XVI. Gov. Mark Sanford

“It’s one thing for the boys to go off by themselves, but on Father’s Day to leave your family behind? That’s erratic.” ~ South Carolina Senate Minority Leader John Land

Dear Gov. Sanford:

I’ve been contemplating what to say to you since you returned from your secret excursion and decided to come clean about your dirt.

While I’ve been thinking, you’ve been bumping your gums at a rate that would make Six from Blossom and the rapper Twista jealous. I don’t know why. Honesty is great, but to a fault. Saying that your Argentine mistress is your soulmate is one thing. Move to Argentina and be with her. But then saying that you want to reboot your marriage is like an obese man professing his desire to lose weight while chomping into two deep-fried Twinkies at the South Carolina state fair.

Neither makes any sense.

Wonder what the guy on the right thinks of the guy on the left? Then again, I wonder if the guy on the right is even watching the news these days. *shrugs*

Wonder what the guy on the right thinks of the guy on the left? Then again, I wonder if the guy on the right is even watching the news these days. *shrugs*

Then again, neither does skipping the country for several days — including Father’s Day — to sex your mistress in Argentina while no one knows your whereabouts. Dude, your wife tried to cover for you. She said you were away “writing something.”

Maybe you could run Alaska from Russia (see: Sarah Palin’s backyard). But running the Palmetto State from Argentina without at least a cell phone in 2009 is just stupid. Neither Steve Spurrier or Dabo Sweeney would try to run their football teams from outside the state without their cell phones. But you run the entire state?

This isn’t a surprise, though. We all know people with power are more apt to abuse it. That’s any relationship, governance or presidency. Take the 2008-09 Mount Rushmore of political infidelity — Kwame Kilpatrick (token black guy), Elloit Spitzer, John Edwards and yourself. You’ve all abused your governing power and/or the upperhand in your marriages.

The only real surprise is that you are foolish enough to keep talking. It’s like you watched Rod Blagojevich’s media circus a few months ago and now figure you might be able to capitalize on the attention, garner some public support and get a book deal, too, before you’re kicked out the front door of the state’s mansion.

There’s nothing wrong with saying you’ve made a mistake and that you want to correct it. But saying your mistress is your soulmate is akin to forcing your bride to call you “A Pimp Named Slickback” at the altar.

Your pimp hand isn’t strong, though. Yet, your wife is. That’s why she’s side-eyeing you through her words and lack of action. You should be grateful. She very easily could have given you a face full of hot grits when she first found out about your infidelity (see: Al Green).

But she has grace and humility. It’s sad because you we’re too caught up in yourself to realize what you had. You were too good to be at home on Father’s Day with your sons. Do you see how selfish that seems? It’s as though you care for no one … but yourself.

Should you resign? Yes. Sure, you probably could run the state. But who’s to say that you won’t jump at the urge to take another transcontinental trip for trim? Moreover, why should the people of South Carolina trust you? As an elected official you are held to a higher moral standard. By engaging in an affair, you’ve failed them. Disappearing for a week? Inexcusable as well.

When your character fails your constituency like this, you should step aside. That’s how you show humility. In this moment, though, not relinquishing your power makes you appear selfish.

It’s OK, though. Keep running your faucet-like mouth. Your political career is over. If there’s anything you should be able to comprehend, it’s this next phrase: Politicians lie, but wiretaps passports and salacious e-mails via government accounts don’t.

Praying for your sons,

Damon

P.S. A piece of advice: Purchase a muzzle and wear it with honor.

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53 responses to “XVI. Gov. Mark Sanford

  1. Morning, y’all.

    @damon: Such a true letter. It’s crazy that no one hears from him for a week and when he reappears, they can’t get him to be quiet.

    “But she has grace and humility. It’s sad because you were too caught up in yourself to realize what you had.”

    This stands out to me because it seems to be true in most cases of infidelity. She does seem strong and she’s been by his side for his political career. The same career he’s trying to keep while easily letting go of his marriage. He’d rather fight for his political career than his marriage because he thinks he’s found his soulmate…how sad.

