Speed Date

Ed’s Note: Calling an audible (Comeback, I’m sorry. It’s a football term that works. Sincerely, D-Money). Instead of the intended post, you get the Speed Dating story I promised long ago. Enjoy.

So I stroll into a place known as the Record Bar a few several Tuesdays ago for a speeding dating event. My eyes are so wide open that you’d have thought I’d just left the optometrist. I’m open-minded and curious to gauge this craze that’s boomed over the last few years.

Honestly, I should have kept them closed. The first person I see as I open the door is my female cousin Courtney. She’s here for speeding dating, too. Kansas City is that small. SMH. I’ll have a “date” with her. But in case you’re wondering, I don’t believe in kissing cousins. So yeah, get your mind out the sewage.

I digress.

I still have an open mind — nowhere near thinking about material fit for a toilet or kissing my cousin. No, I want to know why people subject themselves to this popular dating fad. So by my fourth of seven seven-minute dates, I conjure up enough courage to ask that date just that: “Why are you here?”

She admits that she’s shy. Says this is an interesting way to meet people, and to pull her out of her comfort box. Another says it’s her first time and she’s curious, too. A third says she’s moving to Kansas City soon to start her professional career, and wants to meet people because she doesn’t know too many people in the city.

A few ask me the same question, to which I reply: “To ask you that question.”


He only had time to ask her what her name was, and had to move on to the red head at the next table. At least she looks happy, tough.

Seriously. No joke. I explain to them that I’m not looking for anything serious. See, in a roundabout way, I’ve come to realize that you improve your odds of having a successful relationship if you’re platonic friends (don’t get any bright ideas about my best friend) with someone before you date them.

This method may not be for you. But I’ve learned that you’re able to decipher whether or not you actually like the person before you get emotionally attached — and aren’t able to properly detach yourself (see: Carrie/Big or Pedestal Patty).

Moreover, you need to figure out whether or not this person is a 6 or above on the 1-10 crazy scale without said attachment. Seriously, dating crazy people can take two-plus years away from your life and another several years from your life expectancy. Trust me, I know from experience.

The “speed dates” understood this theory when I explained it. We’ve all been there before. You know, dated someone’s representative for a few months only for he/she to show his/her true face (read: ass) to you at a later date.

Knowing that I was going into this speed dating thing looking for answers made asking questions like the following that much easier:

Did you enjoy your last “speed date” and if so could see yourself dating that guy? Date No. 5 said that she could see second conversations happening with most of the guys, but mostly because she didn’t have enough time to gauge what anyone was really about.

Oddly enough, it’s the same problem I was having. In seven minutes, it is impossible to determine who someone really is, and whether or not he/she sincerely deserves to converse with you later at a coffeehouse, dinner & a movie, an outing at the park or a skydiving trip. Yeah, skydiving. Right.


Most of the conversations were satisfactory (i.e., I couldn’t find many loose screws). And because I enjoy meeting new people and hearing other people’s takes on life, I could rap with any of them.

But that’s part of the double-edged sword of speed dating: You meet people, but you’re don’t get a chance to know them because of the accelerated pace, especially considering that we were all regurgitating the same information every seven minutes. It actually got annoying.

It’s a good microcosm of adult life best known as The Real World (not the non-reality show): Same stuff, different day. Just every seven minutes.

There were some good questions, though.

My first date had the second best one for me: “What’s your biggest flaw?”

My answer: “I’ve have a problem with taking vengeance into my own hands when crossed (20. The Girl Who Flung Spaghetti at my FUBU). But that’s a problem that I swept under the rug four or five years ago, after learning the hard way for the umpteenth time that it’s the wrong way.”

My candor shocked her. But hey, I am who and what I am. I never got to ask the question back. Because our date ended two seconds later at the sound of some whistle-like contraption. Damn, time constraints. It was a great question.

Not the best one, though.

The most shocking/best query came two dates later during my seven minutes with my cousin Courtney. This child had the nerve to ask me how many women I’ve slept with knowing full well that she’d get an honest response. Yes, I turned question around, and she answered me.

We don’t hide much from each other.

Sorry, though. My number of lustful endeavors is an answer you won’t get out of me. I’m real, but that’s real…ly inappropriate. Consider that between me, my God … and now my cousin Courtney. Damned speed dating. SMH.


20 responses to “Speed Date

  1. Interesting…I was wondering how your speed dating experience turned out.

    That whole platonic friendship thing before becoming emotionally attached never worked for me. It sounds like a good plan but like you said, I guess it isn’t for everyone.

    • @tam: Oddly, I think the platonic friendship thing is just a good way to introduce yourself to someone without extra concern and thought there …

      I think it’s easier to be who you are, and yet some of your guard down versus dating/diving right in immediately and getting emotionally attached.

      You’re right, it won’t work for everyone. Hell, it may not work for me. It’s just an interesting theory …

      • Doesn’t this assume that the platonic relationship that you create and then attempt to progress upon will remain significant enough to the both of you to retain after you figure out that the relationship – relationship isn’t working? Otherwise, didn’t you waste time building the platonic relationship that came prior to the relationship-relationship. Am I confusing you as much as myself with the ‘relationships’?

