64. People Who Wear Shades Indoors

Note: I’m running this now because I counted five people with sunglasses on indoors Friday night, among other things, in a room darker than a movie theater.

Dear People Who Wear Shades Indoors:

There is a logical reason or two that explains why some people wear sunglasses indoors. You should be smart enough to figure them out. But we can’t be certain of that, though. Seriously, you think it’s makes good sense to wear sunglasses indoors. So I’ll give you a hint. Try singing: “No-No-No-NOTORIOUS” or “That girl thinks that she’s so fine, that soon she’ll have my mind.”

Then there are celebs who think they’ve earned the right to be so fake that they can wear Aviators to disguise their true emotions in clubs, on television and in any other situation they warrant. These people think they are fresh to def. But they are the ones you should be avoiding as though they reek of an alley trash container.

Yet, you don’t evade them. No, you choose to replicate their blinding foolishness. I say none of this to belittle you.

Biggie Smalls had justification for wearing shades indoors. You don't.

Biggie Smalls had justification for wearing shades indoors. You or I likely don't.

But what good does wearing sunglasses inside do you if you lose 90 percent of your visibility? Do you do it because you think it makes you look *ahem* better? Sorry, it can’t help that much. Or does blinding yourself from society’s ills help you turn your swag on?

I don’t get it. It’s not like you’re about to rob a bank or gas station. If you are, wearing your shades indoors makes good sense. But I can think of few other situations where it does.

I’ll admit it. I once wore shades everywhere — inside and out — for a week. But only because I caught an eye infection after leaving my contacts in overnight in the 10th grade. Wearing sunglasses was the only way I could open my eyes without excruciating pain. When my eyes healed, off came the shades.

But you all? There’s one thing that’s evident from your appearance: A blaring insecurity. It permeates through your sunglasses as though you were Cyclops from X-Men sans his protective shades. Remember, though, he has a condition. If he exposes his eyes he causes irreparable damage like Medusa.

You are neither Cyclops nor Medusa. Unveiling your pupils will only help you make eye contact and potentially meet new people. You might even catch the eye of that man or woman you’ve been hoping would notice you. By night’s end she might call you Big Poppa or he might call you his Cherie Amour.

Then again, since you’ve taken off your shades, you may realize that that woman/man isn’t halfway as appealing to your naked eye as you thought she/he was when your visibility was at 10 percent. That doesn’t even account for the beer goggles you’re likely wearing in said club.

See, I’m trying to help you find your true love, and it’s unlikely in your current state. Actually, it’s probably not happening in any club, anytime soon.

Anyway, I just hope you took off your shades to read this. Reading with sunglasses on inside seems as though it could be as senseless as challenging Mike Tyson to a fistfight while you’re in a straitjacket.

Sincerely,

Damon

What’s one thing people do in the club setting that irks you to no end?

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66 responses to “64. People Who Wear Shades Indoors

  1. Hey, y’all…

    @damon: Funny post. I don’t go to clubs very often but I see this all the time when I do.

    One thing that irks me in a club setting is when people try to have telephone conversations.

    BTW…I love both Biggie & Stevie Wonder. Nice.

  2. I hate the folks who always start a fight in the club. The mixture of alcohol, sweat, estrogen and testosterone seems to bring out the “ignant” in folks.

    I’m also not a fan of the skanky. Ladies, three triangles and a piece of string does not an outfit make.

    Also, who is the one drunk stank-breath dude also talking loud and hitting on women he has no chance with? He needs to go. sit. down.

    • “Also, who is the one drunk stank-breath dude also talking loud and hitting on women he has no chance with? He needs to go. sit. down.”

      @OneChele: HILARIOUS.

  3. I hate folks who spill their drinks.. they walk around and spill their stupid rim filled drinks which make a big hazard to us ladies in the stilettos.

    I also hate when people want to be seen.

    Sunglasses inside are sooo corny. BUT, I am guilty of wearing mine in the grocery store because sometimes I don’t feel like giving eye contact which forces me to give the fake tight lipped half smile.

    • @Nicki Sunshine

      Wow! I thought I was the only one that hated making eye contact with random people. I HATE even having to fake that smile at work. I would rather ignore and be ignored…lol. Now I don’t feel so bad 🙂

    • @nicki: More so than people who spill their drink, I can’t stand people who make me spill my drink. lol.

      AHahahahaha… You were them in the grocery store? Oh my, who do you not want to make eye contact with in the grocery store?

      • LOL.. “I can’t stand people who make me spill my drink. lol.”

        Like the ones who wild out dancing? lol.

        “Oh my, who do you not want to make eye contact with in the grocery store?”

