“You’re not George Foreman. You’re not going to win the Super Bowl with one haymaker-like Hail Mary TD pass akin to the one that floored Michael Moorer.” ~ From my open letter to Brett Favre.
I feel sorry for you gents. You fellas are like the good guy who scores the girl you think is perfect, but all of your friends are side-eyeing you for falling for this she-devil, a girl who will have you talking and dreaming about jumping off the top of the Metrodome.
This is your new quarterback, the NFL Drama Queen himself, Brett Favre, better known as The AARP’s King of Indecision. And you really want him? Take him. But don’t you fellas realize that indecision is one of the worst qualities for a starting quarterback? It usually results in fumbles, sacks and interceptions. Remember, Favre has thrown more INTs than any other quarterback in the game’s history.
It also isn’t all that great to have a prima donna quarterback who’s willing to skip half of training camp and allegedly start a preseason game three days after he’s signed. He’s too good for a full training camp, but good enough to slide into the starting lineup as a quarterback?
There’s something very Allen Iverson circa “Practice” about that. If someone was foolish enough to sign Pacman Jones, he could probably catch on and play a decent nickelback in three weeks when the regular season begins. But an almost 40-year-old virgin Viking quarterback who skips training camp? You all would be better served if Tavaris Jackson — wh0, mind you, is a Section 8 version of Michael Vick — went Tonya Harding on Favre’s left knee.
Yes, I understand that there are veteran players who don’t play in the preseason. But Favre wasn’t on your team last year. No, he was crash-landing the New York Jets 2008 season with his tired arm. And now, he’s preparing to turn your Viking ship into the Titanic.
This is simple. I don’t care what he says, Favre cares about getting vengeance in the games against Green Bay. Yes, that’ll be great for the NFL and its broadcasting partners. It’s great for Michael Vick — who is likely doing back flips in his Philly camp dorm room right now because all of his deer-hunting, dog-loving haters can swoon over their favorite signal caller for another year.
But for you fellas, it’s all bad. My Magic Eight Ball is bringing back eights, two of them in your regular season record to be exact. It’s also telling me to warn you of the following:
Don’t be shocked if Brett decides to re-re-re-re-retire (I think that’s the right number) after game three of this season and then unretires just in time for game six. Don’t be surprised when January comes, and you’re playing with your kids instead of playing football. And surely don’t be surprised when the rest of the world screams “I told you so,” and begins smh’ing at you.