Don’t Call It A Comeback

If you’re paying attention at all, you know that the 80s are making a comeback. I’m not a fan. We keep reaching back when we’re supposed to be moving forward. You watched the second film in the Back to the Future trilogy. You know we’re supposed to be traveling on hover boards in six years.

You also know that’s not gonna happen. Why not?

Because we’re a world full of backward thinkers who want to bring back old stuff and make it chic. Some of it’s OK. Most of it ain’t. That said, here are a few things I believe we should leave buried in the late 20th Century time capsule (80s & 90s).

Neon Deion had a lot going on in 1989: a Jheri curl, herringbone chains and yes, he wore neon from time to time.

Neon Deion had a lot going on in 1989: a Jheri curl, herringbone chains and yes, he wore neon from time to time.

1. Biking shorts, specifically on men. Skinny jeans are bad enough. Why would anyone need to wear anything tighter? If I see a man running around in biking shorts in the near future, I might just jump. I think I had a pair in the 80s, and I’m glad there isn’t a picture to prove it.

2. The Fanny Pack. If you tell me that you didn’t own/wear one at some point, you’re lying. We all did and I still have no clue why. The only thing I ever remember putting in mine of any importance were Starburst chews and change for more candy.

3. Light Skinned Men. Sorry, Al B. Sure and friends. You had your run in the sun. Too bad you didn’t get any darker. The consensus is that no one wants you back round these parts. (Note: I didn’t come up with this one. but it made me laugh and makes good sense.)

4. The Jheri Curl. I’m sorry, but your soul should “glo” through your smile and your deeds, not the stains that your head leaves on couches. I’m glad Eddie Murphy saw fit to parody  this in Coming To America because we needed to understand just how absurd that trend was for it to end.

5. Silk and/or Rayon. If someone you know throws a 90s party and you were either of these fabrics, you’re doomed. They were in style for like five minutes because it only took three minutes for everyone to find out where your worst sweat glands were located.

6. Cassette Tapes. I know someone, somewhere is plotting to pull their first Walkman out of storage and start walking around with it like it’s a throwback iPod. Vinyl became chic again because of the sound. Cassettes and Walkmans don’t stand a chance unless someone figures out a better way than using a pencil or pen to rewind tape after it’s been inadvertantly strung out of the cassette.

7. Neon. Unless you’re riding a bike after dark, there’s no reason for you to wear any clothing with neon. Ever. Yet, it’s a part of this retro trend. Why? Do people really want to look back at 2009 and laugh at what they wore the way we look at 1989? I don’t get it.

Iknow I’m missing plenty. What do you hope we leave in the 20th Century?


51 responses to “Don’t Call It A Comeback

  1. Parachute pants – why people, why?

    Bright-colored spike heels with baby dolls socks – retro-street walker is NEVER a good look

    Stirrup pants – I. Can’t. Even. Articulate!

    That’s all I’ve got. But it’s enough. 😉

    • @OneChele: We must have been writing this at the same exact time. I’m pretty sure Parachute pants are the same as Harem pants….HATE THEM!!

      Most of the time bright-colored heels look cheap anyway.

  2. #1 Biking Shorts….you actually had some? That is freaking hilarious. I’m really almost fell off my couch laughing at that one.

    #3 Light-Skinned Men…sorry honey but they will NEVER be out of style (for me anyway..)

    #7 Neon…I don’t really mind this one if it is done correctly.

    What I wish would die a slow death are those dang Harem Pants. Better known as the MC Hammer pants. I loathe them. There is a small percentage of women that can actually get away with wearing these but unfortunately most of the women I’ve seen with them on don’t fit into that group. Just stop it, you look ridiculous.

  3. Morning, y’all.

    @damon: Funny post.

    Shoulder pads – They look great on some women but not on most.

    Banana Clips

    Scrunchies – I realize that for some people, these never went out of style.

  4. I think the kids are already coming back with Neon.

    1. Overalls

    2. Scrunchy socks (where you wore two pair).

    3. Side ponytails.

  5. I hope no one puts leg warmers on here because while I don’t wear them in my everyday comings & goings, I do still rock them at the gym for dance class. LOL.

  6. Well d@mn, I guess I’m really reaching back then, cuz my beau is light, bright, and d@mn near white….

    But ummm, in regards to other things that never need to make a comeback: Big hair, Stacked Curls/Freezes (only black women will understand that one), finger waves, shoulder pads, crazy pastel colors, tennis skirts (outside of the court), wearing beads/jewels in your hair or braids (yuck!), that’s all I can think of for now… 🙂

    • body suits, stirrup pants, scrunchy socks, banana combs…

    • @jlbd: I don’t know why Damon even put light-skinned men on that list. I tried to tell him that they never have and never will go out of style.

