Ed’s Note: JLBD has something she wants to get off her chest.
Writing this letter comes as a surprise.For so many years I’ve kept my words with you to a safe minimum. I’ve wanted to open up to you more and reclaim the closeness we once shared, but can’t bring myself to do so.
Even though you’ve recently told me that you’ve changed, that you’re not the trouble-starting hellion that you once were ten years ago, I have a hard time believing you.
See, when I was much younger, we were very close. We only share the same father. But I still longed for a strong and solid relationship with you. I was raised as an only child due to the fact that you and I never grew up in the same household. But, during my teens you reached out to me and I happily obliged. Our relationship grew strong over a two-year period and I felt safe telling you all my personal business including my escapades with boys and my interaction with other females. I felt like you could do the same with me, although you were a few years older. I felt we could have a sisterly bond that would go untouched. But, you tampered with delicate information.
I failed to realize that even though you and I were close, you still held a strong discontentment with our father. I failed to realize that I was born into a marital union and you weren’t. I failed to realize that you longed for the relationship that I had with my father. I failed to realize that you like drama, confusion, unhappiness and malevolence.
You like this stuff. You’re not comfortable until this stuff is festering like a witches brew. You like to stir the pot of dung so it can stink more and more! You decided that our harmonious relationship was too… harmonious. You decided to betray my trust and tell the family all of the personal things I shared with you.
You see, you couldn’t stand the fact that the family viewed me as the ‘good girl’ who could do no wrong. I was stealing all the shine with my good grades, positive upbringing and peaceful nature. You had to have the spotlight, if only for a little while. You would NOT be outdone. Everyone would pay attention to you, no matter what it cost.
Well guess what? When you showed me your true stripes, I couldn’t trust you anymore, and in my eyes it cost you a future relationship with me. The strong bond was broken and the hurt reached all the way down into the bowels of my soul. You were my sister, but I could no longer be close with you. I slowly fell out of touch with you, went off to college and lived most of my adult life keeping a safe distance from you. I would be cordial with you when we were around each other. If you called me, I would talk with you like normal and enjoy the conversation.
But I still could not trust you. It didn’t help that other family members were constantly telling me about the drama that you kept going in your own life. It didn’t help that our father would tell me about fights you two would have and your disrespect toward him would go to levels beyond comfort. It didn’t help that every time I turned around someone was telling me about more confusion that you kept going over and over again. This gave me confirmation that I was correct in handling you with a long handled spoon.
Well, now you are angry and hurt by me because I chose to not include you in the most important day of my life, in my wedding party? Honestly, the women who will be standing beside me on that day are women who were there for me constantly during my ups and downs.
The women standing beside me did not show intentional spite with their actions over the course of our relationship. You are angry because you feel that blood relation automatically makes you eligible to stand beside me, even though you have shown the world that your life is nothing but a big confusing mess. Sadly, you aren’t aware of the fact that everyone that comes near you experiences confusion, hurt and ruin. We are not allowed to choose our family, and with that said I love you Sis, but that will remain the extent of our relationship.