XVII. People Who Are Blaming Steve McNair

To The People Who Blame Steve McNair for His Own Demise:

You all should have stopped before your started. But since you didn’t, I’ll ask you to silence yourselves now.

No, I’m not foolish enough to paint Steve McNair as some “holier than thou” figure. He needs to be remembered as a human who did a little great, some good and some bad. It’s obvious he didn’t walk on water, make it so the blind could see or heal the sick.

He was human. Frankly, I don’t care how you look at him, so long as you don’t look at him as though he caused his own death.

No one should be simple enough to say that McNair, the former NFL quarterback found dead this weekend, did himself in through his actions. That’s like saying “he got what he had coming.” I’m sorry, but death is a steep price to pay for adultery. Usually it’s divorce, alimony, child support and/or reconciliation.

RIP Steve McNair

RIP Steve McNair

From what we now know, though, the 20-year-old woman he was dating outside of his marriage blew a gasket or six. Sahel Kazemi allegedly put two bullets in his head and two in his chest before killing herself.

Why did she do it? Because she — not McNair — lost it. Why did she lose it? People will be speculating about that for some time unless a suicide note shows up somewhere.

Still, you all have begun lambasting McNair because he was an adulterer. Some of you have turned it into “a cautionary tale” for cheating men. That’s not what this is. It’s a tragic example of someone not getting her/his way and deciding to take control via the worst possible means. Sure, the wages of sin is death. But adultery doesn’t beget murder.

We’ve all been tried before. We’ve all had our buttons pushed by our own personal George Jetsons to a point where we wanted to hurl fine China as though it were a Spacely’s Sprocket. But even with all his threats, Mr. Spacely never killed Jetson. He may have thought about it, but never did.

Likewise, most of us remove ourselves from trying circumstances via means that aren’t volatile. We leave and move on with our lives.

Kazemi chose to end theirs. That’s where your negative thoughts concerning this issue should lay — on her decision to end lives. Men and women cheat every day. Some fools skip continents and go missing in action from political offices to maintain affairs with their “soulmates” (see: Mark Sanford).

Yet, it isn’t the right of the wife or husband, the adulterer or the adulteress to take the life of any person involved in the situation because he or she isn’t happy and wants to alter the outcome with haste. Sanford’s wife had plenty of options, but Option “Finish Him” wasn’t one that computed. I wonder why?

Still, this purported form of life-taking vengeance takes place daily.  This weekend, it was a well-respected athlete — with a marital flaw shared by many — who happened to be victimized.

Yes, he is a victim. Not the one at fault. Saying “he got what he deserved” or “maybe this will stop men from cheating” is almost like saying that if put in Kazemi’s position, you might make a Truman Capote novel out of your lover, too. See how insane that reads?

Be a better caretaker of your own words. Don’t allow them to justify Kazemi’s actions. Don’t blame McNair for his death. Instead, fault the Level 10 crazy person who was weak enough to take McNair’s life instead of being patient enough to fall back with grace and humility. Let this be the lesson learned from this tragedy: You can choose to walk away from negative situations.

If you need something to think about, focus your minds and hearts on McNair’s wife and four children. Unlike the Sanfords, they had their choice of family/fatherhood stripped away from them. But also lament Kazemi’s loved ones as well. They, too, are mourning a loss.

These are the unfortunate consequences of murder and suicide, not adultery. People are people, and we’re all going to die. But no one deserves death because he/she is an adulterer.



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92 responses to “XVII. People Who Are Blaming Steve McNair

  1. I couldn’t agree more. The anonymity the internet provides makes people braver than usual…and they’ve been talking really reckless.

    The bottom line is the man made a mistake that SHOULD NOT have cost him his life. Anyone who says otherwise is simply wrong — there is no gray area here.

    The divorce rate is near 50% in this country. It means almost EVERYONE has a friend or family member they love who may have strayed. You’d wish death on them??

    • @J: The anonymity allows people to show their true consciences. But there are some who blatantly just threw it out there, and bastardized the man because of what he chose to do, and how someone reacted.

      To say that’s what he deserved, anonymously or with your name behind it, is just foolish.

  2. Great read. First, let me say that my heart goes out to his wife in the worst way. I was trying to have a pity party for myself last night, but when I thought about her, I had to say a prayer for her, and stop complaining about what I’m going through.

    On your letter . . . I generally agree . . . although I think what is motivating many of the comments that you speak out against is this idea of “playing with another person’s emotions”. It is recognizable that during situations involving high passion that any reasonable person would have a hard time making a rationale decision and may snap and consequently kill someone hence the rationale behind heated passion murder. I think this is the cautionary tale to be taken from Steve McNair’s untimely death. Not that he deserved it because he was an adulterer, but that we all should be careful about leading people on and lying to them and allowing them to get emotionally vested in a lie. At the end of the day there is always a lesson . . .its up to us to learn from one another’s mistakes.

    • “but that we all should be careful about leading people on and lying to them and allowing them to get emotionally vested in a lie.”

      I agree with this. I just think we know that there are a lot of people who were led on today by someone who saw McNair’s tale play out, and didn’t learn much.

      That’s why I’m saying that the lesson is to learn to “be still” in moments of despair. Because if you’re not, then you’ll end up like Sahel Kazemi. And it doesn’t have to be adultery … it could be anything.

      But again, I agree with not leading people on. That’s one of the worst ways to live.