    “But who’s to say that you won’t jump at the urge to take another transcontinental trip for trim? ”

    Crazy (& funny) but true…

    • “This stands out to me because it seems to be true in most cases of infidelity.”

      I think the problem here is that a lot of people who have power mistake grace and humility for weakness, as though it’s a sickness (see: that FB status). smh. smh. smh.

      • @damon: I agree that grace & humility are often mistaken for weakness and often taken advantage of but it’s really a true sign of strentgh and resilience.

    • Lovely Paradox

      Funny enough (and I was saying that to my sister yesterday), the wife doesn’t come up as “strong” and there for him to me… I don’t know. My third eye and my spidey sense do not agree with that.

      Yes, he was extremely stupid of him to do what he did, and I am by no means condoning his behavior, but it seems obvious enough that the marriage has been long dead. Why was she still there? And if she was still there, didn’t it mean that she accepted the clauses of the new contract? She seems to be a very smart and ambitious lady, and (again with that 3rd eye) more than love I think it was more “what will become of me if I walk out now” that was at play.

      Was she even the one who sent for his search? Or was it the state? I am inclined to believe that this is absolutely not the first time, stuff like that went down…

      And besides, I didn’t really read grace and humility from her at all. Maybe I need to look again.

  2. See, this is why I like you bloggers. 😉 I learn about the world through yaw – I was clueless about how it all went down.

    He’s an a&&hole. point blank period.

  3. I wish a mofo WOULD tell the world he’s found his soulmate but he’s going to try to make it work with me. There would be a large possibility that the next report would be announcing the governor lost a body part (see: Lorena Bobbit).

    This is just the most ridiculous story I’ve heard in a while concerning politicians and infidelity. He must have been sprung out of his mind for it to go down like this.

  4. ‘But who’s to say that you won’t jump at the urge to take another transcontinental trip for trim?’

    ~~~~

    I died at this line….

  5. All I got to say is that Argentenian vajayjay must be off the chain!

    This man left his family on Father’s Day and admitted that this side piece was his soul mate to the country while his WIFE stands idly by. This other chick put somethin’ mean on him in the bedroom, or maybe he’s just a lame simp that can’t help himself. A part of me is wondering when the rest of this story will break. There’s definitely more to this….

    • I remember when I first heard that the woman was from Argentina, and I thought of it’s neighbor Brazil and STDs… *shrugs*

      I know that doesn’t make much sense, but I’m not going to South America looking for trim anytime soon. smh.

      • I thought about that too, but every year like clockwork men flock to that region because the women are so exotic. It’s like they don’t care what bugs might infest their johnson, as long as they get their fix…smh again…

      • Lovely Paradox

        I thought of it’s neighbor Brazil and STDs… *shrugs*

        That’s an interesting thing to say…

        I bet you there is STDs to be had in South Carolina too, you know…

  6. thecomebackgirl

    This is a really good letter. I predict that dude IS going to try to make a go with the mistress and he will NOT be able to keep the wife. THOUGH I believe this behavior of his and all his “soulmates” are nothing new. And the WIFE knew it in the core of her being. But she’s in the spotlight now and doesn’t want to play the political tammy wynette…as so many do.

    The ultimate rub is that the men who are perpetual cheaters are constantly looking for the high…his azz thought he was on some great adventure to high tale it off to S.A. NOW..that the cat is out the bag and off the plane…there is no more adrenaline high that he called love.

    And once he starts to see elements of wifey poo in his mistress he’ll be off to satisfy his next junkie mistress fix.

    • @cbg: I agree that his wife has known for a lot longer than she’s letting on. I also agree that he’ll leave his wife and family for his mistress, especially if he is forced to resign. I don’t understand how he can fix his marriage & make it work while claiming his “soulmate” can be found in someone else and not his wife.

    • “And once he starts to see elements of wifey poo in his mistress he’ll be off to satisfy his next junkie mistress fix.”

