Ed’s note: You really should give me a round of applause. I just spelled ‘restaurant’ right on the first try for the first time in five years in that headline.
To The People Who Eat Healthy at Fast Food Joints:
Pause for a second and think about this.
You do realize that eating healthy at a fast food restaurant makes about as much sense as a virgin guy convincing himself that he can sleep over his stripper girlfriend’s house for 40 straight nights without trying to get to third base, right?
Apologies to anybody over 65. This doesn’t really include you. I understand that McDonald’s is to AARP card-carrying members what the arcade once was to middle schoolers.
OK, let the people who only get 30-minute lunch breaks slide, too. But if you can actually sit down, eat and spark conversation, you shouldn’t be dining at McDonald’s. There’s only one fast food joint that advertises a successful weight loss story with any frequency, and it ain’t the Hamburglar’s employer.
Put it this way: Why would you ever walk into Wendy’s, look over the entire menu and earnestly believe that you’re going to order just a Santa Fe Chicken salad? You know you want to devour every item on that ingenious 99-cent value menu.
You may get your salad, and sit down to eat it, thinking that you’ve won the battle. But that Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger is calling your name the way Scarlett Johansson or [insert the name of some guy because I won’t] does in your dreams. And we all know how this ends … with you back in line, subsequently late to work from lunch because you thought you could handle the temptation and didn’t just go to Subway for a $5 footlong (I hate that jingle like I hate that “Tardy for the Party” mess).
I overpaid for McDonald’s fruit once, and succumbed to purchasing a $1 McDouble. It was staring at me. I couldn’t beat the temptation, and I’ve learned.
Since then, I’ve only frequented these restaurants intent on ordering genuine fast food cuisine. That’s the way it should be. If you’re going to McDonald’s, you should walk in with bad intentions the way you would if you filed into a Vegas strip club with Pacman Jones. Well, maybe not that kind of intent. But you get my point.
Just a thought,