XII. Daddy Dearest

Ed’s Note: No questions today. Why? Father’s Day is on Sunday, and Cicely wanted to write to a good man.

Dear Daddy,

Fortunately, I’m one of the lucky ones. Not everyone can say they grew up with a father who was a constant presence. A rolling stone, you were not.

Bro. Wilfred and I during Christmas 2008 at my aunt's house. Yep, she has a white Christmas tree. And, yep, it rotates.

Bro. Wilfred and I during Christmas 2008 at my aunt's house. Yep, she has a white Christmas tree. And, yep, it rotates.

As your daughter, I’ve been privileged. Not just monetarily (though giving me movie and gas money at 29 still helps), but emotionally. Not every woman can say she’s had an active father figure. And you’ve been that.

We don’t gossip like Lauralei and Rory. I don’t tell you all of my business and, thankfully, you don’t share all that with me. You’re not perfect, but no one is.

What we have, though, is a bond that overcame the devastating loss of my mother and your wife and a desire to keep it moving. When Mama died, we could have broken down and just stayed still. But that’s not who we are.

You’ve shown me what it means to be loved by a man. What it means to come first in his life. It’s something plenty of girls never get to experience, and I’m grateful you’ve provided that for me. It’s something I’ve taken with me into every relationship thus far, and you’ve provided me with an undeniable standard.

Daddy, you are my favorite person. And I know that I’m definitely in your top two (Jason, my brother, can share this spotlight with me, for once).

Since Mama died, there have been other women to come into your life, and I gave those hoes the side eye every time they walked in wasn’t always the most pleasant person for them to be around. But out of respect for you, I wasn’t overtly mean. However, not once did I feel like anything less than your baby girl.

I know that from now until it’s time for either one of us to be called home, my happiness, safety and protection will be your top priorities. And as you enter your sixth decade on your 34th Father’s Day, I want to say this: Thank you so much for being the man that you are and the best father anyone could hope for.

Love always,

Your little girl aka Snookems aka Snoop aka Pooh Bear aka Whatever you feel like calling me today

Note: OK, two questions: What are you doing for your dad for Father’s Day? If nothing, for obvious reasons, what would you like to say to your father?

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29 responses to “XII. Daddy Dearest

  1. That was such a sweet letter. 🙂 I have similar feelings about my father. I have always been a “Daddy’s Girl” and have a very strong relationship with my dad. I think men that aren’t there for their daughters (by choice) are the worst. Yes there are girls without fathers that have grown up to be wonderful women but having a good father around makes it a lot easier.

    Unfortunately my dad will be out of town on Father’s day but when he gets back I’ll spend the day with him hanging out at the house and then cook some steaks on the grill. There isn’t anything he needs, he just enjoys spending time with me.

  2. What a wonderful letter to your father.

  3. TGIF! Everyone, have a great weekend with your fathers.

    “You’ve shown me what it means to be loved by a man. What it means to come first in his life. ”

    @Cicely: The entire paragraph with these sentences stood out to me most. This is so important. Such a sweet and endearing letter. Very touching. You’re extremely fortunate & it’s wonderful that you know & appreciate it.

    “Yes there are girls without fathers that have grown up to be wonderful women but having a good father around makes it a lot easier.”

    @Tam: This is very true. I can attest to this. So, to answer the question…I’d say to my father, “It would have been nice to at least know you.”

    • @Shawnta’: I try to remember my blessings, but it gets hard sometimes. I know my letter is endearing, but Daddy’s no saint. He’s made mistakes, like any human that’s taken breath. But he’s been wonderful to me, so I can’t take that for granted.

  4. This was a very sweet letter.

    My parents are married but I don’t have a true relationship with my dad… I’ve always been more of a mama’s girl.

    It wasn’t until he had an anuerysm, about two years ago now, that I can say we actually have been alone together (as he was in the hospital bed).

    I’m not sure what I’m getting my dad (and my granddad) for Father’s Day this year, for I’m a last minute shopper… all the time. lol, so we’ll find out today or tomorrow. I do plan on helping my mama cook for the occasion though.

