Happily Never After

Ed’s Note: We’ve gotta get back to our regular schedule. I’m going to continue following up on the DJ Jazzy Jeff and Power & Light mess. But TMCY has to re-focus.

So last week, Monica got Carried away concerning shoes, love and BIG — not Notorious. She questioned what you think happened after the simplistic courthouse wedding at the end of the SATC movie. Now, we’re going to take a crack at a few more big & small screen relationships that you should be familiar with from pop culture.

Either Monica or I will give a take on what happened to the relationship and why.

I promise you, Monica and I wrote this post last week, before Zack Morris showed up on Jimmy Fallon's show on Monday night, and announced that he and Kelly are divorced. Yes, Kelly's back with Jeff. *shrugs*

I promise you, Monica and I wrote this post last week, before Zack Morris showed up on Jimmy Fallon's show on Monday night, and announced that he and Kelly are divorced. Yes, Kelly's back with Jeff. *shrugs*

1. Zack Morris & Kelly Kapowski (Saved By The Bell): They played a lot of games with each other, especially during the College Years. I don’t trust it. Zack is too conniving. And besides, he was the show’s player. He got Lisa, Jesse, Tori and The College Years girls. Zack schemed everybody. He’ll scheme on Kelly or she’ll get back with Jeff from The Max. Smh. Relationship length: 4 years, max. ~ Damon … Zack confirms the divorce to Jimmy Fallon, and other ish.

2. Jesse Spano & Albert Clifford Slater (SBTB): Two ginormous egos bound to clash at some point. A.C. went on to find America’s Best Dance Crew.  Jesse — the epitome of Pedestal Patty — left to become a bad stripper. Unless you’re T-Pain or Pacman Jones, there’s no reconciliation with a woman who gets on a pole for a living (save the firewomen). Relationship length: 0 days. ~ Damon

3. Laura Winslow & Steve Urkel (and Stephon): A goody-two shoes and a kind-hearted nerd seem like a match made. But, the almighty, snotty, judgmental (I could go on forever) Laura — another Pedestal Patty — refuses to accept Steve as is and reverse psychs him into Stephon.  Come on now people, if you have to chemically alter your DNA to make someone like you, chances are, it ain’t gonna work.  Relationship length: Even though Steve cloned himself to give Laura the coolness of him, Stephon will surely get tired of her annoying behind and give her the dueces in about 2.8 years. ~ Monica

4. Bam-Bam & Pebbles (The Flintstones): Pebbles’ innocent curiosity and accident-prone nature draws Bam-Bam in as her protector and confidant.  They were destined to be together.  She was truly the girl next door.  Now with twins, Roxy and Chip, the couple are happy in wedded bliss with no signs of anything putting them asunder.  Relationship length: They’ll have a yabba-dabba-good time in love for life. ~ Monica

5. Rudy Huxtable & Bud/Kenny (The Cosby Show): They were meant for each other from the moment she called him “Bud.” I knew it. You knew it. Forget Stanley. A man who has a woman’s best interest at heart will win out more often than not. The only thing that could have gotten in the way of this budding best friend romance is Kenny’s older brother and his deafening logic. Relationship length: Life. ~ Damon

6. Darius Lovehall & Nina Mosley (Love Jones): This one is going to hurt. This can’t work the way the film ends. This film, as dear as it is to most of us, is a tragedy. She’s in New York. He’s in Chicago. Yeah, he doesn’t care. But the logistics matter. Besides, they were fools for playing each other in the first place. And Nina tends to listen to Josie’s not-so-sound advice a little too much. Seriously, Nina would sleep with the 29-year-old with 21 kids and a minimum wage job if Josie suggested it to her. Relationship length: They play the “John Legend Track No. 8” game for seven years, and give up. ~ Damon

So… What what do you think happens to these relationships? Do they work or fail?

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129 responses to “Happily Never After

  1. the josie comment is hilarious, damon. and i love monica’s take on pebbles and bam bam.

    • @jo: I loved Lisa Nicole Carson. But hated Josie with a passion. lol. It was like she had some sort of a spell she cast over Nina.

