Dear Congressman Wilson,
This might seem like a stretch. But you must remember where I’ve been. I’m the same guy who blamed the founders of Yahoo! for the epidemic misuse of the exclamation mark. Hell, I fault Joe Jackson for everything Michael Jackson ever did wrong.
So this really should come as no surprise: I blame you for the recent fits thrown by Kanye West and Serena Williams. No, that’s no lie nor is it a misprint. I’m almost as sincere serious as President Obama’s “you know you just effed up, right?” face was after you screamed “You lie!” on Wednesday night.
Let me make this make sense. You, conservative Caucasian man, are supposed to set the tone for uncouth, rich and/or famous black people the free world, right? Well, your choice words for our 44th President unleashed the ignorance in epic proportions this weekend. Outrageous outbursts abound thanks to you.
Serena Williams, who has her share of moody moments, was in rare form on Saturday night. She threatened to shove tennis balls down the throat of a line judge who determined that Serena was a habitual line stepper, bka a foot faulter. Serena sounded as if she had dumped Common for the likes of Ron Artest. She lost her U.S. Open semifinal because of it.
Similar to your misguided moment, it proved to be good theater. But even she couldn’t even challenge the ring leader of real reality TV moments.
No, Kanye West’s ego, which had been subdued since South Park’s writers decided to the tell the world how much Kanye understands fish stick jokes, wouldn’t let either of you just “BE GREAT!”
Kanye, with yet another eccentric abomination upon his head, let the free world know that he doesn’t believe Taylor Swift is Beyonce’s equal… in the middle of Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech for an MTV video award she won over the queen of the lacefront. You’d have thought Kanye was Beyonce’s husband, not Jay.
Now, I know there will be idiots foolish enough to say: “At least Kanye didn’t say ‘Kanye deserved to win this award for Best Female Video for ‘Heartless’ because Kanye made the best video ever about a female.” And it’s true. We should be thankful he didn’t utter that because he’s more than capable, and it’d be even more evidence of his stated fishiness. This is the same self-admitted, fish stick lover (Google the lyrics to “Grammy Family”) who called OJ Simpson ‘amazing.’
Still, in that moment, he showed he has the couth of a hyena from the Lion King. In less than a minute’s time, Kanye created an epic fail that rivals the BET Awards tribute to Michael Jackson.
It was a page ripped from your two-word playbook. And it was a weekend of foolishness we could have avoided had you not set the stage last week. We live in a monkey-see, monkey-do world, Joe. And unfortunately, a few had to follow your show.
No matter, there is a little good to come of this.
You should now know that there is no current health care plan in place in America to support the issues going on inside of Kanye’s mind, which is somewhere trapped within his Goodyear Blimp-sized ego. And I doubt the UTSA’s could cover the damage Serena threatened to do to the mouth of that sideline judge with those tennis balls.
(side note: I wish Serena could have stuck those tennis balls in Kanye’s mouth before he snatched the microphone from Swift on Sunday night.)
Anyway, it’s should be obvious, now more than ever, that we need universal health care, Joe.
P.S. Would you please give Kanye a grammar lesson or two? His ego has him capitalizing all of his words and misusing exclamation marks, again. #fail.
cc: Kanye West, Serena Williams and Lil Bow Wow’s twin.