    I wish I did have a closer relationship with my dad- I think it’s a little late for us to formulate that birth bond.

    • @Nicki: Hey, girl! It’ll be nice to help your mom prepare the meal. I’m sure he’ll enjoy that (& your mom will appreciate the help). Don’t give up on the possibility of a closer relationship with your dad. It isn’t too late.

    • @Nicki: I’ve always been a Daddy’s Girl, but we didn’t get that much closer until my mother died. It’s never too late to form a bond with a loved one.

      • Thanks chica. I’m really glad to hear that you had your dad there to support you during that time.

        Hopefully me and my dad can get it together! He’s not very close to any of us (they have four kids total).

  5. “You’ve shown me what it means to be loved by a man.”

    @cicely: Great letter. When you came to me with the idea, I couldn’t say know. And I think it’s a good idea to let stand over the weekend.

    It seems as though you have a great relationship with your father. And it’s amazing how much of an affect it has on you as a person.

    Your calm demeanor in most situations is vastly different from most of the people i know who didn’t/don’t have good relationships with their fathers.

    That quote above says it all. People fail to realize the transparency in love. That your father’s love for you provides and example of how you should be treated by any man. People miss out on that too often. I’m glad you didn’t.

    Thus, bravo to your Pops, and hope you have something good planned for him this weekend.

    • @Damon: All I know is how to come first in his life. I’ve always been No. 1 (unless my brother’s needs were more important :p). It’s made me a spoiled brat at times, but it’s also made me a very independent person. I can’t thank him enough for that.

  6. This letter was very touching and your relationship with your father is definitely something that I’m sure is envied by many a woman who did not have that. I’m close to my father but he is weak, I would have longed to have a stronger more concrete force in him. I plan to give him this card I’ve had for the last two years sitting in my office (I have not had the chance to see him on Father’s Day for the past two years) and hopefully spend a little time with him. We only get one mother and one father and I believe that no matter what their flaws are God wants us to accept and love them for who they are. So, to my daddy: I love you and Happy Father’s Day! 🙂

  7. I wish I could write something like this about my father and keep a straight face. He is definitely 5,000 times better than he was when I was younger. He’s trying, and I’m glad to at least have some relationship with him now because the childhood memories need to be canceled out.

    Nonetheless…tell your dad HFD and see if he’d like to adopt an adorable 26-year-old with impeccable curiosity and a dazzling personality 🙂

    • “a dazzling personality”

      @moni: This reminds me of the local commercial where the girl annoyingly says over and over “But I have a brilliant personality!”

      I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. lol.

  8. Thank you for the reminder, Cicely (not of the day itself, but…my explanation/testimony of sorts is in the next paragraph). My saying that this is a beautiful letter would be making the understatement of the decade (or what’s left of it).

    All of my grandfathers are gone (biological and step) as is my father. However, I still have a chance with my surviving stepdad and my co-parent (I’m 31 and thus have place a self-imposed moratorium on ‘babydaddy’). I’ve had more ups and downs with the latter than the Dow, but I’m thankful he loves and looks forward to making his presence known to our daughter. Dude, you can’t buy that.

  9. Ok…I almost cried…
    My father’s been gone for 10 years. The word “dead” is still hard for me to write in the same sentence as “my father.”

    Father’s Day is right after his birthday which was Sunday. He died in the middle of my teenage angst..I was 13. One of the last conversations we had, he said…I love you. You hate me right now and maybe I deserve it, but you’re going to miss me for the rest of your life. I don’t have much time here and I just want you to know that…to which I replied, Ok..whatever. I love you but you’re not going anywhere. Two days later, he died.

