Bey tell Jay “to the left, to the left” and Jayonce just hasn’t shared that info with the world yet?

No joke, Jay’s follicles look that rough. That unkempt. That uncouth. That unnecessary. Seriously, I can hear their Song Cry.

So they, his follicles, need to hear my cry for you, Kanye’s hair. The message in it is very clear. I mean, look at you and the person with whom you share DNA now? We “can’t tell you nothing.”

Well, unless you’re the South Park writers. Yeah, they kinda put a plastic bag around your cousin, Kanye’s ego, and caused him to die a 30-minute slow death. Fish sticks. Yeah, that was murderous.

Anyway, if you could really read, you’d know that I hate forwards. But this is one worth sending. Please oblige my request. It’s a hip hop emergency.

Sincerely yours,

Dame (Definitely not Dash)


25 responses to “RE: 3. Kanye’s Hair … ATTN: Jay’s Follicles

  1. Hilarious. That photo & its caption says it all. This is so true. My husband and I were cracking up & saying the same things during last night’s game.

    What is he thinking? I’m too wealthy, too cool and too big to care what y’all think? I would be so embarrassed if my husband went out in public like that. I wonder if it bothers Beyonce at all. Either it doesn’t bother her or she has no type of influence over her husband (which I would find hard to believe).

    • @shawnta: It doesn’t bother Bey at all. If there’s one thing I know, they love each other for who they are. I think you can tell that from the outside looking in.

      BTW, I’m not a Beyonce fan. just so you know. lol.

  2. I think Jay-Z is going for that whole Kanye West/black hipster/discount store steez. It seems like all the top celebrities and B-listers are doing it now. Lisa Bonet does it all the time–she’ll combine a $800 baby stroller with a slightly hobo-ish look on her part while shopping in NYC’s SoHo district and browsing through $250 designer t-shirts.

    But really, you’re right. The sloppy all-over-the-place hairstyle is not a good look. Also, I never understood why people wear cheap-looking shades INSIDE of buildings. Makes no sense to me.

  3. my homie jay-z got “strong” hair, dame. let him have it. but as my dear husband would say….that’s just the free spirited hippie in me.

    if you recall mr. me walked around with his hair au naturale for a long minute. before the wedding he chose to cut it without any prompting, but seriously if joe camel’s okay with it i’m okay with it. yes, joe camel. πŸ˜€

    • @ajia: That’s fine. “Mr. Me” is not a superstar celeb all over the world. “Mr. Me” has to answer to you. No one else.

      Jay has to answer to Beyonce and UUUUUSSSSSS, the judgmental public and his fans who are clearly side-eyeing him like he just re-wrote “Takeover” but directed it at us all.

  4. While I agree that Jay’s hair looked attrocious (and I mos def got a good laugh at him last night), I have a couple theories on what he is either 1) going through or 2) trying to do.

    1) During the height of his popularity, Jay-Z was THE authority when it came to fashion and trends. Jay-Z wears jerseys? “Everybody” wears jerseys. Jay says “give me a crisp pair of jeans [and] button-ups?” “Everybody” throws away their jerseys to make room for their jeans and button-ups. Jay-Z name drops Cristal on records? “Everybody” aspires to drink Cristal. Maybachs? Burberry? Jay saying your companies name in a rhyme was a companies DREAM! Maybe these days, as he climbs up in age, he is wearing flannel shirts, nappy hair and big 1980’s kindergarden kid glasses to distance himself from the trendiness that has preceeded him.

    Or, 2) maybe he is going outside the house looking any kind of way to prove a point. Because he set so many trends in the past, maybe he is trying to see how many people will follow the weird style he is putting out there now.

    While I commend Jay-Z for not conforming to the style choices of the day (see the Skinny Jeans letter), I must also say that if what he has on looks funny, I will laugh.

    Thank you Jay-Z for the comedy. Hopefully BP3 won’t be an extention of your comedic act.

