The All-American Muzzle Team

Sticking a foot in your mouth isn’t all too uncommon to most of us. But we rarely do it in the public eye. The following team is comprised of people who are in dire need of a muzzle. None of these characters should surprise you.

"Ya, I was a point guard. Passing blame is my forte, don't ya know?" *winks*

"Ya, I played point guard. Passing blame is still one of my favorite things to do." *winks*

Center. 60. Michael Eric Dyson, Author & Pontification Extraordinaire: Best known for talking over your head so often that you must jump rope to even hope to comprehend what he’s saying.  Loves to regurgitate seven-syllable words.

Power Forward. 23. Rush Limbaugh, Talk Radio Giant & Regurgitator of Chimp-like rants: Despises everything on his left, including his left brain, which controls the right side of his body. Bashes Phil Mickelson because his nickname is “Lefty.” Talks about toddlers who take their first steps with their left feet. Strongly considered chopping off his left hand before he started popping pills. Says he wants your President to fail. Enough said.

Shooting Guard. 45. Rod Blagojevich, former Governor of Illinois: Love talking so much that he spilled his guts on phones he had to know were tapped. Also likes speaking in front of mics and cameras to proclaim his innocence although his recorded conversations crucify his pleas of innocence. Would still talk to every reporter in America if possible just to remain relevant.

Small Forward. 16. Mark Sanford, Gov. of South Carolina: Wants to stay with his wife, but he self-professed that he and his mistress are kindred spirits. The only reason we know this is because Mark shared this with us, all after he returned from his Argentine Excursion. And his wife is sticking around. Maybe having a leaky faucet-like mouth doesn’t hurt that bad? Then again...

Point Guard. 2. Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska aka The Anti-Chris Paul: She started this mess with her ridiculous analogy about playing point guard and passing the rock. Said she knew when it was time to take a seat, and let someone else lead the team lead so she could read The Moscow Times. She says she has a national agenda and a higher calling. Maybe ESPN should hire her as a sideline reporter. She wouldn’t make a lick of sense, but she’d still draw ratings. Just Google Palin and Couric, then watch. You’ll soon understand why. Sarah, you’re the Starbury of politics. Get it? You’ll never win the title.

Sixth Men. Rev. Al Sharpton & Rev. Jesse Jackson: They’re willing to help out in a pinch, but only to make themselves sound/look good. For real people, it rarely works. Note the following as a piece of my will and testament, though: If I’m famous when I die, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are to be 200 miles from my funeral site and my family the week following my death.

Coach of The Year: Joseph “Phil” Jackson: Scheme in Joe’s head eight days ago: “Yeah, I’ll utilize my son’s death to promote my new record label during this CNN interview. Makes good cents, yeah.” *smh*

Could you imagine the photo shoot for this team?

Honorable Mention: Vice President Joe Biden, Soulja Boy Tell’em, DJ Unk, Nancy Grace, Campbell Brown, Terrell Owens, BET Network, 95.8 percent of boxers & Brett Favre.

What other celebs/public figures deserve consideration for the All-American Muzzle Team and why?

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37 responses to “The All-American Muzzle Team

  1. I think you pretty much covered the main players. Maybe I can’t think of anyone else because it is still early and my brain is half-asleep. I do know that the caption for that picture cracked me up.

  2. Nancy Grace should have been up there with Sarah Palin. That chick has taken things too far and to think I used to actually watch her show years ago before she decided to be on a crusade against child abusers/murderers.

    You should have listed Don ‘Civil War’ Cornelius who didn’t know how to to shut it down at the BET Awards and the stage crew had to start the O’Jays performance before he got through his last sentence just to try and shut him up. That was a MESS!

    • @jlbd: You know there was a video decent tribute BET had planned for Michael. I saw it on Facebook last week. Supposedly, it got cut out because of Don. I don’t buy it, though. They could have cut out any of those ridiculous performances.

      But whatever.