      Nina did any and everything Josie said to do. Who actually listens to their friends like that? lol. Especially the friend who gives horrible, impulsive advice….

  2. Wow, Zack looks the same as he did on the show. I wonder if he’s had work done.

    I think that in real life only the relationship between Bam-Bam and Pebbles would work (funny since that is the only cartoon example). Unless she got tired of him being so (over) protective and wanted to venture out on her own to make mistakes and get hurt. Everyone needs to be hurt at least once, it makes you appreciate things more.

    • @tam: Maybe Bam-Bam mistakenly swings his club at her some day, and inflicts unintended pain … *shrugs*

      • @Tam. Please excuse Damon. He is having some aggression issues at the present moment. I think the Black Panther in him has emerged and brought forth a side of him this blog has never seen. Bam-Bam will not abuse Pebbles…they aren’t Ike and Tina. *smh/rolling eyes

    • Zack does look good …i would say those indonesian genes get all the credit. Asian genes are like black genes…they keep you well preserved. 😉

  3. When I started reading this, the first thing that came to my mind was #3… they won’t last bc Laura’s family is obnoxious.

    • @nicki: I watched that show often. But looking back at it, you’re right: The Winslows were annoying as could be …

      From Carl all the way down to Ritchie, at times. The only reason the show did so well was because Jaleel White was willing to embarrass himself every week. He’s the only reason the show wasn’t canceled after one season … At least they rode him until the wheels came off … Just hope he got paid in the process.

      • “Jaleel White was willing to embarrass himself every week. ”

        I don’t know why this statement is killing me. LMAO.

        But yeah, I tried to watch it recently and was wondering how in thee hell I looked forward to it on Friday nights. All they did was have little Ritchie dancing all the time with his African American Mullet.

  4. Morning, y’all.

    It’s funny to think back to these shows and apply the “Pedestal Patty” complex to some of the characters.

    Regarding #6: You don’t think they eventually close up the distance gap? I agree that long distance relationships can only work for so long before something has to give. I would think Darius could write anywhere so maybe he moved to NY to be w/Nina. And Nina could mature and learn to keep Josie as a friend while not allowing her to play mind games on her & control her relationships. Sidebar: I liked Lisa Nicole Carson on Ally McBeal. Did anyone else watch this show?

    • @shawnta: This is gonna get interesting. I wrote what I wrote initially to be silly. But there was entirely too much back & forth, mistrust and games played in that relationship.

      I know they took a year away from each other. But it’s very likely that neither of those years was spent alone. Darius probably went back to Lisa. Nina probably went back to her ex. ….

      They got tired of those people or vice versa, and wanted each other. That’s what people do, hold on to something until they have to find something else. It’s unfortunate but true.

      But people who truly like each other don’t play games like that from jump and throughout there relationship. They have/build trust from the jump.

      IDK, I just don’t trust it to work.

      BTW, I only watched All McBeal for LNC. lol.

      • lol, you did have her (LNC) on your screen saver at the GOBCC for a minute. Yeah, I remember.

      • “But people who truly like each other don’t play games like that from jump and throughout there relationship. They have/build trust from the jump.”

        @damon: I think that there were so many games & trust issues because they both tried to play it cool & not get caught up. Neither of them wanted to be the first to admit that what they thought was just for fun & for kicks had the potential to become something more. So, they challenged each other to see if they could get a rise/reaction so they wouldn’t have to be the first to admit they wanted more. IDK…if you leave it to me, I will find a way to romanticize just about every relationship…Crazy, I know but true. 🙂

    • I loved Ally McBeal. After Billy died and Renee left, it wasn’t the same. But Robert Downey Jr. was excellent, until he got a hold of that ooh-wee and started sleeping in his neighbor’s bed. Still a really great show, though.

  5. You guys forgot Dwayne Wayne and Jasmine. What gives?

    • @trav: there’s a part two to this post. They might show up, they may not. But there’s one thing that is very telling about that relationship: Whitley Gilbert is a Pedestal Patty for certain.

