49. Gilbert Arenas

Dear Gilbert,

In recent days it’s become apparent that you consider yourself to be, not just a gunman, but a bit a funny man as well. You’ve gone on several serial Twitter rants in an attempt to diffuse the drama you’ve drummed up for yourself.

You’ve said that you’re using it as a coping mechanism of sorts. The thing is, you’re not funny. In your joking around, you’ve failed to realize that you are the joke to most people. In fact, you make Martellus Bennett, the platinum medal winner and creator of the Hood Olympics, seem as though he’s on par with Chris Rock.

Gunner Gilbert...shooting.

See, most humorous people — save Katt Williams — have common sense, enough of it to know not to conjure up a joke that involves guns, your job and colleagues you allegedly are arguing with concerning debts you owe. No, they make fun of people like you who lack the sense to know that joking with guns on the job, even if you’re a cop, is just stupid.

Hell, bringing your guns — unloaded or not — to your job doesn’t make much sense at all. Saying that it was a bad joke is an understatement. And continuing to attempt to humor people after that mistake is, well, a mistake.

This is why I have a small piece of advice for you, Gunner:  stop tweeting out the side of your hip and keep shooting… basketballs. Stick to what you do best.

There was a moment there where people considered you to be one of the best players in the NBA and you’re still good. But you’re not what you once were. And you really should consider doing something else — like working on your defense — other than tweeting your sorrows away before you get yourself in more trouble than you’re already in now.

If you want to do something cathartic, do something in the privacy of your own space, in a way that won’t draw more attention to you that you’ve already drawn. Maybe you should open up your draw full of DVDs and watch a few stand-up comedians at work.

And while you’re watching, take notice of how you don’t see any firearms on the stage and just how unnecessary they are to tell jokes. You can learn from there. Simple enough, huh?

Keep gunning until David Stern suspends you,



12 responses to “49. Gilbert Arenas

  1. I don’t even know who this guy is but I did hear Jay Leno tell a joke about him last night, LOL.

    What I don’t understand is why people like him ,that have so much money, don’t act right. Just do your job and stop acting foolish. If I was in the position some of these idiots were in I’d be on my best behavior. UGH! It really annoys me.

  2. I’m sure it’s easy to do dumb stuff like this when it’s rumored that your baby momma was getting plugged by Shaq. *shrugs shoulders*….

  3. Twitter is ruining celebs. Seriously. I know they dig being able to “talk to the fans” sans the PR screen, but honestly, if you want to stay a high-paid celebrity, you need a PR screen. People don’t like you for who you are, they like you for what your PR people make you look like. Let’s just be real about it.

  4. This fool is the definition of stupid people suck. He’s like the 7-year-old who keeps going over the punchline trying to make you get the joke. I get the joke, dummy; it’s just not funny. Dumbass.

  5. Hey, y’all.

    I agree with y’all that if anything, Twitter is proving that celebrities are just people (some dumber than others) like the rest of us. Maybe this will help people to keep celebs off pedetals.

  6. Gilbert Arenas has always been the definition of “socially awkward” as long as I’ve known about him. He was strange at Arizona & strange in the league. He screams “Hibatchi!” when he shoots! Could you imagine your co-worker screaming “Jumanji!!!” everytime they log-on to the network?

    I do find some comedy in the fact that 2 teammates were a slap from a glove & 10 paces short of having a duel in a NBA locker room.

    The NBA: It’s FAAAANNNtastic!
    Where will Amazing happen next?

  7. The explaination for all of this is simple. Gilbert Arenas is gunning for (*rimshot*) the “Dumbass of the Year Award.” He wanted to get the jump on the competition early. Real early.

    Who does he think he plays for? The Compton Mark-Ass Busters? He’s originally from LA so I KNOW he can’t possibly think that he can pull a gun out on somebody and live to joke again.

    At the end of the day, I think this whole “I was just playin'” thing was done to cover up the fact that he and Crittenton were gambling. Way to go, Boss. Way to go.

  8. According to the testimony of teammates who remain anonymous, Arenas wasnt gambling. Javaris Crittenton lost money gambling with another teammate and Arenas was jarring him about it. It escalated to the point where Crittenton threatened to shoot Arenas in his surgically repaired knee. The next day Arenas laid out four unloaded guns at Crittenton’s locker with a note that said, Choose One. Crittenton, not finding the gesture funny, through one of the guns, and then brandished his own fire arm, loaded it and chambered a bullet.

    After hearing this testimony, I must agree that Arenas is stupid forever bringing guns in as part of a joke. Guns are never a joking manner and tend to escalate any situation quickly. After the situation he even joked with teammates in the huddle about the incident. And to add more insult to injury, his guns weren’t licensed. He deserves the indefinite suspension he received and the loss of pay. What I don’t understand is why Javaris Crittenton hasn’t been suspended. He allegedly, and all of this is alleged, brandished a fire arm, loaded it and chambered a bullet, which is far more dangerous than just possessing 4 unloaded guns. He should also be suspended indefinitely if not forever, for his actions.

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