  3. I can’t disagree Damon – great post. I can say, however, that I feel less sorry for McNair that I would had he been shot by a carjacker, home invader or some random crazy fan on the street. I feel even more sorry for his wife and kids, who now have the adultery to deal with, along with his death.

    • @kyle:

      I understand your point. You shouldn’t feel for him as an adulterer. But we should feel for him concerning his loss of life and his family. It’s a heavy burden.

  4. They are both to blame, both screwed up and it ended in neither ones favor. But my heart goes our for the wife and fatherless children. Tragic enough for them to lose a husband and father, but under such disgraceful circumstances and are left to deal with the after math.

    You are right, No, no one should die because of a bad decision, lord knows I’ve made plenty of them in my time and I’m thankful to have been spared from death. I wish McNair’s circumstances could have ended in another manner, but sadly it did not.

    • @tonda: I see where you’re coming from. I just don’t think you can blame a person for being murdered because he/she wouldn’t leave his wife or whatever the cause ends up being, if we ever find out.

      You blame the person who pulled the trigger.

      • You know if he had avoided the situation in the first place, (and I’m sure this has been repeated) he may still be alive, thus he is partial to blame but not solely responsible. I’m sure most married people who cheat don’t think of death as a possible consequence for their behavior but we know it happens.

        I’m concerned that the police were quick to rule his death a homicide but are taking their time with the woman. I’m sure they are tying up all the lose ends before the announce her dead as a suicide.

  5. yup. I’m over here heated about a certain person’s blog

  6. damon all that is nice a good for your blog but 1. she was from iran. they kill women for adultary bro. 2. he was killed by her jealous lovers which is why the police have YET to call this a murder suicide. the evidence is there this was not her fault. she bought a gun to protect herself from them and the truth is coming just be patient. but seriously write a blog about women dying in iran or iraq or afghanistan if you care so much about harsh penalty’s for adultury not just football stars dude.

    • @theprince:

      If this is/were true … then it wouldn’t change the point behind what I’m trying to say. You don’t blame him. You blame the person/s responsible for carrying out the act of murder.

    • @ PrinceAkbar I think your response is just a bit off. I think what Damon is saying here that people shouldnt die for adultery, PERIOD. Regardless of where it happens.

  7. yeah aaahhh thats sweet and all but the bottom line is …If he’d left her @ D&B’s where he met her- NEVER ENGAGED IN AN ADULTEROUS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER- she (or her jealous lover *see Prince Akbar*) wouldn’t have killed her. So yeah, he brought it on HIMSELF. Is it a hefty price? Yes …but the God he said his wedding vows is a MIGHTY & Vengeful God, McNair broke a covenant & a commandment & felt the wrath.

    • imagine if we had to pay for every sin we ever committed by death. Both you and I would have died along time ago. Sidebar, how you know he’s Christian/religious?

    • Where death is concerned, I don’t think it’s ever fair to play the “if he hadn’t…” game. It’s not like going to jail, it’s not like wrecking a car… death is the end and unless the person literally pulled the trigger to end their own life, there’s 1,001 things he might’ve done differently vs the one thing the killer could’ve done differently.

      We are responsible for our own actions, always.

  8. Everyone has been on a soap box using his situation to warn all cheating men around the world what could happen to them. I’m sorry but this isn’t anything new. Anyone with Oxygen or Lifetime can see stuff like this happening 24/7. Snapped features tons of women that lose it. I think it’s unfortunate that at 20yo she probably didn’t know the extent to which she was getting played… but on the other side he had a car in her name, was playing house with her and taking her on trips so was she really thinking some far off shit? She was thinking what she was being led to believe.

    Before I get too deep into my ramble, I think people are putting marriage on a pedestal. People, both men and women, cheat every single day. What he was doing was nothing new – – especially for an athlete. They keep jump offs all the time. Hell, there are entire sites dedicated to being the side piece… but it is sad that 2 more people have died when it wasn’t a necessary thing…

    • What kind of world do we live in now?

      “I think people are putting marriage on a pedestal.”

      Marriage is SUPPOSED to be put on a pedestal. Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things.”

      People may “cheat everyday” that doesn’t make it right, that doesn’t soften the blow to the cheated on spouse, and it certainly isn’t an excuse or valid reason for someone to break their marital vows.

      • @knwill: We live in a sad and rapidly morality devolving society. I agree with your comment. We should hold marriage to a high(er) esteem and we shouldn’t accept cheating as a normal occurance.

  9. LOL@ Damon & Brandon dropping ill subliminals about my post. I’m far apart from Brandon, but I think, as usual, we’re of a similar mind. I don’t think death is justice for adultery. I do think the woman was nuts. I feel awful for the families.

    But I also think you when you play in dirt, you get dirty. And as koko pointed out, when you play with people’s emotions recklessly, there are extreme consequences. I feel awful for the loss of life and the families of these folks. But McNair placed himself in a harm’s way by consorting inappropriately with a woman who was not his wife and who happened to be crazy. He didn’t stumble into a bad scene. He CREATED it by misleading this woman and cheating on his wife with her. Let’s not give him a pass for that.

    So many men, for some reason, fail to see the full range of consequences for cheating. Too many look at it as a harmless thing to do that has little impact. Getting offed has always been on the what could go wrong list, granted it was the extreme side. Its unfortunate that this happened to him, but it’s also something he should have thought about before he decided to cheat.

    I hope other men will look at this as a cautionary tale and realize the high price of behaving recklessly.

    If she was weak for taking a life, let’s also call him weak for cheating. Place the blame where it belongs— on both of them.

