XXXIX. People Who Eat Healthy At Fast Food Restaurants

Ed’s note: You really should give me a round of applause. I just spelled ‘restaurant’ right on the first try for the first time in five years in that headline.

To The People Who Eat Healthy at Fast Food Joints:

Pause for a second and think about this.

You do realize that eating healthy at a fast food restaurant makes about as much sense as a virgin guy convincing himself that he can sleep over his stripper girlfriend’s house for 40 straight nights without trying to get to third base, right?

Apologies to anybody over 65. This doesn’t really include you. I understand that McDonald’s is to AARP card-carrying members what the arcade once was to middle schoolers.

Great movie.

Great documentary.

OK, let the people who only get 30-minute lunch breaks slide, too. But if you can actually sit down, eat and spark conversation, you shouldn’t be dining at McDonald’s. There’s only one fast food joint that advertises a successful weight loss story with any frequency, and it ain’t the Hamburglar’s employer.

Put it this way: Why would you ever walk into Wendy’s, look over the entire menu and earnestly believe that you’re going to order just a Santa Fe Chicken salad? You know you want to devour every item on that ingenious 99-cent value menu.

You may get your salad, and sit down to eat it, thinking that you’ve won the battle. But that Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger is calling your name the way Scarlett Johansson or [insert the name of some guy because I won’t] does in your dreams. And we all know how this ends … with you back in line, subsequently late to work from lunch because you thought you could handle the temptation and didn’t just go to Subway for a $5 footlong (I hate that jingle like I hate that “Tardy for the Party” mess).

I overpaid for McDonald’s fruit once, and succumbed to purchasing a $1 McDouble. It was staring at me. I couldn’t beat the temptation, and I’ve learned.

Since then, I’ve only frequented these restaurants intent on ordering genuine fast food cuisine. That’s the way it should be. If you’re going to McDonald’s, you should walk in with bad intentions the way you would if you filed into a Vegas strip club with Pacman Jones. Well, maybe not that kind of intent. But you get my point.

Just a thought,



14 responses to “XXXIX. People Who Eat Healthy At Fast Food Restaurants

  1. HA @ your editor’s note, it always takes me several tries and spell check to get it right too.

    I wouldn’t have a problem with people attempting to eat healthy at fast food resturants if they actually were eating healthier. When you pile on a packet of ranch dressing on that Santa Fe Chicken Salad then you might as well had a burger which now has less calories than that salad. This is how you end up with people not losing any weight but steady screaming “but all I’ve been eating are salads”. Yep, salads with calorie-loaded dressing, crutons and bacon….and if you have iceberg lettuce on your salad don’t think that counts as a vegetable, it’s like eating water.

    I no longer try to delude myself. If I go to McDonald’s then I’m getting the chicken nugget meal. If I want something healthy I’ll make it myself.

  2. I once looked up the calories in those McDonald’s chicken stips (this was before they got those salads) vs. chicken mcnuggets. The calories were ridiculous.

    I never buy fast food “health food” because I believe it’s still not really healthy for you.

    ***dang I am craving a Big Mac now. Gee thanks Damon.***

  3. I am an offender and I admit it. But, the truth is that I don’t get tempted by the unhealthy foods. If I have made up my mind that I want to eat healthy at Wendy’s or Jack in the Box, I’ll actually follow through with it. It may help that I only take the drive-thru when I do go and maybe that helps ease the temptation to try other things. I’m not big on salad dressing or croutons so I’m not sure how unhealthy my salads are, and I love spinach salads as opposed to iceberg lettuce; but I also enjoy turkey sandwiches on pita bread or chicken wraps, etc.

    • @jlbd: I admire your willpower. Lack of willpower is the root of a lot of over-indulgence that occurs in people’s lives. If I could resist unhealthy food then I would probably be able to lose this last 5 pounds.

  4. The best ones are the folk who order a Super-Sized Double QPB meals with a Diet Coke. Makes me laugh.

  5. These are the diet version of folks who say “I’ll have a Big Mac, heavy on the special sauce, large fries, 2 apple pies and a diet coke…” because the diet coke cancels out all the calories.

    I won’t, however, discourage folks from getting it in how they get it in at a fast food restaurant, but I dare you to side eye me for my Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, chicken nuggets and frosty. I D.A.R.E. you (no drugs).

    The thought of a salad at a fast food restaurant makes me laugh though. Salad + fast food = does not compute.

  6. I’m guilty of this and have no issue with it – McDonald’s truly makes a couple really good salads, especially the Southwest Salad. If you get it with grilled chicken instead of breaded, the thing only has like 420 calories, even with chicken, cheese and dressing. And it’s pretty darn tasty. I get that more than anything at McDonald’s; in fact, I can’t remember the last time I had a burger/fries there.

    • @Kyle

      Same here. My sentiments exactly.

    • I also really like the McDonald salads, and the dressing is on the side (I can’t stand dressing)… I am least likely to succumb to McDonald’s fare because I truly find it unappealing (I’m not big on burgers and can go months without eating fries), so I guess it’s kinda safe for me to get my salads there if I’m in a bind…

      And that fruit and walnut salad is tasty!

      Plus, I think Mickey D offered those options for parents who still took their kids to McDonald’s but wanted an healthier option. If I babysit for a friend and her kids happen to want something from McDonald, I can still partake of the fun by having a nice Asian salad for instance.

      I don’t know I would rather go there than go to a place with zero options for me.

  7. Ppl really have a poor understanding of health especially when it comes to micronutrients. Yea, the stuff that fast food places sell as “healthy foods” are low in calories (usually high in fat tho) but they lack the nutrients that are needed for the body. Add in the fat that their “healthy” salad is loaded w/ croutons and bacons and the unhealthy dressings of the worlds. And its as bad (calorically(sp?) at least) as a burger.

  8. I don’t get salads and whatnot from fast food joints, either. I especially wouldn’t get one if I were dining in. All those hamburgers and fries just teasing me. NOPE.

    Also, I’m hesitant to get salads at restaurants period as that’s probably one thing I could make better at home as it requires no cooking (other than the meat) It’s rare that I find a salad great enough to justify ordering when I dine out (the side salad is different…I’m talking about an entire entre of a salad…um, no, I’m making my dining out experience WORTH it….folks gonna work for my bill/tip).

  9. Well…although I don’t believe in “diet fast food” food, I do believe in portion control. I order a Happy Meal bc it has about 500 calories for the entire meal. The portions are right. Plus that gives me an additional toy to hand off to my 4 year old. He LOVES that!

  10. Subway is really not exempt from this discussion either. While I believe that they offer healthier options, most of the sandwiches offered as $5 footlongs qualify as some of the most calorie loaded options on the menu. Even with the healthier options, the nutritional information advertised only applies to the 6″. Now why would they go and advertise the nutritional information for a 6″ sandwich then entice you to get a $5 footlong sandwhich?Hmmm…

    With all that being said, I will be at Subway for lunch today. All that would like to join me will be welcome. *shurgs* LOL!

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