I pen #sixwordstories on Twitter from time to time. So when Tiger Woods, well, made news on Friday I came up with this one:
“Tiger woods mistress. Wife clubs Caddy. #sixwordstories (Allegedly)”
Wrong, I know. But at least I threw the word allegedly in parenthesis at the end of it. It’s important because no one knows exactly what happened — save God, TMZ, Tiger and his alleged mistress. Journalists use it often because suspects are presumed innocent until … you know, even when Bill Cosby knows where the proof is.
Anyway, the only thing we know to be true, other than Tiger wrecking his ride at 2 a.m., is the title to this entry: Woods Wife Clubs Caddy. Just as soon as that piece of the story came out, this entire story went awry and the real speculation began. Here are a few things that have been running through my head this weekend concerning the situation.
1. An algebra student could deduce that Elin Woods isn’t busting out a back window with a 3-Wood to drag her husband from a minor car accident. It doesn’t add up. Doesn’t come close. I understand the idea of trying to protect your wife, but that story is about as believable as Jim Carrey’s character in “Liar, Liar” (before his son’s birthday wish). Come again.
2. Tiger should have never agreed to speak with the cops. His lawyers should have stopped that before it started. It was a one-car incident, which means that he didn’t have to give them a statement. But going back on it three times over the weekend makes this entire fiasco just a little bit more ridiculous and less believeable.
3. Monogamy is as much of a choice as infidelity is. I glanced over many comments/tweets about Tiger’s incident this weekend. The most alarming one was something about monogamy being impossible. Wrong. Maybe that’s true for you because you don’t understand how to make a relationship work or aren’t willing to, but don’t pin that one on humanity. (I might expound my thoughts on this later this week)
4. If Tiger Woods did cheat on his wife, she shouldn’t be too shocked (Note: I didn’t say she shouldn’t be upset). I know, that reads backasswards considering No. 3. But it’s the truth. He’s more famous than the infamous Michael Jordan, who hads options and playeds all of them. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: the more power a person has the more apt he/she is to abuse it. Personally, I’m more shocked that she (allegedly) snapped than I am that Tiger (allegedly) cheated.
5. If the stuff TMZ reported over the weekend is true, Tiger has one really dumb soon-to-be ex-friend. If you’re an anonymous source, the idea is to be anonymous from not just the world, but also from whomever it is that you’re dishing the dirt on. That means you don’t leave a crumb trail. So if Tiger tells you that he might have to pull a “Kobe Special” and you take that line to TMZ, you dropped a loaf of Tiger’s unsliced wheat bread on your own doorstep. And you really didn’t consider Tiger your friend anyway.