      @comeback:

      Again, this is something these dudes/females don’t realize … the high always leaves. I don’t care what anyone says.

      I remember that line from Isaiah Washington’s character from Love Jones: “Falling in love ain’t (poop). Someone please tell me how to stay there.”

      People don’t realize that love is hard work, until they’re in it. And when they’re in it, they don’t want to put in the hard work. They just want to play. So, they go play. smh.

    • Lovely Paradox

      Ok, I didn’t even read your post and replied to Shawnta above.

      Thanks Ms. cbg! I absolutely believe this is not new behavior and she knew all along what was going on. I am even tempted to believe that it was a power struggle that led to this debacle… as in she asked him to be home for Father’s day and he decided to skip town anyways… so she made him “pay”…

  7. blackgirlinmaine

    Great post! I agree with the commenters that Ms Argentine must have something real special to make a man act this crazy. Calling your side lady your soulmate but saying you are going to try and make with your wife is just wrong….

    Sorry, but who wants to be a sloppy second?

  8. Man, this guy has a lot of nerves. I’m trying to figure out is he honest, crazy or just plain stupid! With all of media tour, he’s doing more damage than good. He could definitely use the advice my coach gave me growing up : “you can’t score points for yesterday’s game”

    I’m not sure if affair is grounds for impeachment from office (although it shows a lack of character and moral, I think it would be unconstitutional), but I do think he should get the boot for abandoning the office for 6 days! Is there any other job you can No Call, No Show for 6 days and not get fired???

    • @Oates: I agree that he shouldn’t be impeached or forced to resign for the affair itself (even if he ran on the platform of family values…did he?) but I agree missing in action for days without phone calls or email messages can be grounds for it. As well as using state money or listing it as an “official” trip. I think I read or heard somewhere that he’s repaying the expenses he originally charged off as being business related.

      Sidebar: When all of this first broke, didn’t Rush Limbaugh blame Sanford’s affair on Obama because he was “depressed” over being forced to accept the stimulus package & the devastating effects that had on the state? CRAZINESS!

  9. LOL, when Governor Sanford got a taste of that South American vaginal yayo he was like ol’ boy on Harlem Nights that slept with Sunshine…he called the wifey and said ‘hey honey, yeah, I just wanted to let ya know I ain’t neva comin’ home again…yeah, bye’….lmao!!! 🙂

    • @jlbd: You are crazy but funny.

      • @Shawnta’

        But you know I’m right, lol. He didn’t know what to do with himself after he hit that. The jump off is likely younger, beautiful and has all the things his wife doesn’t and he lost his mind. That’s why I said earlier that he’s lame because any other man who was getting broke off on a regular by other women would not be talking this ‘soul mate’ stuff and playing disappearing acts on father’s day and to their state. Most men know how to keep a jump off in a jump off’s place and continue on with business as usual. But this fool is ready to run away and wife her up while ruining his political career in the process….smh for real!

  10. natural nubian

    great letter. when it first was discovered that no one knew where the gov was, i smelt a stinker of a story coming. but this!?! just when you think politics is boring characters like money mark emerge. his press conferences are priceless. no daytime soap show could’ve written a better story line.

    my heart really goes out to his children. what grown man claims to be a decent father and leaves his children on father’s day to be with his mistress?!? what example is he setting for his sons?? money mark is the epitome of selfishness and arrogance. and i applaud his wife for not playing the puppet role of standing next to him during his press conferences.

    • @nn: I’m still trying to figure out how he skipped the country and his detail didn’t know about it. That seems fishy. He’s the governor of South Carolina …

      That said, I’m shocked more governors don’t get the Biggie Smalls/Tupac treatment. There are people out there with enough built up hate to follow thru, and it apparently must be easy.

      Anyway, to your point: I worry for his sons growing to resent him when they’re of age to understand what their father’s done.

      ASNF is for real. I just hope they learn forgiveness.

