Ed’s Note: If you would like to send a donation to support Haiti, Direct Relief International is sending emergency aid.
We left off on Monday with a link to Rod Blagojevich’s successful attempt at wide-ranging stupidity. Blago believes that he’s blacker that President Obama and Mark McGwire thinks the steroids he admitted to taking didn’t help him hit home runs. Yup, that’s freedom of foolishness for you.
But as we all know, there is a major difference between stupidity and ignorance. Blago wants every bit of attention he can get so that he can stay relevant. That’s the only reason he would say something so stupid. Still, I want to humor him and his “shoe shining makes me black” past for a good reason.
There are plenty of non-blacks lurking around this planet who believe there are things that will bring them closer to being something they could never be — negro.
Well, being the good guy that I am, I thought I’d point out a few of those things specifically. So hear are 5 Things A Non-Black Can Do Or Have That Still Won’t Make Them Black. Hey, we’re here to educate, people.
1. An Affinity for Prince Akeem. Coming to America is the one film that is universally loved by blacks that non-blacks tend to attach themselves to as well. But just because you can quote the Akeem and Semmi’s lines and hit every note in “Queen To Be” better than I can doesn’t make you blacker than me.
2. Dating/Marrying A Black Person. You may produce a black child (see: Your President). You may even gain some insights and perspective into the inner-workings of a black life — like the importance of lotion. But having a relationship with a black person doesn’t make you black. It just makes a non-black with a better perspective of blackness.
3. Immersing yourself in the latest hip hop vernacular and trends. There are plenty of people who believe that by keeping up with hip hop culture that they’re a part of the black experience. Knowing what the “trap” is or the various meanings of the word “jumpoff” is great. That just makes you better versed. Not black. And stop saying Fiddy or Fitty Cent. He, nor anyone in his circle, say either one of those.
4. Being comfortable as the only non-black in a room full of black people. Nope. Just makes you understand the level of comfort a black person must achieve if he/she wishes to achieve anything in this country.
5. Going to prison. For whatever reason, going to the lock-up has become something that is supposed to “authenticate” one’s blackness. Some people are actually happy to go. That’s backasswards, and I think that once he finishes the sentence he’s destined to serve we should ask Blago if it makes him feel any blacker.