        Anybody…. lol. And only sometimes, (I’m moody).. I’m down here in the kinda south and people are friendly so they will strike up a conversation with anyone who smiles… or gives eye contact. it’s annoying. I kept a baby all weekend and you wouldn’t believe the unwarranted attention and kind words I got. lol

        • The ones who wild out dancing, and that ones who just aren’t paying attention because they’re that drunk …

          “I kept a baby all weekend and you wouldn’t believe the unwarranted attention and kind words I got.”

          For some reason, just thinking of you carting around someone else’s kid for a weekend seems hilarious… I can see the frustration on your face. lol.

  4. I always thought Biggie wore sunglasses all the time because his eyes were effed up. So I guess you are right about the shades masking insecurities.

    I have worn sunglasses indoors before, but it was at my grandmother’s funeral. I really didn’t want people to see my tiredness, red eyes, and tears(and I was kinda hungover, which I didn’t want my mother to see).

    My biggest pet peeve is people that get completely wasted and won’t leave. Somehow they always manage to find me and my friends. They are in the club falling asleep, throwing up, and stumbling everywhere. I always wonder if these people have friends or the reason their friends won’t take them home.

    • @Teddi

      His eyes were f’d up. I think that’s why Damon wrote that he had a reason for wearing his shades all the time! lol

    • @teddi: I’m not really clowning on Biggie, more so just pointing it out… Musiq Soulchild has the same thing, otherwise I doubt he’d wear shades every where.

      And I find people who fall asleep in the club to be absolutely a riot… I’ve never been so tired that I wanted to fall asleep in a club, and if I do, I hope that I’m at one of those Club Beds….

      • Oh I’ve been knocked out at the club before…only after telling my ride 1 billion times I was tired and ready to leave, and she proceeded to order another round of shots. I was blithering I was so tired, threw the shot over my shoulder and KO’ed on the couch…bout 45 minutes later, she was ready…

      • I didn’t think you were clowning. If I were Biggie or Musiq I would be rocking shades all the time. I had a friend that I wished would wear sungalsses so I didn’t have to guess which eye to look into-LOL(and I really did laugh)

        I thought you were making a good point that using sunglasses to mask insecurites only highlights those insecurities. We all know why you wear them. You ain’t fooling nobody(I am talking to you piano guy on Making His Band)

        I have sibling who is the king of falling asleep at clubs. I think it is hilarious when he does it but kinda pathetic when I see others do it. Usually if we can find him then we leave. He has been known to be laid out in a booth or in the back of the car with everybody looking for him.

  5. People just try waaay too hard to be cool and that is the root of this issue and a lot of other club and life violations.

    I dislike the girls that dance on each other all freaky JUST to get the attention of men. Have a little self-respect.

    I also can’t stand guys that walk around trying to look hard but have on a deep v-neck, glittery, tight t-shirt. That is NOT hood, stop it right now.

    There are a lot of other things, I pretty much don’t even like going to the club anymore. I’d much rather chill on the couch with a good book or interesting movie.

    • “People just try waaay too hard to be cool and that is the root of this issue and a lot of other club and life violations.”

      This is very, very true. It’s weird because, the more I think about this, it was true back in college, too.

    • “I pretty much don’t even like going to the club anymore. I’d much rather chill on the couch with a good book or interesting movie.”

      Tam, you and I can be friends forever.

      • @ASmith: Yeah! 🙂 I just feel disappointed when I go to the club unless I’m with a group of really good friends that know how to have a good time regardless of the atmosphere.

  6. I’m don’t frequent clubs at all anymore. But in my early twenties I did my fair share attending them and my biggest pet peeve is men that think it is ok to grab on a woman’s anatomy as she walks by. You have to be the most insecure no azz getting mofo to try and cop a cheap feel from a random woman crossing your path. And get a clue, if you do that to a chick and she likes it….chances are she’s a rat to the core! *shrugs shoulders* maybe that’s what these losers want….smh

    • @jlbd: I think the crazy thing is that there are like two women who actually like that, and just let it go for whatever reason … I don’t get it, either, because it never worked in adolescence. Girls didn’t like it then, so why would they like it as adults? idk.

    • @jlbd & @damon: LOL! Why did this make me think of The Wood and the dare/bet??? 🙂

    • First off Damon, loved the post…

      @jlbd, I agree with biggest pet peeve being men trying to cop a feel. It always seems that even if the club may not be crowded and a guy has room to walk by, he makes it a point to brush up against a woman.

      I remember one time I went to a club on my birthday with some friends and my boyfriend at the time. My boyfriend was standing right behind me, with his arm on my side. A guy walked right between us, grabbed my @ss. I turned around thinking it was my boyfriend at first, but realized it was some strange punk. Of course he had on some shades and gave me a disgusting smile. I about punched the guy but my boyfriend grabbed my arm before I could. D@mn….

  7. Love this D! This is one of my pet peeves. Nobody’s limelight is as bright as mine so they don’t need the shades inside. LOL!