    • before I read, I was actually thinking he might be talking about Actsoffaith. BRB after I read the rest of the comment. lol.

    • @belle:

      Like you said, blame both of them. I just say blame him for cheating/misleading. Blame her for not being able to walk away, and choosing murder.

      I get that he played a major role. I just wish people weren’t trying to solely blame him for his death. She murdered him.

      Dumb actions don’t require dumber reactions. Thanks for stopping thru. D

    • Oh. Uh. Hey there, Belle. Didn’t see you over there. So, um, yeah, how’s things? Tell your mother I said hi.

  10. I don’t understand what’s so hard to understand that he bought this on himself.

    Infidelity an deception has costs.

    He lied to a young woman who bought his caviar wishes and champagne dreams. When he was caught in his lies (I”m assuming) he paid dearly for them.

    If he wasn’t cheating and lying, he’d still be alive.

    Explain to me again how he isn’t responsible for what happened to him?

    • Didn’t she know he was married? She bought his lies or whatever because of her own foolishness. He didnt deserve to die because he wouldnt leave his wife or whatever the case may be. If she was a woman of any sort of character she would have left his married azz alone from the beginning. If the situation was reversed and he killed her this would be an entirely different conversation with people talking about how sad they are for her and he was wrong. HE is the victim.

  11. Damon, what if, just what if McNair contracted AIDS/HIV from his liaison with said 20yr old. Would you still feel the same way? Or does it matter that he died a traumatic death?

    • @rippa: I see your point, but I refuse to look at it like that because that clearly didn’t happen. Let’s deal in the reality of what happened. Again, there’s blame to be thrown around both ways, but blame McNair for being an adulterer. When they determine it was her, blame the girl for blame the girl for the murders.

  12. When I look at the situation, I see TWO people who were in the wrong. Steve, for cheating and WHOEVER KILLED HIM, for being a murderer.

    I agree, no one deserves to have another human exact murderous justice on them for ANYTHING they do.

    But if we’re going to be HONEST about what was going on, the person who killed Steve McNair did not strip him of his family/fatherhood. He was doing a perfectly good job of that on his own. I am sure this wasn’t the first woman he “allegedly” cheated on his wife with and had his life not been taken, I am sure it wouldn’t have been his last. There aren’t too many men with power and/or money who can’t manage to keep their weiner where it belongs if they’re married…at home.

    Again, I’m not saying he deserved death but when you are doing negative things in your life, there are negative consequences somewhere down the road. That’s a fact of life; it isn’t someone saying McNair deserved to die.

    Just like a woman who REFUSES to stop drinking, smoking, partying like a rockstar…ALL WHILE BEING PREGNANT! No woman DESERVES to go through losing a child but to just automatically think and feel that your chances of walking away from a reckless life with a healthy or live child is 100% gauranteed, well that’s foolishness on behalf of the person with the reckless behavior.

    No one forced him to be an adulterer; he made that bad decision on his own. Until evidence can show that his death, in fact, was a result of his adulterous carrying on, then it is still up for skepticism. If he was killed due to some actions on his behalf, it is no different than someone doing drugs and in the process of going to pick up a package, gets shot and killed by someone who is selling the drugs to them.

    Being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons, sometimes has severe consequences.

    It’s all sad and unfortunate for anyone involved…

  13. I agree with this post. I’ve heard some pretty insensitve comments and jokes about his death, but I guess that really shouldn’t surprise me after the jokes I heard about MJ.

  14. “I’m sorry, but death is a steep price to pay for adultery.”
    – Lucky for us we live in a society where this is true. Actually, lucky for us women because if we were to cheat in some countries we would get stoned to death.

    As far as the cautionary tale aspect, women would like it if this story would scare men into not cheating but it won’t. A previous commenter mentioned the show Snapped, if the week long marathons of that show haven’t deterred any cheating then this won’t either. There are people cheating every minute of every day and maybe that’s how it has always been. The advances in technology just make it harder to do so without getting caught. If people were to start dying just because they were cheating then people would be dropping dead on the streets left and right.

    I just feel sorry for all parties involved.

    • “If people were to start dying just because they were cheating then people would be dropping dead on the streets left and right.”

      @tam: I wish this was in it’s normal position, if you know what I mean. Also wish I would have thought to say it because it puts what I’m trying to say in perspective. lol.

      • @Damon I know! When I got on and saw there were already 22 comments I was like “dang”. My P90X workout had me in bed early.

        I was going to send you a tweet about this…this whole situation has people running around screaming about Karma. This is one of the most misused concepts. Maybe you could write a letter to her (Karma sounds like a woman, lol).

        • @tam: I think karma is real. I believe the negative energy one puts out will come back. But who can say tit for tat what that negative energy is or will be. I think there’s only One who knows.

          • @Damon: I don’t think Karma isn’t real I just think a lot of people throw around the word Karma and they don’t know the true meaning behind the word. I guess it just annoys me because there is so much more to it than “what goes around comes around” but you know how people like to simplify things.

            • you’ll have to explain your thoughts on it. I don’t have a detailed idea of what it is. I’ve always kept it simple, understanding that the bad you do comes back … *shrugs*

              • I guess because my first exposure to the idea of Karma came through learning about Buddhism (long story but I don’t practice that religion) I have a more detailed opinion of how it works. Still, at the heart of it is as you said, what you put out you get back.

                FYI: What made me even get this long discussion started is someone I know was like “that’s karma” but it is not just bad stuff that comes back, it is good stuff too. But I rarely hear people speak about positive karma.