      • Yeah, like 80% of those performances were garbage. I heard that BET released an official apology for the Drake, Lil’ Wayne, Baby, etc. performance because of how vulgar and inappropriate it was. I have to admit I got physically ill while watching it and thought of how much time that could have been given for another MJ clip. smh…

        • @jlbd: I hope they did apologize for that performance because I also got sick to my stomach sitting through that.

          Not to change the subject completely but I finally saw that Degrassi show this weekend…smh…Jimmy/Drake…smdh….

  3. thecomebackgirl

    “Sixth Men. Rev. Al Sharpton & Rev. Jesse Jackson: They’re willing to help out in a pinch, but only to make themselves sound/look good. For real people, it rarely works. Note the following as a piece of my will and testament, though: If I’m famous when I die, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are to be 200 miles from my funeral site and my family the week following my death.”

    Im not sure this is entirely fair. What other things do they make “appearances” at that never get seen because the press deems it as unimportant. I think the one or the other is also heavily involved in legislation that was passed by Conyers which will in essence KILL black radio, esp. Cathy Hughes..and no one really cares about that.

    • @cbg: The thing isn’t what they appear at. It’s that though they may sound genuine, they don’t come across that way.

      They both do great things at times for people. But they pop up every time something halfway major happens in Black America. It doesn’t seem genuine.

      I’m a little lost on the black radio thing. you’ll have to explain that further.

    • I’m with cbg here. Either of those two can easily be substituted for Mark Sanford. I figure it like this, yea, Chris Paul is good, but Jason Kidd just been doing it for so long that you’ve got to put him in the all-star rotation.

  4. I dont agree with T.O. or Soulja Boy. Everyone else is right on

    • @peyso: I get Soulja Boy from your perspective. But tell me you saw or heard about his Twitter rant last week where he called 2520s “Saltines” and blew a couple of gaskets?

      And T.O.? you have to explain yourself here. T.O. doesn’t know how or when to shut up.

  5. JJ was in my hometown a few weeks ago. That wasn’t picked up by major news networks, but by all firsthand accounts he wasn’t talking about anything.

    Jesse’s track record says all that neesd to be said. He ran for President twice, but clearly being a voice for people wasn’t his goal. If it was, where was his run for the House or Senate, where was the run for Mayor of Chicago or Gov of IL? Somebody riddle me that?

    Good list — I think you hit ’em all right on the head (now if someone oculd just do it literally, we’d be cooking with grease)

    • @asmith: you know, I don’t have the biggest problem with them being at places and trying to help solve problems.

      I just wish that they didn’t feel the need to speak up on everything. That’s what annoys me more so than anything else, that they have to be the spokesperson.

      • No jokes here, years ago in St. Louis we had a situation where Union Station would not allow our youth (translation young black guys) to wear wave caps. Al Sharpton shows up for the cause and had a wave cap on that busted pompadour he can’t let go of……was this really necessary?

  6. future mrs. brown

    Toure` -NBC Correspondent now..but first saw him on the Viacom networks, (BET, MTV, VH1) aka trying to be that young urban black spokesperson. Also been known to show up on E or Access Hollywood, etc. He is on every one of these shows giving speculation to things and they are so off track. I will never forget as soon as it was announced Obama won the election. He immediately said something to the nature of: not to pour salt on this occassion, but how is he going to be a father to his kids now. Can’t stand that dude.

    • @futuremrsbrown: Me agreeing with this addition would be an understatement.

      I follow Toure on twitter, and never realized how full of himself he was/is until the last month or so. It’s not that he isn’t smart, it’s just that he’s the wrong kind of smart.

      he’s like the girl or guy who knows she’s fine, but lacks humility concerning the looks. He needs to flaunt what he knows and believes… and doesn’t care to admit his wrongs…

      • @Damon: Same here. I keep following him because he is smart and does make good points, but he is very much full of himself.

        He spoke at my school once (I think I was a Junior)… and it was the same thing. He left a less than pleasant taste in my mouth, BUT he made good points and had things to say that were worth listening to (if you could ignore the smugness).

        It’s hard to think he deserves to be in this line-up; maybe so… he can’t possibly think he’ll ever actually be the voice of young Black America with that attitude, though, right?