    If he were here, I would ask him why (the skin I inherited from him) gets more beauty marks with each year. I would tell him I wish he could walk me down the aisle when I get married. I would tell him that I’m glad he raised me to know how to put up sheet rock and do light electrical work. I would tell him I’m glad that while he called me the most beautiful girl in the world, he told me being smart was so much better and that women don’t smell like fruit. I would tell him I still laugh when I remember being 6 and demanding he piggy back me and we would play froggy. I would tell him I’m still mad at him for throwing a worm at me when I was 9…

    I would tell him that he was right. I will miss him for the rest of my life.

  10. This was a very sweet letter.

    I wish I could wish my father a happy father’s day. But I haven’t seen him for a while. At first, I was angry, hurt and wondered not only why he decided to raise me up until 8 and leave but how could he live with that decision. I’m pretty much over it. I usually spend father’s day with my mom being that she was both mother and father. I always get her a card that says “To my Mom on Father’s Day”.
    This weekend, I’ll be “catering” to my two boys (my son & hubby).

    Enjoy the weekend!

    • That’s funny you should say that because I can remember when I was younger people would call my mom up on Father’s Day and wish her a Happy Father’s Day as well. My father was there, but not THERE. I remember envying many of my peers growing up and in college that had daddies handling their business and being that rock that all men should be in their daughters lives. All those things daddy should have been stepping up to the plate on, mommy did without blinking an eye. I’m a momma’s girl to the fullest!

  11. Lovely Paradox

    I think Father’s day is one of my favorite holidays because I adore my father so.

    The letter is very sweet and heartfelt and it tells a lot about your feelings for your dad. Beautiful.

    For father’s day, I’m getting my father a ticket to come visit us in September. I am already excited as I haven’t seen him in a good while.

    Happy father’s day to all the wonderful fathers out there. Especially to you daddy, you’re my wisdom and my guidance and I am who I am today because of you.

  12. Gotta love Ces’ dad. He’s never too surprised when he sees me pull up with bag in tow only hours after Ces’s flight lands, he shares his bacon, and most of all he has the best bar and he’s very generous with the good stuff! Ces and I have a lot in common but at the top is our affection for our fathers and their undying love for us, branding us both ‘Daddy Girlz’ for life. A brand I’m proud to keep for life!
    So, next to the greatest dad of all time, my father Mr. Michael T. Rushing, Ces’ dad is pretty cool.
    Love you Daddy,
    Michelle & Elizabeth the Focus

  13. Hey there!

    Gurrrl I was cracking up when I was reading parts of this!!

    I too am fortunate to have had my father in my life for all of my life and to have been a recipient of his strong values and devotion to this role as father.

  14. Senorita Killin You Hoes

    I CRACKED UP at this letter. Mainly the part where you “give them other hoes the side eye”! LMFAO! Ohh, me and my Dad have had some serious tiffs about the women he dates. Except I AM overtly mean to them and I walk out of the room whenever they are around so I don’t have to talk to them. Terrible I know but I don’t care. 🙂

    Other than that, this letter truly resonates with me because it is almost identical to how I feel about my Father. I thank God everyday that I am fortunate enough to have a REAL man as my father.

    A man who taught me how to use a tire gauge to check my tire pressure, check my oil, and how to change the power steering fluid in my first car.

    A man who bought me a diamond ring for Christmas one year and told me “I bought you your first diamond. Your husband should buy you your biggest diamond”. YAAAAASSSS!

    A man who often struggled financially to pay for school and things I needed, but NEVER let me see it. My only responsibility in childhood was to be happy.

    A man who signed me up for every cheerleading, dance, gymnastics and band class that my heart desired so that I would be more well rounded.

    A man who I know didn’t want me to move away from home but sucked it up and let me go with encouragement because he knew my dreams were bigger than St. Louis, Missouri.

    A man who has called me “Little Bit” my entire life, even to this day.

    My dad wasn’t perfect either, but one thing I know for certain is that I have always been and always will be the most important person in his life. I’ve NEVER questioned that. Because of him, I know what REAL manhood looks like. Like the author says, I know what it means to be first in a man’s life and for him to love me unconditionally and put my wants and needs FIRST.

    Thank you, Daddy! And if you will excuse me, I’m gonna end this because my eyes are watering.

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