    • lol, you mean Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert…I think they might actually have a strong 10 years of marriage and then after Whitley drives Dwayne crazy with her annoying southern belle attitude he may just leave…..but, he will come back in 2 years and they will rekindle their flame to be together forever because they know they can’t live without each other…

      • I think they’d work out. There was no pretense with Whitley. She was who she was. That’s the person Dwayne fell in love with. If anything would hurt this relationship, it would be lack of money. But even then they’d figure it out because there was true friendship there before the relationship began. And, as Damon pointed out, that is the key to any lifelong relationship.

        • “There was no pretense with Whitley. She was who she was. That’s the person Dwayne fell in love with. ”

          “…they’d figure it out because there was true friendship there before the relationship began.”

          @aye: Very true & key. Good points.

      • Dangit….Whitley, Jasmine is her IRL name. My bad.

        @Damon…If I was Dwayne I wouldn’t care too much how crazy she made me…that was part of her appeal.

        • “If I was Dwayne I wouldn’t care too much how crazy she made me…that was part of her appeal.”

          @Travis: I think Whitley’s craziness was definitely part of the appeal to Dwayne.

        • @travis: I have a little history with difficult women… I’m enamored with Toni Childs & Whitley.

          But I’ve learned that the difficult woman, while challenging you, will drive you insane. That’s no cool. I want to be driven toward sanity, not the other way. lol. Dwayne has to do entirely too much complaining and coddling of Whitley … he’s going to get tired of her at some point …

  6. @travis: Good point! I LOVED Dwayne & Whitley. So, @damon & @monica: If y’all include them in part two, they HAVE to work out. 🙂 @jlbd: I can get with your prediction.

    • @jlbd@shawnta: Do y’all see how insane that sounds? Why would you want to be with someone who you know is going to drive you crazy?

      (JLBD, Moni: I know what you’re thinking. Don’t go there. lol.)

      I’m not sure it can last because those personalities are bound to clash. He’s confident bordering on cocky, but truly square and humble. … she’s arrogant, pompous and believes the world should be handed to her on a silver platter.

      Sure, she’s realize that some of that’s not true, while at Hillman … but what of her trying to marry the politician? Why did she get that far with him if she truly loved Dwayne Wayne?

      IDK, I don’t see it working for too, too long. Especially if Dwayne’s old company calls him to Japan to work … Whitley couldn’t handle that.

      • The only reason why I see Dwayne and Whitley working is because the are soooooo different and opposites attract. The areas that she lacks in he compliments her and vice versa. Honestly, I’m nothing like Whitley but they remind me of Mr. 3000 and I. Mr. 3000 is the funny but intelligent and humble man and I tend to be spoiled, stuck up and needy but we work sooooo well. It has actually made me a better person I think, and the same will happen to Whitley. She will learn over time and strife to have humility and car about more than just herself.

        • @jlbd: do not compare yourself to Whitley Gilbert … that is all. lol.

          • Nimrod, I just said I’m nothing like her. lol! I just wanted to point out how the differences in personalities paralleled.

            • @damon & @jlbd: Y’all are funny. 🙂

              @jlbd: I hear you & agree. Opposites do attract and the personality differences/temperaments can complement each other. @damon, don’t give me grief about it (lol) but friends have often compared my husband and me to Dwayne & Whitley.

              • @Shawnta’

                I believe you and that’s real. I swear if I were with a man that was just like me we’d both be bored out of our minds and after a while would have nothing to talk about.

                • @jlbd: Definitely. Most of the comparisons came from the fact that we were both strong willed & always challenging each other…we drove each other bananas just like D&W did.

            • “Honestly, I’m nothing like Whitley but they remind me of Mr. 3000 and I.”

              @jlbd: your “but” voids the “honestly, I’m nothing like Whitley”

              lol.

      • @damon: Isn’t that how the show ended? With them heading to Japan to work for Konnichiwa? “Off to a different world”…yes, I remember just about every episode. So, maybe Whitley can’t handle it once she gets there and it takes time for her to adjust but she was at least going and that’s where their baby was to be born.

        • IDK, I just don’t see it happening. Never did. This is gonna sound crazy, but Dwayne would been better off with Freddie.

          • “Dwayne would been better off with Freddie.”