                • @tam:

                  that last point is noted. I certainly don’t think of positive karma enough, maybe because I spend most of the time wondering why I don’t get the good stuff I want back. *smh at myself*

        • “My P90X workout had me in bed early.”

          @Tam: Completely unrelated to this post but do you like P90X? I’ve heard good things about it (as far as the results, not the actual workout 🙂 ) but haven’t tried it yet.

          • @Shawnta’ – Yes I love it, I’m just starting the second week and I already feel stronger. If you’re interested, I’m detailing my P90X journey on my blog. I’m not going to post pictures until the very end though.

  15. I just read through all the comments and I will place my two pennies in here: The problem with this situation is not necessarily people blaming him for his death or saying that he deserved it, the problem is that in our society everytime something bad happens to someone and the situation is investigated, IF that said person was doing dirt at the time, the sympathy level goes down. Let’s take Morgan Freeman’s accident last year. The man suffered from broken ribs and some other injuries, however, once the public learned that there was an unidentified woman in the car with him that was not his wife, the side-eyes came into view. It’s the same thing with McNair. Of course he didn’t deserve to die, no matter how much dirt he was doing. But, he got killed WHILE doing his dirt. If this man was murdered during a robbery or was killed in an accident while by himself, with his wife or with his boys then it would have been a different story. BUT, this man was murdered while kicking it with his JUMPOFF who lost it and allegedly decided to end things her way (as speculated). That’s what makes people less sympathetic to his murder and it’s only natural. Honestly, look at the legacy he has left behind. Sure his wife and kids will be well taken care of financially but his death and the way he died will be burned in their memory forever. The reason why others are saying that this should be a cautionary for cheating men is not to scare them out of cheating but to make them think about how they want to be remembered. I’m sure if Mr. McNair could come back and at least re-do the last two hours of his life he would not have been in this situation…

    • “The problem with this situation is not necessarily people blaming him for his death or saying that he deserved it.”

      But this is what people are doing/saying, and that’s not right. Sure, knowing what was coming he’d have chosen to re do the last months of his life.

      None of that means that you blame him for someone putting two in his head and two in his chest. Blame the person who did it.

      Like I said, the way people are blaming him, and I’ve seen enough of it, it’s as though they’re supporting her actions. That’s loony.

      • I guess what I’m saying is that’s the REASON why they are blaming him. It’s not right but it’s a natural human reaction. I don’t think people are meaning to intentionally blame him, but that’s why they are because they have subtle feelings about it being a so-called crime of passion and it makes them analyze the situation as a place he put himself in. I don’t blame him for getting killed, but I do blame him for placing himself in a situations where negative outcomes are likely. Someone else earlier mentioned that sure a baby doesn’t deserve to die, but a pregnant mother that abuses herself while pregnant is welcoming this potentially negative situation to arise. I have a cousin that just had a baby recently and he’s had some health problems since he was born. Yeah, guess what, my cousin smoked and drank red bull daily while she was pregnant with him. It’s one of those things that totally sucks but how can you sit back and be all sad and remorseful when you know that the situation didn’t HAVE to be that way????

        • @jlbd: That’s not “natural human reaction” … that’s learned behavior …

          Blame McNair for putting himself in a negative situation. But you can’t blame him for someone else losing it and pulling a trigger and taking his life. If you have any compassion for life itself, blaming McNair for his death isn’t a natural reaction.

          • Did you just skim my entire post????

            I never said blaming him was right or was justified or that I was blaming him, I’m saying WHY people are ‘blaming’ him. And yes, fyi, that is a natural reaction as far as I’m concerned…

            • no, I ain’t skim it silly. lol. I responded to what mattered. I want to stick to what happened, and not what someone else did or what if he got AIDS.

              He committed adultery. He didn’t die because he committed adultery, he was murdered because that 20yo couldn’t keep her cool and walk away.

              I see what you’re saying. I’m just saying that blaming him isn’t right or justified. And I refuse to justify why they’re blaming him. I blame him for his adulterous life. I blame her for murdering him.

              • And see you’re saying you are only responding to what matters and I’m trying to tell you that all these things matter. You want to look at the situation as a cut and dry murder that was wrong, and sure, it can be that. But, you CANNOT discount the other factors involved in this situation because they are THERE. They are the big white elephant in the room and every time you try to ignore those other things and focus on just the murder, that elephant will start stinking or take a dump on the floor and remind you that it’s there!

                • If an elephant is in the room, taking a dump on the floor, are you going to stay in the room, and kill the elephant and yourself?

                  Or are you going to just leave?

                  Seriously, think about Riley Freeman’s quote concerning R. Kelly: “When I see pee, I move.” smh. lol.

                  • Again, you’re looking at the elephant as being her being hurt by his actions. And, maybe I’m not making myself clear. I’m not sympathizing with the psycho jump-off one bit. I’m sympathizing with what the wife and his family are dealing with. The elephant in the room is the fact that although he died a tragic and unnecessary death, he was still lying and cheating while being murdered! I think you are f’ing with me on purpose and you totally see what I’m trying to say but you want to be contrary. So, I’m done. 🙂

    • @jlbd: I agree that the cautionary tale SHOULD be that you don’t want to be remembered in a negative light but I’ve heard more than one women specifically say that this should serve as a warning to any man that is or is thinking about cheating because it can get you killed. That’s the tale they want told….

