Ed’s Note: Some of y’all have read this. Others haven’t. Thought I’d run it here on TMCY. Enjoy.
“I learned a long time ago never to ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.” ~ Darius Lovehall departing some of the most salient advice you’ll ever hear in the movie “Love Jones.”
To People Who Constantly Ask “Why?”:
I am a self-professed movie snob. But I do like my fair share of horrible flicks including Jamie Foxx’s “Breaking All The Rules.” I’m a fan of the film because Gabrielle Union stars in it. of its niche: applying employee termination rules to break-up technique.
When you think it through, the idea works … and its application translates to my reasoning for never questioning “Why?” when someone breaks up with you, won’t go on Date No. 3 or won’t give you his/her number.
When you’re fired from an at-will job, your employer is not required to explain why he/she is canceling your benefits, depleting your bank account, ostensibly ruining your life while kicking you toward the end of the unemployment line. giving you the pink slip. It could be because you smell like PigPen, dress like you belong on a pole, sound like Donald Duck or remind your supervisor of The Predator — all reasons you might not get the digits. Or it could be obvious early on that you perform as efficiently as a 1992 Buick LeSabre with 196,421 miles runs — a reason you don’t get to Date No. 3. But your supervisor isn’t required to tell you why.
Often, you already know the answer. But you still want the firer to humor you with his/her easy words. So you allow the infamous query to roll off your tongue several times before security puts you out with your box of belongings.
It happens at the end of relationships, too. The break-upee queries the break-uper for understanding — for possible, if not probable reconciliation (think: John Legend’s “Again”) or for closure (You give that to yourself). But the break-uper isn’t likely to make you privy to the real reasoning. Nod your head if you have been on either side of this fence. *nods head*
The break-uper might give you the tried and true “It’s not me you, it’s you me” or he/she could list some of the petty things that don’t matter just to throw you off (i.e., you have ugly feet, you’re five pounds overweight and remind him of Roseanne Barr [when you talk, too] or you ate seven pieces of fried chicken (not wings) in one meal. you talk while you eat).
You are smart enough to know none of aforementioned reasons (the non-stricken ones) caused the relationship split. There’s a great chance that he sees you as Jennifer Aniston, but he’s found an Angelina Jolie with whom he wants to start an Octomom-like babyfarm. Still, you keep querying “Why?” with little success and plenty of frustration. Just stop and ask yourself this: Does the “Why?” even matter?
After a few test runs and failures, you should come up with “Why Ask Why?” and move on with your life. You wanna know why she/he broke up with you? Because you keep asking the damn question “why?” he/she doesn’t want you.
That may seem tough. But test the theory out. You might flip the script and leave your antagonist befuddled. But more important, you won’t want to grab a knife and stab him, pick up a brick and bust his cars windows or choke her until you can no longer sing “Take A Bow” do anything vindictive or spiteful. Remember, you probably know why this person is breaking up with you or won’t give you his/her number.
I know what you’re thinking: Why does he think this asinine idea might even work? Because I said so, that’s why.
Seriously, why subject yourself to someone else’s merry-go-round games? Haven’t you heard: wise people don’t argue with fools or chimps … “cause people from a distance can’t tell who’s who”. (~Jay)
P.S. A white man clearly wrote “Breaking All The Rules” because Gabrielle Union looks nothing like Halle Berry.