    • @RVS: You could be on to something with your theories. Or maybe he is just truly in an “I don’t give a d*mn what y’all think” phase.

    • @rvs: The blueprint 3 best not be an extension of his comedic act. You heard that they pulled all of the vocoder stuff out of it, right?

      And while I hear both of your theories, I’m just wondering why ANYONE would follow the hair trend that Kanye set out. Why Jay? Why? And God knows I hate asking why? But why?

      Because if what you say is true (and it is), half of the hood will be unkempt in a month. smh.

      The fits he puts on, i’m not worried about. *shrugs* … Hair/shoes: two things a man just shouldn’t fudge up. period.

  5. I am a die hard Jay fan til I die! But he look a hot ashy dry napped mess!! He demands that Beyonce be put together at all times, this came from her mouth!! His excuse is that he is in his “rainman” stage…lol

    • @Kelli: Considering your sincere love for Jay, that you can admit that his head looks a mess speaks volumes … thank you for making your presence felt. lol.

    • I hear you; I’m a huge fan of Jay’s too. When I was in college, I thought he was cute…yes, I said cute but not so much nowadays. As for her looking together at ALL times, I’m not so sure about that one. Sometimes she looks a mess too. But that’s another discussion for another day. πŸ™‚

  6. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that there’s trouble in the Carter household. No joke, only woman problems would have a Negro not cut his hair and quit his job. Well, the Ji-Nappy-man has done both. This is bad, and I think we need to get Oprah in on this.

    P.S. why even send a letter to Kanye; he doesn’t even read books and he thinks its silly. Which kinda makes sense him being a College Dropout and all.


  7. I am so glad you made mention of this! You know I tweeted about this mess like a few days ago! I don’t know what Jay’s problem is! I mentioned my concerns regarding Jay’s hot mess head earlier this mornin’ to my husband.. My husband had the nerve to defend him talkin’ about.. “He chillin’ right now. He aint on tour. He good.. He can walk around with his head however way he want.. He’s Jay-Z”.. and ok.. I get that. .but just because he is Jay-Z and he has the right to walk around with a hot mess head does not make it right for him to do! It just looks a total mess! Unkempt… Nappy! Like for real.. at least get your edges tapered or something.. Please!!And he already is NOT cute so he does not need to be doin’ anything else to draw attention to his already NOT cute looks! For cryin’ out loud Jay! Why hasn’t Beyonce upgraded that hot mess head of his yet? This is just not right! LOL!!

  8. He could have at least shaped it up even if he wanted to let it grow out a bit. Maybe he’s going to loc it up??

    Oh, you also need to cc ol’ boy that used to play on The Wire and now plays the token black kid on the new 90210 (yeah I watch it and what?). I think his name is Tristan. I saw a picture of him recently and it looks just like Jay’s hair.

    I REALLY hope that this isn’t the start of a new trend….but it is a recession so maybe being able to save money AND be cool at the same time is a good thing for some people.

  9. ‘Seriously, I can hear their Song Cry’



    p.s. he looked a hot trifling mess last night and I told Dre that he CANNOT walk around looking like that with Beyonce’ as is wife…period.


    There is no excuse for the madness that is going on with his hair. I don’t care if he is in “Rain Man” mode working on the taking-to-damn-long-to-release Blueprint III. Beyonce is overseas touring…but I’m certain if she were here she’d make his behind cut that madness or put on a dang hat before making a public appearance with her. Wait, NOT – there’s a shot of them in Spain or somewhere having a jolly time recently and that madness was still all over his head. BLAH!! Eve said it, “Love is Blind,” and in this case it has taken over basic grooming…

  11. When I saw Jay’s hair I choked on a small portion of upchuck. Now with or without the hair don’t, Jay will never look the least bit attractive to me, however, I would think that he’d take a bit more pride in his appearance.

    …yes it’s his natural hair, but let’s get it together Jay! Please!

  12. i think they can loc up on their own

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