      • @Tam

        And as jacked up as it sounds I can understand women wanting that tale to be told. I mean, it’s like this, no cheating does not beget murder but cheating is very hurtful no matter how it’s sugar coated. Cheating is something that is felt by many men and woman across the globe and when given the opportunity to find a way to make it look less appealing, that’s what humans will do. Here in the US of A we don’t punish or incarcerate cheaters but in other countries they do because it is looked down upon for what it is: A sick way of living that hurts everyone around you. Usually these other countries punish the women more than the men and that’s another thing that stings women when they look at the big picture. Cheating hurts women just as much as it hurts men and again, I’m not saying that he deserved to die but I can understand why so many woman are pouncing on this situation as an opportunity to make cheating less appealing because tada!!!! look what can happen to you if you go down that fateful road of hurt and deception!!! You can possibly be killed!!!

        But, alas, even AIDS doesn’t scare people enough to put a rubber on it so why would the possible murder at the hands of another person keep the little man in the pants??? **shrugs shoulders***

        • @jlbd: Oh trust, as jacked up as it sounds as a married women I would be lying if I said that a strong part of me doesn’t want this to be viewed as a warning.

  16. Your bro's roomie

    You failed to mention Phil Hartman. He was faithful to his wife, but she had skeletons in her closet that she couldn’t control, which lead to a murder-suicide. So is Phil a cautionary tale for staying faithful to your wife? Thoughts and prayers for both families, especially for Mechelle McNair who had to deal with two heart breaking truths last Saturday.

  17. thecomebackgirl

    “These are the unfortunate consequences of murder and suicide, not adultery. People are people, and we’re all going to die. But no one deserves death because he/she is an adulterer.”

    I agree. No one deserves to die and no one has a right who gets to decide to live or die. I’ve always believed that the REALLY holier than thou people see themselves in him and his actions. Projection much? Its my belief most women have dated a married man at least ONCE in her life (not all…but most).

    The point in all this as I surmised yesterday is more about the sports/entertainment/political underworld…that no one wants to talk about. Sure a poor man can cheat on his wife just as easily as a rich man can and could. But there is something so understood and accepted about it.

    Perhaps as champ wrote yesterday, a player in his prime is young and perhaps “the game” doesn’t lend itself to a family man of 36 with four kids.

    But all this he’s human business in my estimation is a smoke screen… There is SOMETHING that needs to be addressed in these arena’s…and men protecting “their own” about it ..seems typical to me.

    • @comeback:

      I agree with you. Like I said in an earlier comment, this adultery thing has been going on since before Moses. That’s why it’s a commandment.

      Like I’ve said a 1,000 times, people in positions of power are more apt to abuse it. That’s what this is. He abused his celebrity and what he knew he was capable of to get something outside of his marriage.

      None of us would be shocked if he’d done it before. Same thing with Sanford and any entertainer you has rumors or truths swirling about his infidelity.

      It’s the same thing on college campuses with fraternities and college athletes. They’re pseudo-celebs, put on pedestals.

      By no means, am I saying give more leeway to any person you may think will abuse his/her knowledge and power. I’m saying be smart enough to steer clear of those types of persons.

      It’s not that hard. But for some, it’s just what they want. You know? And I’m sure we’ve all seen a few situations just like this that hit close to home. It’s life.

    • The point in all this as I surmised yesterday is more about the sports/entertainment/political underworld…that no one wants to talk about. Sure a poor man can cheat on his wife just as easily as a rich man can and could. But there is something so understood and accepted about it.

      ummmmm . . .I’m not sure I get the point.

      Also, not all women have slept with a married man. In either case, why is that relevant? It is precisely these types excuses and illogical rationalization of men’s behavior and objectification of women that had Little Wayne on stage singing “I wish I could fuck every girl in the world” during a family program and to his own children!!! Gimme a break.

      Somethings are just inappropriate, no matter who is doing it.

      It’s all about choices. We try to make good choices so that we don’t find ourselves in the devil’s lair. SM made a bad one. Excellent football player, I’ve always liked him, but he made a bad choice. Should he have died for it, i’m not the decider. A higher power is.

  18. Since this happened, I’ve been trying to draw a fine line between “he deserved what he got” and “let this be a lesson…”

    It’s been touched on in other comments (ya’ll know I skim first, then read later..) but I would hope that people would look at this situation and think twice about leading people on, in any situation. You never know the mental stability of a person until, oftentimes, it’s too late.

    Having said that, this woman (in my opinion, based on the facts that have been made known) made a conscious choice to take his life and then her own and because of that, there is no room for “he got what he deserved…”Like Damon says, maybe he deserved something for cheating but death was surely not it. Anyone who suggests he deserved death is no less than a jerk… no one truly deserves death, in my opinion. Who is anyone but God to determine when someone’s life should end?

  19. I had a status on Facebook saying that I hope people would pay attention to this Steve McNair tragedy and act accordingly. I said it because of what lots of other folks have said in this status: because people need to THINK about the consequences that selfishness and reckless behavior could have on your family and your legacy. It baffles me that people who have so much to lose can be so CARELESS. Steve McNair and this crazy jumpoff where photographed on vacation PARASAILING together and smiling at the camera! WTF? He didn’t even have the decency to keep his illicit affairs PRIVATE? How absolutely EMBARASSING for his kids to have to live the rest of their lives knowing their father died because he got caught up in some b.s. with a chick that’s only a little bit older than they are (his oldest son is 17, I believe)! They lost their FATHER because of some random groupie who had nothing to lose. As important as black fathers are, that makes me ANGRY that he died over something so STUPID and PREVENTABLE.