  8. Yes the dark shades indoors keeps me jangled. I don’t get it. And since its been going on forever, I see no end in sight…Le sigh

  9. I actually don’t mind shades indoors (as I used to fall folly to it) because there are so many other things that can be rather irksome whilst in the club.

    1. Making my ass wait in line when tain’t (yeah I said tain’t) nobody inside.
    That mess is for the birds.

    2. Paying $8 + for a watered down draink…

    3. Chicks wearing mini-skirts/halter tops in sub zero weather.
    You betta put on a sweater or something. Sexy and sneezing are two things that don’t mesh.

    4. Having VIP roped off when it’s only 20 people in the club.
    You ain’t that exclusive.

    5. Grown & sexy.
    Who the hell made that term up?

    • There’s something about waiting online that makes you feel like there’s going to be something spectacular on the inside, right? Like there are going to be 20 Gabby Union lookalikes on the inside and the music takes you back to your youth.

      And there never is and rarely does. This is why standing in line has become a no-no. There’s always somewhere else to go.

      And that Grown & Sexy mess … smh … it should be called Good & Terrible. lol.

      • LOL @ 20 Gabby Union look-alikes…
        I mean I understand you’re trying to drum up business but dang, that’s so misleading when you walk in and it’s dryer than Al Sharpton’s conk.

        That gets the whomp whomp.

      • thecomebackgirl

        “And there never is and rarely does. This is why standing in line has become a no-no. There’s always somewhere else to go.

        And that Grown & Sexy mess … smh … it should be called Good & Terrible. lol.”

        I hate this term too..why not just make it sexy and urban contemporary or if you’re honest..ghetto.

        And I REFUSE to stand in a long line at a club..by 30 you’re too old. its a gimmick anyway. Unless mad people are coming out and there are fire hazard restrictions..its usually just to create momentum. im so over that.

        • @thecomebackgirl: It would make more sense to have people inside kicking it hard so that they become the mouth pieces that spread the word about your club … Doesn’t that make more sense? lol.

    • @MrSmartGuy: All good points. I especially agree with you on the term “grown & sexy”.

    • I am so not a fan of Grown & Sexy.

    • What’s becoming worse than Grown&Sexy (which is usually an outright lie) is these corny names for the parties – “models & bottles” where there isn’t a single model in the building.

  10. I use to rock shades in the club, only when I was high but now I dont smoke so that’s not an issue. I hated weed head girls and they were the only girls i attracted with my low eyes.

    I dont mind it now, as long as they dont bump into me.

    I dont do lines, i either skip, know someone or pay my way to the front.

    I actually hate when ppl buy bottles, its just stupid to me

  11. Pet peeve = Blue tooth wearers. I know you won’t be talking to anyone you fool. Come on. GIVE ME A BREAK. Sunglasses and bluetooths… you look ridic.

    • @asmith: I hate bluetooths period. Monica clowns me regularly because I won’t get one, but I just feel strange talking to the wind and having people think I’m talking to them only to realize I’m wearing a bluetooth.

      I can’t get with it … *shrugs*

      • I have one and I love it, but only when I’m in the car or otherwise using my hands. Just out walking around… those people make me unhappy. I have a friend who does that and she gets PISSY when people look at her confused. I’m like, HELLO you look crazy, let’s be honest.

    • @ASmith: I’m with Damon, I hate bluetooths in general unless you are in the car driving. People that walk around parties, sit in a resturant, shop at the mall with their bluetooth on annoy me. Unless you are some type of uber important CEO or day trader you don’t need to always have that thing in your ear.

    • I am not fan of the bluetooth. You can’t ear your phone in the club anyway so take that silly ish off! Ok we get it…YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE!!! WOOOOOOOW!!! So does my 8 year old sister.

  12. I HATE when folks where sunglasses inside. And you can totally tell those who are doing it in order to look “cool”. Well, if you ain’t cool without the sunglasses, you ain’t cool with ’em either. In fact, you’re less cool because you’re trying too hard to be it. Besides, the sunglasses is a glorious compound word in which the first word tells you the requirment needed in order to wear them! Yes, THE SUN. The word “shades”, too. Implies that it gives you shade. You don’t need shade indoors when there is already shade provided by the ceilings.

    Anyhow.

    “But you all? There’s one thing that’s evident from your appearance: A blaring insecurity. ”

    Co-sign! In fact, I think all overt displays of grandiosity is suss. Shouting from the rooftops just how great you are (whether it’s verbally or through fashion) only makes me believe the opposite.

    Besides, I wanna see them eyes. It’s one of my fave features on a guy! You’re much sexier showing the eyes than covering them up indoors.

    Oh, another person that gets a pass: Jack Nicholson. He looks like he came outta the womb with shades.

  13. All this talk about standing in line has a Kanye lyric stuck on my head now …

    “Let’s take ’em back to the club.
    Least about an hour I would stand on line,
    I just wanted to dance.” ~ Touch The Sky

    It won’t leave my head. #fail.