            @damon: Aww…I remember that. Freddie LOVED Dwayne. She was crazy about him. But I still think D&W belonged together.

          • EEEEk! Freddie was the po’ flower child without a clue of where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do. Dwayne would have gotten frustrated with her carefree nature. He seemed alot more ‘together’ than she did.

            • “EEEEk! Freddie was the po’ flower child without a clue of where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do. ”

              @jlbd: LOL. To Freddie’s credit, she did get her act together & go to law school. She was still very passionate about her beliefs but her wild child was tamed a bit.

            • OK, and Whitley seemed together?

              • At least Whitley knew what she wanted.

              • It seems like you think people need to be the same in order to work out. But that’s not true. I think they would have worked out because, as I said, there was true friendship there. They were best friends before they began a relationship. They didn’t like each other at first because they were completely different. Once they got to know each other, they valued the other person as a real friend. That foundation will keep them together.

                • “They were best friends before they began a relationship.”

                  “Once they got to know each other, they valued the other person as a real friend. That foundation will keep them together.”

                  @aye: I love it. Period.

          • The real question is would Freddie and Ron have worked out, not Dwayne and Whitley. The answer is a big fat NO!!!

  7. I just read this on aol.com this morning.

    SBTB & FM are among the “most wanted reunions”…interesting.

    http://television.aol.com/insidetv/2009/06/09/seven-90s-tv-show-reunions-that-need-to-happen-right-now/?icid=webmail|wbml-aol|dl1|link3|http%3A%2F%2Ftelevision.aol.com%2Finsidetv%2F2009%2F06%2F09%2Fseven-90s-tv-show-reunions-that-need-to-happen-right-now%2F

    • Shawnta – i love reunion shows! i’ll pass on saved by the bell but i wouldn’t mind seeing the family matters one! MAYBE even growing pains.

      • @coco: What’s wrong with Saved By The Bell?

        • Saved By The Bell is kinda “eh” for me…I liked it…I watched it…but I couldn’t care less to know where they are now…i guess. In my opinion, the better part of the show is the song at the beginning…lol…and that’s about it.

      • Although I loved Saved by the Bell I was done with Zack and Kelly after the first time she dumped him to be with that other guy that was much older. I thought she was an idiot for that and got what she deserved. I felt like Zack deserved a woman that wouldn’t do him like that and I didn’t like them getting back together and the whole marriage episode seemed forced. As weird as it sounds I actually liked Zack and Lisa together when they dated briefly.

        • @JLBD: Screech would have killed Zack if he and Lisa got together and stayed together.

          • Screech didn’t have a chance EVER to be with anyone of the other girls that show casted. They would have had to bring in someone comparable to Myra on Family Matters for Screech. Someone that liked is awkward geekiness…lol

        • @jldb — i agree with you about Zach and Lisa. That would have been cool and different actually. They could have been apart of pioneering the movement of multi-racial love in sitcoms…esp with white male/black female.

  8. In re: Steve and Laura …

    Laura married Steve at the end of the show and Myra was pissy to say the least. She pretended that Steve was married to her every chance she got. I thought this was unfair to both Stephon and Myra.

    Also, does anyone remember how to do the Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Urkel? No? That’s just me? Oh … ok.

    In Re: Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert-Wayne –

    Their love is true and ever lasting and I won’t have you (Damon) attempting to discredit the stability of their beautiful union.

    • @ThaManagement: I do remembr the Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Urkel…hilarious. I agree about D&W. Thank you! 🙂

      • The first time Steve turned into Stephon, him and Laura danced to “This is for the Cool in You” at a house party. It was sooooo wack, and yet, one of my defining TV moments.

        I definitely loved that show.

        • I loved Stephon…I don’t even know why.

          Ok, random factoids about FM that pertain to me…in case you all cared…but i’m sharing anyway even if you don’t.