    Were we not just discussing the other day how folks who are blessed need to do better? If we’re gonna rail on Soulja Boy for not doing better, how is it that Steve McNair isn’t held to the same standard? Oh cause he was a nice guy and threw a few touchdowns and went to a Superbowl? WOMP! He still died in stereotypical black male fashion: at the other end of a gun, the victim of a violent crime. How dreadful.

    For the record, though, I don’t blame Steve McNair for getting shot: I place that blame squarely on the jumpoff (or whoever it was that shot him). I DO blame him for being reckless and his choice to be careless about his private affairs ended up with him paying the ultimate cost.

    Anytime you knowingly engage in some reckless behavior, folks need to remember that you just MIGHT pay a cost far greater than you had anticipated. That’s one of the lessons that I think folks should take away from this tragedy.

    • @theseniorita: I can dig this … and I’m about to go here because I surely couldn’t in the letter … but, I wouldn’t be too shocked if his wife knew about about the jumpoff(s) he’s had.

      There are just too many holes in McNair’s personal life for her not to be aware. The question is did she care that much about the jumpoffs, or was she just content with her life as it was.

      No doubt, she’s in mourning now. And my condolences go out to her. But considering his actions, you have to wonder. It’s really no different than the Sanford scandal save Argentina, soulmate and murder.


        Now that I’m done being pissed, I will say this much. If I was the wifey and I knew about his other women I would not stay. I would divorce him and take him for all he had for alimony and child support, BUT, I will not talk ill of women that choose to stay because my grandmother was very adamant about standing by my grandfather when he was cheating and she felt like one day he would stop and they would be happy. It got to the point though, after years of dealing with it that she couldn’t deal anymore and she divorced my grandfather who died a few years after that. If McNair’s wife knew, we don’t know what level she was on or how much she had taken. We don’t know if she had reached her breaking point or not. So, just as retarded as it is to blame Steve McNair for his murder, it is even more dumb to blame his wife for his cheating…smmfh!!!!

        • “I wouldn’t be too shocked if his wife knew about about the jumpoff(s) he’s had…”

          remember that’s what I said. Then I “questioned” whether or not she was comfortable with it …

          JLBD, that mess happens all of the time. There are people you and I know who live that lifestyle, as a choice. I don’t think there’s reason to write in all caps. But hey, tickle your fancy. lol.

          And I surely didn’t blame his wife for his cheating. I question whether or not she knew, and said she had to know something was awry.

          Everyone doesn’t know that your husband is spending a majority of his time at a condo that isn’t your home, and you aren’t suspicious of him. That’s what I’m saying.

          And I’m saying I wonder if she knew and didn’t care or if she was just “hoping he’d do right” like you said … Regardless, she’s in mourning.

          • and my point is whether she knew or not does not excuse his wreckless and hurtful behavior. coming from someone who has been cheated on before I really wish men would find a way to be man enough to end the relationship or the marriage when they find themselves needing to seek outhouse (insert another word for cat). Funny thing is my ex that cheated on me told me years later that he was cheating on the chick he cheated on me with and he almost lost his life behind it. He also told me that’s what supposedly made him decide to stop. When you are playing with people’s emotions it’s a dangerous game. Temporary insanity is a defensive mechanism in court for a reason…

            • @jlbd: What did I say that excused McNair’s adulterous behavior?

              • You brought in the factor of whether or not his wife knew about it which in my opinion is irrelevant.

                • I said it was irrelevant to the “letter,” I wrote … I didn’t leave that comment to specifically chide her in anyway…

                  but rather to say that there are women & men who choose that course of action, and or live that lifestyle.

                  THEY, TOO, are hurt when they lose a loved one. That’s all I was saying. Definitely not blaming her for anything, whatsoever. Fall back. lol.

                  • You fall back lil dusty dude….

                    but, ok, I get what you are saying now…all I know is that although some people may choose that lifestyle, they would likely not prefer it….

  20. Well, Damon, you’re right in that some couples have an understanding. “You do what you do as long as the bills are paid, the kids are taken care of, and our business stays out of the newspaper”. Hey it works for some people and as long as both parties are consenting adults and there is no DECEPTION, it’s all good.

    But it’s possible that when his wife said she had no idea about the affair, she probably didn’t know that he was sleeping with THIS particular chick, that he bought her an escalade, that he took her on vacations, let her drive around Nashville in his Bentley, etc. She probably assumed he would sleep with random chicks and keep it moving, not that he was tricking off on them and subsidizing their lifestyle.

    And like jlbd said (in the midst of all that rage LOL), that doesn’t mean the wife wouldn’t welcome a reconciliation of their family. McNair was in the league for how long? Like 13 years? That’s 13 years of him being on an erratic schedule, probably not in the home enough to really be active with childrearing, etc. He finally retired and had nothing BUT time on his hands to get back right with his wife and children and be more involved…but he was still out chasing trim like he’s a rookie NFL player? *smh* That’s aint nothing but ego.

    At the end of the day, all the time and money he spent on this broad could have been time and money that he spent towards wining and dining his wife again, adding more to the kids college fund (you can never have too much money in college lol), and just making his family unit stronger overall. Unless they just absolutely could not stand each other, which I doubt because all accounts I’ve read about them say that they loved each other VERY MUCH, it’s hard for me to imagine a wife that wouldn’t welcome that kind of turnaround in her husband, especially if things had been going south for awhile.

    • @theseniorita: I just want JLBD to more carefully read what I wrote.