  14. Good post!

    I have 2 big club pet peeves that kind of go together.
    1. People who go to the club just to stand around and look at each other **cough**The Loft**cough**. What is this? The 8th grade dance?

    2. People who think that everything is “wack.” Money could be falling out the sky, drinks could be potent AND dirt cheap and the DJ could be straight kicking it, but they think it’s wack.

    I think my pet peeves are just with people that don’t know how to create fun.

    • @rvs: To your No. 1, Goodie Mob has a great song for that called “They Don’t Dance No Mo” … one of my favs …

      On your No. 2: I honestly don’t care to be in the club when money starts falling out the sky. Why? Two words: Pacman Jones. lol.

  15. Let’s add to the list
    – People who can’t sit still: No one’s looking for you, and he/she isn’t who you think they are. Saddown please.

    -People who stop to take a pic with everyone they know at the club: Chances are you don’t know them that well, and don’t even like the person, so why take a picture with them so your “frenemy” relationship can be displayed on facebook? Stop making everything a photo-op.

    -People who, at a crowded bar, still don’t know what they want when it’s your time to order: It took the bartender AT LEAST 15 minutes to get to you. If you don’t know, ask someone next to you to suggest something. I’m sure that elbow in your lifespace can offer some input. Plus, you make a friend or two, and isn’t that the point of clubbing, to socialize? Just don’t waste the bartender’s time.

    • Real talk (oh gosh, I just said that…) Facebook has a hand in ruining the club. EVERYBODY wants pictures so that they can be up on facebook for all to see. Get a LIFE.

    • “People who stop to take a pic with everyone they know at the club”

      Random, but this reminds me of Can’t Hardly Wait and the girl who runs around trying to get everyone to sign her yearbook. I don’t know why.

      And your last one is great… I always want to yell that that person needs a water and a clue.

    • @Beez: Obsessive picture takers + Facebook have made rewearing the same club outfit virtually impossible. On one hand, I’m not rich so I don’t buy an outfit with plans of only wearing it once but when you have that friend (or stalker) that is always taking your picture, you don’t want to be in multiple photo albums wearing the same outfit.

      That’s why I dodge the cameras….

      • See… and again… BFF.

        My friends hate me because I refuse to get in pics, but that’s because I got on facebook one day and was bored so I started look through my own pics and was HORRIFIED to see how many pictures (consecutively, yet at different events) involved too many of the same pieces and accessories.

        Un.acc.eptable.

        So I run from cameras.

    • I am an obsessive picture taker only with folks I know and only b/c I am Miss Photogenic! LOL! Aint nothing wrong with taking pics while you’re out but when you pull out a disposable camera where I can’t even see the pic when you are done, you need to sit down.

  16. When I see people walking around my show at night with shades on, I immediately pop on Corey Hart’s “I Wear My Sunglasses At Night” and point out the “ultra-cool” kids to everyone else.
    They either leave or take them off.

  17. I hate bartenders that get pissy with you when you don’t tip them. They seem to want to take all day to come your way when they see you have a request but they purposely take their time or ingore you for a while. For the longest I didn’t get why they would act like this but I was talking with a co-worker that was a bartender on the side and she said that they take their time helping people who ain’t tippin’…Dammit it already cost at least $10 to get in and the drinks are never cheap and you want me to tip too! Call me cheap but I’ll be damned….lol! I guess that’s why I always expected the guys to buy my drinks…lol

    • The whole club experience is just so subpar to me.

      I’m not standing in a long (and false) line so I can stand at the bar for 20 years to spend $10 on a watered down drink that some idiot with 10% visibility because of his sunglasses will back up into and cause me to spill ALL OVER myself, only to turn around and ask me if he can holla at my girl.

      NO. THANK. YOU.

      • You summed it up ASmith and let’s not forget that depending on where you live it’s typically the same people with the same attitudes and the dj is spinning the same songs…..BORING!!!!

  18. Damon…you hit the nail on the head with this one…

    Mr. Smartguy, I hate that VIP thing…This club in L.A. did us like that. Nowhere to sit, but you can’t go in VIP…THE CLUB WAS ONLY OPEN FOR ANOTHE 90 MIN.!!!…
    It also irks me when people try to stunt in VIP, but all you did was separate yourself from the real party…

  19. “It also irks me when people try to stunt in VIP, but all you did was separate yourself from the real party…”

    This wins for ASmith’s quote of the day.

  20. Like a lot of people on here, clubs are not my scene. But in the event I am dragged to one, you know what really grinds my gears?

    I hate those “too cool for school” black folks who just stand around and stare hard at the people dancing. You don’t have to dance, but don’t knock other people for having a good time. And stop staring. It makes me wanna poke you in your sunglasses.

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