Understanding Allisaraye

Someone is slipping something in the Kool-Aid packets these days. For real… Every time you think you’ve seen it all, you get upped one. Example: Lil Mama bum rushing Jay-Z’s VMA set/Lil Mama posted up with Jesus & Judas at The Last Supper.

Well, earlier this week we saw the pseudo-marriage of Lamar and Kim’s sister.

You make sense of this for me, please. What do they talk about aside from hair?

You make sense of this for me, please. What do they talk about aside from hair?

Not to be outdone, the Rev. Al Sharpton has found himself, what Monica would call, a new winterboo. Yes, the infamous LisaRaye is the arm candy of the Good Reverend Capitilize On Your Despair. I took about five minutes to try to understand how this could come to pass. I mean, if you told me you saw Al with Star Jones or LisaRaye with Star’s cousin Pacman, I’d believe you. But this… it really makes no sense.

But I kept pondering.

Then I realized that there 30 billion other things in this world that make less sense and I gave up. Here are the hypotheses I came up with in that short period of time, the plausible ones, anyway.

1. Rev. Sharpton walked into The Players Club hoping for a good night of “clean” fun, saw Diamond and was taken aback by her beauooty. He got a lap dance or three, talk to her for a few and was smitten by the fact that she knew a little Audre Lorde and could define herself for naked herself a la Merch/Candy. Anyway, Al started explaining to her how they should start a strippers union to get more money outta Dollar Bill. Diamond figured the would help her with the burden known as her “tuition” and the rest is history…

2. While lamenting her failed marriage to her favorite New York hair stylist, LisaRaye heard a familar voice chiming in with a consistent call & response. It seemed as though he was paying her good attention. But really, the good reverend was in the chair next to Lisa having his scalp scratched before getting his hair washed and a relaxer. In this moment, LisaRaye realized that she could share time with him like she could no other man, and fell hard. And who would Al be to deny Diamond?

3. Rollo Goodlove, with A Pimp Named Slickback by his side, decided to hold a rally in support of jailed former rap stars who think it’s OK to smack people with rum bottles. LisaRaye showed up to support her half-sister and was wooed by the oration of Goodlove. Believing she could get him to give her a lesson or two in the King’s English, she slipped the pastor of publicity her number and yeah… he charmed her out of her clear heels.

4. LisaRaye loved being the first lady of an island (no joke) and is envious of Michelle Obama’s newfound “fame.” She figures that Rev. Al Sharpton is next in the line of great black American presidents and a meal ticket that doesn’t involve playing that difficult role of “herself” on camera. And again, who is the good reverend to deny such a first lady?

5. I clearly don’t know… You tell me what you think because I’m out of wild possiblities. Is it opposite’s Attract or We got Something Hair in Common? Someone, anyone make this make sense…please.

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13 responses to “Understanding Allisaraye

  1. I’ve been staring at the keyboard for 10 minutes trying to come up with a witty comment and a snappy reason why a swan in slingbacks and a sea turtle with a perm would hook up. They both live in the water but… no, I can’t even make the analogy go any further. I.GOT.NOTHING.

    My best guess – a reality show for TV One? “I Dated A Once Relevant Reverend”? “Diamond meets the Do-Rag?” I give up.

  2. I kid you not, I heard they met at a salon. Their stylists put them under dryers beside each other. But I tend to think Lisa wasn’t Blac A-List enough to get into the best Black Caucus parties last week so she hitched her wagon to Big Worm.

  3. Honestly, I think they found common ground in the fact that they are both attention whores. Clearly Al only shows up for a black crime that is committed by white folks (where has he been with this Derrion Albert situation); and LisaRaye only deals with men who have status/money/some power (gold diggin’ heffa, listen to her snippet on the Jamie Foxx radio show, she sounds real idiotic)….. with this being said both have found a way to get…………………………………………….. ATTENTION!

  4. Ms. Smart is…well… smart, and right on the money.

    LisaRaye and Al Sharpton both want press. LisaRaye knows she can’t get into any of the high profile political events going on (and we all know politics is all the rage) without someone like Al. Please note most of the pics people have of them are from the CBC weekend… coinky-dink, I think not.

    It’s all business… like all celebrity couples seem to be. I’m less than impressed.

  5. I’m actually pretty tight with the Sharpton clan. I went to school with both of the daughters and I chilled in their crib a bunch. The story (which was confirmed by TMZ a few weeks ago) I got was that Lisa Raye is working on a new reality show and she hired Al Sharpton to help her promote. I dont know if I believe this one. I dont think its a big deal. Al and Kathy are divorced so maybe he got some game and bagged. Maybe she likes him, the man cant date?

    I have a bigger issue though, why was this man on Monday Night Raw?

  6. Like I told you yesterday Damon, they are both media whores, and Lisa Ray now figures herself to now be a “political wife”. I think she’s figured out that there are more perks in politics than in Black Hollywood. There’s no way in hell she’d be allowed into any of these political events on her own, and no self respecting, high-profile politician (or Reverend, for that matter) would be seen with the likes of her. And thus a “relationship” was born. She gets the entré she needs, and he gets, well, you know…

  7. look, imma need u to not limit love damon. and so what if they met under a hair dryer while getting their kinks relaxed? there’s a brotha at my salon that gets finger waves and i know he’s been banging at least 2 of the females that also patron the salon. if anything fellas yall might wanna take note: perms = possible p$#@y.
    i read on another site the rev is helping lisa w/her spirituality. see, nothing like some holy ghost sex-n-the book of psalms to get the juices flowing 🙂

    *Father, forgive me*

  8. i’m sorry, i would like to add some prophetic commentary but i just can’t stop staring at Diamond in all her glory in that picture. . . yall continue on.

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