      I’m saying there’s a chance she knew something was going on. Not even that she knew the specifics. But moreover, that she’s still in mourning regardless of the circumstances she may have been aware of…

      • And again, all I’m saying is that it’s irrelevant whether she knew or not because I’m sure she didn’t marry this man with the intent to just deal with his behavior and have to mourn his loss in this manner…. I’m sure she would have preferred a faithful husband who settled down to spend more time with his family after he retired… **sigh**

        • “You got me going in circles … Oh, oh, oh, Round and round I go …” lol.

          • I’ve just come to the conclusion that men will see this one way and women another. That’s the way it always is when cheating is brought into the equation. I actually know a woman who would have said ‘I don’t see nothing wrong with what happened to him…’ and her justification would have been because he was a cheater. She too had a cheating husband that not only cheated on her with a sleazy chick but cheated while she was pregnant with their second child…again, for like the 85th time (i’ve lost count) I don’t think his behavior consituted his death but as said earlier people’s sympathy levels are not going to be as high. I’m under the assumption that when a human being puts all their stock and time and heart and soul and feelings and emotions into another human being and that other human being takes all those feelings and steps on them, it causes some kind of mental discord to happen. Some people like you and I would likely deal with the pain and move on as a better person, but others do like the Oxygen tv show and Snap. Emotions are very delicate; the human mind is very delicate and honestly that’s why it’s so easy to lose…

  21. It’s really bothering me that people are saying “He got what he deserved for being a cheater!” Hell many people would be dead by now for all the sins they have committed. Should he been punched in the face for cheating? Yes. Should he have been divorced for cheating? Hell yes. But death? No. Now I know in the olden days people were killed for being adulterers, but not now. People need to learn how to have respect these days. What if that was your uncle, dad, brother or best friend? You wouldn’t be saying that now would you?! Get it together and get your respect game up!

  22. Riddle me this Damon, can you at least agree that with messing with this psycho sidepiece that he likely was putting his family in danger? Yeah she allegedly killed him but obviously she was mentally unstable and what if she decided to ‘off’ the wife and kids…??? People need to think about this stuff…

  23. I now understand why black women are 70% single parents. I havent read ONE human response from a black woman about this. The man does not deserve this evil sick rage talking about THAT IS WHAT HE GETS. Now wonder he bought a arab highschool dropout a new truck, and YALL NEED TO CUT THE BULLSHIT> her boyfriend and white supremacist white trash killed mcnair and SADLY these bitches dont care because MCNAIR didnt choose them.

    • I like that you can tell who’s a black woman from the words. That’s gotta be a pretty cool ability.

    • @idiot

      Please do not try and turn a situation that happens every day, all over the world to people spanning every racial line into something about black women. Watch the TV show ‘Snapped’ and you’ll see plenty of white women, black women, arabic women, chinese women, and the list goes on and on, deciding to kill their husbands and feel justified in doing so. Your comment holds no weight. Get real…

    • ****HUGS****

      Everything is gonna be okay Prince Akbar. I’m sorry that your momma didnt treat you right. Not all black women are bitches and hoes. Not all black women want to be chose by an athlete. I understand how you can feel this way.


  24. Wow. Reading through some of these comments are scary. I don’t care how bad feewings were hurt, how much she was led on, or how unbalanced the woman was, you don’t deserve to die because of adultery. I don’t like making generalizations, but i appears that it takes a woman to defend the insane actions of another woman. And for all the talk of McNair’s infidelity, I don’t think anyone commented on this loon messing around with a married man.

    The partial responsibility argument doesn’t fly either. True, if he hadn’t messed with the woman, she wouldn’t have killed him. But that sounds like a car insurance company saying no matter how an accident happened, and even if you didn’t cause it, you’re 5% responsible because you were on the road.

  25. dalipstickbandit

    I agree…that’s crazy that this happened and all i could think of was his family…

    very well-written..

  26. I hope I’m not repeating anything since I wasnt able to read all of the comments…

    Hmm, I don’t know. Who are we to know if the only reason she killed him was because she couldnt get what she wanted or she was crazy? Thats an assumption. Who knows?

    I do believe he brought it on himself though. Just my opinion. Think about it. If he hadn’t been cheating, he’d be alive.

    The same if he had jumped into a car with a drunk driver and ended up killed in an accident. Had he not been in the car, he’d be alive. Same thing to me. Yes, someone else pulled the trigger, but his actions led to his demise.

    I only feel sympathy for his wife and kids, but not neccessarily for him. Who knows what kind of mind games he played with that girl? So funny how men always want to label somebody crazy…what if he MADE her crazy by making tons of promises, then reneging, then making more, flip flopping all over the place with her heart. Who knows what went on between them.

    Like I said, I only feel bad for his wife and kids. I couldnt imagine having no idea my husband was cheating on me and finding out thru his death. Horrible.

  27. I have enjoyed reading all of the previous postings. It is obvious that people have put a lot of thought into this matter. The reality for a realist such as myself is this:
    Today more than ever the world is full of unstableness. Whether it’s the economy or the people, at the end of the day- “It’s not the face you *uck but the *uck you face!

  28. Cogswell Cogs

    @Damon, you had me going until the George Jetson/Spaceley Sprockets analogy.

    Steve McNair is an adulterer. He spit on his wife and kids go have his jollies with a 20 year old girl. He loses all respect. I’m glad he’s a good guy, but once you cheat on your if you lose all respect right there.

    • @cogswellcogs: Love the name … I agree with you. He loses respect. But I don’t want to place blame on him for someone killing him. That’s all.