      • ‘I’m still trying to figure out how he skipped the country and his detail didn’t know about it. That seems fishy. He’s the governor of South Carolina … ‘

        ~~~

        That’s precisely why I stated above that I’m waiting for more details to follow….you can best believe there is MORE to this story and alot of people are doing their best to keep some stuff on the hush hush tip. That’s likely why this fool is bumping his gums so much because he’s trying to create distractions as much as possible…

        • natural nubian

          that’s a good way of looking at it jlbd. i just thought money mark was a lil slow and none of his friends got to tell him yet to go sit down. news was sayin’ there are more ladies to come out also.

          what makes me chuckle is can’t see a brother tellin’ his wife:
          H: babe, imma be right back. i’m going on a hiking trip
          W: oh, ok. you going with the fellas?
          H: naw, i’m going by myself. i’ll see you sometime later.

        • natural nubian

          and this def goes without saying, but gov sanford gets award for most creative excuse for arrogance/infidelity for 2009.

          • @nn: the whole bit about his mistress being his soulmate, but wanting to work on his marriage is one of the boldest thing I’ve ever heard a man say in front of a camera.

            It’s right up there with “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” lol.

            • Dude, that was some serious s@!t. It made me want to refer to him as ‘A Pimp Named Slickback’ when he said some mess like that. It’s like, yeah, I want to work it out with my wife, but I want to kick it with ms. argentina too. That’s basically what he’s saying. Mr. Sanford, life doesn’t work that way, make a decision and like it…

              • natural nubian

                i STILL can’t believe he said that with a straight face!!! i mean where is your press secretary? don’t they write/proof-read official’s speeches? whoever on his staff that does damage control pretty much shat on themselves as money mark said that.
                but once again, this isn’t your political typical affair. money mark did the remix of kwame + spitzer, but on a internat’l scale.

                • @nn: They don’t write for him … they don’t even know where he is … lol …

                  And you’re right … right now Money Mark is the king of political affairs.

                  • And to add insult to injury earlier this week he asked his wife if he could go visit ms. argentina one last time! GTFOH!

                    • hold up. Are you serious?

                    • natural nubian

                      jlbd i think what you heard was when he asked a while back ’cause he’s even flown w/his spiritual adviser to argentinia to try to break things off before….only to go “hiking” one last time, lol.

  11. I agree. He should shaddup! BUT….I don’t agree that he is held up on a moral pedestal. I don’t think politicians should be. I believe that people that hold public office should be seen as above-average in the smarts department because lets face it..they lie, steal, and CHEAT like the Average Joe.

    It’ll save public outrage and using religion as a political platform…

    • @felicia:

      I disagree. Politicians and Judges, should be held to a higher standard. They set the precedent. They create the laws for us.

      Therefore, they should be held to a higher moral standard because they are supposed to be the most trusted people in the public eye.

      Do they live by a higher moral code? Hell no. They all fall short, too. But because they’re elected officials or appointed judges with our way of life in their hands, they shouldn’t be free to run amok and be moral-free.

      That’s not cool.

      • natural nubian

        imma cosign on damon. one must lead by example. don’t enforce laws on me as your constituent (sp?) and pocket my tax $ as your salary and free medical benefits to jet off outta the country w/o giving an account of your where-abouts. the best leaders know that they must also assume the role of a servant.

    • Lovely Paradox

      It’ll save public outrage and using religion as a political platform…

      Truth.com!

  12. natural nubian

    darnit! i need an avitar/gravitar/icon-thingy 😦 !!

  13. As an adopted South Carolinian, reading the outside views on Sanford have been a trip. The guy is comedic fodder, and if he ever tries to run for a bigger office — there’s no way, can he? — Conan, Letterman, Fallon, etc., will be able to give most of their writers a long vacation. Governor Soul Mate is pretty much writing all their material for them.

    As a local, I can tell you the hits just keep on coming down here, whether they are directly tied to Sanford or not.

    Something I wrote just a bit ago:

    http://ianguerin.com/node/1423

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