        • @asmith: He may not belong on the first team, but he deserves HM. You follow him on Twitter. You see how he flaunts himself.

          I couldn’t believe some of what I reading a week or so in. Dude couldn’t define humility if you gave him the dictionary.

          I’m honestly scared for his kids, and hoping he’s not raising them to be as pompous as he is.

    • I will admit I can’t stand Toure’ either. He seems like he’s trying too hard all the time. I was watching CNN’s ‘Man in the Mirror’ special on MJ and I could not understand why they had him constantly giving his input. Once or twice was cool but he started to sound dumb after a while. Just SHUT UP! already…

      • @jlbd: The dude is smart. He knows his stuff. Some of the stuff he said on CNN made good sense. I just wish you were on Twitter and followed him …

        • Yeah, I used to actually like hearing him talk back in the day but now I think he’s trying to hard. I know he’s got alot of accolades and work to back up his lenghty chat sessions, but in many ways he reminds me of Emil Wilbekin who also gets on my nerves…

        • @damon: I follow him on Twitter and while he does offer interesting conversation, sometimes it can be a bit much.

          @jlbd: Are you on Twitter?

          • @Shawnta’

            No, I refuse to get on another social networking site. Twitter for me is absolutely pointless, but I don’t knock those that like it and use it. It took 4 years for Damon to convince me that Facebook was worth while. I don’t have a MySpace, LinkedIn, Twitter or any other account on a creative site one could come up with…lol

            • @jlbd: I hear you. I have friends that I’m still trying to convince to get on Twitter and they refuse. Perhaps they’ll come around & perhaps not. I learn a LOT of stuff on Twitter before I hear or read about it on the news, newspapers or online. It can definitely be pointless at times but at times it serves a greater purpose.

            • @jlbd: It’s just amazing how fast news travels via Twitter. The viral effect of Twitter is amazing … Between Michael Jackson and Steve McNair, you felt like you were in the know well before the news outlets were reporting anything of significance.

              It’s kinda strange. But also amazing.

  7. I left this one out there hoping someone would catch it but …

    Perez Hilton.

    • @damon: Perez Hilton is a good one for those that actually listen to or pay attention to him. I never pay attention to him or read his blog so, he can talk on for all I care.

      • I don’t pay attention to him either, but yeah … I certainly hear enough about him talking …

        that made me think of another one.

        Tiffany “New York” Pollard…

        • I used to go to Perez Hilton’s site religiously until I started seeing all the racist comments that are left on his comments. The same for TMZ, don’t visit that site anymore because it seemed like the percentage of angry, racist people outweighed the intelligent, open-minded commentors…

  8. Hey, y’all.

    Good list. I definitely agree with Nancy Grace, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Sanford & Sarah Palin.

  9. Another one: New York Rep. Peter King who went on a rant and said that the media coverage of MJ was a disgrace and justified his position by calling MJ a child molestor and a pedophile. Ummmm…last time I checked MJ was found ‘not guilty’ for any wrongdoing with those kids. So, what’s his rebuttal to that? I’m sure he’ll have one, and ignorant one at that…

    • Don’t get me started on these fools.

      Ok, so any article that seeks to summarize MJ’s life and doesn’t mention his issues with kids will be remiss. Granted. An as an aside, I want to say I never thought he molested those children. It was clear, especially in that documentary, that MJ saw a lot of things through the lens of a 10 yr old mind and it never occurred to him that saying you share your bed with little boys is not going to be receieved well…

      But these articles that go on to suggest he’ll never be as good in death as Sinatra or Elvis (yes, I JUST read such an article in the Weekly Standard, I know… what was I doing reading that nonsense) are getting.on.my.nerves.

      First, can the man get cold? Second, I’m so over people who won’t give the man his due; now I’m not calling ’em racist, I’m just saying…

      Now, I want someone to drag up those Duke boys who were acquitted… bet’cha they’ll be singing a different tune with them.

      • ‘Now, I want someone to drag up those Duke boys who were acquitted… bet’cha they’ll be singing a different tune with them.’

        ~~~~

        Okaaaaaayyyyy!!!! CHUUUUURRRRCHHH!

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