Sticking a foot in your mouth isn’t all too uncommon to most of us. But we rarely do it in the public eye. The following team is comprised of people who are in dire need of a muzzle. None of these characters should surprise you.
Center. 60. Michael Eric Dyson, Author & Pontification Extraordinaire: Best known for talking over your head so often that you must jump rope to even hope to comprehend what he’s saying. Loves to regurgitate seven-syllable words.
Power Forward. 23. Rush Limbaugh, Talk Radio Giant & Regurgitator of Chimp-like rants: Despises everything on his left, including his left brain, which controls the right side of his body. Bashes Phil Mickelson because his nickname is “Lefty.” Talks about toddlers who take their first steps with their left feet. Strongly considered chopping off his left hand before he started popping pills. Says he wants your President to fail. Enough said.
Shooting Guard. 45. Rod Blagojevich, former Governor of Illinois: Love talking so much that he spilled his guts on phones he had to know were tapped. Also likes speaking in front of mics and cameras to proclaim his innocence although his recorded conversations crucify his pleas of innocence. Would still talk to every reporter in America if possible just to remain relevant.
Small Forward. 16. Mark Sanford, Gov. of South Carolina: Wants to stay with his wife, but he self-professed that he and his mistress are kindred spirits. The only reason we know this is because Mark shared this with us, all after he returned from his Argentine Excursion. And his wife is sticking around. Maybe having a leaky faucet-like mouth doesn’t hurt that bad? Then again...
Point Guard. 2. Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska aka The Anti-Chris Paul: She started this mess with her ridiculous analogy about playing point guard and passing the rock. Said she knew when it was time to take a seat, and let someone else lead the team lead so she could read The Moscow Times. She says she has a national agenda and a higher calling. Maybe ESPN should hire her as a sideline reporter. She wouldn’t make a lick of sense, but she’d still draw ratings. Just Google Palin and Couric, then watch. You’ll soon understand why. Sarah, you’re the Starbury of politics. Get it? You’ll never win the title.
Sixth Men. Rev. Al Sharpton & Rev. Jesse Jackson: They’re willing to help out in a pinch, but only to make themselves sound/look good. For real people, it rarely works. Note the following as a piece of my will and testament, though: If I’m famous when I die, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are to be 200 miles from my funeral site and my family the week following my death.
Coach of The Year: Joseph “Phil” Jackson: Scheme in Joe’s head eight days ago: “Yeah, I’ll utilize my son’s death to promote my new record label during this CNN interview. Makes good cents, yeah.” *smh*
Could you imagine the photo shoot for this team?
Honorable Mention: Vice President Joe Biden, Soulja Boy Tell’em, DJ Unk, Nancy Grace, Campbell Brown, Terrell Owens, BET Network, 95.8 percent of boxers & Brett Favre.
What other celebs/public figures deserve consideration for the All-American Muzzle Team and why?