        • @rob: I don’t think there’s a requirement to retain it if there’s a break up. It’s definitely feasible, as is the case with any relationship.

          I don’t think you waste time building platonic friendships. I think they’re invaluable, and as important as same-sex friendships.

          I just think that actually getting to know a person for who they are before getting emotionally involved can help you avoid a lot of disappointment. I look back at some of “the stuff” I’ve done … and realized, per a few situations, that had I paid attention to the writing on the wall I could have avoid a crapton of drama … drama you can’t see if you fall blindly from day one or three *shrugs*

          IDK … this is just a theory. I wrote this like a month or so ago. lol.

  2. Thanks for sharing the experience. Speed dating to me, sounds a lot like internet dating which is like shopping. U browse the merchandise and if you like what you see, you can try it on later. lol.

    Meaning the first conversation is kept light but if I’m liking the visual and the vibe, I’ll give you a chance.

    • “Speed dating to me, sounds a lot like internet dating which is like shopping. U browse the merchandise and if you like what you see, you can try it on later.”

      @nicki: This is a great analogy. It was fun but it honestly got annoying, sorta like being at the mall for five hours looking for the right outfit combination, trying stuff on and nothing works out …. by that I mean it got annoying regurgitating some of the same info.

      The women were cool, I was just hella tired/bored from saying the same thing over and over again.

      • “It was fun but it honestly got annoying, sorta like being at the mall for five hours looking for the right outfit combination, trying stuff on and nothing works out …. by that I mean it got annoying regurgitating some of the same info.”

        Thanks! I totally understand (Pssst: I LOATHE shopping, by the way!) . It would’ve been great if yaw could have just had the answers to the small talk questions already printed up so you already knew who’d u want to talk to.

  3. Nice experiment. No way, no how would I have been able to go through with that though.

    I agree with you RE: friends to couple. My wife was a family friend (I stole her from my sister, lol).

    • @travis: immediately afterward, I said that I’d like to do it again just for the chance to engage more people in conversation about the topic….

      But the more I think about it, it was grueling/annoying. Still fun. But yeah …

      “I stole her from my sister, lol” … doesn’t sound right, but I get it.

      The only reason I’m even thinking like that is because I originally titled the post: For the Speed Love of Damon.” … But that just makes it seem like I’m quick in bed. smh.

  4. I think if I was like 30 years old and hadn’t met my husband yet I would have given this a try. It’s a great way to get past all the bullsh1t of approaching someone and getting the convo going to the place we’d all like to be from the get go. I’ve heard about some people that have met their soul mates doing this stuff. Of cours we know of the Eric Jerome Dickey book that used this form of dating as the platform. You should try it again. Sometimes the first time may not work out but the second or third time may be a charm…

    • “It’s a great way to get past all the bullsh1t of approaching someone and getting the convo going to the place we’d all like to be from the get go.”

      @jlbd: This is true because you’re paying for it. You’re not going to waste your time BS’ing if you pay for it.

      As for me trying it again, IDK. I had fun & met some good people, but kind of felt like I was interviewing for a job every seven minutes and gaining practice on how to talk to people … I clearly am well-versed in that area. …

  5. I love your theory and have actually tried it. However, the platonic friend thing never seems to work because the other person claims to also want the same thing but many times is still trying to push their agenda. In my limited experience, it ends up being two people on different pages. Luckily, the split is easier for the platonic/sane friend.

    That said, I’ve never tried speed dating, but maybe after my 30th…

    • @mon’et: nobody thinks the platonic thing works, huh? Interesting. Maybe I need to explain it further someday soon. Just the idea of it.

      And how it can succeed and fail.

  6. Good review of the speed dating experience.

    @Travis: I’m with you. I couldn’t do it. Although I’m really good at finding something to discuss with just about everyone, I probably would be no good at this. I enjoy conversation and if there’s a topic interesting enough to get both of us going, I would have a hard time ending it bluntly to move on to the next person I think that even if we later picked up where the conversation ended, it might not be the same.

    I love that you were originally going to title this post For the Speed Love of Damon and decided against it for that reason. Funny. 🙂 I would’ve probably given you a hard time about the title and called you Ray J. Jr. LOL.

    Oh, I think I told y’all this before but my husband and I started off as platonic friends. So, I like the platonic friend theory but agree it isn’t for everyone (not to mention it can be scary as h3ll – at least it was for me).

    • @shawnta: You would have received a viral slap or two for calling me Ray J. Jr.

      You can call me Vic Damone, Jr. Jr. … but never Ray J.’s offspring … lol

      • @damon: “Viral slap”…funny. Can you send those to friends on Facebook the same way you can send them drinks and gifts? 🙂

        “Vic Damone”…my husband & I watched this the other week & were cracking up at Franklin getting his Vic Damone on. What has C.T. done lately? Anything?

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