          1. Urkel IRL dad was my uncles dentist and close glasses he wore on the show were his dad’s.

          2. Laura is my gramma’s stepsister’s granddaughter…so although not related by blood, she’s one my claims to fame…lol.

          • Are you putting in an application to be my starship? Anyone who is slightly related/isn’t really at all but can say that they kinda know someone who was on one of my favorite shows that makes me embarrased to watch even though I stanned for it 10 years ago (deep breath) is definitely someone who needs to be in my life 🙂

        • LOL, as strange as it sounds, Stephon was immediately hot to me when he danced with Laura to that song. I used to love that song and with his suit and new swagger he was instantly handsome 🙂

          • Ha! So its not just me. I loved his new found confidence, it was awesome. And he was putting the moves on Laura!

            • No it was not just you. This is very telling about women. Put a geek in a suit and give him Patti Labelle’s “New Attitude” and he’s instantly the hotness.

              HOWEVER, there must be a caveat somewhere in there. You put Screech in a suit and I still won’t touch him. lol!

              • @Coco

                I agree, especially with his horrible attitude IRL. I saw him on Celebrity Fit Club and immediately got a nasty taste in my mouth. He’s a jacka$$.

        • @ThaManagment: I remember that episode! Too funny.

        • @ThaManagement: I looked up the “For the Cool in you” clip too…funny.

    • Lisa? Do you mean Laura?

    • @thamanagement: So, I’m just over here looking like Huey McHater concerning Dwayne & Whitley, huh? lol.

      yes, I remember watching that ridiculous Urkel dance. I pray I never catch that re-run. smh.

      • @Damon: Yes, Huey McHater.

      • You certainly are. You spoke Blasphemy (it needed capitilization to emphasize my point) in regards to their union.

        The only person for Freddie was Shazza. Shoo, Shazza was so fine he could be for me … I can frizz my hair out in that mixed girl curl and put on a dashiki if need be …

        What was I talking about … Oh yea … yo ol’ HUEY McHATERFACE!

        • Yeah Shazza was the business. And, I had a crush on Gary Dourdan for years until I realized he’s an azzhole in real life too. Getting busted for drugs? Not a good move…

      • Damon you know you still do that Urkel dance in your living room when Swag Surfin’ comes on…stop frontin’.

  9. Rudy & Kenny yes!!! Love this! Very good you two. I love your work! And can someone tell me how the SBTB kids had two SR years? One with Tori and one with Kelly?

    • @kina: I still don’t get how they had the two senior years. I remember them trying to explain it on E! True Hollywood Stories or something …

      But it didn’t make much sense. I’m like, where did Kelly Kapwoski go? lol.

    • Yeah Kina, TV shows tend to do dumb stuff and hope the viewers won’t notice. Kind of like how Judy disappeared from Family Matters or how the Cosby Show added Saundra’s character after the pilot.

    • Or how about during senior year, rarely were all the girls (Kelly, Lisa and Jesse) in the same episode, except for the graduation? I noticed that from jump, but that wasn’t in True Hollywood Stories, either.

      • I think it’s sad that Elizabeth Berkley was never able to bounce back after ‘Showgirls’. I mean, that movie was pretty out there but she was likely attempting to show her broad spectrum when it comes to the character typecasting curse alot of sitcom stars experience. *shrugs shoulders*

      • @aye. Wow…I didn’t even notice that! I was very confused about Torrie’s appearance on the show however…she sort of just rolled in (on a motorcycle no less) out of no where.

  10. Random about A Different World but y’all really got me thinking about the show…do y’all remember Tupac being on there as Jada Pinkett’s (from the new class) boyfriend from back home? Craziness. And remember Jennifer Lewis and her “list”?

  11. …Miley and Toby are driving me to drink…but this blog was a delight to read!!

    The SBTB crew…none of them were going to last cause they bounced back and forth between each other too much…ick!

    Steve and Laura…Moni’s right, if you have to alter DNA…that defeats the point.

    The Flinstone Kids…when did they get older…I must have missed something.

    Rudy & Bud…what does Bud even look like now?

    Darius & Nina – DAMON IT COULD WORK!! He was a writer, and you can write from anywere…:) You can’t break passion like that…he was, “the blues in her left thigh…trying to become the funk in her right.”

    Thanks for a break in my crazy day…:)

  12. I’m mad at you for the Love Jones one lol…Thats my fav movie, and damnit theyre were meant!

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