      And I’m not going to be overwhelmingly critical of him at this point. But you’re right, he does lose plenty of respect. The real question is this, though: Are you surprised?

      • Cogswell Cogs

        @ Damon , nothing surprises me anymore.

        Of course nobody deserves to be murdered. But when someone gets murdered while in the process of doing some dumb-ass thing then I can’t feel sorry for him.

        Like when a bank robber gets killed running from the cops or an ‘extreme’ mountain climber falls to their death because they wanted to try to conquer the mountain without any ropes. They may have been great people but you look at their actions and simply cannot defend them.

        No one deserves murder, but your actions and decisions directly impact your life and I hope this is a lesson to would-be adulterers out there that the stakes may be higher than you think. That isn’t even scratching the moral detestability of McNair’s actions.

        Who is there to defend his wife while everyone feels sorry for Mac?

  29. Damon, thanks for writing this. I’m amazed how few people are down with the “let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” An amazing amount of finger pointing, sure he was wrong but all of these people comparing him to a bank robber and various other formats of criminal… that’s extreme.

    No one is asking anyone to feel sorry for Steve, he didn’t lead a sorrowful life or die a valiant death. However, when a 36-year old has his life taken from him, that merits something beyond “he got what he deserved”. No one deserves to die like that. NO one.

    And yes, I do feel bad for the wife. It’s a horrible way to say goodbye to your husband.

    Uh – for the “Prince” up there with his views on black women. I’m a black woman, please press pause on your ignorance and hate-laced rant.

  30. Sorry, but I have a bit of a problem with the idea that McNair was a “victim”. Neither of them were.

    Adultery, whether anyone likes it or not is a gamble. (russian roulette even!). So is marriage for that matter. And while adultery has been around since God was a boy, its consequences have been around just as long. Some of these consequences include, but are not limited to, the loss of a spouse, destruction of a family unit, the conception of an outside child, the contracting/spreading of a disease and yes, death. We all know this. So if you decide to throw the dice, hope for the best and it comes up snake eyes, there’s no one to blame except yourself. He decided to cheat. He decided to risk the consquences of wrong-doing and he ended up being dealt the severest of consequences. Was she wrong for killing him? Absodamnlutely! But the fact remains that he did open himself (and his family) up for this. Just because a cheater doesn’t think it will happen to him/her doesn’t mean that it won’t happen to him/her.

    Furthermore, while placing all the blame on this 20 year old’s inability to deal is convenient, it doesn’t change the fact that those closest to her saw that she was cracking up (according to the news anyway). Why didn’t he? People don’t jump squirrely out of nowhere. And if he did see it, why didn’t he try to cut it off earlier and save himself the headache (no pun intended)? No rather, than doing that, he went and got himself ANOTHER jump-off while he was still seeing this one. So he doubled down on an already bad hand and he’s the victim? Anyone who believes that shouldn’t bother going to vegas or atlantic city. But then again, anyone who believes that will probably go straightaway to both, lose everything and then blame the the House.

    • Thanks for the clarification … It makes more sense now. I don’t defend a lot of what I write that tough because I expect people to disagree. But this is one thing I hold dear because I’ve seen first hand what happens when people retaliate and seek vengeance when they could have walked away. I’ve seen it too many times, in too many situations. I know better. And i know how dangerous it is to inappropriately toss blame around in a situation like this.

      Again, I’m glad you cleared this up. Thanks for doing so.

  31. Damon, regarding your response to me on blacksnob, “take plank out of my eye…” I must first apologize for not clearly making my point. I was agreeing with you. McNair did not deserve death. I should have made a new paragraph and made my statement ‘he who is without sin….”. It probably would have been more clear. But if you had read my first two sentences more clearly, you would have seen that I was not attacking you.

    I have made bad choices and many never to be repeated again. From those mistakes I have learned not to judge and be empathetic. McNair did not deserve death. You are correct there.

    Maybe you thought I was judging and attacking you because so many others were. I was making an observation, and reminding everyone, including myself, that we have all fallen short of the glory of God and that a little empathy for the loss of a life, was needed.

    I always enjoy intelligent discourse and your post has created dialog. Take care.

  32. Damon do you think the word of GOD exist for naught? now if you really wanted to mount up as a BLACK MAN you would look at the entire picture, but, you choose to write a BLOG and condemn those that had a different view point than your own.

    This is no longer about MC NAIR, this is about what will become of four young BLACK BOY’S! see, you should have taken the bull by the horn and really ran with it, this was your opportunity to take a stand for BLACK HOUSEHOLD’S without a FATHER! but, you stayed in a safety ZONE! man you should have showed RAGE, DISAPPOINTMENT, and FRAUSTRATION!

    DAMON, may I call you by your first name? you have a responsibility as a MAN and a BLACK MAN to stand up for the family unit as a whole, your true MANHOOD should have came forth and CONDEMNED the action’s of men that will even consider for a second to disrupt their family UNIT, you should have given warning’s to other men! but, yet you chose not too, now this is not to condemn what you wrote, but, it is to enlighten you as a BLACK MAN, you came forth to defend the action’s of MCNAIR, but, yet you would not take time out to defend the importance of the black family unit!

    • I odn’t think anyone here, whatever side of the coin they fall on, is defending what McNair did.

      What some of us believe, though, is that what he did didn’t warrant death.

      Sure, his actions played a part in his death but that doesn’t mean he deserved it — and it’s those that think he deserved it that Damon is talking to. No one deserves a death like that.

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