      • @Tam

        He did that ish for obvious reasons….lol, hater!

        • Yo, I’m not hating… i’m just giving the people what they want. Y’all know light skinned men when out of style right after the House Party movies (a good guesstimation)… lol.

          • They never went out of style with me (wink)

            Fine is fine….I don’t care if the package is tar black or lightning white, if you’re fine, I’ll holla…..

            • That’s all you’ve ever liked… Think about it. It’s why you’re so messed up now. lol. I blame it all on that particular brand of person. lol.

              • If you had known me in high school you would have seen a constant trend of brown or dark guys….trust me…

                After that I happened to attract the caramel or light complexioned cuties….that’s not my fault! 😉

    • @jlbd

      I saw a woman with finger waves the other day and a friend text me saying a co-worker was asking if she knew anyone who knew how to do finger waves.

      I ::shudder:: at the thought.

    • It has been documented…I’ve seen finger waves recently, I’ve seen french rolls recently. I didn’t think they were still teaching people how to do these styles in hair school. Apparently some stylists have kept a a few jars of gel and some toothbrushes for the comeback…smh!

  7. dang, I’m late, y’all already covered some of the stuff I listed!

  8. What about tennis shoe heels????? Do yaw remember that travesty?

  9. Aw man, 80’s was my favorite decade! I wish I could be the age I am now back then. From the movies, to the clothes, to the MUSIC! I love everything about the 80’s…except for crack. If I could change one thing, it would be that.

  10. I’m sorry, I had to get this out so if someone else said it, my oh so humble apologies:


    I saw an ad for them… and I thought I might throw up. They weren’t cool the first time and they’re not cool now.

    If shoulder pads make a comeback, I’ll absolutely die.

    And NEON?! Why did that EVER happen.

    What has made a comeback and I got used to were the aviator style sunglasses, with just a tidge of hipster style added to them (and by hipster, I mean “I’m so amazing that I don’t have to talk to you” hipster).

    • I said the acid washed jeans too.. I don’t understand WHAT this is supposed to be cute with. I’ve also seen stars rockin ill fitted jeans, I’m talking high waisted, big legged, tight ankles.

      I love aviator sunglasses.

  11. The 80’s ruled, but I would prefer that we left them there and just waxed nostalgic about them instead of trying to re-live that decade. I do have some fond memories of the decade though…discovered rap and it wasn’t all about pimping, slanging, killing and etc…rap was fun in the 80’s (at least the early 80’s), MTV played music videos and was somehow relevant, some of my best friendships were made in the 80’s.

    I have biking shorts, but I bike. I have never ever worn or owned a fanny pack.

    I wonder when someone is going to start rocking MC Hammer pants….

  12. #1 If you’re not riding a bike at the time you are wearing these, I feel sorry for your mother(**Menace to Society corner store clerk voice**).

    #2 I had a Namco fanny pack that I got from Aladin’s Castle Arcade back in the day. It was a beast when it came to carrying tokens!

    #3 **Waits on comment from Senor Oates.**

    #4 I hope I do come across a person in 2009 with a Jheri Curl. Oh man, talk about comedy.

    #6 I’ve seen a couple posts on Twitter about Walkman spottings. You know, if it was that good of a mixtape, you could just download the songs to your iPod and create a playlist of the same songs. Plus the sound quality on cassette is terrible! Vinyl is cool though, not because the industry says it’s cool, but because you can find some good old school albums, singles, etc. for the LOW if you are willing to dig for them.

    I have a couple more:

    1. High-top Fades: One of my LB’s 15-16 yr old students came up to Hooters with a High-top Fade. The Hooters girls pointed and laughed at him for about an hour. Sad situation.

    2. The whole “The Softer You Look, the More Women You Get” philosophy, originated in the Dave Chappelle sketch with Charlie Murphy and Prince. I had a girl tell me that smedium shirts, skinny jeans and loud colors are attractive on a man because that is “the style” now. Last I heard from her was a status on Facebook wondering where all the “good men” have gone. SMH. I don’t think you could write irony better than this folks! LOL!

  13. While the 80’s was a dark decade, the late 80’s and early 90’s brought some things that are still fly. Including

    Leather African medallions
    Kross Colours
    Black Bart Simpson
    Air Force One’s(remember when them sh*ts was the cheap shoes you had to buy!)

    Peap the video

  14. Son, when else could you buy purple, green, red and gray jeans?

    • Son, you can’t do that mess now. In 1992, do what you do. Now, hell no. I dare you to wear some green jeans out the house and see what happens… lol.

      • I saw this white dude on Mizzou’s campus last year ridin is bike in some cross colours. He was rockin em like they just came out. Eclectic white people can get way with stuff like that tho.

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